Remus Lupin did not like Christmas. Not since he was bitten.
His mam and dad did everything that they could to make Christmas magical, but believing in a lump of a man who delivered gifts all around the world in one night after being bit by a werewolf just didn’t work for him.
When he was in his first year at Hogwarts, his parents allowed him to stay over Christmas. The school had accommodated to his werewolfish needs quite well, he was more comfortable transforming in school than he was in a cage back home.
Somehow, he had made friends. Well, he hadn’t done anything to be proactive in making friendships and keeping them. But for some reason, three boys his age had taken a particular liking to his grumpy eyebrows and terrible reading skills. James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. He wasn’t sure why they liked him, he was basically mute apart from when he was brooding and telling them to piss off.
Nobody had ever wanted to be his friend before.
By their second year, they had managed to crack Remus into talking more. James Potter was funny and very athletic; Remus wouldn’t be surprised if he became a pro quidditch player when he was older. Peter Pettigrew was shy, in a different way to Remus’ angry shy- Peter was anxious. He was chubby, still, but Remus found him quite pleasant to be around, he was brilliant at chess and never mentioned anything when Remus couldn’t read simple words.
Sirius Black was perfection in human form. He was actually quite awful; Sirius was ruthless and behaved heartlessly. But Remus had learned that he was just attention seeking, Sirius had never shared anything about his family, but Remus gathered that they weren’t the greatest. Sirius planned pranks that were downright cruel and laughed about it as his victims sobbed, he never apologised. Remus felt wrong each time he stared at him and his long hair, he felt something in his stomach that nobody else had ever made him feel. But that was just Sirius. He was endearing, everyone loved him even though he made their lives hellish.
Of course, his friends became curious about why he always seemed to be busy around full moons. Remus shrugged them off, telling them to stop being nosy. But then Sirius’ mother cut all of his hair off and he became even more careless. It was their third year at Hogwarts, Remus found himself sitting on the edge of Sirius Black’s bed, holding him close to his chest as the older boy sobbed into his pyjamas, when he spilled his secrets. It was like he lost control over his mouth when Sirius was near, he wanted to tell him every secret he’d ever had.
When Remus had said those three words, three words he could never take back, Sirius stopped his sobbing and just looked at Remus, whispering I know, I know that you’re a werewolf. The two boys never spoke about that night again, Sirius didn’t cry in front of him again for many years. Remus thought about it a lot.
In their fourth year, James invited them all to his house for Christmas. Peter accepted immediately, giddy and happy to be wanted somewhere. Remus said no, obviously, because he would spend his Christmas at Hogwarts, like he did every year. And then, to Remus’ utter shock, Sirius announced that he was going to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas too. He played it off like he just wanted to see what all the fuss was about, but the three other boys had noticed that the mischievous glint he used to have in his eyes had disappeared.
Sirius’ hair had mostly grown back by then, and as his hair grew longer, his patience and temper grew thinner. He became increasingly angry and violent as the days went by, sometimes Remus wanted to just ask him, what do your parents do to you to make you so angry? But he never does.
So, the two boys spent their Christmas break together. When Remus returned to their dorm room after the full moon, he found Sirius awake and waiting for him. The black haired boy smiled, and it wasn’t that fake smirk that he used on everyone else, it was a smile that was reserved for Remus’ eyes only. He would never admit to it, but Remus enjoyed sleeping beside Sirius that night, he relished in the sweet nothings that were whispered in his ear as he fell asleep, long and elegant fingers dragging across his scalp.
On Christmas day that year, Remus woke up to Sirius screaming it’s Christmas! He decided, in that moment where Sirius was leaning over to him and their faces were so close that their noses touched, that Christmas wasn’t all that bad.
Sirius had bought him a gift, it was a book called Father Goriot- a French book. Remus felt quite stupid, he hadn’t even noticed Sirius’ slightly French accent up until that moment. He felt even stupider when he had to admit that he probably wouldn’t be able to read it, a part of him knew that Sirius already knew he couldn’t read and only bought this as another one of his cold pranks. But then he smiled and laughed nervously, not managing to meet Remus’ eye as he said I thought maybe I could read it to you.
So that was how they spent the last week of their Christmas holiday, Sirius laying beside Remus as he read the novel. It was in English, but when Sirius was tired, he would slip into reading it in fluent French. Remus never mentioned it, he sounded handsome.
It became a tradition, Sirius buying Remus a French book and then reading it to him.
When Remus was lucky, Sirius would fall asleep mid-chapter and end up sleeping on top of Remus for the night. Remus wouldn’t sleep those nights, just stay awake and watch Sirius’ chest move up and down as he breathed.
James and Peter found out he was a werewolf by the end of their fourth year, claiming that they already knew and Remus didn’t doubt that.
Sirius stayed at Hogwarts with Remus for every Christmas break after their fourth year one, arguing that he wouldn’t miss extra ‘Remus time’ for the world. Remus definitely did not hate Christmas anymore.
They were seventeen and eighteen now and it was their seventh year at Hogwarts. Sirius had ran away from home to live with the Potters two years ago, but still insisted on being with Remus and staying at Hogwarts over Christmas. Remus fucking loved it.
He fucking loved Sirius, he was old enough now to admit that.
Sometimes he thought Sirius might love him back, but then he brought himself back to reality and realised that he had no chance of ever catching Sirius’ eye.
He was less cruel now, everyone said that running away had tamed him and made him soft, but if they saw the look in Sirius’ eye when someone said something about his friends, they would take all of it back. Remus knew that Sirius was still hungry for those mean pranks, that he enjoyed hurting other people because it made him hurt less inside. But he was glad that Sirius had grown out of his delinquent phase, it was getting harder to watch him make people cry for his own entertainment.
“Merry Christmas, Moony.” Sirius said, smiling with that one smile that only Remus knew and loved and holding a gift out in front of him.
Remus chuckled and unwrapped it, it was a book- as per their tradition.
Sirius threw himself down on the sofa beside Remus, nervously fidgeting with the hems of the jumper he wore- which was Remus’, but he wasn’t going to deny Sirius of his things. Maybe it was toxic, but Remus would let Sirius have or do anything. He’d watch as Sirius burned the world to the ground and feel nothing other than love for him.
“Open it.” He nudged Remus.
Remus obediently followed his instructions and opened the book. Inside it were three photos of he and Sirius and a note. One of the photos was of them asleep from a year ago, cuddling in front of the fire in the common room. The second photo was from first year, it was Remus staring at Sirius’ vinyl collection in awe. The third and final photo was from Sirius’ sixteenth birthday and it was of the two of them sat in front of a toilet, both being sick. Remus laughed at the memories.
The note was one that Remus had written Sirius, he cringed at the terrible spelling.
Sirus.
Trying to fokus on the class
I know u r funny but pleas stop bieng so loud thank you.
Remus
“Merlin..” Remus sighed as Sirius giggled.
“I don’t even know why I kept it.” He shrugged, “It’s just so.. cute, somehow.”
Remus smiled, “Thank you, Sirius.”
The other boy swatted Remus, “It’s nothing, I just wanted you to know how much I care about you.” He mumbled, “I don’t think I say it enough.. or whatever.”
“I care about you too..” Remus whispered.
Sirius smirked, looking deep into Remus’ eyes. Remus was worried he could see his soul and would find out how much he loved him. Before he had any more time to worry, Sirius surged forwards and kissed him. It was quick and over before Remus even had time to register it. But holy fuck, it was amazing.
“Merry Christmas.” Sirius murmured against his lips.
Remus let out a shaky breath, “Merry Christmas..”
He couldn’t say anything else, Sirius had already started to kiss him again and make him forever forget that he had ever hated Christmas in any way whatsoever.