Last goodbye
Abby felt empty, as if her body were a mechanical shell, running on automatic. Since Samuel’s death, every day had seemed unreal, a succession of actions that she carried out without really being aware of it. Today was worse. The funeral. She was at Draco and Astoria’s, alone in a room, sitting on the sofa, staring at an indefinite point. The silence around her was heavy, broken only by the memories of Samuel that looped through her mind. His laughter, his smile… then the image of his body, cold and…
The tears flowed, burning, unstoppable. She cried in silence, an uninterrupted stream of pain.
—Abby!’ called a curt voice, jolting her back to reality. It was Daphne, Samuel and Astoria’s elder sister. Her tone was cold and aggressive. It’s nearly time!
Abby opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her legs refused to move, her mind seemed disconnected from everything that was happening. She felt incapable.
—I… I can’t…’ she finally admitted, her voice barely a whisper.
Daphne’s eyes darkened, hardening immediately. There was an anger in her eyes that Abby didn’t understand.
—You’ve got to come!’ barked Daphne, her voice rising a notch. You’ve got to come for Samuel! We’re burying my brother! It’s all your fault!
The words struck her like a blow. Abby froze, her thoughts racing. Her fault? How could it be her fault?
—My… my fault?’ she repeated, incredulous, breathless.
—He’s dead because of you!’ screamed Daphne, her voice shattered by hatred and pain. You’re coming to the funeral!
Abby felt her heart beat faster, nausea filling her stomach. The world began to shake. I killed him… What Daphne was saying, it went round and round in her head. I killed him. She was beginning to panic, unable to pull herself together. The room seemed to shrink around her.
—Daphne! Draco’s voice suddenly rang out, sharp. He had just entered the room, his face marked by a dull anger. Get out of here now!
Daphne turned round, her face contorted with rage and pain.
—You… you’re defending her? she shouted. Samuel’s dead because of her!
Astoria arrived in turn, her face tense and her voice cold.
—Daphne, snap Astoria, come with me now.
Abby stood there, paralysed. Daphne’s words poured out of her. I killed him. Her breath became shorter and shorter, her vision blurred as she began to shake. She collapsed inwardly, unable to breathe.
—Look at me, Abby,’ Draco said firmly as he came to kneel in front of her, gently grasping her hands to anchor her. His eyes sought hers, and when she finally looked at him, he said in a softer voice:
—It’s not your fault. Absolutely not. Daphne doesn’t know what she’s saying. It’s not your fault, you didn’t kill Samuel.
—I… I didn’t… kill him? It’s… she stammered, still trembling, unable to get out of the whirlwind of guilt that was engulfing her.
—No. It’s not your fault,’ Draco repeated softly, his gaze full of sincerity. Little by little, his words began to calm her. Her breathing became steadier again, and the panic slowly dissipated, even if the pain remained omnipresent.
Draco handed her a glass of water, which at first she was unable to take as her hands were still shaking. She drank it in one go, feeling a semblance of calm return.
—Take your time,’ he murmured softly. We still have a little time before we have to leave.
Abby nodded, her gaze still empty. The weight of Samuel’s funeral was crushing her. His funeral. She couldn’t face it. How could she say goodbye to the man she loved, the father of her daughter? She was broken, unable to move.
—I want to go… but I can’t,’ she sobbed, her body contracting under the emotional pain. I can’t say goodbye to her. I just can’t…
Draco took her in his arms, holding her close to offer her silent comfort. Her tears subsided for a moment, but the pain still consumed her.
—I can’t even get up. He deserves me to get up… to be strong for him, for Luna. It’s important,’ she murmured, fighting emotional exhaustion.
Draco was silent for a moment, then straightened up, discreetly taking a bottle out of his pocket.
—I’ve thought of something to help you. He held the small potion out in front of her. This is a strength potion. It’ll give you the energy you need for today, to say goodbye to Samuel.
Abby looked at the bottle with a mixture of relief and resignation.
—I’ll take it,’ she replied, her voice barely a whisper.
—And tonight, if you like, you can take a sleeping potion. You and Luna can stay with us. Astoria and I will take care of everything. You can sleep, just sleep, without thinking about anything.
The idea of a peaceful night without thoughts, without painful images, suddenly seemed to her the most beautiful of promises. She nodded, grateful.
—Thank you…’ she murmured.
Draco handed her the potion. She took it, despite the bitter taste that burned her throat. Instantly, a new energy flowed through her body, chasing away the overwhelming fatigue that had pinned her down. She felt a little stronger, ready, although the pain was still there, burning and unrelenting.
—I can do this, she told herself, taking a deep breath. I’m ready.
At last she stood up. Samuel, her wonderful Samuel, deserved to be honoured. He deserved her to be there.
Astoria had been feeling the tension mounting for days. Since Samuel’s death, Daphne had let her anger overwhelm her, and this was creating an increasingly unbearable climate. Astoria had tried to keep calm, to support Abby, Luna and Draco. The breaking point arrived. Astoria could contain herself no longer.
She took her aside, into the other room. Daphne was still shaking with anger. Without a word, Astoria entered the room, closing the door behind her. Daphne turned round, her face still scarred by the explosion of rage she’d had earlier.
—What’s the matter with you, Daphne?’ asked Astoria, her voice trembling slightly, but tinged with reproach. How could you say such things to Abby?
Daphne shrugged, her face closed.
—She deserved it. Samuel’s dead because of her. If it wasn’t for her, he’d still be alive!
Astoria felt a wave of anger rise up inside her, but she tried to contain herself. This was no time to give in to emotion.
—Stop!’ she said firmly. It’s not her fault! It’s not Abby’s fault. She’s already devastated !
Daphne crossed her arms, her jaw clenched as she fought back tears.
—He shouldn’t be…! He’d still be here!
Astoria burst into tears:
—He’d never do it! You saw for yourself… He… has never been happier than… since…
Astoria felt her anger explode.
—There was nothing more she could have done, except… she refused the idea. She found it! You’re thinking about it?
—Without Abby, he wouldn’t… Daphne straightened up, her face red with anger. You don’t understand!
Astoria froze, her sister’s words hitting her hard. You don’t understand. As if she hadn’t lost someone essential too. But Daphne was too blinded by her pain to see it.
—Don’t tell me I don’t understand,’ she retorted, her voice lower but sharp. Samuel was my brother. My twin and he is dead.
It’s not Abby’s fault, it’s… You’ve no right to take it out on Abby. She loved him too. She’s lost him, she’s falling apart!
Daphne shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes, but she refused to give in.
—It was her fault that he died. Samuel was a brilliant wizard, he would never have fallen without…
—Without what, Daphne?’ cut in Astoria, her eyes shining with suppressed tears. Without love? Without a family he loved? Do you really think Samuel would have been happier without Abby and Luna?
—He’s dead now! It’s Abby’s fault!
The tears began to flow:
—No!
Astoria left, crying, leaving Daphne, also crying.
Abby had found Luna and hugged her as she entered the room. As she entered the great hall, a wave of emotion swept over her. There were so many people there. Familiar faces, friends, family and even Samuel’s colleagues. They were all there for him to pay tribute to the man he was, the man she had loved so much.
Abby’s throat tightened at the size of the crowd. He was so loved. The idea that he would never come home again, that he would never laugh with her, with Luna, was a reality that hit her hard every moment. She felt the tears welling up. I miss you so much, sweetheart,’ she thought, her heart heavy and her eyes burning with grief.
She looked down at Luna, who felt the intensity of the atmosphere. Abby couldn’t afford to break down now. Not in front of her daughter. She had to stay strong, even if everything inside her wanted to fall apart.
It was time for the speeches.
Relatives spoke, sharing memories, words filled with pain, but also with tenderness.Everyone described Samuel as a generous, loving, brilliant man.
Abby, seated among them, listened to the echoes of these stories, each word accentuating her loss. Her gaze remained fixed on the coffin. It was unreal. How could she be there, saying goodbye to the love of her life?
Luna, beside her, squeezed her hand. Then, gently, she tugged at his sleeve.
—Mum… I want to talk,’ whispered Luna, her eyes bright but determined.
Abby looked at her, hesitating for a second. She wanted to protect Luna from all this, from this immense suffering. But she knew that her daughter also needed to say something, to pay tribute to her father. She nodded gently.
—All right, baby. I am with you.
They stood up together, walking slowly towards the place where the speeches were being made. People looked at them, some with compassion, others with sadness. Abby felt her heart grow heavier under the weight of the attention, but she was there for Luna, for Samuel.
Luna climbed onto the small platform, Abby at her side. Her voice trembled a little, but she remained brave.
—Dad…’ she began in a small voice, her bright eyes fixed on the coffin.
I miss you so much. I love you, and I know that you love me. I’m going to be strong, just like you said. But… but I miss you so much, Dad…
Abby couldn’t hold back the tears at those words, her heart breaking more with every syllable Luna spoke. She put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, proud of her, but so overwhelmed by grief.
When it was all over, and the world around them began to disperse, Abby gently took Luna’s hand. Together they walked towards the coffin. It was strangely quiet, as if time had stopped for just the two of them.
Abby placed her hand on the cold wood of the coffin, the intense pain of absence coursing through her body. She turned to Luna, who approached with childlike gravity.
—I love you, Daddy,’ she whispered.
Abby, her heart heavy, knelt down beside Luna, one hand still on the coffin. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to hold on to happy memories, the warmth of Samuel, his laughter, his love.
—I love you, Samuel,’ she whispered through her tears. You’ll always be with us. I love you.
Luna snuggled up to her, and together they lay there in silence, paying their last respects to the man they loved more than anything.