Everything

It's normal for memories to come back to you when you are living through similar situations. It was normal for them to come at random times. However, it isn’t normal for them to haunt every second of your existence. It wasn't normal for everything to remind you of that one memory.

It had been years. Years. And Remus could not forget. He couldn't forget the horrible sound of bones breaking, not his, someone else’s. The tearing of skin, clothes and muscles. Warm, red, and metallic blood lathered his canine-like mouth, his long tongue and white sharp teeth dipping back into the hole they had created right at the center of a pale stomach. The growls his other soul let out as he tasted the blood and flesh of Severus Snape, still rang at the back of his head. 

A scream of pure unfiltered agony had woken Remus from his sleep more times than anything. Everything he set his eyes on reminded him of that night and the victim. Any of his students that had dark locks had made him see Severus, lying on the dusty and cracked wooden floor of the shack. His hair was all over the place, making it seem as if he had a large, dark, and cracked halo over his head. That image was the last thing he saw every time his body desired to torture him with the fact he was a good-for-nothing murderer… Well, that is what he believed.

From long strands of ebony hair. To black eyes, eyes that could never be the same shade as Snape’s. Everything reminded him of the Slytherin.

Snape’s eyes seemed as if they were just two pools of ink that led to an endless void of darkness. Those eyes brimmed with unshed and fear-filled tears reflecting the glistening full moon up in the sky. The large, tightly shut, window showed the midnight sky. It was a deep shade of blue, covered in mini specs of light. The constellations showed themselves to the wizarding world, and in the middle, the large moon radiated rays of bright moonlight into the dark and disheveled room.

A terrified and pain-filled scream reached the werewolf's ears, repeatedly. They were loud. They were almost blood-curdling. And it was repeated in his head alongside the image of Severus’ face covered in his blood. Those screams held such emotion, emotions that had never escaped from Severus. There was always a hint of anger and weariness that lingered in Snape’s eyes but it was never anything more. When he was in pain due to the pranks James and Sirius pulled only a soft groan escaped. That was all that got out.

But that night… Remus was able to see and hear Severus emit those foreign emotions.

By killing him.

__ __ __

Gloomy days had been very common for the past few weeks. As autumn left and winter began to arrive little by little. Leaves had started to fall onto the dew-covered ground. Remus had been sitting outside, deep in the Forbidden Forest, with an old raggedy book in his scarred hands. He had transfigured a small handkerchief into a small stool he could sit on and not get his garments dirty. 

The color of the book he held had washed away after years and years of being held. That old deep blue with golden accents had now turned into a grayish blue, and the gold accents now somehow looked like silver, just with specs of gold in areas that were touched less than others. 

Hints of spilled ink and perhaps coffee lingering on some of the pages and even the cover. The graying fabric that surrounded the pages was starting to lift after years and centuries of being used.

Remus flipped through the yellowed pages, annotations and spells were scattered throughout. Remus liked reading these annotations, there were small insults directed towards the author of the book. His favorite was: ‘If I were to write a book with such advice I shall have Dumbledore himself Avada me.’

Severus was creative, the insults that were plastered across the pages in permanent ink were ones only a person with a brain like his could muster up. There were jabs directed towards many people in the pages. They were subtle. Most were directed towards James. Sirius took second place. Yet, there was none of him. Now and then Remus would look at every word just to see if he was missing something. However, since he had never found he had assumed he was just…forgotten.

The wind had been heavy the past few days… the sound of the rustling leaves that had not yet fallen off had Remus remembering Severus again. This was the boy's favorite weather. A cloudy sky with some wind, and a moist feel in the air. A calming and comfortable atmosphere that allowed many to relax at the feeling of cool wind hitting their face. Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath as waves of air hit his tan face.

Everything reminded him of the old Slytherin. Hogwarts, where they had all spent their childhoods growing up.  Hogsmeade, even though Remus had only seen Severus there once. The old damp dungeon where Remus would see Severus walking with his friends, Mulciber to his right, Rosier to his left.

Severus always seemed to be leaning just slightly to the right. He always leaned towards Mulciber. Remus never knew why the sight always left a bitter taste in his mouth. The sight of the two sitting in the Great Hall next to each other, chatting and looking into each other's eyes. Snape's dark, soulless eyes always had the slightest hint of admiration, or maybe something else, when he stared at the other Slytherin. And when he looked into Remus' eyes, nothing but disgust and anger were visible. He couldn't blame the boy… he never would. 

It had been almost thirteen years since the incident… Thirteen years since the horrible death of the Slytherin. Thirteen years and everything seemed as if it had happened just the night before. 

— — —

Thirteen Years Ago: The day before ‘The Incident’

Breakfast was always filled with soft but lively chatter every morning. Fresh fruit and steaming hot platters filled with cooked fatty bacon, crispy toast, soft fresh pastries out of the oven, and many other types of breakfast foods sat at the center of each table. 

It was the morning before the full moon, and Remus was not in the best of moods. Every word that slipped out of people’s lips had his head throbbing. He was always like this the day before the moon. A constant stream of pain circled through his head, the sensitivity to light that always seemed to get worse with every passing full moon.  

The porcelain plate set in front of him was filled with meat. That fatty crispy bacon was what he first smelled when he walked into the Great Hall, it was taking over a third of his plate. The empty surface of the plate was quickly filled up with breakfast sausages, both turkey and pork rolled around on his plate. He had almost finished them all from his plate and he was close to snatching the platter filled with them to keep them all to himself. Well, that would be any other day but that morning he felt as if he was unable to eat. 

When he first bit down on the bacon, the salty and crispy meat melting on his tongue, he had seen Severus walk into the Hall. He looked different… The messenger bag he wore was the same. That hadn’t changed but it was the untucked bottomed shirt and the undone tie that caught his attention. Severus never walked around in that manner. His uniform was perfectly layered on his body every day. His shirt was neatly tucked in, the green and silver tie tied, then a thin sweater on top. And to tie in the look, his dark and long cloak. 

Yet, as he walked to the long Slytherin table, Remus noticed that Severus didn’t seem to notice the disheveled look of his uniform and only seemed to focus on his hair. His pale hand was fixing it almost in a hurry. It looked as if someone other than Severus had their hands on his hair. 

Remus watched as Severus sat, his pale face covered by his hair just the slightest bit, but he could see how his cheeks had the slightest hint of pink on them. He had sat next to Rosier, Avery, and Wilkes. The four of them had started a conversation right as Severus had sat down. 

He watched as Snape filled his plate of food, two pieces of toast that he covered in creamy and salty butter, and a small bundle of green grapes, and he filled his goblet up with some freshly squeezed orange juice. His hands paused as the Slytherin seemed to remember something. The other three Slytherins around him seemed to start teasing him, and that pink hue of embarrassment seemed to deepen. He swatted away Wilkes' hands as the blonde beside him seemed to point something out.

Severus, with his cheeks now red and his soulless eyes widening, turned his attention to the large entrance of the Great Hall.

Bruce Mulciber was walking in, his bag hanging on his shoulder, a mischievous smile on his lips as he set his eyes on Severus. One of his large hands was holding the bag hanging on him, while the other… a bundle of black fabric…a cloak.

The fabric was black, a deep black that could not compare to the eyes of Severus. It was held in Bruce's large hand folded halfway. From where Remus was sitting he could see Mulciber’s thumb rubbing on the fabric, his eyes still locked on Snape.  It was very obvious the cloak did not belong to Bruce, as the fabric even in his hand would be much too small for him. 

Remus's eyes followed him as he reached Severus and his friends, he sat down and his movements showed that he did not hand over the cloak, but set it on his lap. He began talking mostly to Severus, his lips curling into that classic mischievous smile. The teasing Wilhelm had been doing had only intensified as whatever Bruce said reached his ears. The pretty pink hue on Snape's cheeks deepened into almost a dark crimson red. Yet, with his red face his stoic facial expression stayed.

It was strange to see him like that, embarrassed and flustered, the view only made Remus nauseous. More nauseous than anything else. It didn't sit right with him, the fact that it was another man that was making Severus blush did not sit right with him. He wanted to be in that spot next to Severus, he wanted to be the one whispering in his ear, touching his hair, and smiling while looking at his eyes. 

The plate in front of him, once filled with hot food, was now cold and unappetizing. He clenched the fork that he held, his scarred hands almost bending the metal from the pure strength of his grip. 

Minutes later, a loud bell rang through the air announcing the end of breakfast. He had stayed behind, letting his friends leave him there under the excuse that he wanted to finish what was on his plate. He wasn't going to tell them, the idea of letting the three know that he felt stabs of jealousy because of Severus was something he wasn't going to hear the end of. 

Remus didn't finish anything on his plate, strips of bacon, and small sausages stayed on the porcelain plate. He grabbed his bag and began to walk out. He knew everything he needed was in his bag, he didn't need to check again. He noticed that he was one of the last people to exit, he looked around, wanting to see if Severus was still there. Wanting to see if he could have a moment with Severus, alone. But the black-haired wizard wasn't there. 

His feet carried him out the door to the right, Transfigurations was his first class of the day and he needed to get there quickly. He kept his head down; he wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone or anything, not even James, Peter, or Sirius. His hands clutching the strap that was hanging off his shoulders, he was deep in thought until he heard Snape's voice. That deep rich voice was soothing and pleasant.  If he remembered correctly, Severus did not have any morning classes. The boy had excellent grades, he was top of his class and almost every subject. 

He could hear Severus around the corner, he stopped before the turn of the corner. From what he could smell, Severus was with someone else, Charity Burbage, if he remembered correctly. She was a lively Hufflepuff and an excellent student at Charms. She had taken first place in the subject, leaving Lily Evans in second for the past two years. Remus did not know much about her, what he did know was just the basics, she was a muggle-born witch, with excellent skills in many subjects. From what he had gathered from the years, Muggle ballet was the thing she was best at. He also noticed, from seeing her around, the variation of heels she wore every week. For the past three years, he had never seen her wear the same pair. 

“What did you think was going to happen?” Charity asked as she giggled. He heard a huff of air escape Severus, he was annoyed, but Remus wasn't sure why. He heard shuffling of feet; it was not Charity, as her heels would have clacked on the stone floor. “I knew letting him stay in my dorm was a bad idea, but I could not say no to him. He's very… interesting.”

‘What…? Stay in his dorm? Who?’ 

“Very interesting~” Charity said in a teasing tone. Remus couldn’t move, he wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to hear more of their conversation. It wasn’t right, he knew it wasn’t right, but he couldn’t help it. He was going to be late, and McGonagall wasn’t as understanding when it came to tardiness, but he stayed nonetheless. Severus and Charity had lowered their voices as many students from other houses began to walk past them. They were in a small huddle. Severus had been whispering in her ear for the past minute and Charity had only been giggling, not saying a word. Once Severus stepped away, it seemed as if Charity had gotten the whole story. She didn’t ask any more questions and she didn’t bother him with asking for more detail. 

“Oh my, Severus, it seems as if you enjoyed your time with Bruce quite well!” Charity said, her voice now a little higher. He heard a scoff exit Snape’s mouth. “Of course I did,” he responded.

He heard footsteps, one pair, slightly muffled as Severus walked in almost complete silence. The other pair, small clicking, was heard as Charity’s deep blue heels hit the ground as she walked. Remus turned the corner. He watched the two of them walk away, even with her heels on, Charity was still shorter than Severus.

‘Bruce? He let Bruce Mulciber near him?’

Remus felt something in his stomach, having to hear how Severus spent some time with another guy, had him wanting to throw up. He bit his lip as he began to walk. He had to get to his class.

———

Present Day:

Remus sighed , that was one of the more tame memories that he had received the past few days. He had to endure it. He was the one that killed Severus. He was the one that ended an innocent person’s life. And if that meant to live through the heartbreaking times of his past, he would. He had never gotten over Severus. He didn’t know why, he thought maybe it stemmed from the guilt of killing him. But even if he hadn’t killed him, he knew. He knew that he was always going to have a place for Severus in his heart. 

After his death the Headmaster and every possible Auror had tried to contact Snape’s parents, only to come back empty-handed. He decided to give it a go. After years and years of being away from the Muggle community, he finally stepped a foot in it. The only reason he knew where to go was because he had heard it from Severus himself. Severus hadn’t been taking to him,  to be honest he couldn’t remember a single conversation they had where Severus didn’t snarl or insult him. 

he had been sunny that whole week, patches of wind here and there. Outside in the courtyard Severus sat alongside Lily Evans. They were talking, had been for what seemed like ages… but this wasn’t their regular conversation about Potions, Transfigurations, or even Charms.

“It’s not that bad,” said Severus. 

“Severus, It’s bad! You cannot let your father treat you like that or your mom.” Lily said, exasperated, her hand tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Pa’ doesn’t hurt us he just… He just drinks... He hasn’t hurt anything to us.” Severus exclaimed calmly.

“You come back with bruises almost every year!” Lily practically yelled out.

“Lily,” he said calmly… his voice dipping back into that almost lazy brawl he used when talking to people he did not know, it was weird seeing him use it on his best friend. “This is not your family. I would not expect you to understand. So please stop bringing them up.”

“But Sev, my dad and mom talked. They said you don’t ever have to go to Spinners End if you don’t want to. You can stay with me and Tuney and we can have a whole new family together!”

“Lily… I will not, ever, leave my Momma or my Pa’ behind in Spinner's End. And I will never, even though you are my best friend, live with you.”

That was how the conversation ended. He had been behind a tree. No one could see him. He enjoyed that spot as he could read there for hours on end without being bothered. He remembered hearing Lily stomp off. She was mad at Snape. Remus, both back then and now, could never understand why she had been so angry with him. It was obvious Snape’s family had very little money, it was also known that his father wasn’t as gentle as other fathers were with their kids, but it was Severus’ choice to stay. He was smart, and he was definitely old enough to know what he wanted in life.

He remembered that moment, that almost insignificant fight. Spinner's End. That was where Severus lived. That was the place he wouldn’t leave for anything. That was the place… he never went back to. 

It was easy to find Severus' family home with that bit of information. He had reached the front door, the porch, with old rotting wood for steps and chipping paint. It did not look welcoming. Remus remembered standing in front of the door, before he could even raise his hand. The door opened. The moment he had seen the man in front of him he regretted ever stepping foot on that very porch… 

Sure, he had felt regret as soon as he found the location of Severus’ old home. He felt like it was not his place to tell this family about their son’s passing. And seeing the tall muscular man in front of him had him regret everything all over again.

Yet, he didn’t stare at the man for long as the woman beside him had made Remus catch his breath. She was almost a spitting image of Snape… No, Severus was the spitting image of her. That long Ebony hair with those soulless eyes and almost porcelain skin.

She was the one that spoke up first, her voice so similar to that of Snape’s but it was still too different. “How can we help you?” She asked softly, her hands on the man’s arm. Her gentle hands drawing small circles on his arm.

“Mr. and Mrs. Snape… I came to rely on some news regarding your son, S-Severus Snape.” Remus remembered how his voice had shook and vibrated as he spoke the words. Snape's mother tilted her head to the side, her face lacking any expression, much like Severus. The same head tilt, the same eyes. His eyes. Severus’ eyes…

“Are you an Auror? You look far too young to be one…” She commented, a small smile on her lips. Remus shook his head but did not specify. What was he meant to say?

‘I am a student from Hogwarts! I came to tell you your son is dead and I killed him!’

No, that would be foolish. “I came to tell you… Severus Snape is dead. H-He was killed… by an unregistered werewolf that was surrounding the castle. It was s-said that he was gathering ingredients for a potion… in the Forbidden Forest.” He went straight to the point, giving them all the information that they needed to know. It was an excuse. One that Dumbledore himself had crafted up and giving to all of the Auror’s that had come around the castle.

“What?” It was the man, Tobias. Remis remembered hearing Severus speak his full name, saying how he was ‘still giving his father’s name, even though his mother was the one to name him’. Remus turned his eyes to one of the tallest men he had ever seen, with that threatening growl the man seemed to grow bigger. That was the first and only thing he had said throughout the whole encounter.

‘Maybe this is who Severus got his height from…?’  

“That must be false… Severus isn't dead…” Eileen, if Lupin remembered correctly, said, her voice and hands shaking, the grip she had on her husband tightening but the man didn't seem to notice the pain from her sharp grasp.

The tears that were brimming Eileen's eyes flowed down her pale face. “NO! He can't be dead! Mon fils !” she broke down, her ebony hair covering her face. Her body began to shake and soon her frail body landed on the floor. Mon fils … the vague french lessons Sirius gave him made their way to the front of his brain, that meant ‘My son… ’

Remus couldn’t move. The cries were so similar to Severus’. They reminded him of the pure agony Snape let out. His hands tightened on the handle of the small suitcase that once belonged to Severus. The old leather bound box, with scratched stickers on the surface, smelled just like the teen. That calming coffee scent he always carried around him, with just the lightest scent of both ink and old books. “T-This is his bag…uhm all his personal belongings should be inside…” he said after a moment, the man, who was holding his wife up, looked up and stretched out a hand…

Soon after the old rotting front door closed. “Was his suitcase always this small, Eileen?” he heard the man say behind the door. His words seem to have a different meaning, one Remus could not understand.

The woman's cries only intensified at the question. “Why?! Toby, everything was finally looking up for us!! My poor baby! No!” And after that Remus turned away, leaving the remaining Snape family to mourn the loss of their one and only son. 

He took a deep breath. He hadn’t gone back to Spinner’s End after that, he had sworn to never go back. 

The wind around him had picked up. The sun was still in the sky, it would be a few hours before it started to set. He had to start heading back soon. He needed to go to his office and help students with essays and other assignments he had set for them. James, who had become a Professor alongside him, wanted to meet with him and he couldn’t possibly miss that. 

He closed the book in his hands and began to stand up. The small clearing he was in had become awfully quiet… the wind was harsh in his tan face but the leaves around him exploited no sound. Perhaps there was a creature nearby. 

Unicorns usually had a similar effect on the parts they roamed, yet, it couldn’t be one, as the blessing of unicorns around the castle had begun to go into hibernation. Not many magical creatures hibernated but Unicorns were an exception. Snow had not hit the ground but the frosty air sliced through any warming charm set around. 

Centaurus had little to no magical abilities, as they were only part horse and part human. No other creature around could have an effect on their surroundings. So the thought left his mind. Perhaps, he was just imagining it.

He dusted off the little dirt that had gotten on his shoes and pants. He hadn't noticed how the wind slowed down around him as he did so. The sky started to clear out, and the sun shone and lit up his surroundings. He turned and began to walk back to the castle. 

He took some steps, the soles of his polished shoes stepping on leaves filling the air. He had walked ten steps from where he was when he heard it—footsteps—ones that were not his own. He couldn't put a finger on it, but the sound of those soft steps was too familiar. They were cautious. 

He turned his head back, and his eyes landed on a lean figure—a figure he could recognize easily. “Snape? ” he whispered. 

His voice was very low, but the figure behind him snapped his head towards him. Remus froze, he couldn't believe his eyes. For some reason, he didn't want to believe his eyes. There in front of him was Severus Snape. He looked exactly like he did years ago. He was standing. He was alive but he couldn't be. Remus killed him, he remembered. 

He remembered how his teeth tore flesh and muscle. He couldn't be here,  he had to be hallucinating just like he did every day. Yet, the figure seemed too real. That same pale skin,  and those soulless black eyes. His hair was the same, the curtains of hair covering almost half of his face, but he could recognize him. That was Severus. That was the boy he killed years ago and he was alive. 

Before he could utter a word, Severus turned his head back to where he was looking and kept walking. It was as if Remus wasn't there. Remus turned around and began walking in the same direction Severus was, his feet following the path that Severus had. He wanted to call out but he wasn't close enough to. What was he supposed to say? How could the boy be alive? 

It was a couple of minutes after the chase began when Remus stopped and spotted Severus crouching down his hands picking something up. He stopped right behind him and didn't say anything. 

“Severus?” He whispered cautiously. The teenager in front of him froze, he didn't say anything but he did stand up. He slowly turned around and his hands held a small flower. It was an iris. He looked around on the ground but there was none, just the singular one that Severus had in his hand. It was weird, flowers like that did not bloom in the Forbidden Fortis. No flowers from the Muggle World bloomed here. The soil in the Forbidden Forest was different from the one covering the ground around the castle. He didn't mention it.

“Is that you?” he asked softly, he was acting as if Severus was a stray cat.  He was waiting for him to run away again. 

“Who else would it be?”  Severus' voice flowed into his ears.  It was a perfect replica of the original voice. “But how?”  Remus asked.

“I never left…” Severus said simply, his shoulders going up into a shrug. He looked at Remus with no expression in his eyes. His face was stoic, stuck in place, but again Remus didn't mention it. He was too captivated in the boy's eyes. They seem colder, darker even. His eyes looked as if he was still dead.

“What… do you mean? I killed you…” he said.

“Killed?”  Severus pauses. “Yes, I suppose you did,” he pauses, staring into the werewolves eyes “…but there was a part of me that you didn't kill…”  Severus said his voice was colder than usual. His voice sounded hoarse as if his vocal cords hadn't been used in many years. As if Severus hadn't spoken a word since the day he died. 

“What part?” Remus asked,  something was off he could feel it. “I want you to guess,” Snape stated bluntly. There was a chilling silence in the air. The sun that was once beaming down was suddenly covered in clouds again. Remus felt the cold air pierce the skin once. His eyes were locked on Snape’s, whose eyes seemed darker than usual.

“Guess?”  he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He tilted his head to the side and cocked an eyebrow up.  What was he supposed to guess? He knew what happened that night, he was there and he saw it with his own eyes. He tasted the blood, that taste haunting him every single day. What could he possibly be guessing? 

He remembered how his hands touched Snape's neck. He remembered how he put his head on the boy's chest trying to catch the slightest heartbeat, but it was no use. His heart had stopped. His body was cold. And he was dead. The image of Snape's closed eyes, both red and dried from the crying. His lips had started to turn a hint of blue once morning reached. They were cracked and dried, and his pale skin was whiter than a sheet of paper. 

His question hung in the air. There was another chilling silence. They were staring into each other's eyes, Snape's eyes still looked the same. There was no light, no color, nothing. He wasn't blinking, he was only staring. Remus swallowed hard, his mouth going dry. Then Severus broke into laughter. Severus never laughed…

“Oh, please. You didn't actually think you killed me did you?” he said, his voice still slightly hoarse.  Remus looked at Severus,  and as he laughed there was no smile on his face.  It was still as stoic as ever. 

“You aren't Severus…” Remus said matter of factly. 

“Of course I'm him,” said Snape.

“No, you can't be him,”  Remus said.  It was now Severus' turn to tilt his head to the side. “...and why is that?”

“Because I know what I saw,” Remus stated. Severus did not say anything for a while he kept looking at Remus.  Then he turned away and began walking again. Remus followed suit. He kept following him for what seemed like hours. Yet, the sun hadn't moved from the same spot that it was when he first saw him. The world around him froze. To him, it was only him and Severus. How it was supposed to be…

 As he followed, the woods around them thickened, the darkness engulfing them and there was a slight fog in the air. There was zero sound around them, there was no trotting of the Centaurs. No hissing from other creatures. No high-pitched chattering from the fairies all around. There was nothing. Just him. And Severus.

“You know…”  Severus said after some time. He paused, and it took about a minute for him to speak again. “If it wasn't for Sirius Black… you wouldn't have killed me.” His voice sounded strange now,  it was his voice, yet it wasn't.  There was a slight shift in the tone of his voice. It was somehow deeper.  To him, it sounded almost… demonic. Almost as if it wasn't Severus at all.  But how could it not be?  He was there. In the flesh. Standing in front of him and talking to him.

“He sent you there… why ?”  Remus asked. A small snort escaped Severus' throat. “Why did you go there when you knew what he was like…?”

"Because I already knew about your little secret…  I knew everything about you.  The age you were bit. That stupid and pathetic little nickname that they gave you...." he pauses, "And I knew the way your eyes followed me everywhere I went. I knew everything .”  he said. 

They had stopped again. Severus turned around, but Remus couldn't see his face as he was looking down. The curtains of hair that he had wished to see once again were covering his pale features.  He was looking down at the flower. From what he could see, Snape’s long fingers were caressing the petals. The purplish-blue flower in his hand seemed to darken at the touch.  It was withering. It was dying. Severus had dug his nails into the fragile pedals.

“Do you know what the meaning behind this flower is?” He questioned, not answering Remus’ second question. Remus tried to remember the meaning.  But he couldn't come up with it. Flower language was something he never paid attention to. “No…  I am not sure what it means.”

 “This flower… it means death ,” Severus said. His voice was now somehow deeper.  Something didn't feel right. “There are many flowers that represent death. Such as… Chrysanthemums, but this one has to be my favorite… Of course, they also have many other meaning. Iris are said to send a message from the heavens above… Different colors have different meanings.” Severus said, looking into Remus’ eyes, unblinking.

Before Remus go to speak, Severus, once again, turned and began to walk. Remus followed, it was as if his body had no other choice. 

This was repeated multiple times. Severus would stop. They would talk. And once again he would start walking. It felt as if Severus was leading him somewhere, maybe he was going to show him where he had been staying the last few years… However, Remus knew that wasn't it. But he didn't care. He kept following and he didn't stop.  He was captivated . He was finally able to talk to Severus again. Finally able to see him. And finally able to have Severus look at him without having a hint of anger or hate in his pretty eyes…

They were deep into the forest now,  he had expected the ground to be bumpy,  full of tree roots, and magical plants. Yet, it was leveled. As if someone had cleared out the path just for them. 

They kept walking. The soil underneath them had become softer as if it was fake. As if it was a hallucination. 

There was something about this that had his stomach turning. Everything felt wrong. 

They had reached another clearing after some time. It was quiet. There was the sound of rustling leaves surrounding them, but that was it.

That was where Severus fully came to a stop. He didn’t say anything else. Snape crouched down again as he was when Remus caught up to him the first time. He didn’t say anything. And no sounds were coming out of him. Once he had finished whatever he was doing he stood up. His body turned around and in his hands… was another iris.

“That wasn’t on the ground before…” he said mostly to himself. Severus cocked his head to the side. 

“That night…” Severus paused. He took a deep breath and looked at Remus. Yet, to Remus, it looked as if Severus was looking past him.

“What happened that night?” Lupin asked quietly, and Severus smiled. It was supposed to be a comforting smile but it sent chills down his spine. That smile didn’t reach his eyes. It was cold and calculated. “Always so curious…” Snape whispered, but Remus’ ear caught it.

“That night… a strange man gave me these same flowers.” He said softly. His dark eyes looked down at the flowers in his hands. ‘Flowers?’ Remus could have sworn Severus was only holding one iris before. “I never saw his face. And I never got his name… but I got this.” He lifted the bouquet just a little. There were now more flowers…

“It’s time for me to give them to you .” The look in Snape’s eyes shifted. That cold winter air seemed to intensify. It wasn’t the biting feeling he felt earlier. This breeze was sharp, he felt as if he was being stabbed. The cold air around him was deadly. 

“Here…” Severus said, his voice deepened once again. It was not him. Snape lifted the bouquet of irises and placed them in his hands. Remus looked down at his hands. Snape’s hands were warm. They shouldn’t be, they should be cold with the winter breeze. “Thank you…” he said and looked up at Severus’ face. And what he saw had his body freezing.

There, in front of him, where a healthy and alive Severus Snape once stood, was the same Snape that he had killed. His hair was clumped together with his blood. His eyes were red from the tears he had shed as he was being eaten alive. He was pale… too pale.

His lips cracked and bruised. When Remus looked down he could see the ripped clothes he wore that night. And the sight of his hollow stomach had him wanting to drop.

“No…no!” He screamed. His legs gave out from under him and he dropped. The bouquet he once held was now on the floor. The irises, once a pretty shade of indigo, darkened and withered into a dark bluish-brown color. His eyes looked up at Severus… 

“What are you…?” He whispered, but he knew that whatever or whoever was in front of him heard him. That was when another laugh broke out of the man in front of him.

Remus kept his eyes on the figure in front of him. He went from the hollowed stomach victim… to the boy who was once alive. “You already know who I am…” Snape’s lookalike knelt. He placed a hand on Remus' cheek. The touch is warm and soft, blood from his pale and calloused hands smeared onto Remus’ face.

“I am… Severus Tobias Snape . The boy you killed , " he said. The hand on his cheek, once warm, was now icy cold. Like a dead body. He couldn’t take his eyes away from the man in front of him. He watched as his form changed once again.

“No. You’re not him!” Remus shouted. 

“ Oh . But I am.” Snape said, his face getting closer to Lupin’s with every word. 

Remus shook his head, denying whatever Severus was saying. There was a moment of utter silence. Neither of them spoke. Until Snape did, but that voice wasn’t his. It was dark, it could haunt you in your sleep. It was menacing, something straight out of a horror film.

“Have you ever felt the pain of having your stomach being ripped out of you?” 

His blood froze… He was going to die .

“No need to look so scared, Moony,” Severus laughed again.

“What?” Asked Remus. And he paused when Snape began to walk away. His steps were slow and silent as if he was not there. The boy kept walking away from where Remus was, he was nearing the edge of the clearing, when he suddenly stopped. Remus couldn’t take his eyes away from Severus. He didn’t say anything when the boy turned to look at him one last time.

“Have you ever encountered a Dragon, Lupin?” Snape asked curiously… but Remus did not respond. “It’s a shame… They are fantastic creatures. Loyal to their masters if treated right, too.” He pauses, and there is a hint of malice in his tone, “Can you say the same about Werewolves?” The question was left unanswered as Snape turned and walked off into the deepest part of the Forest.

The force that was holding Remus down lifted and allowed him to get up. His clothes were messy and wrinkled. Moist dirt covered his hands and pants. Beads of sweat ran down his neck as he wiped his hands on his shirt. The silent clearing was filled with noises of nature. The high-pitched voices of the fairies all around gave him a sense of comfort. Trotting from the Centaurs around was heard. 

Everything sounded as if it was meant to be… but, the sound of heavy breathing didn’t sound right. It wasn’t coming from him. He was, surprisingly… calm. His heartbeat was steady and he felt a sense of internal peace wash over him. 

‘I was hallucinating again…’ he thought to himself. He finished whipping off some of the dirt stuck to his hands. Remus turned around to start heading back to the castle. He was probably late for his meeting with James, but he knew it’d be fine.

He was about to step forward when his large body froze… There, in front of the Werewolf stood a Dragon. 

Its Silvery-Blue scales glistened from the stray rays of sunlight that passed through the thick leaves, it was a Swedish Short-Snout... It stood tall and menacingly, sharp teeth covered in thick saliva. A forked tongue came out to lick its teeth, lathering them in even more saliva. Its horns were large. The largest grew out from the top of its massive head. Thorn-like spikes grew on its massive back but it appeared to have more on its tail…Its eyes, which were stuck on Remus’ form, were a shade of gold. The deep and dark slits for pupils appeared to be mere lines… It was hungry.

‘Dragons are loyal to their masters…Even after their death.’ Severus’ voice rang in his head. He was going to die…

And before Remus could try and take a step back… the sound of his legs breaking reached his ears, a set of dragon teeth had clamped down against them.

———

The old potions book Remus once held was now on the floor of the Forbidden Forest. The handkerchief he had transfigured into a small seat for him was no longer there. Resting on the bottom of a large tree, the old tattered book was closed. The handkerchief with the initials ‘R.J.L.’ was folded on top of it. 

“Rem?” The voice of James Potter rang out as he walked into the clearing.

“Remus?” He called out again but received no answer, but something caught his attention from the corner of his eye. His feet took him to where the book lay. His large tanned hands reached down to pick up both items. James scanned the book, his eyebrows cocked and his eyes noticing every detail. He opened the book with his free hand.

‘This book is property of The Half-Blood Prince’

“Prince?” He asked himself, “The Dragon Riders?”

He read the elegant writing over and over again. Something about felt… familiar . His hands flipped the pages one by one. Annotation after annotation filled the margins of the book. There were small jabs directed towards the writers but one in particular caught his eye… ‘Perhaps if I alter this potion, Remus Lupin will grow a spine.’

“Snape…” James said. That was why the writing looked so familiar. He scanned the book. He read each page and each annotation… There were many insults and jokes scattered throughout the pages, but none of them mentioned him. Surprisingly, Sirius took the number one spot. Remus was second.

He wasn’t sure why Remus had this book, but he couldn’t dwell on it too much. 

After calling out and looking for Remus for some more time he began walking back to Hogwarts. Both Book and handkerchief were in his hand. 

That night only a part Remus Lupin returned to the Castle. His head.

———