The door creaked open, and Sirius stumbled inside, his hair wild, his tie loose around his neck. His chest heaved as though he’d been running. His eyes burned bright—too bright.
Remus stood by the window, his arms crossed tightly. He didn’t turn as Sirius entered, but his voice, low and razor-sharp, cut through the room.
“You finally decided to show up.”
Sirius froze, his hand still on the doorknob. “Remus—”
“Don’t,” Remus snapped, turning to face him. His expression was icy, but his amber eyes burned with fury. “Don’t start with excuses. Just tell me the truth. James said you told Snape how to get past the Willow. Is it true?”
Sirius shifted uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair. “I—yeah,” he admitted, his voice almost defiant. “But I didn’t mean—”
“You didn’t mean?” Remus’s voice rose, trembling with rage. “You didn’t mean to tell him how to find me? To send him straight into the Shack where I—where I could have killed him?”
Sirius winced but stepped closer, his hands raised in a gesture of surrender. “I didn’t think he’d actually go, Moony. I swear, it was just—it was just a joke! He’s always poking around, sticking his greasy nose where it doesn’t belong, and I thought—”
“You thought?” Remus cut him off, his voice like a whip. “You didn’t think about me, did you? About what this would mean for me, or what could have happened if James hadn’t stopped him? You used me, Sirius. You used my condition—my life—for one of your twisted games.”
“It wasn’t like that!” Sirius protested, his voice rising in pitch. “I didn’t mean to hurt you—I would never hurt you! You know that, Moony. You know I love you.”
“Don’t,” Remus hissed, stepping closer. His anger was cold now, controlled, but it cut even deeper. “Don’t you dare use that word. You don’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t have done this. You wouldn’t have risked me like that.”
Sirius’s face crumpled, his bright eyes darting around the room. “I wasn’t thinking straight, okay? I—I’ve been all over the place lately, Moony. You know that. I haven’t been sleeping, and my head—it feels like it’s spinning half the time, and I just—I needed to do something. I thought—”
“You thought ruining my life would help you feel better?” Remus demanded. “That putting me in danger would quiet whatever chaos is in your head? Do you even hear yourself right now, Sirius? You’re not okay.”
Sirius flinched as if slapped, but then his expression shifted, his movements becoming frantic. “I’m fine!” he snapped, pacing now, his hands gesturing wildly. “I’m better than fine—I’m brilliant. I just... I made a mistake. A stupid, reckless mistake. But it doesn’t mean—”
“It doesn’t mean what?” Remus interrupted, his voice trembling. “It doesn’t mean you’re out of control? That you’ve been out of control for weeks? Because that’s what it looks like to me, Sirius. And it’s terrifying.”
“I’m not crazy!” Sirius shouted, his voice cracking. “I’m not—I just—I love you, Remus. I love you so much, and I’ll make this right. I swear, I’ll make this right.”
Remus stared at him, his chest heaving. For a moment, all he saw was Sirius: his Sirius, his brilliant, vibrant Sirius, who was now unraveling before his eyes. The thought broke something inside him, but it didn’t dull the anger that burned just as fiercely.
“You don’t get it, do you?” Remus said, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s not just about the prank, Sirius. It’s about everything. You’ve been spiraling for weeks—acting out, taking risks, lashing out at everyone. And I—I tried to ignore it. I told myself you’d calm down, that it was just you being you. But now?” He shook his head, tears glistening in his eyes. “Now you’ve gone too far.”
Sirius dropped to his knees, his hands clutching at Remus’s. “Please, Moony—don’t do this. Don’t give up on me. I need you—I can’t—I can’t live without you.”
Remus’s breath hitched, his heart aching at the sight of Sirius—proud, untouchable Sirius—reduced to this. But the weight of what had happened pressed down on him, heavy and unrelenting.
“You need help, Sirius,” Remus said quietly, his voice trembling. “But I can’t be the one to fix you. Not after this.”
“Please,” Sirius whispered, tears streaming down his face. “I’ll do anything—anything to make it up to you. I’ll fix everything. Just—just don’t leave me. I love you. I need you.”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this,” Remus said, his voice breaking. He pulled his hands free and stepped back. “You need to figure out what’s going on in your head, Sirius. Until you do, I can’t—” His voice caught, and he turned away, his shoulders trembling. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Remus—please,” Sirius choked out, his voice raw. He crawled after him, his hands grasping for something—anything—but Remus had already drawn the curtains around his bed, shutting Sirius out.
The dormitory fell into silence, save for Sirius’s muffled sobs.
Behind the curtains, Remus pressed a fist to his mouth, swallowing his own tears. He wasn’t sure who he was angrier at—Sirius for what he’d done, or himself for still loving him despite it all.