Christmas was always said to be a happy time. A time to celebrate with your friends and family. A time to be with the people who care.
For Regulus, it was the opposite. Christmas was a time of fear. Pain. Agony, if you will. It was a time where he was forced to go home and be reprimanded by his parents and punished if he wasn’t at his best.
He didn’t get to spend it with his friends. He didn’t get to sit by the fireplace in pajamas on Christmas morning and open presents with his family.
He didn’t even get to be with his brother anymore.
The only thing that made the holidays bearable was Sirius. He always made sure Regulus had some sort of memory for each year. He would either get Regulus a gift or would do something that he would always remember. Sirius always did something to let Regulus have good memories, despite the circumstances.
The only memories he had from the year prior was the pain.
His parents became more strict after Sirius left. More harsh. They wanted to make sure that Regulus understood his responsibilities as the heir. The punishments were more severe. He was scolded for the minor mistakes. Everything mattered to them. He had to keep up his perfect scores, he had to stay quiet, he had to be what they wanted.
Walking into that house this year was especially hard. Regulus had written to them prior to school letting out, asking to stay at Hogwarts so he could focus on studies. His mother immediately denied his request, saying he was needed at home over the holidays.
“Regulus.” His mother greets, already standing in the entryway once he enters. The house was as dark and cold as ever.
“Mother.” He says quietly, not looking her directly in the eye.
Better to be seen and not heard.
“I got your grade report from this semester.” Her tone was even, hiding what she was feeling to the normal person. Regulus knew that she wasn’t pleased with something.
He stays quiet, waiting for her to continue.
“I was disappointed with your results. You always get 100% on all of your tests and assignments. So what happened with that 96% there?” She asks, her tone slowly sounding more and more mad.
“I’m still top of the class, mother-”
“I don’t care about the top of the class, Regulus. You should be perfect. You are the heir of this family, and you need to start acting like it.” Her voice carried through the cold halls of the house, the sound of her slamming her hand on the table beside them echoing through the house. “Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes mother.” He says quietly, swallowing back any emotion that could have shown.
“Good.” She says, straightening herself. “Now go upstairs and unpack your things.”
Regulus immediately grabs his stuff and heads up the stairs into his room. As soon as he shuts the door, he leans his back against it and lets out a breath.
This was going to be a long break.
~
Between Christmas parties and his parents' expectations, Regulus was tired. He was so tired all the time. All of his energy was used to put on a facade, or trying to fight off the curses that his parents threw at him.
Bruises were scattered across his body. His limbs were sore and weak. It was almost impossible for him to simply get out of bed, let alone act like he was fine.
Wake up, act, punishments, repeat.
Christmas Eve night was the final straw. Everything was going fine. The Black family was hosting their annual Christmas Eve party. It’s the same thing every year. Regulus was simply walking around, doing what he was supposed to do.
And then he dropped the glass.
The glass slipped out of his hand, and shattered on the floor. The sound of glass breaking echoed through the room, sending all eyes on him. Everyone was looking at him. And Walburga looked angry.
She marches over to him, grabs his arm, and drags him away from the crowd. They go into the study.
“Regulus Arcturus Black.” She says sternly, throwing him onto the floor. “What were you thinking?! There are people everywhere!”
“I’m sorry mother, it was an accident-”
“There is no fixing this. You made a fool of our family. You must be punished.”
“Mother please, I’m sorry, I promise to be better-”
She kicks him. She hits him. She curses him. Over and over again, blow after blow.
She leaves him in the study.
His head was pounding, his vision was slightly blurry, and everything just felt wrong. He wasn’t going to survive in this house much longer- that he knew for sure. It was either risk leaving, or die.
Regulus thought about dying. Sometimes it seems like it would be nice, and others like it would be pure torture. But never, ever would it be at the hands of his parents.
He pushes himself up, just like always. He just keeps pushing. He pushes himself up the stairs, and he pushes his door open. He grabs the few things he actually cares about, and throws them into a bag. Most of it was just things he needed for school.
He stops in the middle of his room when a thought hits him hard.
Where would he even go?
His friends are all at Hogwarts for Christmas break, so he couldn’t go there. Their parents are just as bad as his anyways.
Sirius.
He could go to Sirius.
No, he wouldn’t want to see Regulus after all of that. It was a stupid idea, completely idiotic-
But James.
Regulus knew James cared. No matter how much Sirius hated Regulus, James would always care.
And that was where he went. Of course, it started snowing, because that is just his luck. Even so, he walked all the way there.
By the time he got there, his feet and hands were numb. He was shivering, probably on the verge of hypothermia. He stepped up onto the porch, but hesitated at the door. Would he even be welcomed there? Especially since he didn’t leave with Sirius… he knew that Sirius hated him.
He came all this way, he wasn’t going back now. He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door with his frozen knuckles.
~
James’ favorite time of year was Christmas. The lights, the decorations, the time with family, every part of it was amazing. It was even more special now that Sirius was living with him. Seeing his face on Christmas morning that first year was so worth it. He had never gotten the true experience, and it was so wonderful to get to see his eyes light up.
Making people happy is what James did. Making others feel loved and cared for was what made him happy. He even managed to get Regulus Black to smile, which was near impossible. The poor boy barely had friends, and those damn parents of his… James knew he needed someone. He found joy in being able to make Regulus feel wanted in life.
Everything was precious this time of year. Spending time with his parents, even more time with Sirius, and just being happy. It really was the most wonderful time of the year.
It was going about how James expected it to. It was a calm week, filled with decorating the house and love filling every single room.
What James wasn’t expecting was a knock on his door at 11:00 P.M. right as he was about to go to bed. Throwing a jacket on, he moves towards the door, opening it confusingly.
What he definitely wasn’t expecting was Regulus Black to be standing at his door, skin littered with bruises and practically looking blue.
“Regulus? What are you doing here?” James was shocked, but also extremely confused.
“I- this was a bad idea-”
“No no, you are alright. Come inside, it’s freezing out here.” James motions for him to step inside, and grabs a blanket that was draped over the couch. He wraps it around Regulus’ shoulders. “Can I ask why you are here?” He asks quietly, even though he is pretty sure he knows the reason why.
“I ran.” He says quietly, almost like it's hard for him to talk.
“You ran away?” James tries to match his tone, trying to keep him calm.
“She hurt me.” Regulus chokes out. “Over and over again. She kept going.” The boy was shaking. Whether it was from the cold or fear, James didn’t know. “I couldn’t stay there.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you came here. You are safe now, I promise.” He reassures, leading Regulus to the couch.
“She was going to kill me.” He whispers. Regulus was obviously still in shock. There was no emotion in his voice or face, besides the slight hint of fear in his tone.
James remembers when Sirius first showed up. He was just sitting there, staring off into space. He was trying to process everything, and James waited until he broke.
Regulus was similar, but also different. He was alert, unlike Sirius was, but he was also trying to process everything. It almost was scary how similar yet different the two were.
“You are safe here. Sirius is here, and-”
“He doesn’t want to see me.” Regulus whispers, demeanor changing. He almost seemed… even more scared as soon as James mentioned Sirius.
“Hey, that is not true at all. He really misses you Regulus.” James says softly, moving closer. “He still loves you, I promise.”
And out of all the things that would make Regulus break, that was what broke him. It wasn’t talking about his mother, it wasn’t the act of showing up at James Potter’s door- it was the mention of Sirius still loving him.
Before James can get another sound out of his mouth, Regulus is curling in a ball, tears streaming down his face.
One thing about Regulus was that he never broke. He may be on the verge, but he always regains his composure at the last moment. He wasn’t vulnerable with anyone. Nobody. Not a single soul.
So when Regulus starts crying, James doesn’t know what to do. It was so unlike the boy to actually break, to actually show some emotion.
After staring in shock for a moment, James carefully hugs the shaking Regulus. “Hey, it’s okay. I promise, I’m not lying. He misses you so much. He really loves you.”
And that just made Regulus cry harder.
James didn’t even know what to do with him. All of this was so peculiar, especially when it was Regulus in James’ arms.
“Listen, you need to breathe, yeah? Deep breaths, just like I’m doing right now.” He kept his tone even and calm the whole time, trying to stay composed for Regulus.
Clearly, there was another side to the story of what goes down in the Noble House of Black.
~
There was something so odd about finally breaking after so long. When all your walls finally come down, and everything you have been hiding deep within your scarred and rotten chest comes to the surface. It was raw, it was real, and Regulus is terrified of what he is.
Regulus hid his emotions like no other. It didn’t matter who he was around; emotions weren’t an option. It just wasn’t something he did. It wasn’t in his DNA to have them. Anyone could tell you that the Black Family doesn’t show emotion. They are stoic and cold. They are pristine and reserved.
They are not people whose walls come crashing down in the arms of James fucking Potter.
He had been doing so good at keeping himself together. Sure, he was a shaking mess, but he could blame that on the cold. Sure, his voice was weak, but so was the rest of his body from the walk.
That all was crushed the moment James mentioned Sirius. When he heard the words leave James’ mouth, everything he kept locked away in his aching chest came pouring out before he had time to register anything.
Sirius loves him. Sirius misses him.
Sirius still loves him.
That hurt more than any words that have ever left his mother’s mouth. It hurt more than any hit that he endured. It hurt more than any curse his father shot at him.
Sirius still loved him, even after everything.
So now, Regulus was sobbing in James’ arms, the boy who he has loved since he was eleven. Regulus was letting everything he hid from the world out into the open. It was messy, and it was ugly, but James didn’t seem to care. He held Regulus and whispered in his ear. Regulus clung to his shirt, desperately trying to stop sobbing.
After who knows how long, his sobs faded away. He was still shaking profusely, and he hadn’t let go of James, but he stopped sobbing like a pathetic idiot.
“You are safe here, okay? I promise. She can’t hurt you here.” James was still talking so gently, like Regulus was a fragile piece of glass that could break at any moment. Which, to be fair, isn’t very far off.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I just showed up here, I didn’t give any warning or anything-”
“No, no it’s okay. We have a spare room. You can have it. We will buy you anything you need, okay?” James was so kind, and it made Regulus feel all that more bad.
“That isn’t necessary, really, I’m alright.” Regulus felt so guilty. He shows up unannounced, and now James is saying that they are going to buy him things?
“I insist. It’s no big deal. I want you to be comfortable here.”
Maybe Regulus could accept this. Maybe he could learn that James wanted to help. Maybe he could live with Sirius again. Maybe he could be happy.
Being around James was so nice. There was something about his presence that made Regulus feel safe. Like he could actually be himself without being judged.
“Okay.” Regulus says quietly. He could accept help, he could get help. He wasn’t restricted under his mother’s grasp anymore.
Regulus was free, but that was almost impossible to accept.
~
Things with Sirius went the complete opposite of how Regulus thought it would. He thought it was going to be a screaming match of “I told you so” and “get out of my life” plus others, but it wasn’t.
When Sirius came down the stairs the next morning, he stopped halfway, staring down at the living room. There on the couch sat Regulus, fidgeting with the rings adorning his fingers.
When Regulus looks up, they lock eyes. Both were staring at each other, like it couldn’t be real.
“Merry Christmas Padfoot.” James says quietly, smiling. Regulus stands up, still a little shaky.
After an extremely long moment of silence, Sirius runs down the stairs. He almost trips, but just keeps running. He runs up to Regulus, hugging him with such force they almost end up on the floor. He hugs Regulus tighter than ever before, and Regulus just wants to cry again.
He clings to Sirius, shaking again.
He missed this more than anything. He missed Sirius more than anything.
“You are alive.” Sirius breathes out, grip never loosening on Regulus.
“I’m alive.” He says quietly, barely audible.
“How are you here?” Sirius asks, pulling back from the hug. He really hasn't changed at all since the last time Regulus saw him.
“I ran.”
“You ran?”
“I ran.”
Sirius stares at him for a long moment. No words were said, but Sirius knew. He always knew.
“You still like tea, right? Why don’t I go make you some?”
Regulus nods, and reluctantly lets go of his brother. Sirius goes into the kitchen, and Regulus goes to follow. Once he gets to the doorway, James pops out from the other side. “Hey Reg.” He says cheerfully, obviously up to something.
“Hi James…” He says cautiously.
“You should look above you.” He says, not being able to contain his smile.
Regulus looks up, and right there, above their heads, is a piece of mistletoe.
“You put that there just now, didn’t you?” Regulus infers, looking back at James.
“Possibly.” He says, smirking even more now.
Regulus rolls his eyes, trying to ignore the underlying factor of this conversation.
“You know what this means, don’t you? You have to kiss me now.”
“I guess I do.” He says, staring into James’ eyes, before grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him down, kissing him.
Kissing James Potter is better than Regulus could have ever imagined it. His lips were soft, and the kiss was the most gentle thing on this earth. He found heaven within two seconds. Once they pulled apart, he immediately wanted more. More James Potter. He needed it like he needed the air to breathe.
“Merry Christmas Regulus.” James says quietly, obviously still in shock at the fact that Regulus actually did that.
“Merry Christmas James.” He replies, just as quietly.
Maybe Regulus would be okay. Maybe he could learn to accept the fact that he is worth something more than being a pawn in his mother’s game. Maybe he can be with his brother again. Maybe he can love James. Maybe he can be free. Maybe, just maybe, he can finally be happy.
All he knew at this moment was that James cared, Sirius cared, and he is safe from everyone who tried to hurt him.
James interrupts his thoughts. “Come on, Sirius should be done with the tea soon.”
Regulus takes his hand and follows him into the kitchen.
He had his brother back. Even looking at Sirius felt like some sort of dream. Never in a million years would Regulus have guessed that he got to hug Sirius again, and especially get to live with him again.
He didn’t know a lot at the moment, but he knew one thing for certain.
He was going to be okay.