What we don't say
Draco POV
Since Samuel’s death, there had been a void. Draco could see that Abby was struggling to keep her head above water, but he felt guilty every time he saw her. This guilt gnawed at him like an ever-present shadow. Two months had passed, and despite the Aurors personally mobilised to protect him and Luna, he couldn’t help imagining the worst. Samuel had died protecting them but… he held back tears.
He went back to work and a nurse took him aside a little, informing him that Abby was in the cafeteria, isolated.
He felt his heart racing. He rushed towards the cafeteria where she was, finally spotting her in the crowd. A few metres away, he saw one of the aurors, discreet but very present, watching over her. His heart calmed a little, reassured by this vigilance, but the weight of anxiety remained.
He took a step closer.
—Abby… has something happened?’ he asked, trying to hide his panic behind a false serenity.
She looked up at him, clearly surprised to see him there:
—I’ve been warned,’ he replied. How are you?
He knew at once that her question was stupid. How could she be all right, after everything that had happened? But before he could think of anything more appropriate to say, she shook her head and sat down.
—You should be working, Draco,’ she murmured.
—He tried to reassure her. I’m on a break’.
She sighed, her gaze searching the empty space in front of her.
—I panicked, I know that…’ She paused, searching for words, he couldn’t understand her. It’s all in my head, but I felt like someone was following me. I don’t feel it here any more. I know it’s not true.
Draco felt his heart clench at seeing her so troubled. He swallowed, unable to find the words that would reassure her without blatantly lying. This place is very exposed. They won’t try anything here, not with so many people around, he reassured himself. He hated having to feign trust, but the truth would only bring more anxiety.
—Do you want anything? He moved a little closer. She shook her head.
Abby nodded silently, struggling to keep her composure.’
—You can go back to work,’ she breathed. I’m going to stay here for a while.
He saw the sadness rising in her, the weight of Samuel’s absence. She didn’t want to cry, but Draco knew it was only a matter of time.
—Everyone cries in hospitals,’ he said awkwardly before immediately regretting his words. “It’s not…
Abby replied thoughtfully:
—Like in airports.
He gave a forced smile:
—If you say so.
She smiled slightly, then let out a small laugh.
—Have you ever been to an airport, Draco?
—No,” he admitted, sincerely.
She let out another laugh, but this time there were tears in her eyes.
—You can laugh,’ he murmured, realising that she was trying hard not to break down. But finally she gave in, her tears flowing freely.
He put a clumsy hand on her shoulder, offering silent comfort.
Between sobs, Abby finally spoke, her voice broken with grief:
—Samuel… he always knew how to make me smile, even at the worst times. He had this gift… of making everything clearer. I know he’d want me to… I miss him.
Draco remained silent, respecting her words, as she continued, her voice trembling:
—I remember the first time he took Luna to the park. He was so proud and… so protective. It’s as if all that… all that belonged to another life.
After a moment, she looked at him seriously:
—Please don’t say anything to Astoria. I don’t want to worry her any more.’
—Draco fidgeted: “Abby, I…” But he was at a loss for words. How could he tell her he understood when he was partly to blame for her suffering?
She took a deep breath:
—I’ll be on my way. Thanks, Draco.’
He squirmed on the spot, uncomfortable.
—“I… I didn’t do anything. Are you going to be all right?”
She smiled slightly.
—Yeah, I just need a few hours to myself while Luna’s at school.
Every fibre of his being was screaming that this was a bad idea, but he didn’t have the heart to stop her.
—If you ever don’t want to be alone, you can always come downstairs, or see Astoria…’
—I need time alone. But tonight… Could you come for Luna, around 6:30 pm?
—Of course,’ he replied immediately. We could also bring dinner, so you don’t have to worry about it.
She gave him a look of gratitude he didn’t deserve.
—Thanks, Draco. See you tonight.
—Yes. Don’t forget you’re not alone.
She walked away, leaving him with that all-consuming feeling of guilt, aware of the lie he had told her to protect her. Protect her from the truth, but also from anything that still threatened to hurt her.
Three months had passed since Samuel’s death, and Abby had spent the day at her father’s house. Sitting at the kitchen table, she played nervously with her spoon, her mind swirling with thoughts and emotions.
She took a deep breath, determined to express how she felt.
—Daddy,’ she began, her voice trembling, ’I wanted to apologise for… my behaviour after Mummy died.
Her father, surprised, looked at her intensely, trying to understand this sudden confession.
—Why are you apologising, baby?’ he asked, his tone soft.
Tears began to well up in her eyes, but she didn’t let the wave of emotion overwhelm her.
—For all the anger I imposed. It wasn’t fair. Her voice choked as she continued. Instead of helping, I made it harder for you to mourn. The emotion hit her hard, a mixture of guilt, regret and sadness.
Her father took her hand tenderly, a gesture full of understanding.
—You were 8 years old. It wasn’t your job to help me,’ he replied gently.
Abby hesitated, feeling torn between her memories and her guilt.
—But Luna is… she’s younger and… I blamed you unfairly. She couldn’t hold back the tears that flowed freely.
—I’d have liked to take your anger,’ said her father, his gaze soft, ’but it helped you. I was there for you, and for a long time, it was you who kept me going. Without you, I don’t know how I’d have got on with your mum.
Abby nodded, recognising the truth in his words.
—I understand that, completely,’ she said, crying. I don’t know how I’d cope without Luna. Even when everything’s black, she’s there. She’s the most important. She comes before me. I’m her mother. To her and to Samuel, I’m her mum, and I get up every day.
She threw herself into her father’s arms, unable to contain her grief. They cried together, sharing their grief in a spirit of mutual support.
—I’m here, I’m here,’ he murmured, rocking her gently. This feeling will pass, baby, I promise.
Abby’s tears eventually subsided, slowly but surely. She felt that, despite the storm inside, her father was there to support her. The memories of Samuel, though still present, no longer overwhelmed her so easily.
The silence in the kitchen was soon broken by the sound of light footsteps, announcing Luna’s arrival. Abby pulled herself together, dried the last traces of her tears and tried to put on a smile for her adorable little girl.
—Mommy,’ Luna asked in a sleepy voice, raising her arms to beg for a hug.
—Yes, my sweet baby,’ replied Abby, welcoming her into her arms with all the tenderness and love she could muster. In that moment, all the sorrow seemed to vanish, replaced by the warmth and security of the embrace.
Luna, snuggled up close to her, gave her the peace she so desperately needed. Abby realised that, despite the pain, there was still light in her life thanks to her daughter.