What Should Have Been

Her good for nothing nephew has always been trouble. She had been living a perfectly normal life with her husband, had recently welcomed their perfect son Dudley, her litle Diddums, and had been able to part ways with her sister and her unnatural ways. And then her sister had to go and get herself killed and her nephew, that good for nothing filth, had been left on her doorstep. To this day, she was glad that none of her neighbors had noticed the infant on her doorstep that November morning.

And the pure audacity of those freaks, leaving a child with nothing more than a note, telling her that her sister had died and she was not to raise her nephew. The audacity.

Her Vernon had been livid. When she'd told him about her sister's magic, they had both agreed that they did not want this kind of freakishness in their lives and especially not near their own child. He had expected Petunia to get rid of her nephew but the note had been clear. They were to take of the child or there would be consequences. Their house would be watched to make sure that they did not harm or got rid of the child. In the end, neither Petunia nor Vernon had wanted to risk it and begrudgingly took the child in.

To keep him and his possible freakishness away from Dudley, they outfitted the cupboard under the stairs with a mattress. There's simply no way she would change anything in her house, just to accomodate a child she did not want in the first place. The cupboard was perfectly adequate and it allowed them to keep the child out of sight and mind for most of the time. To her, her first priority would always be Dudley. He was the child she spend most of her time and energy on. Her nephew would always an afterthought, an obligation she had no choice in.

In order to spend the least amount of time possible with him, she quickly forced him into a schedule that fit her day. She would change his diaper 3 times a day, at the same time he would get a bottle. She put a few toys in the cupboard, so the child could entertain himself. She would take him out twice a day, once in the morning to wash him and give him some time to spread out in the living room - always when Dudley was down for a nap and wouldn't encounter his cousin - and once in the evening, again to wash him and give him some space to spread out. Once a week, she would give the child a bath. The first couple weeks of this schedule were hard. The child had cried a lot, whining at all times. The scar on the child's head - the letter had told her it was a curse scar and there was nothing to be done about it - was an angry red and would burst open and bleed on occasion. But after a couple weeks, this issue also settled down and the child seemed to have accepted its place within her family and life at No. 4 Privet Drive returned to normal and time moved on.

Harry, even though he was severely neglected in regards to love, affection, attention and food, hit all the milestones any magical child should. He started walking at the same time as Dudley, he started babbling and eventually talking and he had his first bout of accidental magic, one November morning, when he was just 4 years old. He had been with the Dursleys for 3 years now and this morning, he was using up his alotted outside time to play in the living room. Dudley was at kindergarden, which was why he was allowed outside longer than usual. But his time was up and Petunia had wanted to send him back to his cupboard. Just as she was about to close the door, the door simply disappeared. Harry had been thinking about how horrible his cupboard was, how dark it was with the door closed and that it was the last thing he wanted and all of a sudden, there was no more door. His thoughts made it disappear. Harry's stomach sank. Was this the freakishness, his aunt always ranted about? How could he get the door back? What would his uncle do when he got back from work? The little boy's thoughts raced and he started to panic.

His aunt was equally shocked. There it was, the irrefutable proof that her nephew was a freak. What her and Vernon had always dreaded. In that moment, she wasn't sure what to do, how to react, so she simply turned around, went to the kitchen and put on the kettle for a cup of tea. She had to think. She left Harry sitting there, scared, in the cupboard that was still missing a door. The small child simply sat on his mattress and pulled his knees to his chest, his thoughts still racing and trying to explain in his mind, what had just happed.

He had never seen his aunt speechless before. Yes, she was a quiet person overall, she was stern and quiet in her disapproval of him, but she had never been speechless before. She usually gave him quick and perfunctory orders and disapproving glances. Most of the time she simply pretended that he wasn't there. His uncle was the one that was usually loud and brash, shouting at Harry at the simplest of things and threatening him that they would leave Harry somewhere the next time they went out to get rid of him. Harry was sure that the missing cupboard door would push his uncle over the edge.
Harry was aware of his cousin Dudley but the children barely interacted since his aunt and uncle were afraid of Harry and his impact on Dudley. Although both children barely interacted, Dudley had started to pick up on the way his parents treated his cousin and had started to act in the same way. Dudley was the same age as Harry but was easily twice his size and used that to his advantage. He shoved Harry around, whenever he could get to him and blamed every inconvenience on his cousin.

The more Harry thought about the situation at hand and his life at Number 4 Privet Drive, the more he wished that he had vanished himself instead of the cupboard door.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, aunt Pentunia had similar frantic thoughts. She was unsure what would happen now that Harry had shown signs of magic. She remembered that for her sister, once she had shown her first bouts of magic, accidental magic kept happening more and more. Whenever she was even just slighty upset, things would happen around her and Petunia knew from the way they housed Harry that he had a lot of reasons to be upset.

Petunia wrecked her brain for options to solve this situation. Logically, she knew that in the 3 years her nephew had been with them, no one had ever bothered to check on him and on their family. They were so paranoid in the beginning, but neither her nor Vernon ever noticed anything akin to someone checking on the child. They could probably get away with leaving Harry somewhere and abondoning him.

If they were to leave him somewhere in their world, it might be traced back to them and it could have repercussions for them. But if they left him somewhere magical, those people probably wouldn't even try to find them. Lily had told her that there was a lot of prejudice against normal people without magic that they would probably not go looking for them.

Petunia tried to think back to the time when her sister first got her letter to that blasted school. They had sent over a professor to help them get the school supplies her sister had needed. They were taken to a pub and Petunia and her parents had had to put on a magical necklace in order to see the entrance to the magical world. She still remembered that the entrance was in Charing Cross und it was next to a record store. Maybe....
Yes, maybe it would work. If she got Harry to Charing Cross, he might be able to spot the entrance to the magical world. And either she would leave him right then and there or maybe they could direct her to a magical orphanage. Petunia's thoughts kept racing with the steps she would need to take in order to get rid of her nephew.

First, she had to make sure that her Diddums was safe while she took Harry to London. The sooner the better. Looking at the clock, it was only 11 a.m. and that should be plenty of time to get to London and back today. She got the phone and called her sister-in-law, Marge. She loved Dudley as much as Petunia and Vernon did and he would be well looked after. Marge was delighted on the phone and promised to pick Dudley up from kindergarden and spend the afternoon with him. Next, she needed to inform Vernon that she would not be home and to not worry about Dudley.

"Grunnings, this is Vernon Dursley speaking. How may I help you?", her husband's voice sounded gruffly over the phone.

"Vernon, honey, it's Petunia. It happened today...with Harry.", Petunia pressed the word's out. She already knew what kind of reaction his husband could have to the news.

"..What? Petunia, are you sure? Are you safe from that freak? What happened?", Vernon explaimed, already well on his way to screaming.

"Don't worry, honey. Dudley is still in kindergarden. The boy made his cupboard door disappear. But listen, that is not why I am calling. I found a way to keep our family safe. I will take him to London today. I remembered how to find other people like him. I will leave him with them and everything will return to normal. I have asked your sister to take care of Dudley. I don't want him around...that. I needed to let you know that I will be in London this afternoon and will probably not be back in time you get home from work. Will you be okay?", Petunia explained matter of factly. Her explanation made the whale of a man that was Vernon Dursley breathe a little easier. His wife and son were safe.

"Pet, are you sure you can leave him? You know what the letter said. What will we do if they decide to check on the freak and he's not there?", Vernon was still nervous, although the thought of a freak-free house and a normal family filled him with excitement.

"Honey, no one has ever come to check on him. And even if they would start to show up, we owe them nothing. It's time to think about our family. I don't want our Diddums corrupted by this..this..this filth."

"Ok, if you are sure, then go ahead. I will finish up work and then head over to Marge. Take the time you need. I love you.", Vernon finally agreed.

"Ok, I will call Marge when I am back from London. I love you!", Petunia said and ended the call. Time to get started on the next phase of the plan and pack the things she needed for the trip.

She packed some water and made a sandwhich for herself, Harry would be fine with a slice of dry bread. She also packed the note she had kept all those years, which had been attached to the blanket Harry had been wrapped in. Finally, she grabbed some money for her train ticket to London and back. Then she got up and grabbed a grocery bag for Harry to pack up his belongings. His things should fit and if not, he would have to decide what to leave. She would not be lugging more than the one bag around. She made her way towards the cupboard, finding Harry as she had left him, sitting on the mattres, knees drawn up to his chest, lost in thought.
"Harry, we have to go to London today. It's important that you bring all your things, so pack them up in this bag.", she handed him the grocery bag. Harry's hand was trembling when he took the bag from her hands, his green eyes huge as he was looking at her.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to get rid of me? I didn't want to do it, aunt Petunia. it just happened, I'm sorry. I'm never going to do it again, I swear. I'm sorry!", his lower lip trembled. Petunia sighed. It was one of Vernon's usual taunts that they would just leave him somewhere and get rid of him. Even though that was exactly what she wanted to do, she decided to say nothing of that sort.

"Harry, don't ask questions and do as I say.", Petunia snapped. Thankfully, her nephew began to pack up his belongings. Next to his mattress was a small pile of clothes. Petunia usually got him 2 outfits in his size. Either from Tesco or a secondhand store. She never wanted to spend money on him, but he needed to look presentable, should someone ever decide to check on him. On his mattress, there was a small teddy bear. It used to belong to Dudley but he had ripped it apart in one of his moods and had ripped open the belly seam, so all of the stuffing had gotten out. Petunia decided to give it to Harry as a christmas present and the limp, deflated teddy bear was cherished by the boy. Lastly, Petunia reminded him to pack the blanket on the mattress. It was baby blue and had little golden balls with wings on it. It was the blanket that Harry came wrapped in 3 years ago. Vernon had wanted to throw it away but for Petunia it meant one less item to provide for Harry, so it stayed. And with that, the grocery bag was filled and they were ready to go.

Petunia and Vernon only had the one car, but it was only a short walk to the Surrey train station. A train to London ran every half hour and took roughly 45 minutes into the city. From there, Petunia would be able to figure out a route to Charing Cross.

"Get your shoes and coat on, we have to go to the train station.", Petunia shoved Harry towards the front door and got her own shoes and coat. Harry had never really been outside out front and never been to the train station. She hoped that he would be timid and quiet and would simply follow her. She really didn't want to cause any negative attention with a misbehaving child.

"You will follow me, stay close to me the entire time. I don't want you running off or causing a scene, understand? No silly questions either!", she scolded Harry before finally leaving No. 4 Privet Drive and locking the front door. By the time she would return tonight, it would be just her, her husband and her baby. She could hardly wait.

They made it to the train station in good time, Harry wasn't used to walking long stretches, but he managed fine. His big eyes scanned his surroundings with wonder but he knew better than to ask his aunt about the things he saw and didn't know what they were. He watched his aunt purchase a ticket for the next train and then walked with her to the right platform. Harry had heard about trains before and even played with Dudley's train set but he had never seen one in real life. Even though he had a bad feeling about the day and felt that something big was coming, he was still excited for the chance to ride a train. He wasn't even sure that Dudley had ever ridden one. He would get to do something before his cousin. It made him almost giddy.

They only stood there for another few minutes, silently of course, and when they entered the train, Petunia led them as far away from other passangers in the wagon as possible. As soon as they sat down, aunt Petunia leaned towards Harry.

"I will tell you a few things now you need to know for when we get to London. You will listen and you won't ask questions, understand?", Harry nodded at the stern tone.

"Your mother, she was like you. What you did today with the door, that was magic-", Harry's eyes widened considerably, he opened his mouth to ask if his aunt was sure, but her warning glance made him shut his mouth and continue to listen. "- and your mother and good for nothing father could do it, too. In London, there is a whole district for people like you, people who do magic. It is hidden and we will have to find the entrance. Since I am normal and can't do magic, I won't be able to see the entrance. You'll need to tell me when you can see a certain sign. What we are looking for is a shop, above the door should be a large wooden sign in the shape of a cauldron. Let me know as soon as you find it, ok?"

"Yes, aunt Petunia. But, aunt Petunia, what's a cauldron?", Harry asked. He had never even heard of that word, so how could his aunt expect him to look for it?

"It's like a large pot, but the bottom is wider than the top. Almost a bit pear shaped, ok?", Petunia explained almost patiently. Since she needed Harry's help to find the entrance, he would need to know what to look for.

"Ok, aunt Petunia.", Harry nodded and turned forward in his seat.

He could do as his aunt had asked him. He would be the best look out and look for the pear shaped pot. Thinking about her words, he realized that she had given him some information about his parents. They had been magical, too. He had something in common with his parents, Harry was in awe. Usually, his aunt and uncle never mentioned his parents. The only thing Harry knew about them was that they had been killed when he was barely a year old. Uncle Vernon sometimes called them worthless freaks, when he was in one of his moods but aunt Petunia never mentioned them, so just this tidbid of information was huge.

Petunia also turned in her seat. She picked up her purse and took out a notepad and a pen. The magical community seemed to love to simply hand people a letter or piece of paper, without any warning, and tell them life altering news. They did it with Lily's acceptance letter to that blasted school, blindsiding their entire family, and then again after her sister had been killed. Simply leaving a child on her doorstep with a note attached to it, telling her her sister had died and she was now responsible for her sister's child. Again, blindsiding her and her entire family. She put her entire frustration with the magical community from the past 12 years in that note, explaining why they would no longer be keeping Harry and that he should be someone else's problem. Thankfully, she still had enough time on the train ride to finish the note. When she was done, she put it in an envelope, sealed it and addressed it to "Whomever it may concern".

When they got to the train station in London, Petunia found the tourist information and got directions to Charing Cross. They would need to take the underground and that would take them directly to Charing Cross. Petunia remembered from her one trip to the magical world, 12 years ago, that the entrance would be in one of the side streets. She grabbed Harry by the shoulder and walked him towards the underground. So far, her nephew and behaved well, far better than she had hoped. Now she only needed to find that blasted pub and she would be done.

When they resurfaced at Charing Cross from the underground, she took Harry aside again.

"Now, Harry, remember what you need to look for. It's a large wooden sign of a pear shaped pot. If you see something like that, tell me. If you see it and I won't be able to, we have found what we came for. Let's go.", with that she directed him towards one of the side streets of Charing Cross and they started walking around. Harry's head was constantly pointed up, looking for signs above shop doors. Petunia kept looking for things she might remember from back then. It was possible that the record store was still located there and she might be able to recognise some buildings. Harry and her kept walking around for almost 30 minutes before he nudged her arm.

"Aunt Petunia, that shop up the street has a wooden sign. It looks like what you told me. Can you see it?", Harry pointed up ahead and Petunia got giddy, she could in fact not see the sign Harry had pointed out. They walked forward and all Petunia could see was a desolate building that looked empty. Right next to it, a record shop was located. This was it! She stopped Harry and turned to him.

"Ok, Harry. You have found it, I can't see the shop. I've explained why to you. I am normal, so I won't be able to see it. Since you have magic, you can see it and enter the shop. I want you to go in there and ask for someone who works there. I want you to hand them the letter, ok?", Petunia practically threw the letter she had written at Harry.

Harry was unsure. Was this the moment his aunt left him? What if there was no one there? How could she be sure he could get in and find a person, when she herself couldn't even see the sign? He took the letter from his aunt.

"Will you stay and wait for me?", he asked with a small voice. He knew that his aunt did not like him, but even she wouldn't leave him alone in a big city, would she?

"Yes, Harry. I will wait for you. Now go, you need to find someone and hand them the letter. Go!", she repeated sternly. She did not want to tell him the truth. As soon as her nephew would enter the shop, she would turn around and go back home and she could finally leave this chapter of her life behind. Her family could return to normalcy.

Her nephew turned towards the door and slowly walked to the door, always looking back at his aunt, who had her eyes on him the entire time. He opened the door, which was hard for a small child like him and as soon as the door closed behind him, he could no longer see his aunt. Harry swallowed hard. She told him what to do. He turned forward and walked farther into the shop. Only, it wasn't a shop. It was like a big dining room with lots of tables and chairs. The entire room was dim, the air was warm, heavy and smokey. The only light in the room came from a large fire place on the far left wall of the room. Harry's eyes had trouble adjusting to the darkness and he could hardly make out anything in the large room. But his aunt had given him an order, so he walked forward.

Outside, Petunia barely waited for the door to close before she turned around and fled back towards the main street and the underground station. She had done it. Freedom for herself and her family after 3 long years. She was grinning and almost skipping down the street, she would be back in Surrey in no time and get to spend time with her family. Maybe they should go out to dinner and celebrate? It was only 2 p.m., the whole thing had taken a lot less time than anticipated and she would be back in no time. In her head, Petunia made grand plans, her nephew and his fate already forgotten.

For Harry meanwhile, his nerves almost got the better of him. He took a deep breath and walked forward. There had to be someone here who could help him. He was almost ready to turn around and walk out to his aunt, when all of a sudden a man emerged from a doorway on the right sight of the room. The man stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the small child that seemed to be alone in the pub.

"Hello, who are you?", the perplexed man asked the child in front of him.

"Hello, can you help me please? I think my aunt has just left me."