Remus Lupin - Wednesday 1st September, 1993
I had initially purchased this book as a celebratory gift to myself on the day of my graduation, along with my classmates. Since then, I remembered losing it, finding it again, but never starting to write in it. The first page on the left here has some mud and inky blotches. A faint memory had appeared in my mind when I saw it - I had tripped, my hastily-swung-bag going down with me, crashing on a hidden rock within some long grass on some hilly terrain. A spare ink bottle and the journal I had consistently held onto had taken the brunt of the impact. However, dousing myself in memories isn’t exactly my intention right now. I had found this small journal in a hidden pocket of my hidden pocket of a pocket in my suitcase (having an undetectable extension charm) while packing to go back to my school which I had attended over a decade ago. I was rather shocked when I charmed everything out, as over the decade jumping around different living locations and workplaces, my items had always been limited due to my… circumstances.
As I sit by a warm fireplace now in the comfortable lodgings of Hogwarts, it gives me a sense of nostalgia of years gone by. Today, I finally saw Harry Potter again. The sudden dementor appearance that happened in the train today was a rather awful surprise to the students’ usually exciting trip back to Hogwarts. At the time, I had been peacefully dozing, I believe, with my bag tucked on top of the storage rack and an unknown three students in the cabin. It was only when the bone deep chill racked through my body- and the plain feeling of fear. As someone who had one too many encounters with dementors, the moment I had opened my eyes in the frosted cabin, I shot out the patronus charm from the tip of my wand. In my mind was my happiest memory, one that came easily after many years of usage. A white light, warm and bright- made the hooded horror cower and flee. Harry had fainted very quickly- no doubt experiencing the worst of memories in the moment. Luckily, nothing else happened after the incident- only some bothersome classmates of Harry’s (Lucius’ son, I found out) seemed to find it amusing that others had been affected by the fearsome dementor.
It wouldn’t be surprising to me if Harry was having nightmares haunting his mind at this very hour. The poor boy probably had enough stress from the fresh news of Sirius Black’s escape.
Sirius.. the man’s name stirs great unrest in me, just to think of him as a traitor. In the war, he had suspected- nevermind. Our group was close, but Sirius was the closest of friends with James. To think me and him, closer than brothers, would part from one another so abruptly. To put it simply After all these years, there is just something telling me this isn't the full story. It didn’t make sense. I worry for Harry, as I doubt the ‘truth’ yet I am not certain what the truth really is. He is so heavily affected by the dementors, and at such a young age has experienced what many witches and wizards have not experienced in a lifetime. Does he know the full truth of Sirius Black? Of what he did? I wish I could protect Harry. Perhaps Harry is a driver in my life, a hope of mine to see him flourish and grow as a wizard- to see his kind personality like Lily and James had.
If I have to be honest, I am still extremely worried about my monthly transformations. Being here at Hogwarts already lightened my mood in general and I know I will be calm and still in the night of the full moon, thanks to my promised unlimited supply of wolfsbane potion, courtesy of Severus Snape. He is the potions teacher of Hogwarts, and a certainly skilled one at that. Our relationship has never been positive on any scale, but I will soon be indebted to him, for making the difficult potion and for keeping my secret. I know that on some terms there are long-past failures and regrets from me to him, but I hope we can be sensible, from a former classmate to former classmate- now a colleague to a colleague.
I have heard bits and pieces of information about Voldemort in the last few years. Dumbledore believes he is coming back, slowly regaining his followers, rising back to power. I am still a loyal member of the Order of the Phoenix, and will make sure to stand strong against our enemy when the time comes. I will hold my first lesson at Hogwarts tomorrow, and for this I will need a good rest first. The room has a lovely fireplace. To be here once more, with a cosy couch sitting in front of a brick fireplace, crackling and burning with warmth gives me a certain feeling of comfort and belonging. With all this skepticism, I do wish for a good year (keep updating, Remus!).
Thursday, 9 September
Today, I taught my first lesson with the third-year gryffindors and slytherins. Nothing too eventful happened, but I believe my class was enjoyed by the students. Professor Snape’s treatment of Neville Longbottom was quite awful, especially as he seemed to have done nothing wrong. In fact, his biggest fear was of the exact dark-robed professor. Luckily, this easy spell could be performed even with hesitation. The image of Severus Snape in a long, lace-trimmed dress and a towering hat topped with a moth-eaten culture, swinging a huge crimson handbag was a sight to behold as they roared with laughter.
I had stepped forward to stop the class when Harry was supposed to have his turn- I was worried of what it might have taken the shape of: Lord Voldemort. I didn't think it would be a good idea for Voldemort to materialise in the staff room; I imagined people would panic. Other than that, I hope nobody would recognise what the boggart had turned into, when it saw me.
Sunday, 7 November
Writing this entry now is rather a big jump, but nothing particularly eventful happened- that is, until something very significant happened just recently. I had just been waiting for my monthly transformation, which happened last week. Again, I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape; there aren’t many wizards who are up to making the Wolfsbane Potion. It always has a disgusting taste and odour (not complaining though, certainly better with it than without!). The potion allows me to retain my human mind during the transformation, a mercy that makes the whole ordeal slightly more bearable.
I also cleared things up with Harry. His mind seemed to have been stuck on our first lesson where I prevented him from fighting the boggart, but I told him that the true reason was simply that I believed his greatest fear was Voldemort. Clearly, I was wrong. He looked surprised when I told him I was impressed while we discussed the topic over warm tea. Harry’s new greatest fear was a dementor- suggesting what he feared most of all is fear itself. Very wise, I mentioned.
Just that night, I heard Sirius Black had broken into Hogwarts. Naturally, I was rather shaken by the news. Apparently a ghastly crime scene had been at the entrance of the Gryffindor common room, with violent slashes through the painting of the fat lady. I’m worried, awfully so. What was the purpose of his ‘visit’ to Hogwarts? Why here, and why now?
After the rough few days, I’m ready to be back teaching. Tomorrow I will have my students back- let’s hope Severus didn’t push them too hard.
Friday 7 January, 1994
After my promise of teaching Harry how to defend oneself from Dementors after a lesson before the Christmas holidays, we finally had our first session. I found a boggart in Mr Filch's filing cabinet, which would be the perfect substitute for an actual dementor. A few chocolate frog packages were kept in my coat pockets, along with a generous portion of Honeydukes’ best chocolate. The simple incantation ‘Expecto Patronum’ was a difficult spell to execute, as I had clarified to Harry beforehand. This was highly advanced magic- well beyond Ordinary Wizarding Level.
We tried the Patronus charm three times- two of which he had passed out in cold sweat. He said their screams kept getting louder and louder every time he tried- Lily and James’ screams. I sent him off later with the comically large chocolate bar from Honeydukes.
Sunday 12 June
I suppose this is my last entry I will make during my teaching career for the rest of my life. I resigned this week after the multitude of events that transpired. Needless to say, I am still pleased with this outcome. After everything- the doubt, hatred or denial, Sirius was back with us. He was innocent. That one fact meant the world to me, even if the rest of wizarding society knew none of it. Harry had got his godfather back, and I got a dear old friend.
I think my resignation was inevitable. I really was just biding my time, after all- some old and bitter connections are too deeply filled with resentment to be fixed, even with a few decades past. Still, I enjoyed my time teaching the students- and hope Hogwarts can find a decent Defence against the Dark Arts teacher next year.
(I gave back the marauders map to harry. I’m sure he’ll make great use of it).