Dear brother
Astoria stood before Samuel's grave, her eyes fixed on the cold stone where her brother's name was engraved. The winter breeze was blowing through the nearby trees, but she didn't seem to mind. She stood there in silence, lost in thought as she often was. The wind whipped her hair, but she didn't adjust it, didn't tuck it behind her ear.
She knew Samuel was listening to her, even though, logically, she knew he couldn't hear anything. But inside her, a voice insisted on talking to him. She needed it, as if it were part of the process, a way of keeping a link, a ritual.
‘You know, Samuel...’ She breathed slowly, as if searching for the words. ‘I'm still here. I'm always here. Even if I never imagined I'd be the one to go on without you. It's like a part of me has frozen here, with you.’ She closed her eyes, a shiver running through her. ‘Do you remember Hogwarts? Our years in Slytherin? It was complicated sometimes, but everything seemed so much simpler than it is now. Here we were, together, inseparable, invincible.’ She paused for a moment, a slight smile brushing her lips. ‘It's crazy, you know, I would have given anything to come back, just for one day. To see your mischievous eyes again, to hear your voice, to argue with you like we used to sometimes. But everything's changed...’
She inhaled deeply, her hands nervously gripping the edges of her coat. She wasn't here to cry. Not today. Not yet.
She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to find an image of her brother, the one she had lost. The one who was no more. Her eyes closed, and in the darkness of her thoughts, she could almost hear him, almost feel his presence. Samuel. He was still there, somewhere, in a secret corner of her heart.
‘You would have seen Draco today.’ His voice grew softer, more intimate. ‘He's still there, still as solid as a rock. I wonder how he keeps it together. But he remains strong. For us, for me.’ A slight smile, tinged with sadness, passed over her lips. ‘He does everything he can, you know. He cares for me, for Scorpius. And for you, I think, somehow.’ She shook her head, thoughts racing through her head. ‘I'm proud of him. I never thought I'd find a man so strong... so capable of loving me.’
She sighed, her gaze lost in the void, as if searching for answers in the trees swaying in the wind. Time seemed to stand still, suspended, as if the world around her refused to move. It was almost suffocating.
‘Scorpius. He has this light in his eyes. Thoughtful, always ready to make Luna smile, it's hard for him. 'You're Uncle Samuel, forever. She smiles weakly. ‘You'd be proud of him. Me, I don't know if I'm up to it, but I'm doing my best. I promise.’
She sat down on the frozen grass. She looked around her, everything was so quiet. Too quiet. The silence seemed to weigh on her, almost suffocating. And yet she kept talking, talking to him. The breeze blowing through the trees was the only response she received.
‘Luna... Oh, she's all you. Everything you were. Brilliant, so engaging, funny... but also a bit scared now. She's grown up, but there are days when I see the fear in her eyes. Sometimes she hides behind that mask of confidence, but I know she's hurting. And so is Abby.’ She closed her eyes for a moment, her throat tight. ‘It's before all this, before everything that's broken us. Before everything went to shit. Before we lost... you.’
A feeling of anger surged in his chest, mingling with the pain. It was anger at not having been able to do everything. Anger that she hadn't been able to stop him leaving. She clenched her fists, her face tight.
‘Everything's different now, Samuel. Everything's different now, Samuel. But I'm here. I'm here for them. For Luna, for Abby. I'm going to protect them. I'm gonna make sure they don't have to suffer like we did. They need you, Sam, but they're fine. They're strong. And I'm gonna make sure they stay that way. I'm going to do everything I can to keep them well.’ She wiped her eyes quickly, her voice trembling slightly.
She stood there for a moment, not moving, tears rolling down her cheeks. She briskly wiped them away, but the pain was still there, and nothing could make it go away. Nothing could fill the void Samuel had left behind. Nothing.
‘St. Mungo's... Well, there are good days and bad days. Days when I wonder if it all makes sense. If what I'm doing is enough. If I'm strong enough.’ She let a long sigh escape her. ‘But I keep going. Because it's the right thing to do. Because that's what you taught me. For them. For you. For me too.’ She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering that inner strength that had always pushed her forward, even in the darkest of times. ‘I'm proud of what I do. Even if it's not easy, even if sometimes I doubt.’
There was no answer. There never would be again. But Astoria had learned to find answers within herself. She had learned to live with the silences. Even if she would have given everything she had to hear her brother's voice one last time.
‘Abby, Luna...’ she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. ‘They're all that's left of you, Sam. You'd be so proud of them. They're so strong. And Scorpius...
She smiled faintly, a sad, bitter smile. The wind blew harder, blowing away a lock of her hair. Astoria sat up slowly, feeling suddenly more tired, as if an immense weight had just been added to her burden. She bent down one last time, placing a trembling hand on the tombstone.
‘I promise you. I will always be there for them. I'll protect Abby and Luna, just like I always have. And I won't let anything happen to them, as long as I'm here.’ She straightened, taking one last look at her brother's grave. ‘I swear to you that I will not fail. Never.’