They’d really done it this time. James and Sirius were about to pull of the world’s best prank.
Somehow - James wasn’t sure of the finer details - Sirius had managed to steal Remus’ time turner without him noticing. So, step one was complete. Now all that was left to do was to figure out how it worked in the next 10 minutes before Remus was sure to notice its absence.
Aside from figuring out how to use the time turner, the plan was all set. James and Sirius would travel back 3 hours to before the DADA test and confound Snivellus. That should prevent him from pulling top of the class. Of course, that place should by all rights belong to Remus. And it would have done, if not for Snivellus spreading itching powder into their robes minutes before their last test, causing a distracted Remus to misremember the best ways to avoid and fight off inferi.
While the details of the plan were a recent development, the basic idea had been simmering for months. Ever since Remus was granted a time turner to use in order to catch up on the classes he missed on the days following the full moon, James and Sirius had been determined to use it for good. Now, a righteous cause had presented itself. And, even better, Remus would be the one directly benefiting from their prank. Of course, Remus would not be able to take part, he took the safety of his time turner very seriously. And Peter… well he simply didn’t have it in him to keep the plan a secret. So, here they were.
“Alright, it can’t be that difficult. Remus might be good with school but practical stuff like this? I’m sure we’ve got that covered," Sirius pronounced with all the gusto the world had to offer.
“Sure, mate,” James replied. “I mean, how bad can it be if we go back an extra hour or two? As long as we make it back here in 10 he won’t know the difference.”
“Ok, yeah lets just do it then, I reckon I can hear him getting out of the shower.”
With that, Sirius extended the chain to James which he slipped around his neck. James watched, as Sirius held the miniature hour glass in his fingers for a second before beginning to turn it. Once, twice… three times? Hang on, four, five, six. The time turner seemed to have sprung a mind of its own. It continued to spin out of control as both Sirius and James wrestled it into inertia. Finally, James was able to still frantically turning hourglass. He quickly pulled it from around their necks.
“When the hell are we?” James asked Sirius.
“I have no idea, mate,” Sirius replied. “I mean, we’re obviously in our dorm.” It was pretty clear that they were the only ones in the room. “I’m going to check Remus’ bed to see if I can find his diary, that should be able to tell me the time. And day.”
“Yeah , yeah, good thinking,” James wasn’t sure that he kept the nervous pitch out of his voice as well as he’d like to. He took to looking around the room for a further clue. Funny, they must have transported back over a week ago to when Remus made them do a deep clean. Everyone’s things were packed away so neatly next to their beds. Hang on, he didn’t remember Peter getting a Chudley Cannon’s poster…
“James,” Sirius’ voice had definitely risen. “When the hell are we? I can’t see any of Moony’s things anywhere.”
James runs over, narrowly avoiding ramming into Sirius as he slips on the edge of his invisibility cloak. What? Had they gone into the future and moved their beds around? “Sirius, I think this is my bed. Look, there’s my cloak, and my Mum’s trunk at the end of the bed.”
“Oh, wow ok. Silly me, I started to really freak out there for a second. We must have moved the room around. Maybe we went forward a bit instead of backward.” The relief in Sirius’ voice was palpable. “And look, you’ve even got a picture of yourself on your wall, you absolute muppet." Once again his voice had risen, but this time it was with the laugh James knew would erupt within seconds. "You’ve taken this manifesting thing a bit far tho mate, I can’t believe you would enchant your picture to be marrying Lily. I need to give you a bit of a reality check in the future. Ok, I’m checking Remus’ diary.”
“James. Come here! What the fuck is this?” Srius’ joking tone from the minute before had vanished.
“What?” James asked apprehensively.
“All his things are gone. Who the fuck do these belong to?” He gestured at a pile of hastily discarded clothing at the end of the bed, muggle magazines strewn on one side and muggle sports posters pinned to the cork board. “What the fuck have we done?”
It seems to James that perhaps their decision to use the time turner without prior research may have been a bad one. They’ve ended up in the strangest of timelines. Glancing up, James sees the muggle posters on the board read 1997. His heart drops to the floor. Thats 20 years in the future.
But then why are James’ things in the room? And his picture. Unless…unless…
Before James can fully spiral he hears the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. “It was just a dare! What? 'Introduce Regulus as the hot brother?', and she blew up on me? 'It's not professional Ron'" he mimics. "Mental, that one, I’m telling you.”
“Shit, Padfoot, over here,” James hisses to Sirius. Grabbing his disorientated friend by the shirt, he pulls him under his bed - no, his son’s bed.
Just as they squeeze into the dusty space between the floor and the bedframe, the door opens. In walk two wizards who appear around the same age as James and Sirius. One is tall with bright red hair and an incredulous expression plastered on his face. Clearly it was he who had suffered at the wrath of the witch he had dared to introduce Regulus - Regulus Black? - as the hot brother. What was going on? The other wizard is James. Wait, that can’t be right. No, its James but shorter; James but paler; James but with the alert green eyes of Lily Evans. He sucks in an involuntary breath. And then sneezes - hard.
“Neville?” The not-James boy asks the not-so empty room.
While James lies paralised under the bed, Sirius seems to come to life. Pointing his wand at James he precedes to cast a series of non-verbal spells at his face. Damn, that stings. Then, pointing his wand at himself he does the same to his own complexion, turning the familiar face before him into a stranger.
“Dean? Seamus?” The boy continues. When no answer is forthcoming the boy leans down to inspect under his bed. “Who the fuck are you?” he asks in a tone that, although surprised, seems remarkably calm.
“I’m, we’re. Uhh..”
‘We’re exchange students,” Sirius buts in. “So nice to meet you! We were just making ourselves at home.”
“Sure, mate,” the tall red-head gives them a confused look.
With that warm welcome, James and Sirius begin the very undignified task of crawling out from under the bed. James notes that Sirius' usually glorious hair has collected enough dust to appear a muted shade of grey. His own robes which, judging by the style worn by the two boys before, are horribly dated are covered in dust too. At least James is confident that they can play the retro look off as a foreign counterculture fashion moment.
Deciding that this exchange student story is really going to work for them, James leans into it. “Yes, you know what it’s like, different customs and all that. We’re from France so we sleep under the bed at home. And we’re so tired after the long day of travelling.” Suddenly his words catch up to him and he realises that not only has he not put on a French accent, but he has no knowledge of the language or customs of France whatsoever. “Err, vell, I ‘ave been told I am very good at putting on an Eenglish accent. Merci.”
James feels a sharp pain as Sirius kicks the back of his knee. Now not only has he made an absolute fool of himself but he stumbled towards the two boys as if he cannot stand upright for more than 2 minutes.
The two boys look from James to Sirius. They appear to be at a loss for words.
Sirius seems to have regained some of his wits, because he takes this moment to speak. “So lads, would you mind showing us to our next class? We were informed that you would be our guides around the school.” Damn the bastard for having a legitimate French accent.
The boys seem to take this in their stride. Quickly swapping out their books, they gesture for James and Sirius to follow them. “Uhhh, so what are your guys names then?” James-not-James asks.
“I’m Ja-John, and this is my mate Bob over here.” Sirius sends a death glare his way.
“Awesome, that sounds very true,” the James-not-James boy whispers to his friend. “Well anyway,” he continues in a raised voice, “I’m Harry and this is Ron," they appear to have reached the Great Hall, it must be lunch time."Oh, and here are Hermione and Draco.”
“No shit,” Sirius outright stares at the blond boy approaching. “That’s got to be Narcissa’s kid. Fucking hell.”
“Guys, what the hell is wrong with you? Quit staring at out mates like you’ve never seen a human being before,” Ron says in a tone both amused and firm.
“Yeah sorry mate. You know what it's like? never really been around English people before. They're very different.”
"Draco's like half French, you muppet," Harry sighs.
The girl, Hermione eyes them watchfully. “Who are you?” She questions them.
“I’m Bob and this is Jay-John,” Sirius answers.
Hermione narrowed her eyes at the two of them. “Bob and Jay-John? Are you serious? And where exactly did you come from?”
“That’s not a very polite thing to ask a young gentleman,” Sirius blustered. By the look on the witch’s face he had made a grave mistake. “We’re exchange students from France!” he quickly corrects.
“Sure you are. Come with me.” Her tone leaves no room for argument, and so they do.
Hermione leads them into a classroom, then through the rows of desks until they reach the teacher’s office off to the side of the room. The DADA professor. Fuck, they’re in big trouble.
Hermione knocks hard on the door. From within, they hear a chair scrape and footsteps cross the paved floor. “Oh hello, Miss Granger, do come in. And-”
“Moony?!” Sirius’ eyes all but pop out of his head, his mouth hanging wide open. James slaps a hand over his mouth but the damage is done.
Remus - a much older Remus - narrows his gaze at the two of them. “Oh, for fucks sake. Sirius? James?” His expression shifts from worried to exasperated. “Miss Granger where did you find these two?”
“They were with Harry and Ron. Pretending to be French exchange students.”
“God damn it James. Sirius. With Harry and Ron? Its your son’s final year of school can you seriously - DON’T! - not just let him get through it without causing trouble again?”
“I’m sorry but what is going on?” James has reached a point of actual suffering right here. He hasn’t said anything in probably 10 minutes. “I’m so confused? And how are you here? And how do you know who we are?” Good, he’d got a good dose of words out now.
“Just… Hermione, can you give us a moment?” The girl leaves the room but James notes that he doesn’t hear her move far from the closed door.
“I’ll answer your questions in good faith if you answer mine too.” Remus waits for both of them to nod their agreement.
Before he can begin to answer any of James’ questions Sirius breaks. Like, he literally just starts spilling their entire plan. James gapes at him. What is he doing? By the time he’s caught Remus up to the moment they walked through his office door, James feel like he may be obligated to take his best mate to the hospital wing to get his head checked out. Obviously, this is Remus, but James isn’t about to trust a fully-grown 38 year old Remus with their entire scheme which - by the way - includes stealing a powerful magical object from Remus himself.
To James’ surprise, by the end Sirius’ monoligue, Remus looks fond and amused rather than the stern look he often appropriates when dealing with these situations. “Oh dear God, you are such menaces,” he smiles fondly. “Ok, I guess I’d better answer some of your questions, but I shall try not to distort the timeline with them. Maybe just do me a favour and forget what I've told you when you get back to '77
“To answer your questions first James, let me get one thing straight with you. You are never going to be able to fool me with some simple facial transfigurations. Don’t insult my intelligence, I think I know you both well enough to..”
But he trails off as Sirius’ attention has evidently shifted. “You… you’re married?” He gestures vaguely at Remus’ left hand. James furrows his brow. His friend all of a sudden looks extremely apprehensive. He seems to be on the verge of sprinting out of the room. James is just dumfounded by this interaction. This boy is all over the place right now.
“Sirius are you ok? Should we go to the hospital wing?” James suggests.
“Sirius, calm down. It’s ok.” Remus interjects in a much more controlled and patient tone. “I don’t think any timeline would change the fact, so yes, I’m married. We’re married.”
Once again it seems that James has missed a crucial part of the conversation that has happened right in front of him. Why is Remus suddenly referring to himself in the plural? And why is Sirius grinning like an idiot behind his hands that hadve risen to hide his - blush? Sirius is genuinely blushing right now.
“I’m sorry Remus, I think the time turner must have fucked with his head or something. He’s been acting strange since Hermione brought us to you.”
“Thank you for your concern James, but I think he’ll be just fine. For now I’m going to ask Miss Granger to come back inside and help me send you back. As much as I have enjoyed your company, I have my own Sirius and James in this timeline whom I would very much like to not lose from mixing the timelines anymore. In fact, they should be arriving momentarily so we'd best be quick about it,” Remus stands, opening the door and beckoning Hermione back into the room.
It turned out that Hermione also had experience with time turners. She too had been granted one for similar reasons to Remus, though she was not a werwolf, simply a huge nerd. As Hermione and Remus pored over the time turner to check for any faults, they began to hear the classroom outside fill with people. “Professor,” Hermione’s voice was suddenly filled with apprehension. “They’re arriving now, Mr. Potter and Mr. Black will be here any minute. Should we hide these two away for the lesson?”
“Damn,” Remus muttered. “Why don’t you go and do preliminary introductions while I finish up here?” Hermione quickly left the room sparing each of them a final calculating glance.
As Remus finished prodding at the time turner, James heard students settling into their seats. Quiet fell before Hermione’s voice could be heard addressing the room. “Hello everyone,” she began. “Professor Lupin has asked me to do some brief introductions as he is busy just helping out a couple of uhh… exchange students. But, as we know, today is a really exciting day! We’re about to hear from guest speakers Mr. James Potter, Mr. Sirius Black, Ms. Lily Evans, and Mr. Regulus Black. They’re here to talk about their experiences of finding and destroying Voldemort’s horcruxes: The snake Nagini,” She must be gesturing because she paused between each word and applause ring out. “His childhood diary, Marvolo Gaunt’s ring, Salazar Slytherin’s locket, Helga Hufflepuff’s cup, and Rowena Ravenclaw’s diadem.
“I’ll give them the floor for a few minutes just to give some details and then we’ll open for questions. And remember that Professor Lupin was also involved with the group so be sure to direct questions his way too when he finishes up. Alright, Mr. Potter would you care to begin for us?”
James could not believe his ears. What. The. Fuck. Had. He. Just. Heard? “Padfoot?” he asked slowly.
“Yeah, I heard that too,” Sirius whispered. “Fuck.”
“Horcruxes.”
“Ok, I think I have this sorted,” Remus said jauntily, completely unaware of the conversation and subsequent crisis that was taking place in front of him. “It was a simple mechanical issue, just a loose screw. I’ll send you both out now and I’ll be out in time for questions.”
“Remus,” James started slowly. “What exactly is the presentation about?”
“It’s about the Horcruxes of course,” Remus replied absently. “Of course, you’re both 18 now. I can tell because Sirius didn’t get that scar on his hand until the full moon after his birthday. So you guys must have been researching for months now, have you informed me and the others about them yet?” He asks casually.
“What are you on about?” Sirius asks pointedly, a note of worry entering his tone now.
“Sirius? James?” Remus’ voice is deadly serious all of a sudden. “Have you been researching horcruxes with Regulus?” They’re wide-eyed response seems to be enough of an answer. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. What have I done?” Remus suddenly looks crazed. Then steely control comes over his features. “Ok, this is what’s going to happen,” he tells the two boys. “You are going to go back to ‘77, and you’re going to act like you’ve been researching horcruxes by yourselves for months. You are not going to let it slip to anyone that you’ve been into the future, and you are definitely not going to let on that anything you saw here is going to happen. Do your research, find the horcruxes, destroy them.”
With that, he lifts the timeturner over their heads, placing around their necks. Remus gives the small hourglass a few practised turns and James sees the room spinning.
When the world comes back into focus he takes a relieved breath. They’re back home. Those are Professor Garcia’s things on the desk. As quickly and quietly as possible, James and Sirius make their way back to the boys dormitory. They’ve only just made it as Remus - 18 year old Remus - makes his way out of the bathroom. Beside James, Sirius seems to choke for a second.
“Remus -” Both James and Sirius start at the same time.
“Yes?” Remus asks.
Sirius indicates for James to continue, he once again noticing the uncharacteristic blush fanning Sirius’ his cheeks. “We have something to tell you,” James begins. “Voldemort’s using horcruxes to stay alive. And we know what they are, just not where they are or how to destroy them. Also, we have to work with Regulus and Lily in order to get rid of them.”
“What? James?” Remus sounds faint, but steels himself as Sirius nods in agreement. “How the hell do you know all of this?”
“Research,” Sirius supplies weakly. “We’ve been doing a lot of research.”