Selenelion

Selenelion- The moment when the Sun and Moon are both observerable at the horizon during the eclipse.

James didn't cry that much. He didn't think he really had a reason to. His parents loved him and his friends cared for him. The times he did cry were for his friends. He remembers crying for Sirius the day he told him about his family life. He also remembers crying even harder when Sirius left and showed up at his door. The day Remus finally had the courage to tell them about his Lycanthropy. So James waking up crying was strange. When James woke up and felt the tears on his face, he quickly sat up and wiped them away, trying and failing to remember if it was something he dreamt of. He froze when he felt his tears, they felt rough against his skin. James pulled back his hand and stared.

His fingers were covered in iridescent-like tears, shining against the light like stars. James just stared confused. He brushed it aside, wiping away the rest of his tears and pulling the curtain surrounding his bed open. He saw he was the first to wake up and sighed. He pulled himself out of bed and walked to the dorm bathroom. He closed the door, looked around, and knew something was wrong. The blue flower plot Remus placed in the bathroom in fourth year was grey. James stared at it. It was blue last night, and Remus wouldn't just randomly change the colour. He pushed the door open slightly and quietly shouted Sirius' name till he heard him roll over and pull the curtain open with a glare.

"What James?" He grumbled. James didn't look at Sirius though, he looked at the shirt he was wearing, the shirt that was blue last night. The shirt was now grey. It was a light grey and seemed to be taunting James. He slammed the door shut and pushed his back against it. He heard Sirius calling his name and knocking on the door but James didn't know what to do. First, his tears looked like stars and now he couldn't see the colour blue. James shook himself out of his thoughts, pulled the bathroom door open and was greeted with a worried Sirius and a sleepy Remus. James just smiled sheepishly at them.

"Sorry mate didn't mean to freak you out" James avoided looking at Sirius and instead stared past him. If Sirius noticed he doesn't mention it.

"Everything alright Prongs?" Remus asked. James stared at him in thought. He could tell Remus, he could have some idea of what the fuck was going on. He didn't. Instead, he smiled at him and nodded.

"Everything's perfectly fine Moony no need to worry" James responded and pushed past the two, avoiding anything that he knew was blue in the room. He was hungry and didn't want to deal with any of this on an empty stomach. He got changed, thankful he didn't own much blue, and left the dorm not waiting for the other two. He saw Peter sitting in the common room, surrounded by books and homework, and sat beside him. They didn't say anything to each other and James was grateful. They sat in silence for a while till Remus and Sirius finally came down. James stood up and looked at Peter.

"You coming Wormy?" James asked. Peter looked up and shook his head.

"Can't, got to finish this homework before lunch, I'll join you later tho' yeah?" He responded. James nodded and followed Remus and Sirius out of the common room. James didn't engage in any conversation with the two, just trailing behind and listening to them talk. He didn't see the two look back occasionally with worried looks. James didn't look up the entire walk through the castle, instead just stared at his red Converse. Once they reached the Main Hall, James looked up instinctively, looking towards the Slytherin table. James froze when he saw the Ravenclaw table.

Instead of the normal dark colour he was used to seeing, all he could see was grey. Most of the students sitting at the table were just covered in different shades of grey and all James could do was stare. He felt people bumping past him, trying to get into the hall but James couldn't move. Sirius stopped when he realised James was behind him and turned to him.

"Prongs?" Sirius reached out to touch James' arm but James flinched away, looking at Sirius. His eyes flicked back towards the table and back to Sirius. Without thought, he turned around and ran from the hall, ignoring the shouts from his friends. James stopped when he found himself outside the Hospital Wing. He pushed the door open and walked towards Madam Promfrey. She looked up from her scrolls and gave him a concerned look.

"Is everything okay Mr Potter?" James played with the bottom of his shirt, not knowing how to explain this.

"It's going to sound insane,'' James started. Madam Promfrey didn't say anything, she just gave him a reassuring smile. "This morning I woke up crying and my tears, they..." James hesitated slightly "They looked like I was crying glitter and now I can't see the colour blue". Madam Promfrey's smile dropped slightly.

"You can't see the colour blue?" She asked. James nodded. She hummed thoughtfully and turned around to the bookshelf behind her. He watched as she skimmed the spines with her finger before stopping and pulling out a book that looked like it hadn't been opened in years. She dropped it loudly on top of the scrolls and silently went through the pages. Madam Promfrey finally stopped on a page and James heard her breath hitch slightly.

"Star Tear Disease," She told him, not looking away from the book. "A disease born from Unrequited Love. The patient will cry tears akin to stars, the tears will create a twinkle-like sound. The disease affects the eyes, making the patient lose the ability to see different colours. It leads to colour blindness and, in rare cases, can cause the patient to go completely blind"

"Unrequited love? I could go blind?" James felt himself start to freak out. He had no idea he was even in love, but now he had this disease to prove he was and they didn't even love him back. "Is there a cure?"

Madam Promfrey looked up from the book and gave him a sad look. "Only if the love is requited, and even then it's likely the damages won't be undone if it's too far ahead. I'm sorry Mr Potter" James shook his head in disbelief. He jumped when the doors to the Hospital Wing slammed open and watched as Regulus walked in, his head looking down at a book. He looked up as he felt eyes on him and glared at James.

James felt his breath fly out of him.

He couldn't see the colour of Regulus' eyes.

The eyes he would always watch from across the hall.

"I have to go," James says breathlessly, speed walking out of the Hospital wing, away from Regulus and his colourless eyes.

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James left the hospital wing trying his hardest not to cry. Crying would only make everything worse. How could he be so stupid? Falling in love with Regulus Black, his best friend's younger brother, was the stupidest thing he could do. The fact he didn't even realise till he was crying stars was even worse. He felt his hands shake beside him as he made his way through the castle. All he knew was he did not want to go to lessons. His first lesson was with Ravenclaw and having to sit in a room full of greys was something at the bottom of his to-do list. Going back to the dorms was another massive no. Having to explain to Sirius any part of this situation gave James a headache he didn't want to deal with either.

The only place James could think of was the Forbidden Forest. He was unlikely to be bothered, especially as a stag. James basically ran his way through the castle, keeping his head down as he bumped into students. The moment he opened the doors to the castle and felt the wind on his face, James felt most of the tension flow out of him.

He was glad it was cloudy today.

He managed to get to the edge of the forest without walking past a single person and he let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. He looked over the forest with a small smile on his face and then he felt himself transform.

Turning into an animagus is like second nature to James and it never fails to bring some comfort to him. He watched the world shift slightly and suddenly his brain finally became quiet and he sprinted into the forest. James runs through the trees and bushes, avoiding any branches that might be in his way. He passes by squirrels and a few deer who follow his path before branching off. He stops for a moment, watching them run away, wondering if he should follow before he decides not to and continues running ahead.

James can feel the magic from the forest all around him. He sees a few mooncalfs asleep under the bushes. He runs past a few lone unicorns, never going any closer to the creatures. James has seen one up close and has decided he never wants to disturb the peaceful animal.

James starts to walk, being far enough in the forest that he won't bump into any students and far away from Centaur territory. James remembers the last time he and the others bumped into centaurs during one full moon and doesn't want to repeat the experience during the day and by himself. He soon finds himself in a small clearing, surrounded by bluebells. James stands tall, looking around to see if he's alone. He only sees a few squirrels running across tree branches. Once he's satisfied, he goes into the middle, lies down and curls into himself, feeling exhausted. He falls asleep almost instantly.

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James jumps awake, hearing something coming towards him. The perks of being a stag are heightened hearing and eyesight, which help keep himself and the others safe during the full moon. He lifts his head towards the direction of the sound and watches as a large black dog walks into the clearing. If he could roll his eyes, he would. He came out here to get away from Sirius, so him finding James was exactly the opposite of what he wanted. James rested his head back down, facing away from Sirius. It was an obvious dismissal but Sirius ignored it.

He walked over to James and plopped down beside him, nudging his side with his head. When James continued to ignore him he let out a whine and stood up. Sirius didn't go far however, he instead went and lay down on top of James. James felt the air leave him from the added weight and tried to move Sirius off him, but it wouldn't work. He stood up, Sirius rolling off, making an unhappy nose, and tried to walk away. Sirius ran in front of him and pushed at his legs, trying to turn him back around towards the castle.

James huffed and pushed Sirius out of the way. Apparently, Sirius had enough because he transformed back into a human and glared at James.

"What the fuck is up with you James?" Sirius demanded. James just looked at Sirius, refusing to transform back. He just wanted a peaceful moment. Sirius stood there with his arms crossed, obviously waiting for him to turn back. James made an annoyed huff and turned back, facing away from the other. Sirius grabbed James' shoulder and turned him around.

"Talk to me, what's wrong?" Sirius sounded worried and James felt guilty. He was supposed to be a stag. He didn't want to deal with these feelings right now.

"I just wanted to have a quiet day, okay? That's why I was out here" James shrugged the arm off his shoulder but Sirius looked at him in disbelief.

"James, you've been out here for over a day," Sirius told him. James' eyes widened. He didn't realise he had run and slept for that long. It didn't even look like time had moved since he fell asleep. "Everyone's been worried when you didn't show up for any food or lessons. Peter told us to check the forest, that's why I'm here. You've been asleep this whole time?"

"I was stressed?" James faltered. It's not like he meant for this to happen. Sirius just sighed.

"Come on, let's get back to the castle and get you something to eat," Something in Sirius's tone told James this wasn't the last of the conversation, but he didn't fight back.

The sky was a bright blue and James didn't even realise.

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By the time they finally got back to the castle, it was lunch and Sirius pulled James into the Main Hall, not hearing any excuse James tried to give. He kept his head down the entire time he was there. Sirius piled a bunch of different food onto James' plate and told him he had to eat at least half before he left the table. James gave him a small smile and started to eat. He ignored the conversations around him as he ate. He nodded whenever someone asked him a question or tried to pull him into their conversations. After a while, they stopped trying to talk to him, realising it wasn't going to achieve anything.

James felt eyes on him the entire lunch. It wasn't from anyone on his table, he would know. He looked up, avoiding the grey around him, and locked eyes with Regulus. Even looking at the boy's eyes hurt James. Regulus had a thoughtful look on his face as he watched James, not caring he was being caught in the act. James looked away for a moment, then looked back up and Regulus was still staring, this time with a subtle grin on his face. James cocked his head and Regulus just turned away. James wasn't hungry anymore. He stood from the table and left the Main Hall.

James got back to the dorm, fell into his bed and started to cry. A light twinkling sound filled the room. The sound of stars falling.

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James left the dorm in the middle of the night. Unable to sleep and not wanting to stay still any longer. He was thankful it was late enough that no one was in the common room. He slipped out with his invisibility cloak and started to wander around the castle, without a specific place in mind. He managed to find himself in the astronomy tower. James smiled. He was glad that this disease didn't affect how he saw the night sky. He couldn't bring himself to go out into the forest anymore. The comfort it used to bring stopped once the bright sky was now a depressing grey. He was thankful the full moon wasn't for a few more weeks. James wouldn't know how to explain to the others why he couldn't bring himself to leave the castle grounds.

James jumped when he heard footsteps behind him and he turned to see Regulus standing there, looking at him surprised. If James refused to look anywhere near him and his grey eyes then that was his own business. He smiled and turned around, staring back at the stars. Before he could stop himself he spoke up.

"I didn't know you wore grey," James said, turning briefly to gesture at his jumper. He saw Regulus flinch out of the corner of his eye. James turned around and looked at Regulus, who was staring at him confused.

"It's green" He murmured, taking off the jumper and wrapping it around his shoulders, still looking up at James confused. James nodded slowly. He lost the colour green and didn't realise.

He lost another colour and he didn't realise.

"Could you take it off please?" James murmured. He froze slightly, feeling stupid for asking. Regulus didn't say anything for a moment. He heard some rustling and Regulus went and stood beside James, his jumper gone from off his shoulders and now across the room. He was now only wearing a white long-sleeve shirt. James looked at him confused and Regulus shrugged.

"I'm not going to question you, if you don't want me to wear the jumper for some stupid reason, then I'm not going to. I'm not here to have an argument or anything" Regulus told him. He stared up at the stars. James smiled slightly and looked away. Even though James now cried stars, he still thought they were beautiful. They stood in silence for a while before Regulus decided to speak.

"Where did you disappear to?" He questioned. James flinched. He sighed and rubbed his temples, feeling a slight headache come on.

"I wanted a break and didn't realise that I was... gone for that long" James tried to explain without actually explaining anything. Regulus looked at him sceptically. He watched for a moment then looked away.

"You're obviously holding stuff back but it's not my place to try and drag it out of you" James let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

"Thank you," James told him. Regulus didn't respond, continuing to stare out at the Hogwarts grounds. James felt content just standing here with Regulus but the fact he lost a colour still nagged at him. The fact he only realised was because of Regulus himself made James feel guilty. He didn't want to lose the colours that made Regulus. James felt himself tear up and he had to suppress a groan. He has never cried over something this simple and all he can think of is because of the disease. He turned around and tried to leave, ignoring the jumper on the floor. He felt the tears start to run down his face and he knew Regulus could hear the twinkling of the tears.

He felt a hand on his arm. Regulus turned James around and stared at him confused. His confused face changed into something James could only name as awe. He watched Regulus raise his hand and cup James' face. He whipped away the tears, watching how they would sparkle and shine against the moonlight, the same iridescent that James saw the other day, shining a low light against Regulus' fingers. James didn't know how long he stood there, unable to breathe, afraid that the moment would break.

"Beautiful" Regulus murmured, still staring at James' eyes. James couldn't avoid staring right back at Regulus' eyes. The grey staring at him broke him out of the moment, He pulled his face out of Regulus' hands and nearly ran out of the tower.

James realised he lost the colour yellow once he reached the dorms, the Gryffindor logo looming over him was only red and grey.

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James kept thinking of that night over and over. Regulus calling his tears beautiful surprised him. He hadn't seen what the tears looked like properly himself, only a slight glimpse before he whipped them away, but the thought of them being beautiful didn't sit right with him. James didn't find himself alone with Regulus again for a few days. He felt Regulus stare at him from across the Hall and felt him watching him any time they walked past each other, but neither tried to talk to the other. That changed when James found himself being cornered by Regulus before lunch. He was on his way to meet Sirius outside the Main Hall when he felt a hand on his arm. It pulled him into an alcove and then he was face to face with Regulus.

"Hi?" James pulled his arm out of Regulus' grip and tried to put some distance between them, but it was hard with the limited space he was pulled into.

"Explain" Was all he responded with. James gave him a confused look. Regulus groaned. "Your tears-"

James stopped him. "No" Regulus gaped at him for a second before glaring at him.

"It's not a hard question Potter" Regulus looked at him expectedly, but James stood there, crossing his arms across his chest and staring Regulus down.

"I know you're used to getting everything the second you ask, but it isn't going to work with me" James knew he fucked up the moment he said it with the way Regulus tensed up. Before James could apologise and try and fix the situation Regulus spoke up.

"You're going to regret saying that Potter" Regulus stands up a bit taller, leans towards James' face, and stops once he's close to his ear and whispers "There's a reason I get my way"

Before James can even think of a response, Regulus moves away, giving James a fake smile before leaving the alcove. James stares at the empty spot for Merlin knows how long before he managed to shake himself out of his thoughts. He sighs and rubs his eyes. He leaves the alcove and makes his way towards the Main Hall. He sees Sirius standing outside the hall looking annoyed. James gives him a hesitant smile.

"Where have you been?" Sirius huffed.

"Sorry, I got lost?" James shrugged. It's not like he could tell Sirius the truth. Sirius stares at him in disbelief but he just laughs and grabs James arm, dragging him into the Hall.

"Trust you to still get lost after 7 years" Sirius laughs. James just sighs and lets himself be dragged towards the Gryffindor table. He sees Remus and Peter already at the table, talking to Mary and Lily who sat directly across from them. Sirius sits next to Remus and James beside him. He watches as Sirius starts to fill his plate with food and easily joins the ongoing conversation. James doesn't go to fill his plate, or even touch the drink in front of him. He sits there in thought, listening in on the conversation now and then but not engaging at all.

After a few minutes, James started to feel like someone was staring at him. He tried to shake it off, thinking maybe this whole situation was making him paranoid. Once it got too much, James finally looked up and searched around. His eyes met Regulus across the hall. Regulus was watching James with a small smirk on his face, barely there and only noticeable if you were looking. James tilts his head in question and it makes Regulus' smirk larger. James looked away and turned to look over at Sirius. He managed to insert himself into the conversation, but the feeling of being stared at didn't stop.

James looked at Regulus out of the corner of his eye and he was still staring right at James with the same smirk on his face. James glares at him and looks away, back at Sirius, who is now staring right at him.

"Everything good Prongs?" Sirius asked, concerned. James smiled and nodded.

"Everything's good. Just remembered I need to go write some parchment for Minnie" James stood up from the table and looked around, meeting Regulus' eyes before looking back at Sirius. "I'll see you back up at the dorms" James waved bye to the others and walked out of the Main Hall, making sure to not look back at Regulus. If he failed that, then that's on him. James managed to make it to the bottom of Gryffindor Tower before he, once again, found himself being pulled out of the hallway, this time into an empty classroom. He heard the door shut behind him and dust being blown away by the force. He groans inwardly and turns around. Regulus was standing there, hands on his hips.

"What now?" James asked. Regulus rolled his eyes and barged past him, plopping himself down on a creaky chair.

"Do you want to answer my question now?" Regulus chirped. James just stared at him confused. He has never seen Regulus this... happy before. Towards him anyway. Did Regulus find amusement in this? James sighed, dragged a chair from a table and placed it in front of Regulus, dropping down across from him.

"I haven't even told your brother, why would I tell you?" He asked. Regulus' eyes shined with glee at that.

"If Sirius doesn't know I definitely need to know" He hummed. "Come on Potter, don't be scared" Regulus prodded. Yeah, he was definitely finding amusement from this. James shook his head. He had to fall in love with him, out of anyone from Hogwarts, it had to be the one guy who knew how to get on his nerves.

James pushed himself off the chair and walked towards the door, planning just to leave Regulus without a response. He managed to get his hand onto the door knob before he felt Regulus grab his arm and turn him around, pushing him against the door.

"You don't get to walk away from me" Regulus snapped. James pushed Regulus away and swapped their positions, Regulus now against the door.

"Don't tell me what to do Black, you don't control me" James scoffed. They stood there for a few moments, both staring at each other, breathing heavily. Any anger James felt started to disappear as they continued to stand there. James studied Regulus's face, how his face looked so dull without the colour he was used to seeing. How dull his eyes were without the mesmerising blue with small grey specks floating around. They now were just grey and James hated it. He missed the blue.

James' eyes flicked across Regulus' face, taking in every little detail he could. His gaze finally settled on Regulus' mouth. James flinched violently when he realised what was happening and took a few steps back. He couldn't think like that, Regulus didn't like him, that was obvious. This would make everything worse and James didn't have the energy for that. Regulus looked at him confused and tried to reach out to grab his arm but James took another step back and shook his head.

"Can you please move?" James muttered. Regulus didn't move at first, watching James with an unreadable look on his face. When he finally did move, James ripped the door open and ran down the hall, hearing Regulus shout after him.

"I will figure this out, James" James didn't care that Regulus used his first name, just needed to get out and away from Regulus, far far away from him. He ran through the halls, pushing past people and ignoring anyone trying to stop him. He didn't stop till he reached the portrait leading to the Gryffindor common room. He stood outside for a few minutes, trying to get his breath back. He muttered the password to the portrait and walked through, making his way to the dooms. Sirius, Remus and Peter were there, sitting on Sirius's bed, flicking through a few books on a subject James didn't care about. All their heads looked up when he walked in.

"Where were you prongs?" Remus asked him. James just shrugged, took his jumper off and threw it on the bed. He stared at it for a moment, taking in the deep red of his Gryffindor jumper then walked into the bathroom. James locked the door and leaned against it, sliding down and crossing his arms on top of his knees. He felt himself cry and didn't try to hold it back. He felt so overwhelmed. He felt the tears fall down his face, the roughness scratching at his cheeks harshly. James tried to rub the tears away but it only made it worse, the tears nearly cutting into his skin. He groaned and stood up, grabbing some tissue and looking into the mirror.

James froze, staring at the tears going down his face. The tears reflected off the light slightly, contrasting against his tan skin. He raised his hand to his face, wiping away the tears. It scratched against his face, leaving small red marks. James looked at his fingers and saw the tears had a slight red tint to them and James knew. He knew that once he left the bathroom he wouldn't be able to see the colour of his own house.

James wiped his face with the tissue harshly and looked away from the mirror. It didn't matter. It was just some stupid colour. James went to open the door and hesitated.

"You okay James?" Sirius asked him from the other side of the door. James closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, pulling the door open and smiling at Sirius.

"I'm fine Pads, just felt a little sick" He shrugged. He pushed past Sirius and walked towards his bed, his head facing the floor. Sirius stared at him confused.

"Are you sure- It looks like you've been crying-"

"Just drop it, Sirius" James snapped. He pulled the curtain closed around his bed and placed his face in his hands. He tried to control his breathing, to slow it down. He didn't need to start crying again. He didn't need to lose another colour.

The room was grey and James couldn't handle it anymore.

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James refused to speak to anyone the next few days and avoided the dorms as best he could during the day. He spent his time either in the library or the Astronomy tower. Anything was better than going back to the common room. He hasn't seen Regulus since he cornered him days ago and James didn't know if he felt relieved or not.

James was sitting at the back of the library, hiding between the shelves near the restricted section when someone dropped a book in front of him and fell onto the chair. James jumped and looked up, locking eyes with a grinning Regulus. He placed his arms on top of the book and rested his head on top. James almost thought he looked adorable. Almost.

"Hey Potter" Regulus continued to grin at him and James just groaned.

"What do you want Black?" James' eyes flickered to the book under Regulus' arms and looked back at him.

"I think I managed to figure you out" He hummed. He sat back up and opened the book. They sat in silence while Regulus flipped through the pages. Regulus' grin came back when he found the page he was looking for and showed it to James. James froze when he realised what book it was. It was the same book Madam Promfrey showed him.

"I'm not doing this" James stood up from his chair and grabbed his books. He tried to walk away but Regulus grabbed his wrist and stopped him before he could get far. James took a deep breath and looked at Regulus annoyed. Regulus stands up, forcing James to take a few steps back.

"I'm just asking a few questions, Potter, what's the problem?" James rolled his eyes and glared at him. Regulus only continued to grin, taking a few steps towards James. This forced James to take a few steps back, trying and failing to create some distance between them. "Why are you being so difficult?"

"You're the one being difficult here Black" James scoffed. James felt his back hit the bookshelf behind him and Regulus was still taking steps closer, invading his personal space. "Can you please move out of the way?"

Regulus hummed. "I don't think I will, you still haven't answered my question" Regulus stopped only a few inches away from James. Their chests were barely touching but it was all James could focus on. He felt his breath quicken slightly, and he tried to keep it normal, trying not to show Regulus how affected he was by this. He failed though. Regulus' eyes finally left James to look down at the contact between them and back up.

"Something the matter Potter?" Regulus continued to grin at James. He tried to push Regulus aside but Regulus grabbed his arm and stopped him. James scoffed.

"Just leave me alone Regulus" James tried to pull his arm out of Regulus' grip but he failed.

"I'm not letting you leave again Potter so just answer my damn question" Regulus spat, shoving James' arm away.

"Fuck off, I don't have to answer anything" James crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at Regulus defiantly.

"Why are you being so difficult?" Regulus demanded. James just stared at him in shock.

"Me? Difficult? You're the one who has me cornered"

"I don't see you complaining" And then Regulus grabbed ahold of James' tie and pulled. It took James a moment to realise Regulus was kissing him. It wasn't how he had imagined. He imagined it would be soft. Slow. This wasn't that. Regulus kissed James hard. Their teeth crashed together. James stood there for a second, shocked that Regulus was kissing him before he dropped his bag and moved.

He kissed Regulus back with the same intensity. He grabbed Regulus' waist and tried to pull him closer, trying to cancel any space left between them. Regulus moved his hands from James' tie and into his hair. Regulus pulled softly and James groaned into the kiss. He pushed himself away from the bookcase and flipped them, pushing Regulus into it.

James pulled away after a moment, his lungs needing to breathe. He rested his head against Regulus and refused to open his eyes. There was a voice at the back of his head telling him nothing had changed. Regulus doesn't care about him. This didn't mean anything to him. James sighed and opened his eyes. Regulus was staring at him and his eyes

His eyes were still grey.

James pulled back and grabbed his bag off the floor. Regulus' hands dropped from James' hair and tried to grab James, trying to stop him but James had already reached the end of the bookshelves. He heard Regulus calling his name but he just ignored him.

James didn't realise he was crying until he got back to the dorms and saw Sirius. He slammed the door shut behind him hard when he entered. Sirius was sitting in the dorms by himself, on his bed, flipping through what James guessed was one of Remus' muggle magazines. He didn't know where Remus or Peter was and he didn't care. Sirius jumped at the noise and looked up from his magazines. His eyes grew wide at the sight of James.

"Prongs?" Sirius sounded worried and it made James feel so guilty. He was horrible to Sirius for no reason. James dumped his bag on his bed and threw himself onto Sirius' bed. Sirius immediately moved James' head onto his lap and rested his hands on James' hair. Sirius wiped away a few of his tears and James froze.

"What's wrong James?" Sirius whispered. James sighed. He closed his eyes and lay there, letting the feeling of Sirius' fingers calm him down.

After a while, James finally spoke up. "Star Tear Disease" James didn't say anything for a few more moments. He struggled to find the right words to explain. It sounded insane. "I cry stars. That's the simplest way I can put it. I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back and because of that I cry stars and now I can't even see certain colours Pads. Every time I cry, I lose a stupid colour and there isn't anything I can do. I have to sit here, watching everything turn grey until I end up blind! Just because I fell in love!" James had to hold himself back from crying again. He felt so overwhelmed. Everything was getting worse and no matter what he did, he couldn't stop it. When Sirius realised James was finished he finally spoke.

"Who is it?" He asked. James sat up and looked at him confused.

"What?"

"Who is it? The person you're in love with? Can't be Lily. Once she got with Pandora you finally let go so who is it?" Sirius explained. James continued to look at him and think. Regulus was Sirius's brother. He would either get pissed at James or Regulus and he didn't know which outcome would be better.

"Promise not to be mad Pads" James whispered, looking down at his lap.

"Unless it's me or Remus I won't be mad at you Prongs" Sirius assured him. James took a deep breath and looked at Sirius.

"Regulus" He watched Sirius freeze slightly and stare at him shocked.

"Reggie? My little brother, Regulus? Regulus Black?" James nodded. Sirius sighed. "How do you always manage to get yourself in the worst shit Prongs?"

James laughed and smiled at Sirius. "Learned from the best Pads" Sirius laughed and pulled James into a crushing hug.

"I'm sorry James. You deserve so much better than him" Sirius whispered in his ear.

"You offering yourself Pads?" James asked as he pulled from the hug. Sirius punched his shoulder lightly.

"What do you mean, we're already married mate" James just grinned in response. He completely forgot that he couldn't see red and he had Sirius to thank for that.

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The Perks of Hogwarts having barely any colour besides the House colours meant that any other colour James lost wasn't as obvious to him. The student walking past him wearing a grey shirt could just be wearing a grey shirt or any other colour he already lost. He didn't need to ignore any other colours anymore. James didn't realise anything was truly wrong till a week after he told Sirius. He was sitting in the common room with Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily, trying to study but instead talking about inane things. The grey of the Gryffindor common room was starting to feel overwhelming to James. He couldn't handle how dull everything seemed. He started to pack his things away slowly, trying not to alert anyone he was leaving. It failed when Remus noticed him about to stand up and leave.

"Where you going, Prongs?" Remus asked. James just shrugged.

"I don't feel well. Going to bed early" James shrugged. He could feel Sirius staring at him from beside Peter. James knew Sirius could see the lie.

"It's probably from all the late nights you've been having mate" Sirius suggested. James sent him a small and grateful smile. Sirius knew the actual reason and James could never be more thankful to have Sirius as his friend.

"Yeah, probably. I'll see you guys tomorrow, don't have too much fun without me" James grinned at them and then left, hearing the group laughing as he left. He pushed the door to the dorm open and let out a sigh. The dorms didn't make him feel any better, the grey still staring back at him. He threw the books onto his bed and pulled out his invisibility cloak. Anywhere was better than here. James carefully opened the dorm door, making sure not to make any sounds as he closed it and walked down the steps back into the common room.

He saw the group still talking and it seemed Remus was actually trying to study despite the noise. James smiled softly to himself. He loved his friends so much and he was glad to have them in his life. He walked past them and stood near the entrance to the common room. He couldn't leave without notifying the others that something weird was happening, especially since they knew about his invisibility cloak, so all James could do was stand and wait for someone to either come in or leave. Thankfully he didn't have to wait long. Mary opened the portrait door a few minutes later, carrying what seemed to be a bunch of snacks from the kitchens. Before the door managed to close, James left through the door.

He immediately knew the only place he would feel calm was the astronomy tower. It wouldn't have any students at this time and during the night it didn't seem like he even lost any colour so it seemed like a win for James. He walked through the empty corridors without any issue, the only noise was from his grey Converse. James rushed up the stairs to the astronomy tower, taking the steps two at a time.

James smiled and threw the cloak off his head once he got to the top of the tower. He walked to the barrier of the tower and looked over the grounds. The grey stared back at him. Something seemed off but he couldn't tell what. James shrugged the thought away. He looked up to the stars and froze. He knew something was definitely wrong. He couldn't see them clearly. The stars, the ones he only saw a few days perfectly clear, are now blurry to him. He shook his head and looked back at the forest. Now he could tell what was wrong with the view. Everything was blurry. Now that he thought about it, his vision seemed much worse in the past week. His eyes felt sore and strained and now James realised why.

The disease eventually led to blindness and now James realised it is actually going to happen. His eyesight is worsening and it's because he fell in love. James threw the glasses off his face and rubbed his eyes. He could feel himself close to crying and he couldn't cry. He can't let it get any worse. He needed to talk to Madam Promfrey. Maybe she could help. Give him a potion or maybe a strong prescription for glasses, anything. James grabbed his glasses and cloak from the floor and made his way towards the dorms. Madam Promfrey wouldn't appreciate him coming this late but he knew she would help him first thing in the morning.

⋆｡°✩

James was out of bed and already halfway out of the dorms when the morning came. He heard Sirius call his name before he managed to escape out the door. James turned around and saw how worried Sirius was.

"It's barely even morning Prongs, where are you going?" Sirius asked, yawning slightly. James just smiled at him.

"I'll be back before breakfast okay? Someone needs to make sure you don't skive lessons" James joked. Sirius didn't laugh, just continued to stare at him.

"Go back to bed Prongs, don't think I didn't notice you slip away last night" Sirius prodded. James didn't say anything, just gave him a pleading look. Sirius sighed and looked away, rubbing his eyes. "Fine, but be back before breakfast mate" James laughed and watched as Sirius fell back into bed and immediately fell asleep. He closed the door softly and walked out of the common room.

James managed to get out of the common room and into the hallways without anyone else trying to stop and talk to him. He moved quickly through the small groups of people that were walking through the halls, avoiding anyone he knew and making sure to keep an eye out for Regulus. The younger boy would definitely try to talk to him and James just couldn't risk it.

Running through the halls with his worsening eyesight wasn't a good idea for him. He nearly walked into a few walls and kept bumping into other students. A few Slytherins sent stinging hexes after him but James didn't stop.

He got to the hospital wing without anyone stopping him and he rushed in to try and find Madam Promfrey. She was cleaning away at one of the beds humming a tune. James walked up to her and when she noticed him he grinned at her.

"Just the woman I was looking for," James cheered. Madam Promfrey smiled at him. She walked away from the bed she was cleaning to the small desk in the corner. James followed and stopped in front of the desk.

"What can I do for you, Mr Potter?" She asked. His smile faltered slightly. He sighed and sat on the empty chair next to the desk. Madam Promfrey saw how his mood changed and sat across from him.

"It's getting worse," He told her. He played with the edge of the desk, refusing to look at her. Madam Promfrey nodded.

"I suspected as much. How much worse?" She asked. She stood up from her chair and walked towards the bookshelf nearby. James got up and followed. She grabbed a few books from the shelf and took them back to the desk.

"Losing colour is obvious. There's more though. Everything is getting more blurry. My eyes are starting to feel sore and it's just getting too much" James explained. He sat back down in the chair and watched as she looked through different books.

"It means your condition is only going to get worse Mr Potter" Madam Promfrey explained to him softly. James nodded.

"There has to be something you can do. That's why I'm here. Can you not give me some new glasses? A potion or something. Anything" James nearly started to beg. Madam Promfrey gave him a sad look.

"I can't James. Your glasses aren't the problem. Nothing I can do will fix it" James groaned at her response and placed his head in his hands. He felt like crying. He felt defeated.

"There's really nothing you can do?" James asked, his voice muffled from behind his hands. He heard Madam Promfrey shuffle around beside him and he looked up. She had grabbed a book from the bottom of the pile books and opened it. James immediately recognised it from the book she showed him a few weeks ago.

"I did a little more research for you when you left. There isn't much known about it however from what has been documented increasing the strength of your glasses won't make your eyesight better. Everything will still look blurry" She showed him the page. All James could do was stare at the page. It was blurry. The words on the page seemed like a black mess to him. Madam Promfrey looked at him curiously.

"I can't read it" He whispered sadly to her. She smiled softly at him, trying to be reassuring but all James could see was that she felt sorry for him. He didn't want that. He didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him. He just wanted to be loved the same. Madam Promfrey started to read the book out to him but James was already across the hospital wing and at the door before she could say a single word.

James walked into the Main Hall and kept his head down as he made his way towards the Gryffindor table. The others were already sitting down and eating. James sat down beside Sirius and stared at the food in front of him. Sirius nudged his shoulder softly.

"You okay Prongs?" He whispered to him. James just smiled.

"I'm fine Pads" James grabbed a few pieces of food and placed them on his plate. James didn't feel hungry at all but he hasn't eaten properly in days and if Sirius finds out he hasn't been eating then James will have to sit through a week of Sirius babying him. James managed to eat half of his breakfast before he started to feel someone staring at him. He looked around and his gaze finally settled on Regulus. The younger boy sat at the Slytherin table with no food in front of him, simply staring at James. Regulus tilted his head towards the door and got up, leaving the Main Hall. James watched the door for a few moments. He sighed, finished the last of his breakfast and turned to Sirius.

"I left something up at the dorms, I'll meet you at Charms yeah?" And without waiting for a response he stood up and followed Regulus.

⋆｡°✩

James threw himself through the Main Hall doors, trying to figure out which way Regulus went. He managed to see him before he disappeared round a corner and he quickly followed, making sure to keep some distance between them. James followed him for a few minutes before Regulus finally stopped in front of the library doors. He turned slightly to check James was behind them and gave him a smirk before entering the library. James groaned and nearly chased after him.

James nearly lost Regulus when he entered the library but he knew where he would be. He wormed through the bookcases till he arrived at the back of the library, at the same spot Regulus ambushed him at. Regulus was sitting at the table staring straight at him. James threw his bag on the ground next to the table, a few books falling out by the force of it, and sat across from Regulus.

"What do you want Regulus?" James huffed. Regulus shrugged at him.

"Not much Potter" He stood up from the chair and moved around the table. He walked towards James and stood in front of him, barely any space between them. James felt his breathing stop. "Last time we spoke we got a little distracted, and now I want my answers"

James crossed his arms in some stupid attempt at trying to create some space between them but all it did was finally make physical contact between the two. "Why do I need to give you any answers? Last time was because you don't understand boundaries"

Regulus continued to smirk at him. He took a step back and James finally felt like he could breathe. Regulus walked back to the chair he was sitting in before he grabbed his bag leaning against it. He pulled out a familiar book and James wanted to cry. He rushed to the table and grabbed it.

"James there's no point. I already know" Regulus sounded soothing like he was talking to a child and James couldn't handle it.

"Then why do you keep trying to force it out of me?" James nearly shouted at him. He had felt pitied since he told Sirius, and he couldn't handle the same from Regulus. "Yeah, I've fallen in love with someone who doesn't love me back! What's there to talk about?"

"I just wanted to help you" Regulus retorted, crossing his arms and giving James an annoyed look.

"Oh, so the little accident last week was you helping?" James spat at him. Regulus froze and James immediately wanted to take the words back. Regulus stood up from his chair and got in James' face.

"I didn't see you complaining then or now, so don't even try to shove that in my face Potter" Regulus snapped and then froze. James watched as his eyes grew wide and stared at him in shock and James knew. He knew Regulus figured it out. "James-"

"Stop acting like you know everything! You don't and I'm sick of you trying to worm yourself into my goddamn business!" James felt so angry and embarrassed. He tried so hard to keep his distance and yet Regulus was still always there. "You just couldn't leave it alone could you?"

"And you couldn't stop yourself from falling in love with your best friend's brother?" Regulus spat at him. "Could you?"

"Fuck you" James spat back and pulled Regulus in. James felt Regulus hesitate slightly before he finally gave in, placing his hands on James' cheek and pulling him in harder. It felt the same as it did the first time. James felt complete with Regulus this close. James wraps his arms around Regulus, trying to close the gap but instead forces Regulus to climb into his lap. Regulus pulls away slightly, stopping the kiss and looking into James' eyes. James stares back, ignoring the empty feeling inside him. Regulus' gaze flickered down to James' lips and back up.

Regulus leaned back in, catching James' lips again. This time the kiss was different. It was slow, and James could feel warmth spreading in his chest. The heat coming from Regulus' body, the way his lips moved against him made his mind go fuzzy. He couldn't remember why this was a bad idea. This kiss made James feel alive, more than the first two kisses they shared.

James felt Regulus suddenly push him away, stumbling out of his hold and out of his lap. Regulus looked at him with a look James couldn't read.

"Why would you do that?" Regulus demanded. James faltered. He didn't think, he was angry and Regulus was right there. He looked down at his hands. "James!"

"I'm sorry! You were pissing me off, and you were so close-" James started but Regulus scoffed.

"And that gives you the right to kiss me?" Regulus demanded. James shook his head fastly.

"No! Of course not-"

"I won't love you, James. I never will. I will never, ever love you the way you love me" Regulus sneered. James felt his heart break. He felt something deep in him break. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He stared up at Regulus, his eyes starting to tear up. Regulus didn't look like he regretted any word. He seemed unbothered. James looked away and nodded slowly.

"Okay. Yeah, no I get it. I get it all" James stood up from his chair and grabbed his stuff. Regulus moved away from him, not even trying to stop him. "You were just having fun, right? Fun or something. Totally understand"

"James, no-" Regulus sounded sorry, he sounded apologetic and it made James feel disgusted.

"See you around Black" James pushed past Regulus and ignored the calls of his name. He couldn't cry in front of Regulus, in front of anyone. This was his fault. Thinking he had any chance of having Regulus loving him back. James was unloveable and this just proved it.

⋆｡°✩

James pushed the dorm room open harshly, not caring if anyone was in the dorms or not. He knew the others would be in class right now. He pushed himself against the dorm door and fell to the floor. James felt so empty. He knew Regulus would reject him but it hurt more than he expected. He finally let the tears he was holding fall and it hurt. The tears were rough against his skin, cutting into his cheeks as they fell. James didn't care about losing colours or his sight, it hurt too much for him to care.

James got up and went to his bed, falling face-first into his pillow. Lessons weren't important to him. He could easily get Madam Promfrey to write him a sick note. He felt defeated and nothing mattered to him. James didn't even hear the dorm room open or anyone walks in until he felt the bed dip next to him. He looked up and locked eyes with Sirius. He looked at him with concern.

"Hey Prongs. I knew something was wrong when you didn't meet with us outside of Charms, what's up" Sirius asked him softly. James just stared up at him. "Prongs?"

"I spoke to Regulus again" James whispered to him. Sirius nodded at him, resting his hand in James' hair, softly playing with it. "We kissed again, and then he told me- he told me he would never love me" James felt Sirius' hand freeze in his hair and watched as his face changed into different emotions before he finally rested on anger.

"He what?" He responded. James just looked away from him, trying to not cry again. "James, don't listen to him-" Srius started but James sat up and pushed Sirius away from him.

"Don't try and comfort me, Sirius, he said what he said and he meant it, he meant every word and I can't change that! You can't change that! So don't you even try to comfort me because nothing is going to change!" James ranted. He pushed himself up from his bed. Sirius tried to grab his arm but James pushed himself away.

"I was just trying to help you-"

"By telling me not to listen to him? That I can find someone better? News flash Sirius this disease doesn't just go because I moved on! Any time soon I will lose my eyesight. I can't move on from that!" James shouted at him. He could feel himself freaking out and Sirius was not helping him. He left the dorm, ignoring Sirius and nearly running out of the common room. He had nowhere to go. All of his comfort places were ruined by a boy who would never love him back.

⋆｡°✩

James spent the last few hours pacing around the castle, ignoring anyone who tried to talk to him. He didn't see Regulus or Sirius the entire time and he finally felt his head clear up. He knew he was in the wrong with Sirius. James needed to apologise to him for what he said. He finally made his way back to the dorms just after dinner. He hasn't felt hungry all day. Sirius was already in the dorms when he got back, with Remus and Peter. James smiled at Remus and Peter and sat next to Sirius on his bed. Sirius didn't look up at him, or even acknowledge his existence. James sighed.

 "Sirius, can we talk?" Sirius didn't say anything for a minute then looked at him and nodded. James smiled and got up, walking into the bathroom. He loved his friends, he did, but he didn't want to have to explain to them why he and Sirius had an argument. Sirius locked the bathroom door behind them and looked at James.

"I'm so sorry Sirius. I really am. I just felt so horrible before, with what happened with Regulus, I honestly didn't want to hear anything about him or whatever. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You are my best friend and you were trying to make me feel better" James told him. Sirius didn't say anything, he just pulled him into a tight hug. They stood there for a few moments, not saying anything.

"It's fine Prongs, I forgive you the moment you walked out of the dorm hours ago. You were heartbroken and I would probably have done the same" Sirius pulled out of the hug and looked at James. "You deserve the world James Potter and I'm sorry my brother isn't the one to give it to you"

"Thank you Pads, don't know what I would do without you"

"You would be dead mate" Sirius laughed, pat James on the shoulder, and left the bathroom. James watched him go and sighed. He followed after Sirius, sitting back next to him on his bed.

"Where have you been all day, Prongs?" Peter asked from his side of the bed. James just shrugged.

"Haven't been feeling myself lately mate. Hope you haven't missed me too much" James joked. Peter scoffed and threw a pillow at his head.

"Such a big ego you have James" Sirius tutted. James rolled his eyes and got himself comfortable on Sirius's bed.

"Funny coming from you Pads" James laughed. Sirius scoffed and pushed at James. For a few hours, James managed to forget anything was wrong at all. He didn't even realise how blurry everything got.

⋆｡°✩

James was sitting on his bed with his transfiguration homework in front of him. He decided to pretend that Regulus didn't exist, and the one way he could think of was to finally catch up on his homework and maybe catch up to Remus. James was finally nearly finished with his first parchment when Sirius slammed the dorm door open and threw a broom at James. He managed to catch it before it hit him and looked at Sirius, confused. He thought he was hanging out with the others in the common room, doing their own studying. They did try to invite him to join, but James refused. He felt guilty about not telling Sirius the entire truth about himself and Regulus.

"I'm not letting you rot away in here depressed Prongs, we're going out to practice some Quidditch" Sirius grinned at him. James looked at the broom and back at Sirius.

"Pads I-" James tried to start but Sirius shushed him.

"I'm not hearing any arguments, James, okay? As you're best friend, it's up to me to make sure you're okay, so you get your sorry ass up, and let's go," Sirius motioned towards the door with his head. James sighed, nodded, lifted himself off the bed, and followed Sirius.

The Quidditch pitch was surprisingly empty, most of the time, it would at least have one player flying around, practising some different trick for the next match or someone sitting in the stands for some quiet but no one was in sight. Sirius ran into the middle of the pitch and threw his broom onto the floor, stretching his arms out and breathing in a deep breath. James laughed and walked to his side.

"Come on Pads, enjoy the night air" Sirius nudged James' side with a small laugh. James grinned at him and closed his eyes. The cold air felt nice against his cheeks. He felt Sirius move next to him and he looked as Sirius picked up his broom, winked at him and kicked off.

"Try and keep up, Prongs!" Sirius shouted. James rolled his eyes and kicked off himself. James immediately felt all his problems wash away as the wind blew through his hair. He looked around for Sirius, struggling slightly in the dark, but he managed to see his best mate's broom shine in the moonlight and he laughed.

"Did you forget there's a reason I'm the Gryffindor seeker, mate!" James pushed his broom forward, going as fast as his broom would let him, towards Sirius. They flew around the pitch for hours, Sirius managing to keep a far enough distance till James finally managed to fly in front of Sirius, stopping him in his tracks.

"I win, Pads", James grinned. Sirius groaned and pushed James back slightly with the edge of his broom. James laughed and descended back to the ground, followed closely by Sirius. They jumped off their brooms and walked towards the edge of the pitch, sitting against one of the wooden barriers. They sat in silence for a while, letting the cold air wash over them.

Sirius looked towards James. "You okay, James?" Sirius asked quietly. James pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on his knees.

"It's hard, Sirius. I can't see properly anymore. Any colours I loved, I can't even see anymore, and the boy I love hates me," James whispered. Sirius didn't say anything for a while and looked away, setting his sights on the sky

"He is stupid for not loving you Prongs" Sirius whispered.

⋆｡°✩

Since the day at the Quidditch field, Sirius didn’t leave James’ side. He made sure James ate at every meal, made sure he got to lessons on time and made sure he didn’t lock himself away and sit in his despair. James found himself sitting on Sirius’ bed with Sirius, Remus and Peter sitting across from them on Peter’s. James was barely paying attention, knowing they was only talking about a potential prank when Peter interrupted.

“It’s nearly time for Lunch you know guys” He mentioned, gesturing to the alarm clock beside his bed. Remus nodded and pushed Peter on his side.

“Come on Wormtail, I know you haven’t eaten since yesterday” Remus laughed. Peter grumbled in response.

“Not my fault you’re trying to teach me how to read in Latin Moony, I still don’t understand why”

“You lost a bet” Remus shrugged. He pushed himself of the bed and grabbed his bag, followed by Peter. Sirius tried to get up as well but James grabbed Sirius arm and stopped him.

“Wait Pads, I need to talk to you for a moment” Sirius nodded and watched the other two leave before he turned to James and smiled.

“What's up mate?” Sirius asked him. James let get of Sirius’ arm and looked out the window, thinking of the right words.

“I love you Pads, but you need to stop babying me” James started. He looked back at Sirius and sighed. “‘I’m glad you’re my best friend but I’m fine, really”

“I’m just worried about you James,” Sirius told him. He grabbed James’ hand and squeezed.

“I’m fine Sirius, honestly. The night at the Qudditich Pitch made me feel a lot better so you don’t have to worry” James reassured him. Sirius nodded.

“I’m glad Prongs. You deserve someone better then him” Sirius squeezed James’ hand again. James smiled at him.

“Come on then Pads” James let go of Sirius's hand and got up. He got to the door before he realised Sirius wasn’t following him. He turned around and saw Sirius still sitting down, staring at his hand.

“Pads?” James called out. Sirius jumped slightly and looked at James. He laughed and stood up.

“Sorry mate, didn’t know where I went then” He grinned. He walked to James and grabbed his shoulder. “Always here for you Pads”

⋆｡°✩

After the conversation, Sirius finally calmed down with James. There are still some moments, making sure James is awake for breakfast and still going to lessons but he stopped breathing over his shoulder every moment. Remus was currently forcing them in the library to prepare for the upcoming Defence test. They sat near the front and Remus was currently picking out some books with Peter and James was sitting with Sirius looking through their notes.

“I can’t be bothered with all of this Pads, my head is going to explode” James groaned. Sirius laughed and leaned over the table towards James.

“Maybe we can make a run for it before they come back” Sirius whispered. James grinned and kicked Sirius' leg. Before they ended up in a fight, Remus and Peter finally returned with a pile of books. They threw them on the table and Sirius groaned.

“Kill me now” He mumbled. James laughed and pushed him. He passed him the book at the top of the pile.

“No need to be dramatic Pads” Remus told him laughing. Sirius gave him a dirty look and opened the book in front of him. They managed to have 5 minutes of silence before Sirius pushed the book away.

“Come on Prongs, we are getting food” He pushed up from the table and grabbed James’ arm.

“Pads, you can’t get food everytime you don’t want to study,” Peter told him. Sirius stuck his tongue out and pulled James to follow him. James just shrugged and followed Sirius.

“Where are you taking me now, Pads” James asked, laughing. Sirius grinned and didn’t say anything else, dragging James threw the halls towards Hufflepuff common room. They finally stopped outside the portrait to the kitchens. Sirius let go of James and reached up, tickled the pear, and stood back as the portrait swung open to reveal the kitchens. Sirius stepped in the portrait and laughed when he saw Wooby, one of the house elves.

“Hello Wooby!” James smiled. The house elf smiled back.

“How may Wooby be of service?” He asked. Sirius sat down against one of the kitchen walls and looked around in thought. James sighed and answered Wooby.

“Sirius here wanted some snacks, can you surprise us with something?” James asked. Wooby nodded and walked away. James sat next to Sirius.

“I know you told me not to baby you, but how are you James?” Sirius wondered. James rested his head against the wall and looked up.

“It’s not babying don’t worry Pads” James sighed. “I would be lying if I said I was okay. I just wished it wasn’t Regulus”

“I know James. There’s plenty of people out there James, if Regulus won't make you happy I’m sure someone out there will” Sirius put his arm around James and pulled him in for a side hug. They sat there for a while till Wooby came back with a tray of food for them. James smiled at the elf and grabbed the tray of him, not realising the lingering looks he was getting from Sirius.

⋆｡°✩

James spent the next few days following the same routine with Sirius. Studying in the library with Remus, going out in the forest with Peter and successfully keeping his mind away from Regulus. He hasn’t cried since he last saw Regulus as well and it made James feel lighter somehow, making him slightly forget about the disease. Sirius helped a lot, making sure he avoided any place where Regulus was but he also had a feeling Regulus was avoiding him too. If Sirius spoke to Regulus about anything James didn't know and he didn't care. 

James was currently in the dorms, his Transfiguration homework spread out in front of him. The others were currently in the Main Hall so James had the peace of the dorm for a few hours.

James sighed and closed his Transfiguration book. He was stuck on a question and knew he wouldn't be able to do it without the help of Remus. He threw the book on the floor beside his bed, with the parchment on top. He rubbed his eyes and reached over to his bag on the other side of his bed. He missed a bunch of homework the past few weeks so now would be a good time to complete it. He rooted through his bag, searching for his Astronomy work when he stopped and realised.

He left the book in the library, the last time he spoke to Regulus. He completely forgot some of his books fell out of his bag in the rush of getting away from the situation. It was probably still there and James couldn't do any of his Astronomy homework without it. He threw his bag across his bed and stood up, grabbing a jumper that most likely belonged to Remus and left the common room. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his head down as he walked, trying not to bump into anyone he knew. He was lucky it was still dinner so most of the hallways were empty.

He managed to get to the library without bumping into anyone and quietly slipped his way inside. There were only a few other students there, mostly first years. James walked past them, keeping his head down and aiming straight for the back of the library. He got to the back and grinned when he saw his book at the very end of the stacks, still sitting there. James knew he was lucky it wasn't moved or he would have never found it. He grabbed it and wiped the slight dust that gathered on top, shoving it under his arm and turned around. He didn't expect to see Regulus staring at him.

"James" Regulus looked at him surprised.

"Black" James refused to look at Regulus, looking anywhere but him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, gesturing to the bookshelves. James raised the book in his hands and shrugged. "Oh"

"Yeah. Well great seeing you Black" James smiled at him weakly and tried to walk past him but Regulus stopped him.

"James, we need to talk about what happened-" Regulus tried to start but James glared at him.

"No, we don't. You said what you needed to say and I respect that. You don't love me and that's fine just leave me alone. I'll live my life and you live yours" James stated. He stared at Regulus who stared at him back. He seemed confused and slightly hurt but James just couldn't understand why he would be hurt.

"But you will go blind because of me James. How am I meant to live knowing-"

"Just shut up! You don't have to feel guilty for anything. This is on me not you so don't even try and play the victim card here. You can move on from this pretty easily so just leave me alone!" James nearly shouted. He barged past Regulus and left the library. This time Regulus let him without any complaints and James doesn't know if he preferred it that way.

Once he got back to the dorm, Sirius was back with the food he promised on his bed. James grinned at him and jumped onto his bed, grabbing the food and started shoving it into his mouth.

"Hogwarts food is always so good" James groaned. Sirius laughed and shook his head at him.

"You always say that about any type of food you eat" Sirius pointed out. James shrugged and finished the last bit of food. They sat in silence for a moment but James could feel Sirius studying him. James turned and looked at him.

"What? Something on my face?" James asked, whipping anything that could be on his face. Sirius shook his head.

"No just- You've been in the dorm the entire time we were gone?" Sirius wondered. James sighed and pressed his palms into his eyes.

"I went to the library to grab a book I left there" James lowered his hands and looked everywhere but Sirius. "Regulus was there"

"Did he say anything?"

"He wanted to talk to me but I told him to just... Move on" James groaned and threw himself back on his bed. "If I can't move on at least he can you know"

"I told him to leave you alone Prongs. I'm sorry. You're too kind to him" Sirius scowled. James shrugged.

"It's not like he was searching me out. We just bumped into each other so don't go having a go at him just leave it alone for now Pads" Sirius stared at him for a moment then nodded, following James and lying down on his bed, resting his hand on top of James’. They stayed there talking about nothing till Remus and Peter finally came back. They both sat up when they entered, watching them sit on their respective beds.

"Where were you guys?" James questioned. Remus lifted his bag, which was filled to the brim with books.

"Remus needed some more books, so while Sirius came to bring you food, we went to the library" Peter shrugged.

"Fuck, I completely forgot I needed to grab some books for Minnie's lesson" Sirius groaned. Peter laughed.

"I still need to grab a few more things so we can walk down together" Peter offered. Sirius leaned against James in fake distress.

"I'm so lazy Prongs, don't make me go" James rolled his eyes and pushed Sirius of him, watching him fall off the bed.

"Stop being lazy and go to the library with Wormy" James grinned. Sirius glared at him and stood up, rubbing his side where he fell.

"I can't believe this betrayal Prongs! Let's go Wormy before I get more abuse" Sirius jokingly grabbing a laughing Peter and leaving the dorms. James shook his head softly at Sirius's antics, chuckling slightly. After a moment he hears a cough from across the room. He looks up and Remus is staring at him.

"You alright Moony?" James watched as Remus walked over to him.

"I should be asking you that Prongs" Remus responded. James looked at him confused. "You've been different the past few weeks, but now you're suddenly okay. I'm worried. Don't think I haven't noticed your eyesight has gotten worse. Peter noticed as well. You can tell me anything. You know that right?"

"I know Moony. I'm sorry. A lot happened and it's just been too much for me to talk about to multiple people" Remus sat down next to him and gestured for him to continue. James explained everything to him. The disease, how it worked and about Regulus. All the meetings and arguments. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Sirus knows but only because he forced it out of me"

"That sounds like Sirius" Remus smiled slightly to himself. "I never understand how you manage to get yourself into these kinda situations"

"Wish I knew Moony" James huffed.

"Let me give you some advice James" Remus started. He turned so he was facing James head on and gave him a serious look. "Talk to Regulus"

"What?" James was confused. He just explained all the reasons he shouldn't be talking to Regulus. "Shouldn't I do the opposite? I mean he's made my life so much more complicated Moony!"

"That's true, I never said he didn't but at the same time put yourself in his shoes. You basically told him you have a disease that is making you slowly go blind because you're in love with him. His family isn't exactly well known for love and healthy relationships" Remus pointed out. "He was probably overwhelmed"

"But he-" James started, but Remus stopped him, already knowing what he was about to say.

"Yes he said some harsh things to you, but that's all he has ever known. Harsh words. He tried to talk to you, to overcome what happened and try to apologise. Maybe it will be healing for both of you to talk it out, get all those feelings out in the open" James knew he was right. It made sense. Sirius was the same in first year and he never blamed Sirius for any of the harsh words he said back then.

"I'm not saying you have to talk to him, that's completely up to you" Remus continued. James nodded. "But maybe it will heal things between you. Remember, you can't completely block each other out of your lives with Sirius being so deeply involved"

"I know, you're right" James sighed and looked away from Remus. "Maybe I will, just not today okay?"

Remus nodded and stood up. "Don't need to tell me Prongs, like I said it's up to you mate" He walks back over to his side of the dorm and digs into his bag, pulling out a book and jumping into his bed, opening it up and immediately ignoring everything around him. James knows Remus is right, he can't leave this situation as it is or it's only going to get worse. He owes it to himself to hear Regulus out. The next time he sees him, James vows to himself he will hear Regulus out.

⋆｡°✩

James doesn't have to wait long to bump into Regulus. The next day he finds himself wandering the halls. He managed to lose Sirius in the crowd of people on their way out of breakfast and he left the Marauders map with Sirius so it was just up to searching the halls for him. He is turning the corner of the corridor on the third floor when he bumps into Regulus. Physically bumping into him. The both of them crash into each other and fall on the floor, all the things Regulus was holding flying everywhere.

"Shit- I am so sorry I didn't even see you" James sputtered, helping Regulus pick all the things off the floor. Regulus just waved him off, grabbing the stuff out of James' hands and dusting himself off.

"It's fine, partially my fault too" Regulus smiled softly. James nodded and stood there, not knowing what else to say. Regulus stared at him and then sighed.

"I'm sorry James" He started. "I didn't mean any of what I said last week I was just so-"

"Overwhelmed?" James finished for him. Regulus smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, overwhelmed. I guess I just never expected you to-" Regulus stopped himself, grabbing his hair and looking down at the floor in what James would guess as an embarrassment. "To fall in love with me as well"

James felt his whole world freeze. A faint buzzing overtook him and he felt disconnected. He didn't hear him right at all. Regulus said he could never love James. So why was he saying this? 

He was in love with James. 

Regulus Black was in love with James Potter.

"What?" James whispered. His eyes wide and staring right at Regulus, who still refused to look at him.

"I'm in love with you, James. I was ashamed of it at first. Seeing you that first day on the train and I was already halfway in love with you. I guess I was shocked when I learned you were in love with someone so deeply you cried stars for them. Heartbroken really. It's why I was such a dick to you.  Then we kissed and it hurt because I thought you were in love with someone else, and I was your attempt at moving on but then I learned it was me you were in love with I felt..." Regulus smiled softly to himself as he spoke. James thought he looked beautiful but the smile didn't last.

"I felt complete. you actually loved me back. Then I realised this was my fault" Regulus gestured to James. "You going blind was my fault and I thought maybe if I just told you I could never love you it would, I don't know, fix something. My family would never support and-"

"You love me?" James interrupted. Regulus finally looked at James. He could see tears forming in the younger eyes as he answered.

"I've been in love with you still the first year James" He whispered. That was all it took for James to lean down and kiss him. Regulus didn't hesitate this time. James heard a faint crash as Regulus wrapped his arm around James but he didn't care. The boy he was in love with, the boy he cried an entire universe for loved him back. Time slowed down as their lips touched but it was quickly stopped when James felt his head explode with pain. He pulled away from Regulus with a cry and grabbed his head. He heard a distant voice call for him but he was in too much pain to comprehend what was said. It felt like someone had dropped a brick on his head. He could hear the blood running in his ears and everything went dark for a moment.

As quickly as it started it stopped, and the pain disappeared. James groaned softly and he could finally hear Regulus concerned pleas.

"I'm fine just- Just a headache" James whispered to him. He moved his hands off his head and opened his eyes to look at Regulus but he froze.

It was back.

All of his colours were back.

James laughed in shock. He could see everything again. The blue sky outside the corridor window. The green on the paintings. His red Converse. Everything was back for him.

"James?" Regulus muttered, reaching out to grab his arm. James looked at him with excitement. He could finally see all his colours again. His eyes met Regulus' and his heart broke.

The one colour he fell in love with. The eyes he fell in love with. They were still grey.

"No-" James muttered, cupping Regulus' face and looking deeply into his eyes. Regulus looked at him concerned.

"What's wrong?" Regulus asked him. James shook his head softly.

"All of it's back Reggie" He whispered softly. "My colours, they came back because of you" Regulus grinned at him and leaned in for a small kiss. James smiled softly at him. Regulus didn’t need to know the truth. Right now Regulus loved James and that’s all he needed.

But as James looked into Regulus’ eyes and watched the grey stare back at him, he can’t help but feel heartbroken that he will never see the one colour he fell in love again.

He will never feel, or see the eyes he fell in love with loom back at him with the same love.

But he had Regulus and that was enough.