Without you
Abby POV:
The day was approaching, the date she dreaded so much. The anniversary of Samuel’s death. Every day, the pain seemed to grow stronger, bringing her closer to the moment when she would have to face his absence even more cruelly. That evening, in the half-light of the bedroom, Abby was reading to Luna, snuggled up against her on the bed. She could feel her daughter’s eyes gradually closing as the grief overcame her to the point of exhaustion.
Finally, Luna fell asleep, tears still streaming down her face. Abby gently closed the book, running a tender hand through her sleeping daughter’s hair. A heavy silence fell, and she felt her own tears begin to fall. She tried to cry quietly, so as not to disturb Luna’s fragile sleep, but the grief overflowed, elusive.
A little later, Luna stirred and opened her eyes. Seeing her mother, she sat up and hugged her, murmuring:
—Mum…
Abby took her in her arms, her heart clenching at the words.
—My baby…
Luna looked up at her with sad eyes, her voice weak and hesitant:
—Can I stay with you on Friday?
Abby’s heart broke a little more at this request, full of sadness and need.
—Of course, baby. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.
Luna’s eyes lit up with painful hope, as did Abby’s, and she forced herself to stay strong for her.
—Can we go to the… To see Daddy?
Her daughter’s words shattered the fragile shell she had built up. She nodded, tears running freely down her cheeks.
—Yes, anything,’ she murmured, holding Luna close. When it’s my mum’s memorial day, Grandad and I… we have traditions. We light a candle, we think or talk about the person. We go to the cemetery. You can feel whatever you want, you can cry. It’s a day when you surround yourself with the people you love.
Luna looked at her with a mixture of sadness and understanding:
—I want to do that.
Abby nodded gently, moved by her daughter’s maturity.
—I was thinking of asking Grandad to be there that day, if that’s OK with you?
Luna nodded, burst into tears and hugged her mother tighter.
—I miss Dad…
—Me too,’ said Abby, unable to hold back her own sobs. They stayed like that, united in their shared pain, and then went to sleep.
On Friday morning, Abby had already been awake for hours, haunted by memories. She had dreamt of Samuel, of a happy moment, then of his death… Reality had hit her hard when she opened her eyes. A year had passed since he had been murdered. She let the tears fall silently, without waking Luna, who had been sleeping with her for several days.
At around 8 am, the doorbell rang. She got up slowly, slipped out of bed so as not to wake Luna, and went to open the door. It was her father. She immediately took him in her arms, crying silently against him. They sat down to dinner, but Abby didn’t touch the cakes her father had brought. Shortly afterwards, Luna woke up and, still drowsy, climbed onto her mother’s lap.
—Hi, Grandpa,’ she murmured as she snuggled up to Abby.
She nibbled absentmindedly on a piece of cake, without letting go of her mother, who was comforted by the warmth.
Once again, there was a knock at the door.
—It must be Astoria, Draco and Scorpius,’ Abby explained in a trembling voice, feeling that the tears would not leave her for the rest of the day.
—I’ll get the door,’ offered her father.
As they entered, Abby gave them a faint smile, silently thanking them for being there. Luna hugged her a little tighter, clearly frightened by the idea of being separated from her mother. Astoria went over and gently took Abby’s hand. She knew that Luna would need cuddles all day, and she would be there for that.
They began the ceremony by lighting candles. Abby placed Luna next to her, her daughter never leaving her side, clinging to her like a little koala bear. It gave them both a fragile sense of calm. She helped Luna light a candle for safety, then lit her own. Six candles. Six memories. Six moments to remember Samuel.
They continued their tradition on the way to the cemetery. Luna stood by her father’s grave, speaking softly, holding back tears as she placed fresh flowers. Abby watched her daughter, her heart heavy but also filled with unconditional love. In this moment of contemplation, she knew she had to be strong for her. And even though the pain never left her, she found courage in the love they shared for Samuel.
Luna turned to her.
—She smiled sadly. Dad is right there, pointing at Luna’s heart, and there too, pointing at his head.
—There and there,’ Luna continued, pointing to her mother’s heart and then her head.
—Yes, she smiled at the gesture, which had become a tradition, with tears in her eyes.
—I miss you, Dad. I love you so much. She said sadly to her father.
—I love you too, Samuel, forever.
The next day, Abby needed to be with herself again, to remember moments that were precious to her, away from prying eyes. After asking Draco and Astoria to look after Luna for the afternoon, she decided to head for Hogsmeade, where so many memories lurked around every corner.
She walked slowly, feeling the cool November air sting her face, and every corner of the village reminded her of the moments she had shared with Samuel. They had laughed so much here, shared such simple moments of complicity, but they warmed her heart in a strange way.
She pushed open the door of the Three Broomsticks and was greeted by the warmth of the inn, the muffled sound of conversation and the familiar smell of butterbeer and pastries. She sat down at a discreet table by the window, watching the scenery without really seeing it, lost in thought.
The waitress approached her with a kind smile.
—What can I get you? Butter and beer?
—I’m fine. Pumpkin juice, please.
The waitress left and returned quickly with her drink.
Abby thanked her with a tired smile, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. She let them fall discreetly, taking advantage of this moment of solitude to let herself go, far from the gaze of those who knew her.
The waitress returned with an extra cupcake.
—I didn’t order this,’ she said, surprised.
—On the house,’ replied the waitress, offering her a warm smile.
Abby felt a wave of emotion wash over her. She murmured a “thank you” as she tried to hold back her tears, touched by this unexpected gesture.
She lifted the cake to her lips, rediscovering a sweet, comforting taste, but her melancholy never left her. She lost herself in her thoughts, replaying the moments she had shared with Samuel.
A sudden shiver ran through her, the sensation of a presence behind her. She turned to meet Harry’s gaze.
—I didn’t mean to frighten you,’ he apologised softly.
—It’s my fault, I didn’t hear you,’ she replied, realising that he could see she had been crying. She didn’t even try to hide it, knowing that Harry would understand.
She took a breath and offered:
—Would you like to join me?
— Harry smiled, obviously relieved. I’d like that.
He sat down opposite her and she smiled amusedly :
—I know you can see the elephant in the room, so there’s no need to ask the classic question.
Harry smiles back:
—It’s been a long time since I’ve heard that expression.
—Muggle expression… I never got out of the habit.
They exchanged a knowing glance, and gradually the conversation became lighter. They talked about memories, their children and everyday life.
Abby appreciated this friendship that had been built up slowly, without judgement or pressure.
After a moment, Abby put down her glass and sat up slightly, an idea crossing her mind.
—We should get the children together soon,’ she suggested with a smile.
Harry nodded, obviously enthusiastic.
—Good idea, Lily will be delighted. I’ll check it out with Ginny, Ron and Hermione.
—Perfect,’ replied Abby, her heart a little lighter. Just no magic around Luna.
—No problem at all.