Chapter 4
Sirius: Parents were back at 2. Had lots of fun. Want to do something today?
James squints at his phone. Jesus. He cant do all that again. Besides, he felt awful. His head was pounding and his stomach was aching. He wanted to stay in bed all day and luckily Sundays were his day off. Remus was still going to nag him today no doubt, but he could lie in bed for as long as possible.
James: Hungover. Dying. Can’t move.
Sirius: Where is your abode. Can I come. Parents off to church for Mass.
James: Holy. I’m a mess and want to stay in bed.
Sirius: Please!
James. Outhouse, just outside the gardens.
He downs 5 glasses of water before getting back into bed when the door opens and closes, Sirius walks in and just gets in bed with him.
Christ. He did not have boundaries.
He was strangely adaptable to new people, but it didn’t feel weird at all, strangely it was familiar.
”I had so much fun. Thank you.”
James smiles and weakly passes him the glass of water. “My pleasure.”
Sirius drinks it and looks around his room. It’s plain. A few polaroids dotted around but other than that its pretty impersonal.
”Regulus wouldn’t come.”
”Not surprising.”
”He said you weren’t like other men.”
James raises his eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
”He said you were different, that’s all.”
Different? A bad different. Drunk him wasn’t really a good choice but he appreciated the compliment, if it was one that is.
They talk about the night and laugh, Sirius makes tea and they eat biscuits and discuss more about their lives. It was nice. He hasn’t had a friend who hasn’t known him his whole life. It made him feel young. Like he could be anything to him.
”I like you James.”
It was utterly platonic. He absolutely liked him too. He liked him a lot, after one day of knowing him it felt like it had been longer.
”I like you too.”
Sirius smiles. He’s much more proper looking than he was last night. He cleans up well and James suspects he’s a great liar.
”Now, tell me about that gorgeous moody man from last night.”
James laughs. Ah Remus. “That was Remus, he’s a caretaker, well he sort of does a bit of everything. He’s my best friend.”
”And why is he so gorgeous?”
”Genetics I suppose,” James laughs. “You fancy him?”
He didn’t blame him. Remus was attractive. And if Sirius fancied him then he’d happily talk to him about it. Romance was wasted in this place. No one but Lily got any sort of action. It was all just work, they’d known each other too long for it to be anything else.
”I’d climb him like a tree.”
”I’m not sure you’re his type. He’s a left wing lover.”
Sirius grins. “I’ll get him, I dont know how yet but I will.”
And truly, James believed him. Remus was stubborn, sometimes moody but never boring. If he found himself in a situation like that, he’d probably just do it to prove to himself that he could.
They spent hours in bed talking, before making their way inside for some actual food.
“Remus!” James calls when he see’s him spying on them through the kitchen.
Eavesdropper.
He comes over and pretends to not care about Sirius sat there, staring at him adoringly. “What?”
”I was just telling Sirius about you.”
Remus grits his teeth.
”Yes. I’d love to hear about your experience in veganism.”
Remus looks at James and it’s hilarious. He’s too polite to refuse. So he sits down and James gets up, disappearing as he brashly begins to talk to Sirius who absolutely loves it.
He does some actual work whilst they talk, invoices and checking payments. All is okay. Nothing is broken, but his mind finds itself to Regulus. He’s alone in the room. Maybe he should say something. Maybe he’d hate that though?
It doesn’t matter.
No it does.
He should thank him. That sounds good. He makes a tonic water and lime and walks to his room. Bracing himself for another door in the face.
Regulus answers and looks just as surprised as James is to be there.
“Yes?”
”I bought you a soda water.”
He pulls a face of disgust. “Why?”
”To say thank you.”
”Why?”
”For getting me back safe.” James replies awkwardly giving it to him.
Regulus looks at the glass and then back up at him, he goes to say something but changes his mind, just looking up at him in confusion.
He was still gorgeous today.
It wasn’t the alcohol. He really was just beautiful. It was actually awful that James had noticed. Now he wont be able to stop thinking about it.
“Do you want to hang out?” He asks before he can even think about what he just asked.
”Why?”
James shrugs. “Sirius is talking to my friend and probably will be for a while, maybe we could like go on a walk or something. I know you’ve been inside all day.”
Regulus knits his brows. Like this was some sort of joke. But it really wasn’t. Even though, yes, he’s beautiful. He probably needed the company.
”Okay.” He eventually says. “Let me get my coat.”
Whilst he does that James gets his, he doesn’t really think about what they should talk about, or what they would actually even have in common. He was being a good host, if anything.
But he can’t help but to get to know him more, he was quiet but Sirius is not, there had to be something in him that was a good entryway to getting to know him.
Regulus meets him out front, he has a stupidly expensive winter coat on, it’s black and has a fur hood, its kind of silly, but he suits it.
James walks them to the forest nearby, the snow is heavy but not windy, making it comfortable enough to walk in. Just thick grey skies and crunch snow below their feet.
”So, what tell me about you?” James asks.
Regulus looks over at him, he’s awkwardly far away as they walk, perhaps feeling just an uncomfortable as James.
”I’m really not as interesting as Sirius.”
It made him sad the way he said it.
”Tell me anyway.” James insists.
”Well,” He looks away, “I guess I’m an academic above all. I really like to read, I like Nietzsche, and Homer… I really love Homer.”
”Homer Simpson?”
Regulus snorts a laugh. “No you utter idiot. Homer the writer, you know the Iliad?”
”Ah, the greeks and that?” James grins. He loved that laugh.
“Yes exactly.”
”Cool, I don’t read much.”
”Why not?” Regulus says as if it’s utterly incomprehensible.
“I’m not really clever.” James admits, looking at him sincerely.
“You don’t have to be clever to read. You get clever by reading. You should read.”
It wasn’t a harsh voice, it was actually really sincere. It was awhile since anyone had spoken to him like that. Probably since school.
”Any suggestions?”
Regulus smiles and nods. God. This was truly a bad bad idea. He’s actually painfully gorgeous. “Start with something like Charles Dickens, he’s accessible for all ages and his stories are very interesting.”
”I will.” And he means it. He will go and read one of these books, page by page just to feel a sense of accomplishment and maybe that was something they could then talk about.
“Why do you work there?” Regulus suddenly says after a few minutes of silence. “You’re young and you work a job that is for an old person.”
He was right. And he was a bit offended but he didn’t understand, how could he? He obviously has a life of privilege, no doubt he has never had a job either.
”My parents asked me to, before they died.”
Regulus nods and then shrugs. “You feel like you owe it to them?”
”I do owe it to them.”
”Why?”
He seemed to ask why a lot.
”Because I love them. They sacrificed everything to make sure that place stayed open and successful… My dad was so proud of it. And truthfully, I kind of enjoy it.”
Regulus stops and James stops with him.
”You’re different.”
James looks at him and searches into his eyes for something honest. He didn’t know why this whole conversation felt so intense and intimate.
”Bad?”
”No.” Is all Regulus says, with a shake of his head before walking again.
They walk too far. The forest is crowded and the snow is heavier than earlier, its blankets of white everywhere and James hates to admit but he’s a bit lost.
“We should go back.”
Regulus looks back at him and nods. “Okay.”
”But,” James looks around. “Truthfully I can’t remember which way we came.”
”Great.”
”Yeah.”
They both stand dumbly, looking around. Everything looks the same, the path which is usually clear is now covered in snow and the cold is just as bad as the other day. He worries about Regulus, who’s probably used to central heating.
”Well, that tree looks familiar!” James suddenly says, walking towards it. He didn’t actually think so, but walking anyway further would eventually get them somewhere.
“Right okay.”
They follow it through and he’s definitely wrong. But he’s eager to keep talking even if they end up dead in this freezing weather. He liked the way he spoke, and quiet people don’t actually want to be quiet, they always have a reason.
”Do you have any friends?”
Regulus laughs through his nose. “Yes, a few.”
”What are they like?”
”Strange.”
James grins at him. “What sort of strange.”
”Well my friend Pandora is a witch.”
“No way!”
Regulus nods seriously. “She practises witchcraft and to be honest. Some things she does I cant explain.”
It mesmerises James, who as much as this sounds like a bunch of crap, coming from his mouth it was pure truth.
”She’s beautiful.” He ends with.
Something twists inside of James. Ah. She was that sort of friend.
”You’re a couple?”
Regulus stops and looks at him, confusion creeping across his face. “You are actually stupid.”
”What?” James says quickly,” How?”
”I’m gay… whatever the stupid word is where men fancy men.”
It makes him shut up. Not because he’s surprised, he’s not. It fills him with relief. A sick twisted selfish relief.
”Cool.”
”It’s not cool it’s a pain in the arse,” Regulus pauses, his face slowly turning red. “No pun intended.”
And that really makes James laugh, and Regulus laughs too. And god was this impossible now. He fancied him. He hasn’t fancied someone since Lily in year 2. And this was so much worse. He’s a guest James! Get yourself under control.
”You’re funny.”
Regulus punches his arm, it was a surprising gesture coming from him. “Shut up.”
”Okay.” He smiles.
They walk until they reach a road, it wasn’t far from the B&B but probably another 30 minutes.
“Look familiar?” Regulus asks.
”Yes, we’re on the right track.”
Whilst they walk James cant help but admire him, he’s accepted defeat. This boy is gorgeous. This boy finds me stupid. This boy is leaving in 4 days. He has to get to know him more. Even if it is only short.
“Tell me more,” James urges. “Tell me something no one knows.”
Regulus looks over at him, curiously raising a brow. “Why?”
”I like secrets, and besides I’ll tell you one of mine.”
”Okay,” He stops walking and looks at him seriously. “I made love with my teacher in university.”
James’ eyes widen. Shocker! Now this was scandalous, his secret was boring and now he’s even more shocked that someone like him would ever do that.
”No way.”
Regulus nods. “He was only 28 it was last summer… Only once, I don’t know why I did it, truthfully he wasn’t really good looking. He was just-“
”Just there.” James whispers.
He understood immediately. And he knew that feeling. When you’re so empty and theres someone just there and suddenly you’re doing something so personal but it feels so impersonal. Its a mess but he gets it and he doesn’t judge him. Not one bit. Not at all.
”Yes, exactly.”
James nods and quickly gets back to his own secret. “Okay, heres mine… Just before my mum and dad died, I was going out quite a lot, to the pub and stuff. And I was once so drunk, I went to lake and skinny dipped, but unfortunately I was so drunk I misplaced my clothes and had to run back naked.”
It was boring compared to his, but it made Regulus laugh hard. He had such a great laugh. He wanted to listen to it all day long.
”No way.”
”Yes way, all 40 minutes. It was summer, luckily. I’m sure someone saw me but I’ll never know.”
Just as they were laughing James got a text.
Sirius: Remus is mine. Where are you?
James: On a walk. How is it going?
Sirius: He’s showing me the garden. I want to show him my secret garden ;)
James laughs and shows Regulus who scoffs. “He has no shame.”
”It’s inspiring.”
”Hardly. He has this stupid habit of getting his claws into poor men who then don’t know what to do with him.”
James grins. “Remus can handle himself. Besides it’s romantic… its christmas after all.” He reminds him.
Regulus shrugs. “I guess.”
They get back too fast and James is disappointed. He wants to know more and more and more until he’s drowning in him.
But as they’re back Regulus says he should go back to his room.
”Can I have your number?” James quickly asks. “Just to make sure you’re okay.”
Regulus looks surprised, James is surprised too. He’s being very confident and not at all professional.
“Okay.”
So he gives it to him and he disappears up to his room. James heads back to his and stares at his number and desperately tries to not text him.