ambivalence

Sirius looked up at his mother that woman. His thoughts seemed marginally clearer now. Maybe solitude was part of the torture that came with Askaban?

“What do you want?” He said simply, leaning back against the wall, still looking at her, periodically looking at the man who came with her. He was standing by the door, staying quiet.

“Did you not hear me before?” That woman asked, cocking her head to the side in that patronising way that he remembered oh so well.

“Why do you care?” He spat, now suddenly vicious, snarling so much like his other part. “Why do you care what happens to me? I’m a blood traitor, aren’t I? I’m a disappointment. You don’t care. So what do you get out of this? A chance to humiliate me? Torture me? You got plenty of that when w- I was a kid.” He continued to glare up at that woman, his lip still curled. The one who he had hated for the longest time. The one who he had given up trying to please, trying to make love him before he had even gotten his letter.

She crouched down again and looked him in the eye. So she was lowering herself down to him now? She was above him? What a joke.

“Sirius. I know you do not have kind feelings for me,” She started but before she could get any farther he just snorted. That was the understatement of the century. “I know you must hate me,” She corrected herself now? “And I can give no excuse for my actions but no matter how we feel about each other, we are family.” He snorted again at this, only slightly quieter, but she continued, “And more importantly, you are my son. I know you. Even if I have not seen or heard from you in years, I know you. I know how your mind works. I know you would throw a fit at the mention of the word mudblood. I’ve seen it happen. I know how deeply you cared for your…friends, which is how I know that you would, could, never commit any of the crimes that you have been accused of. Especially being the right hand to the dark lord. Preposterous.”

He sat there staring at her. His head was swarming with every thought and yet none important enough to break through the hum of the others.

“But why?” His voice cracked as he said this. All his strength was gone. Evaporated along with his earlier anger. Now all he was was tired. “Just why?”

“Because you are my son.” She said again, as if that explained all. “Now, this is Aurelius Burke. He is the man I’ve hired to be your lawyer” The man who was standing at the entrance stepped forward and offered a curt greeting. Was she actually serious? This had to be some joke, some final was to say she was right in some way? She couldn’t actually be planing to help him? She agreed with him! Allined herself with him! Even if she was there was still the question of why. She had to have another play here, another motive.

“We need you to tell us exactly what happened that night. Spare no detail. We need as much proof as possible.”

He looked at her again. She looked nervous. Angry too, though she was hiding it all fairly well. Was telling the truth? Should he take a leap? Trust her?

“The ministry is going to try its hardest to stop us.” She said suddenly, “They will never willingly admit they made a mistake. If it even is a mistake. Having you go free would have the public loose faith in them, make the whole issue of Voldemort seem, less complete. Unfinished. Make it seem like there’s a possibility that he could come back. You are, after all, apparently his right hand man. ” She almost laughed at that. “And a member of one of the oldest and most powerful houses, known for having dark cores. To free you we need overwhelming evidence. That starts with you telling us the truth.”

She stood in the centre of the room, her hands clasped firmly in front of her, unmoving. She stayed like that while he stayed leaning against the wall. Neither broke eye contact. Maybe she was telling the truth. Maybe she did want to help him. If she was lying then he’d deal with it later.

“The house, the one Lilly and James were in,” He started, his voice cracking again. He couldn’t cry. Not now. Not here. Not in front of her. “Down in Godric’s Hollow, it was protected by the fidelius charm. They originally asked me to be their secret keeper, but I told them to pick wo- Pettigrew instead. To throw people of the scent.” None of them had completely trusted each other, and tensions were high. He was going to be a decoy. The irony. He just hoped Mooney and Harry were ok.“I was included in the other wards, though, so that I would know if something went wrong. That’s how I knew that the wards had been broken. That how I knew-” He took some deep breaths. He couldn’t cry. “When I got there I chased him down. I wanted to bring him in. I wanted to kill him. To make him pay. Instead he cut off his finger and exploded the street, shouting it was me. He then jumped in a sewer and got away.” He let out a dry laugh. It was all his fault. If only he had done something different. Anything.

The lawyer, Burke, stepped forward, putting some parchment into his briefcase and pulling some out. Was he writing this all down? This wasn’t a fucking interview. He said just that but the lawyer just offered a weak smile and walked a little farther forward.

“My apologies, Heir Black,” He bowed at him? What was this pureblood bullshit? Did she have something to do with this? He glared at her but the lawyer guy kept talking. “But I prefer to have everything written down so that I don’t miss anything. If you don’t mind, I have a few questions.”

He stared at the lawyer, and he took it as a sign to continue.

“Who else was aware that Pettigrew was the secret keeper to the Potters?”

Sirius thought back. If he was going to do this he was going to do it right. He needed to get free, even if he didn’t deserve it, for Harry. Everything was blurry due the prison and its fucked up guards so it took a minute but eventually he got it.

“Me, Lilly, James and Dumbledore were the only ones. Dumbledore was the one to cast the spell.”

Both she and the lawyer looked at each other. Their faces wore grim expressions but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why.

While he tried to figure out their expressions he missed her looking over to the lawyer. He missed her shaking her head. And he missed the lawyer nodding, just once.

A loud scream from the direction of the door snapped him and them out of whatever thoughts were running though their heads. The door slowly opened and two guards came in. He could just about see some more figures around in the corridor outside. The ones who had come in were dressed in some form of combat robes, and blank faces. The taller one, with thick brown hair, stood back and let his slightly shorter, blond friend do the talking.

“Our apologies Lady Black but you and Mr Burke must take your leave now.” He had a stiff smile that seemed very out of place on an Askaban guard.

“And why must we?” Burke stepped forward. She stayed back, opposite him, but still turned towards the guards. She was watching them, though glaring might have been a more appropriate word.

“B- Mr Black is being transferred to the maximum security wing and unfortunately, it allows no visitors.”

What? Nononononononono. That place was even worse. It was at the very top of the prison, with even more dementors and rain and cold. How could-

“And is there a reason this could not wait until after our visit?” Burke seemed unimpressed for some reason. She walked forward a bit and stood between him and the guards.

“Stay calm,” She hissed, quietly. It was almost a whisper. He didn’t know that she knew how to do that. Was this her attempt and comfort? He didn’t know she had it in her.“Do what they say, we will find a way to free you.” With those final words to him she marched forward and took Burke’s arm. He’s missed whatever bullshit excuse the guards gave for moving him, but neither the lawyer nor her seemed happy about it.

“We will take our leave then gentlemen.” She stalked out of the cell, almost dragging Burke with her. Before he lost sight of them she turned around and nodded, just once. It was faint. No one would have noticed. Maybe he imagined it?

As the guards came forward, with their cold iron shackles, layered with charms and suppressants, rusted over, with jagged flaked of metal that dug into your skin Sirius thought. He thought about everything that had just happened. It took less than 30 minutes but so much had happened. She came and told him she wad going to free him. Why? Because she knows he’s innocent? And she apologised! Or got as close as she physically could it seemed.

As the guards dragged him down the increasingly cold and wet corridors he could ‘t stop thinking that something more was going on. Both that woman and the lawyer had a strange reaction when he had mentioned Dumbledore. What was with that? He could barley think. If she really was being serious (ha, he still had it) then she’d better hurry up.