Chapter I
Neville Longbottom could be described as many things, but anything other than utterly pure and ‘innocent’ was not on that list. Since he was a child, Longbottom had been shielded from countless subjects, especially those his grandmother, Augusta, deemed to be highly inappropriate. So, it was by Merlin, a right miracle the day Longbottom found his great aunt Enids’ collection of muggle erotic novels hidden amongst the various dark tomes in his family library on the day that his grandmother had oh so conveniently left him on his own that summer.
Not a lot of things shocked the young Longbottom boy. His parents had been cursed to insanity, and he had witnessed multiple family members pass away throughout his life spent at the Longbottom family Manor, not to mention fourth year and the whole Triwizard Tournament fiasco.
Going to school with a famous wizard who had a bounty on his head every year didn’t make things easier for young Neville either.
Which was probably why Neville had been spending so much time in the Longbottom family library, rooting through the books on dark magic and old rituals trying to create some semblance of order within his seemingly despondent life. This also being the reason as to how the young fourteen, nearly fifteen year old, discovered his great aunts undoubtedly coveted books, as they seemed to be brand new despite their publishing dates being from over twenty years his age. His great aunt must have cherished them greatly when she was alive, not that Neville knew exactly why the woman enjoyed the books. But he was going to soon find out.
The first book Neville had picked was a raunchy tale about a muggle countess having an affair with her stable boy who had been the only person she could confide in during her stay with the dreadful and disgusting man she had been forced into calling her husband, The Count. Neville had only gotten partway through the novel when he had begun to realise exactly what it was that he had been reading. He had never shut a book so quickly before; he barely had time to pull his fingers away before slamming the novel shut. He had placed it back on the shelf just in time to hear his grandmother returning from her day out through the fireplace.
Neville avoided the library for a whole week before the burning urge to find out more about the countess and her lover began nagging at the back of his mind at every waking hour. The next time his grandmother went out, Neville crept back into the library as if his body was afraid that it was being watched and judged for that which he was about to do. He had been taught to keep himself pure. Innocent. Like a proper gentleman. Or so his grandmother liked to remind him at every chance she got since he was coming into ‘the marrying age’ now. Neville shuddered at the mere thought of what his grandmother might say if she caught him reading one of these books.
The young teen carefully crept up to the bookshelf and took out the book he had been reading, and, as a countermeasure, he tried his best to transfigure a quill that had been lying about into a copy of the book and praying to Merlin that it would last, that in the case of his grandmother somehow wandering into the library and seeing the book missing from its place and tearing Neville a new one, he would have a replacement in place just in case things went wrong. Running back to his room as if he was being chased by a feral demiguise (it was a rational fear; Neville found them to be absolutely terrifying), Neville made his way back to his bedroom and quickly locked the door behind him and climbed into bed with his contraband. He still couldn’t believe what he was about to do. Augusta would kill him if she ever knew. But she didn’t. Which was exactly why Neville climbed into bed and pulled the blanket up to cover himself entirely from head to toe before casting a weak Lumos and opening the book to the last page he had previously read to.
Neville finished the novel within the hour, reading furiously with a deep blush rising to his neck, cheeks, and ears which had practically turned him into a bright pink puffapod. He had never read anything so…so filthy and yet intimate and romantic in his life. Of course he had heard about instances where the older Gryfindor boys had shared their bodies with other girls throughout the school year, but he had never really associated any of it with himself before. He had blushed and glanced away shyly whenever the older boys had begun making crude comments or retold their experiences in great detail, loud enough for the entire common room to hear, but Neville never participated. It wasn’t right. Or at least that was what he had been told. Intimacy was left for married couples. Men and women. A wizard and a witch. It was for carrying on a family line. Producing heirs and making the family proud. Not…pleasure.
Neville’s blush grew deeper as he held the book close to his chest. This book…the countess and the stable boy were in love. They hadn’t been married. No, the stable boy was unwed and the countess was stuck in her own marriage. But the count was a despicable man, so Neville understood why the countess had fallen in love with the stable boy. He was the only rational option, Neville decided. Not to mention the fact that he was handsome.
Or, at least the way that Neville imagined him to be was quite handsome.
There had to be more. The book had ended way too soon; he needed something else to sustain this ache in his chest. He wanted to know what this feeling was. The books didn’t just describe the feelings of love. No. There was a burning want. A need for the touch of another. For the pleasure that could be given by someone they loved. Neville rushed back to the library and replaced the book with its copy before grabbing the next one in the series. By the end of the week, Neville had finished the entire collection and had taken to transfiguring a whole set of fake copies to replace the ones he had taken. He was getting rather good at transfiguration with the amount of spellwork he had been doing this summer simply to hide the fact that he was reading his dead great aunt’s erotic muggle novels from his grandmother.
It wasn’t often that Neville was allowed to leave the manor, but on the occasional day that he was, he would usually end up spending it in Diagon, shopping with his grandmother for the following school year or possibly for new clothes since Neville had been growing rather rapidly during the past year. This time, however, Neville had managed to convince his grandmother to let him roam freely for once without her hovering nearby. Not that he would ever tell her that, but it was a relief when the woman had finally said yes to letting him go to Diagon Alley by himself.
Which was exactly what he was going to do. Or, at least, that was what his grandmother thought. Neville had plans of his own, and thanks to his somewhat-friendship with the muggleborn students in Gryffindor, like Hermione, Neville had been given advice on the best shops to go to whilst in the muggle part of London. Of course, Hermione had been the one to recommend multiple bookstores to him, just in case he had wanted to look at muggle plant books to compare to wizarding texts for his herbology projects with Professor Sprout. Which he was eternally grateful for now, except he was not going there for books on plants or things that might help with his schoolwork. Neville was on the hunt for something a bit more special.
The bookstore that he had gone to was of an average size; it was cosy yet had a large variety of novels and texts.
As if shrinking in on himself, Neville began to make his way into the bookstore, feeling the shame once again creep into his chest for what he was about to look for and most likely buy. He shyly asked the store attendant for the erotica section after having a look around and giving up after searching hopelessly. The boy seemed to blush from head to toe as he refused to make eye contact with the girl; she simply smiled and directed him to the second floor of the bookstore, and at the very back stood a wall filled from top to bottom with different novels by different authors and of all different tropes and genres of erotica. Neville gave a rushed and quiet thank you which came out as more of a squeak than anything else, before he began to browse the selections. The blush that covered his body didn’t lessen as Neville began to read through some of the titles. These books had been much more modern than the ones that he had previously read. His eyes widened to the size of a galleon when he picked up a book that looked very much like something that could have come straight out of his Defence Against the Dark Arts tomes; the creature was wrapped around a woman who seemed to be struggling, yet, at the same time, she had seemed to be strangely…aroused?
A dark flush swept across his cheeks as he quickly shoved the book back into place before scanning the shelf for something else that was possibly a bit milder than the one he had just picked up. The next one Neville looked at had caused an unexplainable shiver to run down his spine as he looked at the two men on the cover who seemed to be very much in love despite their grappling positions which indicated a fight. They were completely entangled in one another as they looked to be tearing each other's clothes off in a fit of rage and passion. Neville carefully placed the book under his arm. He made sure to have the cover facing his body before proceeding to look at the other books and picking up a few along the way as he went; he didn't need the world seeing exactly how much of a freak he was.
Neville ended up buying five more books that day — six including the highly intense homoerotic one which he had begun to regret buying the moment he stepped out of the bookshop. Neville rushed home as quickly as he could after his little shopping spree in order to not distress his grandmother even further.
Once home, Neville quickly ran to his room after giving a brisk greeting to his grandmother before depositing his new collection onto his bed. The enemies to lovers book about two childhood friends caught his eye once again as his eyes roved over the two men on the front cover ravishing each other. A quick shake of his head brought Neville back from the fast growing daydream he was conjuring in his mind before deciding to pick up one of the milder novels and sending the rest of the books flying towards his bookshelf with a flick of his wand.
His fast growing curiosity eventually got the best of him when the urge to set down the current book he was reading to go and get the book that had caught his attention from the very moment his eyes met the cover at the bookstore finally won over his weakening determination to keep reading the novel he currently held in his hand. Neville did not know why he had bought the novel. It had drawn him in and yet the young boy knew somewhere deep down that it had to be wrong in some way to be so interested in two men loving each other, much less wanting to read about it in an erotic novel. Erotic novel being the problem in this situation. It was one thing to be reading about innocent love and the love seen between soulmates and it was another thing entirely to read about sex and the intimate acts shared between two humans. Then again, Neville had no qualms about reading heterosexual erotica, what was so wrong about the act of two men simply loving each other in an explicit way? No, the problem here was that Neville’s grandmother would kill him if she ever found him reading something as vulgar as men loving each other. Then again he would end up on the other side of her wand either way for daring to read such filth whether it be straight or gay.
Despite his conflicting feelings, the book called to Neville in his mind, drawing him in with its siren call. Its voice was soothing and melodic, and it sent shivers down his spine to think of what kinds of things he would find once he opened the book. With a cautious hand, Neville reached for his wand before summoning the aforementioned novel with a quick Accio. The hard bound spine of the tome felt rough in his hand as he turned it over to look at the front cover once again. A bright blush once again reached his cheeks, something which Neville thought he had taken control over far back during his first few reads of his great aunt's novels. The cover was as intimidating now as it had been when Neville had first picked it up within the bookstore. He had been ashamed to be holding it before, out in public, for practically anyone and everyone to see.
Except now, Neville was no longer in public. He was safe within the walls of his room. He was comfortable beneath the sheets of his bed, and he was safe from the prying eyes of those who would judge him.
Neville opened the book and began to read. He read, and read, and read. He read with a furious blush that covered his body. He read until his back began to hurt from the position he was in, hunched over the book in fascination as he continued to follow the story of the two rivals who became lovers despite the challenges they both faced, both within their own relationship as well as from those who wished to destroy their love. Neville had never read something so filthy before in his life. If the young boy had thought all the other novels in his possession held any heat in terms of sex, he would be dead wrong. The book in his hands had opened his eyes to a whole new world. This was also the first time the young teen had ever experienced anything similar to arousal.
It was easy to say that this one book had simply paved the way to Neville’s obsession with Homosexual Erotica. It wasn’t as if he did not enjoy the other stories he had gathered over the years of his reading journey.
Nothing ever compared to the joys he felt whilst reading the stories of men finding love and comfort within each other, though. The sex had also been a plus, of course. It brought out reactions in Neville that had the teen scrambling for answers for months after having finished that first book. For being such a well versed teen when it came to sensual affairs, Neville was quite innocent when it came to feeling such things for himself. He had never been with a girl, much less another boy. Yet these feelings that stirred within him at the thought of doing anything remotely similar to any of the books he’s read with another human being had him almost running for the hills.
Having felt these things at fifteen was a shock to Neville despite it being somewhat of a normal occurrence for others at that age. The first account of him having ‘the flutters’, as he had so nicely called it; had Neville panicked, flushed, and completely embarrassed. Feelings such as this were rarely discussed within the Gryfindor common room and much less so within his own house where his grandmother would surely drop to the ground from a heart attack if he ever so much as mentioned the word erection anywhere near her. Situations such as this made things incredibly difficult for the young teen to explore his feelings as well as his bodily reactions to his favourite books.
It had been time for Neville to do some research. The Longbottom was vast in its capacity for knowledge, however, it was less so when it came to things such as sexual education. Or sexual–anything if Neville were to be honest. He needed to understand these feelings and reactions. It scared him to say the least. There were a great amount of things that confused and flustered Neville but none had given him such a reaction before much less made him question his entire anatomy.
It became much easier for Neville once he began to fully understand what was going on. It took an embarrassingly long time and an equally as embarrassing trip to Flourish and Blotts to find the exact books he was looking for, but eventually, Neville began to understand his own body and mind, which made things much easier in terms of exploring said reactions and feelings. This also meant that Neville could proudly say that at the age of sixteen, he was bisexual. Then again he wouldn’t exactly say he was out and proud. His grandmother would have his head for breakfast if she ever found out.
Being a teenager living through a war in the Wizarding World proved to be quite difficult for Neville when it came to trying to explore his likes and dislikes when it came to partners and intimacy. Knowing whether or not he enjoyed snogging girls or boys better wasn’t quite the first thing on his mind during his time at Hogwarts whilst everyone was running around trying to stay alive as Death Eaters took over their school. His mind was pretty much thinking the same thing as everyone else. Which was how in the ever loving Merlin they were going to get out of this horrendous situation.
Not having to fight in a war for any longer, however, made things incredibly easier for the young Longbottom as this meant that he was now going to have so much more free time to explore himself without having to think about his own survival and the survival of his loved ones, every other minute.
Things were going to be much more interesting for Neville now that he had decided to come back to retake his 7th year at Hogwarts. There was no better way to explore ones preferences and sexuality, than to be stuck in a half-wrecked castle with a bunch of horny young adults, all willing to start something in order to put all their problems behind them, just for the sake of feeling something other than fear, for at least another year in the place they all called home.