Silver Ties

Ramona’s office was on the same floor as mine, just opposite ends. I don’t venture over there often unless I have a genuine excuse because I’m not trying to go overboard. I want to remain somewhat mysterious to keep it interesting.

And besides, Adrian’s also over here.

I shoot a grin at him as I pass his desk and head towards Ramona’s office. I knock and when I hear a ‘come in’ I can’t help but look back at Adrian before I open the door.

He’s trying to portray indifference but I can see the cracks in his expression.

I lean against her doorway and watch her finish writing a few things before she looks up at me. She’s surprised to see me and she doesn’t hide it.

Her black hair is up today with only a few strands down that frame her face, a pair of silver earrings hiding behind them. She’s wearing a dark purple blouse that goes well with her pale skin. I could only see the waistband of her pants, her desk covering the rest, but if I had to guess I’d say she was wearing one of her high waisted trousers that really do wonders.

“Are you quite done?”

“Why Adrian?” I blurted. Surprising myself, but only a little. And after a small silence, she surprised me by answering.

“He’s simple.” She folds her hands together like she’s prepared to have this conversation.

I’m certainly not.

“And that’s good? You like simple?”

“I don’t have time for anything else.”

“But you like it?” I cross my arms and continue looking at her intently. God what am I doing.

“Yes.”

I nod. “I’m simple.”

She actually laughed, making me smile instantly. “Are you?” She tilted her head at me with a look in her eyes that was dare I say playful.

“I am. I live in a flat by myself, I have a boring job in the ministry, and I have a thing for pretty brown eyes.” I shrugged.

“Self obsessed?”

My grin widened. “You think my eyes are pretty? Look I’m flattered but we're at work. I don’t think this is very appropriate. But I guess I could forgive you if you oh I don’t know…” I tapped my chin pretending to think about it.

“Go on a date with you?”

My eyes widened. “Shit I was just going to say you owe me a coffee, but if you’d prefer a date, I wouldn’t say no.”

I was in fact going to say a date. She knows me so well.

“Unfortunately, I have a date with Adrian tonight. My boyfriend.”

I frowned. “That is unfortunate.” She rolled her eyes at me and I grinned. “I guess I'll leave you to it then. Don’t miss me too much, Ramona.”

“Goodbye, Mattheo.”

I closed her door behind me and shoved my hands into my pockets, smiling at the ground like an idiot.

This time around I felt that not looking at Alex would get the best reaction. And I’m pretty sure I’m right because I could feel his gaze on me until I rounded the corner.

It wasn’t until I was about half way back to my desk when I realized I had completely forgotten the reason I went over there in the first place.

I scoff at myself and turn right back around.

Her door was cracked and I was about to knock but then I heard something that stopped my arm.

“He’s obsessed with you.”

“Adrian,” Ramona sighed.

“I’m serious.”

“He’s harmless.”

Adrian laughed. “Harmless? That’s just about the last word I’d use to describe him.”

“Look, I’m not worried about it, so you shouldn’t be either.”

“You should be. He just got out of Azkaban ‘Mona.” He scoffed.

My shoulders tensed.

“He wasn’t in there because he’s violent.”

“No you’re right, I remember him being just peachy in school.”

She snapped, dropping her formal tone that she used at work. “For fucks sake Adrian, can you just put yourself in someone else’s shoes for once? Can you try imagining what it must have been like to have Voldemort as father?”

“Why are you defending him?”

“You’re making me. You’re being so ignorant about this whole thing. So no, I’m not worried about Mattheo, okay? I think that you should sort out your insecurities insteading of flooding me with them. And at work of all places.”

“I’m not insec–”

She cut him off. “I’m quite finished with this conversation.”

I picked my jaw off the ground and nodded to myself. No problem.

I pushed the door open and pretended like I just got there. Austin scoffed. “Hey Ramona– oh sorry am I interrupting?”

They both look up at the same time and she looks relieved for the interruption but not thrilled that it was me. The reason for their argument.

“No.”

“Yes.”

I ignored his response and nodded. “Good.” Ramona stood up at some point during their argument and I could see the rest of her and she was in fact wearing her high waisted trousers. “I forgot to tell you earlier, Barlowe said the meeting got moved up to three.” I hope that was enough information, it was all he gave me. But I can’t imagine she has more than one meeting past noon on a Friday.

She pulled her sleeve up and looked at her silver watch. She swore under her breath and turned to her bookshelf.

“Adrian, did you get the Quidditch funds I asked for?”

“..I thought I’d have more time to get them.” He admitted quietly.

She sighed. “Right.”

“I have a copy. I wanted to look them over with Miles after you told me about it.” I smiled. What are the chances? I can’t even describe how being able to help her makes me feel.

She turns around with furrowed brows. “Really?”

“Yeah, I was quite interested myself.”

“You wouldn’t mind if I borrowed them?”

My smile widened. “Not at all.”

“Thank you.” She turned back around and continued looking through her bookshelf.

I turned to and looked at Atticus, finally acknowledging him, and held eye contact as I continued talking.

“I’ll walk you over and we can stop by my desk and get you those papers.” I watched anger take over his face slowly, and when he opened his mouth to share his feeling, Ramona turned back around.

“That would be great.” She had pulled two books off her shelf, both of which were tabbed in several places. She picked up her papers and added them to the stack.

“I’ll see you later.” She gave Adrian a look before walking out of her office, me following after her.

Once I fell into step with her and we were a fair distance from her office, she glanced over at me. “How much of that did you hear?”

I fought against a grin and went to lie but the look in her eyes stopped me. “Most of it.”

She nodded and was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry about him.”

“It’s okay, I’m used to it.”

“It’s not okay.”

“I’d say it’s well deserved, and a little ironic.” I shrugged.

The look in her eyes was one of understanding. “It shouldn’t have to be one or the other.”

“You always were so sweet.”

She sighed and hugged her papers closer to her chest. A habit she had in school as well. I didn’t pay much attention to her then. I was just a little preoccupied with being angry at everything and everyone. Probably for the best, can’t imagine I would’ve been good for her then.

Not like I can be now.

An image of the newspaper Arthur showed me flashed in my brain and I internally grimaced.

Maybe not.

“Mattheo?”

I look up and realize we’ve made it to my desk. The look on Ramona’s face makes me bite down on my tongue and start filing through the papers on my desk. I mumble out an apology as I remind myself that ‘simple’ people do not zone out.

I find the papers and hand them to her, making the mistake of meeting her eyes again.

It’s a familiar, worried look. Not one that I’m used to getting, but one she’s used to giving. She’s looking at me like she knows exactly what happened, which makes me speak.

“I'm good,” I smile, recovering easily. “You’ve got too many things you’re stressing about, and while I’m flattered, you don’t need to add me to the list.”

She takes the papers and rolls her eyes, accepting my excuse or whatever that was. “Thank you again, it means a lot.”

I nod, “No problem. One would say you owe me…” I tapped my chin as if pretending to come to that conclusion.

She glances down at her watch and cocks an eyebrow. “Would they?”

“Yeah and you know what? I just thought of the perfect thing.” I said, shaking my head, putting on a clueless act that she saw right through.

“Wow, perfect timing.”

I leaned against my desk and tilted my head, grinning. “We’re going out for drinks next Tuesday after work, it’s my birthday.” It wasn’t my idea, I actually fought against it and lost. But if she goes I’ll have a good time.

“I thought your birthday was Wednesday?”

My brows furrow. “It is but I’m not coming in on Wednesday so– how’d you know that?” I couldn’t help but blurt.

“Graham mentioned it.”

I smirked. “You talk about me with everyone, don’t you?” She gave me a dry look as a response. “Anyway, you’ve had time to think about it so you can give me an answer now.”

“You’re going to make me late.”

“You’re the one taking your sweet time.”

She sighed. Something she does around me a lot. I like to think it’s because I’m charming her so hard that she forgets how to breathe properly. Poor thing.

“Okay.” She says eventually.

My smile widens and she looks away, holding back her own I swear.

“Yeah?”

“Special occasion and all.” She shrugged. The little smile that she allowed was enough to make me wanna do stupid things for her.

I nodded. “Good.” I could talk to her forever but I don’t want her to be late to her meeting, that would definitely set me back on the progress I’ve made.

She looked at her watch again and pushed her lips to the side. “I’ll see you later, then.” She held my gaze for a moment before turning to leave.

“Good luck.”

“I don’t need it.” She called over her shoulder. I watched her walk away with her usual confidence until Miles stepped in front of me, blocking my view. My brows furrowed and I craned my neck just to see her turn a corner, disappearing from view.

I huffed and directed my attention to him. “What?” I grumbled.

“Stop,” He rolled his eyes but then gave me a cheeky little smile. “You know, she almost looked like she enjoyed talking to you.”

“Oh shove off.”

“No, I mean it.”

“Me too.”

“So what were you two talking about?” He moved the mess I’d made looking for the papers for Ramona and sat on my desk, looking at me expectedly.

I bit the inside of my cheek. Despite being annoyed about him getting in my way moments ago, I cracked. Miles was literally asking me to talk about Ramona and I take every chance I’m given.

I stuck my hands in my pockets and shrugged. Acting nonchalant. “She’s coming out with us Tuesday.”

He snorted. “How’d you get her to do that?”

Before I could answer Graham came over and slapped us both on the backs of our heads with a stack of folders.

“Thank you.” I nodded.

“Let's get through this stack so we can all go home for the day.” He dropped the folders on his desk and sat down.

“Have plans with Warrington do you?” Miles asked, rubbing the back of his head. Graham shot him a look with narrowed eyes.

“It sounds like you want to do all the work by yourself, Bletchley, is that true?”

Miles rolls his eyes on his way to his desk.

After two hours of going through files and bickering back and forth with Miles and Graham, mostly Graham, we finished. He thinks I know every damn thing about every damn death eater. He’s not wrong to think that because I really do know a lot. But not everything. I grew up surrounded by death eaters so I have more knowledge than necessary and useful.

At least with this job I get to put some of the shit that’s burned into my brain to use. I get to be helpful, and I can’t deny that I like it.

When I get back to my flat I immediately turn on my old record player. When I was staying with Annie and Miles I mentioned that I didn’t like to sit in silence because it mentally put me right back in Azkaban, so she got me a walkman so I could listen to music any time without bothering them. Then when I moved out she got the record player for me and gave me a bunch of records that were sitting in her parents basement.

I sit on my small couch and eat the takeout I picked up on the way. My mind goes to my last meeting with Arthur. I haven’t thought about his suggestion since and that’s no coincidence. The thought of being with someone other than Ramona is… uninteresting. She’s by far the only person I’ve ever been crazy about. For a long time I thought that I was unfortunately like my father in the sense that I can’t love. That thought was nothing less than horrid. In school I’d go out with girls to pretend that I felt normal. Then I’d make myself into a dick by not talking to them again, earning the title of a player. Better than a heartless monster.

But I can pretend. I have to. Even if Ramona finally realizes that what’s his face isn’t good enough for her she wouldn’t immediately want to jump into another relationship, even if it would be her last.

As in marriage, not death.

When I finish my food I take a long shower and then crash on my bed, despite it only being six, I have nothing better to do.

I wake up panting and sweaty. I throw the sheets off me and get out of bed. I stumble to the kitchen in the dark, music still playing in the living room. I drain three glasses of water and then pull open a window, letting the cold night air in. I stare down at the empty streets and force steady, deep breaths in and out of me.

I can’t tell if I like never remembering my dreams or not. I don’t know how to make them go away if I don’t know what the problem is. There’s too many variables in my life for me to just guess.

My watch says it’s a quarter past two.

I took another shower, cold this time. I stay up for a couple more hours, sitting on the ground in front of my record player, watching it spin in circles as music comes out of it.

When my curfew lifted I left my flat and actually did go for a walk. I had no interest in going back to sleep, and my flat got more sad by the minute. I think that it’s all in my head, the fact that I feel so trapped in there. I know for a fact that without the curfew I would still spend the same amount of time in my flat. But the fact that I don’t have a choice for an extended amount of time, makes it all so suffocating.

Eventually shops start opening. I get a coffee at the tiny muggle cafe by the bookstore I’ve been wanting to go to. Haven’t worked up the ‘courage’ quite yet. The woman who made my coffee looked startled by my appearance but recovered quickly with a smile.

I look as if I’d been robbed. Or fucked.

My shirt was buttoned incorrectly and I didn’t bother with the one on my trousers. My hair was a mess and my lack of sleep was shown on my face.

“Would you like a muffin?” She was still smiling at me sweetly. Her hair was blond and in a braid. She had light freckles on her face and bright green eyes. Seemed the type to help a bug if it was stuck on its back and feel guilty over forgetting to water a plant.

The type of girl Arthur was talking about.

“I just made them fresh, they’re rasberry.” She added, after I remained silent.

I cleared my throat. “Sure, yeah, thank you.”

Her smile brightened and she bagged one for me. “I hope you like it.” I stared at her for a moment too long and then looked down. She lowered her head, trying to meet my eyes again.

“Do you live around here?”

“Uh, yeah.” I nodded.

She nodded back, leaning over the counter. “Good.” She smiled again, biting her bottom lip. “So I’ll see you again, if you like the muffin that is, though I’ve only ever heard good things.”

I blinked at her and made a point to look down at myself, making her laugh. She still raised her brows expectantly.

I raised mine back and slowly smiled. “I suppose.” She blushed and smiled once again. I don’t think it actually ever left her face.

“Good.”

I took the bag and left, dropping my smile as soon as I was outside again.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.