The first time James Potter realized he was struggling with something more than just “pride” about Sirius dating someone, it was in the middle of their seventh-year Quidditch practice. They were at the pitch, the wind cutting through the air as James zoomed through the sky on his broom. His broom was moving fast, but his thoughts were racing even faster.
He had been trying to avoid thinking about it. Really, he had. He and Sirius had always been... well, Sirius and James. They’d always shared an easy camaraderie, filled with pranks, jokes, late-night talks, and the occasional mildly inappropriate flirting. But this was different. And James couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it.
Sirius had started casually dating a boy—a fellow seventh-year from Ravenclaw named Oliver Wren, whose eyes were bright and whose laugh was high-pitched in that infuriatingly charming way. At first, James had thought it was a passing thing. After all, Sirius was Sirius. He liked people—he wasn’t the type to settle down. But it hadn’t been casual for Sirius. The more James saw him with Oliver, the more... well, unsettled he felt.
They had walked through the halls together, Oliver with his hand resting just barely on Sirius’s back as they made their way toward the Great Hall for dinner. Sirius was laughing, his voice rich and easy, and Oliver was looking up at him with such adoration that James could feel his chest tighten.
James shook himself out of the memory, focusing on his broomstick again. He could still see it in his mind—the way Oliver had tilted his head back to kiss Sirius on the cheek, right in front of the entire Gryffindor table.
Sirius hadn’t seemed to notice, or at least, he hadn’t cared that James had been staring at them like a bloody stalker.
James leaned forward on his broom, gripping the handle tightly, his teeth gritted. “Focus, Potter. Focus,” he muttered under his breath, but it didn’t help. Every time he saw Sirius with Oliver, something deep in his chest would twist, like a knot pulling tighter and tighter, until he thought he might burst.
The strangest thing, though, was that he didn’t even know why it bothered him. Why does it hurt? he thought to himself.
It wasn’t like he was... jealous, right?
That night, after dinner, James made his way to the Gryffindor common room, his heart heavy with the strange, tight feeling that had followed him all day. He kept trying to work through it, trying to figure out why, exactly, it bothered him so much that Sirius was dating someone. He even tried to tell himself that he had no right to feel upset, that he wasn’t possessive, that he had no claim on Sirius. After all, they were best mates. They’d always been best mates.
When James entered the common room, he found Sirius lounging on one of the armchairs, a book half-open in his lap. But the moment James stepped into the room, Sirius’s eyes lit up.
“Oi, Prongs!” he called with that familiar grin. “You look like you’ve been wrestling with a Hungarian Horntail. Rough day?”
James forced a smile, trying to ignore the flurry of emotions swirling inside him. “Something like that,” he muttered.
“Quidditch troubles, I bet,” Sirius said casually, looking down at his book, flipping through the pages without actually reading. “You’re obsessed, mate. Honestly, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you wanted to marry your broomstick.”
“Right,” James replied, forcing a laugh. He wasn’t quite sure what to say next, so he took a deep breath and plopped down on the couch opposite Sirius. “So, uh, how’s it going with... uh, Oliver?”
Sirius’s eyes flicked up, and James immediately regretted asking. He saw the way Sirius’s grin softened, his expression becoming something quieter, something more genuine. “It’s good, Prongs,” Sirius said, his voice softening. “Really good, actually. He’s... nice. And funny. And smart.”
James clenched his jaw, trying to focus on the fire crackling in the hearth rather than the sharp sting of jealousy piercing through him. “That’s great,” he forced out. “I’m glad you’re happy.”
Sirius nodded, seeming to miss the tension in James’s voice. “Yeah, I am.” Then he leaned forward, raising an eyebrow with that trademark Sirius Black smirk. “Why? You feeling funny about it? You look like you’re about to burst into flames.”
James’s breath caught in his throat. “What? No! Of course not,” he said quickly, sitting up straighter. “I’m— I’m just... fine, Sirius. Really.”
Sirius stared at him for a moment longer, and for a brief, horrible moment, James wondered if he was going to say something about his obvious discomfort. But Sirius just sighed, clearly sensing James’s struggle.
“Alright, mate,” Sirius said, leaning back and raising his hands in mock surrender. “I get it. This is one of those ‘Prongs is all broody and dramatic’ moments, isn’t it?”
James felt his face heat up in frustration. “I’m not broody!” he protested, even though, honestly, he could feel himself slipping into one of those moods where it was hard to think straight. “I’m... just figuring stuff out.”
Sirius’s eyes flickered with amusement, and he smirked. “What are you figuring out, exactly?”
James’s mouth went dry. “I don’t know!” he said, raising his voice a little too sharply. His face flushed again, but this time it was a deep, mortified crimson. “Oh, Merlin. I... I think I need help,” he said in a voice full of panic. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I think I have, like... internalized homophobia or something.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“I don’t know, it’s just... why else would I feel like this? Like... like I’m losing you to someone else? It’s like everything is crumbling down, and I don’t know why I feel like this, okay?!” James felt like he was rambling. He was panicking. He was losing his mind. “Am I homophobic?”
Sirius’s expression shifted instantly from amusement to concern. “What are you on about, Prongs? Homophobic? You?”
James could feel his heart pounding in his ears now, the panic setting in. “I don’t know! Maybe I am! Maybe I’ve got some deep-rooted issues or something, I don’t know!” His hands clenched in his lap, his legs shaking slightly. “I mean, I don’t even know why it bothers me. I should be happy for you, right? You’ve found someone—someone who makes you happy—and I should be fine with that! But instead, I feel like... like I’m losing you. And I don’t know why I feel like this!”
Sirius stood up quickly, his face softening in a way James hadn’t expected. “Oh, Prongs,” he said gently. “You’re not losing me. You’ve never been in danger of losing me.” He hesitated, as though trying to find the right words. “Look, I know this is confusing, but you don’t need to worry about that.”
“I’m not worried,” James blurted out, his voice cracking a little. “I’m just... confused. I mean, is it just that I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this? Why does it hurt when I see you with someone else? What’s wrong with me?”
Sirius looked at him for a long moment, his eyes serious now. “James... maybe it’s not about Oliver. Maybe it’s about you.”
James blinked. “What?”
“Maybe you’re not worried about me dating Oliver,” Sirius said quietly. “Maybe you’re worried that you don’t want me to be dating anyone. Maybe you’re upset because you don’t want anyone else to have me.”
James felt like someone had just knocked the breath out of him. For a moment, he couldn’t speak. He just stared at Sirius, whose gaze was steady, unflinching.
“You mean...” James began, his voice barely above a whisper. “You mean I’m... I’m jealous?”
Sirius grinned, a little teasingly. “Welcome to the club, Prongs.”
James’s heart raced as he finally allowed himself to process it. The jealousy, the confusion, the tightness in his chest—it wasn’t about some misguided sense of homophobia. It wasn’t about Oliver. It was about Sirius. It had always been about Sirius.
“I—” James started, but words failed him. “I’m in love with you, aren’t I?”
Sirius’s smile softened, and his eyes were full of affection. “Yeah. You are.”
James’s head spun. “I... I don’t know how to deal with this,” he admitted, feeling like he was admitting something big. “I’ve been hiding it for so long, and now it’s all just... spilling out. I didn’t even realize it.”
Sirius stepped forward, putting a hand on James’s shoulder. “James, you’ve always been in love with me. You just didn’t realize it yet.”
James let out a shaky breath, his heart thundering in his chest. “So... what do we do now?”
Sirius just smiled. “Well, first, you stop freaking out. Then you kiss me, because clearly, you’ve been wanting to do that for years.”
And without waiting for a response, Sirius leaned forward, cupping James’s face in his hands and pressing his lips to his in a kiss that was full of everything James had been too scared to admit.
When they finally pulled away, James was breathless, and Sirius’s eyes sparkled with mischief.
“Told you so,” Sirius said, smirking.
James, still trying to process everything, simply grinned back. “Yeah, yeah. I get it now.”
And for the first time in a long time, James Potter realized that the thing he had been missing wasn’t just clarity—it was Sirius Black, and he was never going to let go.
____________________________
The next day, James found himself trying to navigate the Hogwarts corridors with the weight of his newfound feelings for Sirius pressing on his chest like an elephant. He wasn’t sure how to act, or what to say. All he knew was that his entire world had shifted the moment he realized that he’d been in love with his best friend—his best friend—for years.
It wasn’t exactly the way he’d imagined things would go, but at least Sirius seemed to be on the same page now. He was even giving James that cocky grin that made his heart flutter in ways James really didn’t feel prepared for.
But as he rounded the corner into the Gryffindor common room, he was greeted by an unwelcome sight: Remus and Peter were sitting by the fire, clearly in the middle of an impromptu conversation, but the moment James entered, they both looked up at him with an all-too-knowing smile.
James stopped dead in his tracks, narrowing his eyes at them. “What?”
Peter’s lips twitched in a way that made James suspicious. Remus, ever the observant one, didn’t even bother trying to hide the amused glint in his eyes.
“James,” Remus began, as though he were speaking to a very slow child, “you know, if you’d paid any attention to us over the past, oh, three years, we might have saved you some trouble.”
Peter snickered. “Yeah, mate. Honestly, you’re a real piece of work. It took you this long to figure it out?”
James blinked, suddenly feeling defensive. “What are you on about? I know now, alright? And it’s not like I’ve been blind or anything!”
Remus raised an eyebrow. “You’ve literally been walking around like a deer caught in headlights every time Sirius so much as sneezes near you. You know, you might’ve been able to avoid all of this if you’d just paid attention to how much you were glaring at Oliver.”
James flinched. “I wasn’t glaring!” He blurted out a little too quickly. “I wasn’t, alright? I just... didn’t like the way he was leaning on Sirius like that.”
Peter's eyes lit up in delight. “Mate, you were staring at them like a hawk. You were practically burning holes through the back of Oliver’s head.”
James opened his mouth to protest, but Remus cut him off with a knowing smile.
“It’s alright, Prongs,” Remus said in a calm, almost pitying tone. “We all knew. Everyone knew, really. Except you, apparently.”
James sank into a chair with a groan. “I... I’m not an idiot,” he muttered, trying to defend himself. “I just—just didn’t realize it, alright?”
Peter shook his head in mock disbelief. “And you thought you were homophobic? What, you think you’ve suddenly developed an irrational fear of yourself?”
James glared at him, crossing his arms defensively. “I wasn’t afraid of myself, Pete! I was just—” He trailed off, realizing how ridiculous it all sounded. “Okay, yeah, I was worried that I... I don’t know, I had issues.”
Remus snorted and leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, your issue was not realizing you were head over heels for the bloke you’ve been in love with since third year.”
James let out a groan, his face flushing a deep crimson. “Don’t you dare—”
“Oh, we dare,” Remus cut him off, grinning like a cat who’d just stolen a canary. “Honestly, James, I’m amazed it took you this long. You’re about as subtle as a Crup in a teacup. It was so obvious to everyone else that you were in love with Sirius, I was starting to wonder if you were just messing with us.”
Peter chuckled and leaned in. “And you thought it was homophobia, huh? No, no, mate. You were just jealous. Classic case of ‘I don’t want him, but I don’t want anyone else to have him either.’”
James groaned again, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t believe I thought I was homophobic. That’s... that’s so dumb!”
Remus leaned forward, giving him a sympathetic but amused look. “James, you’ve always been a little slow when it comes to your feelings. You did need us to spell out the whole 'Sirius is in love with you' thing back in fifth year, remember?”
James’s eyes shot open. “Wait... what?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly. “You knew back then?”
Remus shot him an exasperated look. “For ages, mate. I had to sit through your incredibly subtle pining for Sirius for two years. It was painful. You two are like two blooming idiots in love, and neither of you knew it.”
Peter burst into laughter, almost choking on the biscuit he had been nibbling. “You two were like those old married couples who don’t realize they’re in love until someone hits them over the head with a frying pan!”
James groaned and threw himself back against the chair. “I can’t believe this. I’ve been an absolute mess this whole time and everyone knew, except me!”
Remus patted him on the back with mock sympathy. “Don’t worry, mate. It’s a common thing for people to be completely oblivious to their feelings. But I’ll tell you, you’re not the first person in Hogwarts to need a little help in the ‘coming out of denial’ department.”
Peter leaned over and whispered conspiratorially, “Honestly, James, I half expected you to show up at breakfast one day wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I love Sirius Black’ on it, just to make it clearer to everyone.”
James stared at him, stunned. “You think I’m that obvious?”
“Oh, definitely,” Remus said, laughing now. “Just, next time, maybe save yourself the drama and, I don’t know, talk to Sirius about it sooner. You know, like a normal person.”
James shot them both a glare, though it wasn’t nearly as fierce as it would have been a few hours ago. Now that he’d realized what was going on, it seemed more embarrassing than anything else. “Alright, alright, I get it. I’m an idiot. You’ve made your point.”
Peter grinned. “Finally!”
Remus, still smiling, stood up and stretched. “You’ll get there, mate. But next time, if you want to keep us from making fun of you too much, try figuring it out before we have to hold an intervention.”
James put his head in his hands and groaned again. “Why didn’t someone just tell me?” he asked, half-mumbling.
Peter shrugged. “You’re the only one who didn’t get it. The rest of us were just sitting back and enjoying the show.”
As the two of them walked off, laughing to themselves, James stared after them, shaking his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe how clueless he'd been, or how badly he'd misread his own feelings. But now that it was out in the open—now that he was finally ready to admit what he'd been too terrified to even acknowledge—he felt... lighter, in a way. Almost free.
“Well,” James muttered to himself, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips, “at least I know for sure now.”
The next morning, James found Sirius in the courtyard, looking up at the sky and absently kicking a stone with the toe of his boot. Without a word, James walked up to him, stood in front of him, and kissed him—hard and fast, like a promise.
Sirius froze for a split second before breaking into a grin that was so wide it nearly split his face in two. “About time, Prongs.”
“Shut up,” James muttered, but he couldn’t hide the grin on his own face. Finally, things were right where they should be.
As they pulled away, James grinned. “You’re going to love hearing what Remus and Peter said.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Oh, this ought to be good.”
James chuckled, and for the first time in forever, he felt completely at peace with everything—his heart, his best mate, and himself.