I did it. I broke up with her. That still feels wrong to me though. I thought I would marry this girl. But here we are. I don’t know what I’ll do about school. We are both in the same friend group. They are sure to take sides as they always do. I fear for a moment that I’ll be left alone again. I erase that thought from my mind. I still have other friends if they chose her over me.
I sit in my bed. I don’t know what to do anymore. Normally I would call her ,but that’s no an option. I would call my best friend but it’s too late now. Her parents must have shut off her phone again. I’ve already relapsed and don’t really wanna do more damage.
There truly is nothing to do. I take that as a sign to get ready for bed. I have a test in my English class tomorrow so I need the sleep. I go through the motions of brushing my teeth, washing my face, and feeding my animals. I lay down to sleep ,but it’s all in vain. Somethings not right. I forgot something. I think I put all her stuff in my closet. I did that the second I sent the text. The thought of it makes me tear up again but I ignore it. It’s probably just anxiety. I lay in bed, wishing the sleep would come. It doesn’t.
It’s late in the night when I remember something. The key. Not even dating for a month, she gave me a key necklace saying, “for you, the key to my heart”.
Tears start streaming down my face as I remember I’m still wearing it. Over the months she gave me a ring to go with it, both on the same chain. I take it off and look at it one last time. They used to be a beautiful, bright silver color. They now sit, their color fading into a copper color. I’ve worn them for months now. There is a few of the gems missing on the key but I don’t care anymore. I break down sobbing realizing what I had done. We are over. Months of every day waking up to the knowledge that my love will be there. Be there to hug me and tell me I’m loved. All of that gone.
I realized that in the end we were distant. Didn’t hang out much. It wasn’t a great relationship overall: it just stressed us both out really. That doesn’t mean it hurts any less. I spend the next hour crying myself to sleep think of tomorrow. I wonder how it will go. I definitely won’t have the energy to deal with the bully’s. I guess I’ll have to get through that. I fall asleep now longing for someone to love.
Though, I know deep down, they will never come.