“One call, Black” The guard shouted by the door.
The sound of the shackles hitting his ankles echoed throughout the room. It had been a lot of work to get Sirius transported from Azkaban to a facility with a phone. The order had taken weeks to get through and by law every prisoner is granted one call before they can earn more.
Sirius reached for the phone, his skin had started to turn pale. He hadn’t seen the sun in ages, the sun doesn’t shine a lot. Just heavy storms with green and gray sky’s. He couldn’t think what number to call. Maybe he could call Narcissa and get her to explain. The chance of her picking up instead of Lucius was slim and everything with Voldemort circling was too high of a chance to not risk the other’s safety.
Mary, she was reliable, could get him out with all the connections she’s collected over the years. Though she’s probably grieving, maybe if they held a funeral recently. The thought of burying James and Lily and not being able to attend made Sirius’s stomach churn.
Remus. He was strong, put together, he is most likely is at their apartment. Sirius quickly dialed the house phone. Turning the dial was muscle memory. The phone rang for a moment. His arm ran with goosebumps and chill down his spine. When the line clicked there was a moment of silence.
“Hello?” Remus’s voice was similar to a sigh of relief.
“Remus?” Sirius gripped the phone with both hands.
“…” Remus on the other end couldn’t believe his ears. He didn’t think he’d hear that voice for a very long time. He prayed forever, but wouldn’t be the first time his prayers weren’t answered.
“Sirius?”
“Remus! I- You need to go to the ministry and tell them it wasn’t me! I wouldn’t do that to James and Lily! Oh, and Harry is he safe? I reckon Mary would’ve taken him in the mean time or even you. Did you take him?” Sirius’s words were so rushed they almost became one.
“You have some nerve to call me and ask about Harry. Especially after what you did.” Remus’s voice was cold and shaky.
The apartment seemed to lie still. The leaky faucet that still remained unfixed had gone silent. The dog that always seemed to bark at night was silent. The sound of the harsh winter winds was silent. Tears began to fall down Remus’s face.
The pain of losing everyone and everything so close had been hidden so far down. He didn’t have time to let it out. Something’s you just can’t speak about.
“Remus? I-“
“Don’t! I don’t want to hear anything else from you! You don’t ever listen to me. Maybe it wasn’t you, maybe you didn’t kill James and Lily or those muggles. But at the end of the day, I told you not to go after him! Why didn’t you just stay with me?” Remus’s voice was breaking at this point. He couldn’t contain it all. He leaned against the wall and slid down. Hands in his face and placed the phone face down to try and collect himself.
Sirius just stood there in silence, he knew what he did was wrong. He’s heard this speech before or at least some variation of it. The same speech James gave him after that failed prank back in their school years.
“I didn’t feel like I had a choice.” Sirius mumbled into the phone.
Remus inhaled sharply and picked the phone back up, “What?”
“I didn’t feel like I had a choice.”
Remus let the words sit around the air for a bit. Hoping Sirius would realize what he just said.
“We always have a choice, Sirius. It’s about what you choose, and you chose to put yourself in this position.”
“Remus…”
“James and Lily are dead because of you! Mary is gone because of you! Alice and Frank are…Neville doesn’t have parents because of you!” Remus’s voice was harsh and cut through like knives.
Sirius knew he didn’t mean it but when he was upset, he could be so mean.
“I know that but I can fix it. Remus, I can make things right!” Sirius’s voice filled with desperation.
“Fix it? You can’t fix people dying Sirius, they’re dead. Please don’t call me again.”
“Wait! Please Remus, don’t hang up.” Sirius pleaded.
Remus hesitated but picked the phone back up. Sirius sighed hard and loud, heart racing, and not ready to return.
“I love you.” The words once felt like a hug, but now they felt like something that was held over Remus’s heart. Tugging on his heartstrings and desperately compressing to make his heart beat again. There is love there but he doesn’t want it. Remus Lupin would rather burn forever than love Sirius Black again.
Remus stared at the calendar in the corner, pinned with a red tack. The days crossed off and Christmas circled.
“Merry Christmas Sirius, please don’t call.” Remus put the phone down before Sirius could answer.
He felt free, more free than he had in the past month or so. He knew he would miss him. The sound of his laughter, the cuddles in the bed way past the morning that fell into the afternoon. It all once seemed like joy but the thought of it now made him sick.
Remus walked over to the couch and turned on the radio, full volume. Drowning out his thoughts and words until all be could hear were the words.
And what have we done (if you want it)
Another year over (war is over)
And a new one just begun (now)
And so happy Christmas (war is over)
We hope you have fun (if you want it)
The near and the dear one (war is over)
The old and the young (now)
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now
The words haunted him, like a reminder that the year should’ve been good and well. He should he sitting here with James and Lily, with Sirius in his arms. Not behind a phone pleading for his innocence. Everything came back into tune but not long before he turned the radio even louder. Shoving a pillow over his head and screaming.
We both know, why you’re out on your own
Merry Christmas, please don’t call