Not Inevitable

Regulus cannot wrap his brain around the fact that his brother is a dog. A literal, actual dog.

He wasn’t surprised in the slightest by Remus’s secret and he knows none of the other Slytherins were either. Snape had told Regulus towards the end of last term that Remus was a werewolf before Dumbledore forced him to keep it quiet. But even before that, Regulus had already guessed. By then he’d spent four years watching Sirius across the hall for 3 meals a day. That meant he was watching Remus too. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the days Remus is missing fall right around the full moon, if one’s paying attention.

Honestly, Regulus is convinced at least some of the other students must know and either don’t care or are too scared to say anything. That’s why Regulus didn’t say anything.

To clarify, he wasn’t scared of Remus. The boy may be bigger and stronger and turn into a wolf once a month, but no. Regulus was scared of Remus’s friends. Snape and Potter, though they likely would never like each other, would not fight as often as they do if Snape kept his mouth shut about James’s friends. And he knows first hand Sirius is a force to be reckoned with. Regulus doesn’t know what Peter might do, but it would probably be something sneaky so he’d never get caught.

What did come as a complete shock to Regulus, however, was learning that his brother can turn into a large black dog.  It’s a little on the nose, isn’t it? he thinks. Sirius Black turning into a black dog. But at the same time, he can’t deny that Sirius does indeed have the chaos energy reminiscent of a canine.

Regulus is, unfortunately, a little in awe of his brother and his friends. There are only seven registered animagi in the world. Regulus had never denied that Sirius is naturally talented at magic, but the animagus spell is one of the most complicated there is and it involves an incredibly specific potion to top it all off. Based on Peter’s memories, they started figuring it out at eleven or twelve years old! And then kept at it for another two or three years, they never gave up.

Regulus didn’t realize Sirius was capable of that. He spent three years figuring out how to help his friend, how to keep him company so he wouldn’t be alone during his worst days, but he left Regulus the first chance he got. Regulus hates him for leaving without a backwards glance. He hadn’t even said goodbye.

“Well if you lot are done showing off now, does anyone want to go next?” Dorcas asks.

“I’ll go,” Lily says, pouring her memory from its vial into the pensieve. “My secret definitely isn’t as fun though.”

“Yeah, mine either.” There are grumbles of agreement around the circle

“And I might have to explain after,” Lily adds. “It’s less about the event and more about my thought process about the event. But I guess we’ll get to that part in a minute.” Nobody knows what to say to that. “Alright then, no use standing around staring at each other. Let’s go.”

And then Regulus is tugged off his feet, upside down and rightside up, before landing in Professor McGonagall’s office. Lily, young, maybe eleven or twelve, is sitting in a chair leaning against McGonagall’s shoulder crying her little heart out.

The pensive pulls them in closer, so close that Regulus can’t see much besides the back of Lily’s head and the paper she’s clutching in her hand. Regulus reads

My sweetest Lily,

Thank God you sent us a letter– I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks. I had hoped to tell you this in a more delicate way, but I’m afraid that if I don’t write this and give it to the owl soon, it will fly away.

Lily, I am so so sorry to tell you this in a letter, but something terrible has happened.

Your father died on the 9th of December. A car crash. His funeral was on Monday.

I love you so much, my sweet girl. Your father loved you, so so much. You and your sister were the best things he ever did, you’re the best things I ever did too.  He was always incredibly proud to be your dad.

I am so very sorry. I’ll see you soon,

XOXO Mum

Regulus doesn’t know what to do with this information. He had never stopped to think how hard it must be for the muggleborn students to contact their parents, or vice versa. His own father has been sick since his first year at school and as much as a part of him would rather never see his parents again, he’s still been dreading the moment that he will receive an owl or a floo call that his father has died.

Losing someone that close to you causes the entire earth to shift on its axis, it must. What was Lily supposed to do when she realized the entire world had shifted and she missed it? She was simply doing her homework and laughing with her friends when her whole world fell apart, and she didn’t even know it was falling.

And then the walls are dissolving and the mist is sending them up and over until his feet hit the familiar stone floor of the room of requirement.

Lily has tears silently falling down her cheeks. She looks at the ground and quickly wipes them away with the sleeve of her sweater. Next to her, James, with tears threatening to spill onto his cheeks too, takes her hand.

“I’m so sorry Lily,” he says.

“When did it happen?” Pandora asks softly.

“My second year.”

“And the part you wanted to explain?”

Lily opens her mouth to do so, but Remus beats her to it.

“Spring term, second year. You wouldn’t do magic,” he says quietly. Something is clearly making sense for the first time in Remus’s head, but Regulus doesn’t get it.

Apparently neither does James. “I think she gets a pass, Remus. I’m not sure I’d be able to do much magic if my dad died.”

“No, that’s not what I said,” Remus replies slowly. “I didn’t say she wasn’t able. I said she wouldn’t. Spring term, second year. I didn’t realize until after exams, until Lily wasn’t top of the class in charms, but she wouldn’t do magic. She still did her homework and she took the written exams but,” Remus moves his eyes from James back to Lily. “You refused to do magic, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Lily whispers. “I almost didn’t come back to school. I was terrified something else would happen at home and no one would tell me. And I hated myself, and my friends, and school, and magic as a whole for forcing me into not being with my family. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him, he was already in the ground. All I got was a headstone.”

“The only reason I did come back was to get away from my sister. She had always been disappointed, or jealous maybe, that I got to go to Hogwarts, got to have magic, and she didn’t. My first year, I wrote her every week, but I never got a letter back. I had assumed that the school owls didn’t know how to get to muggle places. But when I got home for Christmas she said that she had gotten them, she just didn’t want to write letters to a freak. And so I didn’t send as many letters after that”

“And then the next Christmas, Dad had just died and Petunia hated me for leaving her and mum alone to live with that. She didn’t even stop to think that I would’ve given anything to have been there, to see him one more time. And then I hated her for hating me, so I left again, went back to Hogwarts, the first chance I got. But as soon as I was back I realized she was just sad, that she had needed someone to blame for her grief other than her dead father. I mean, we were both just kids. Neither of us were prepared to deal with it. So I had come back to get away from her, but then I felt so guilty for it, and I put the blame on magic. So I just. Stopped.”

Lily’s tears are flowing freely now and she’s breathing harder. James gently tugs on her hand, pulling her closer, and she falls right into him, his arms coming up to wrap around her as soon as she’s within their reach.

Regulus gets it better now, James’s obsession with Lily Evans. She’s a good person, truly and to her core.

Regulus remembers how he felt, getting left behind by Sirius. Regulus hadn’t stopped to consider what Sirius may have been thinking, like Lily considered about her sister. She was right, they were both just kids. But Regulus and Sirius were just kids too and Regulus had never been able to think past Sirius not loving him enough to stay, not at twelve years old. Lily Evans was a good person. Regulus can see it now, how they would fall in love and get married. How they’d live a good life together as good people. Or at least how they would if they can win this war before they all die young.

Regulus has never been a good person and he never will be.

“Okay somebody else go now, please,” Lily says, wiping her tears again and stepping away from James.

Pandora lifts her vial in answer, but Evan shakes his head at her, ever so slightly.

“I’ll go,” he says, lifting his own vial to pour in instead. Regulus has a pretty good idea what Evan’s secret is.

Regulus hates that he’s right.

Inside the pensieve, they land in the middle of a posh sitting room. Very reminiscent of the one in Grimmauld Place, though instead of cold black stone the walls are a very stark white.

It’s not a very long memory. Evan is standing near the wall opposite a tall man. His father. The father asks Evan if he has anything to say. Evan does not. The father pulls pack his hand and slaps his son across the face. Evan was ready for it, he’s not even thrown off balance. The father doesn’t like that. He throws his fist at Evan’s stomach this time, causing Evan to double over, where he then gets a fist in his face. Everything goes black.

Standing around the pensieve, no one says anything. There’s nothing to say, really. They can’t stop it. The only options are go back home and deal with it or never go home again. Never go home again seems like a pretty good option, until you realize you don’t have anywhere else to go, not anywhere safer at least.

Pandora goes next.

Once her memory has turned into liquid silver, she turns to look at her brother and places her hand on the back of his neck.

“Evan I don’t think you should come into the pensieve this time,” she says softly but firmly. He starts to protest. “You’ve seen it enough times in person. I don’t want you to watch it again.”

When she puts it like that, when she makes it about what she wants, Evan doesn’t refuse. Evan never refuses her what she wants if she’s willing to ask for it. She hardly ever does.

Their circle, minus one, lands in a small stone room with one small window along the top of the wall– a basement room.

Regulus was prepared for a repeat of Evan’s memory, or something similar. Regulus was not prepared to see Pandora strapped down to a cot. A younger Pandora, maybe thirteen. She hears steps in the hall and she closes her eyes, trying to concentrate on her breathing. With Pandora’s eyes closed, the room disappears into darkness. She hears the door to the room open, but doesn’t open her eyes.

“Pandora,” the father says. “This  is a specialist. He’s here to fix you. He’s going to help you, and then you’ll be all better. He’s going to fix you.” The father sounds scared.

Regulus is confused.

“I’m told you think you’re having visions,” a second man says. The room comes back into view as Pandora opens her eyes. She doesn’t say anything. Her father leaves.

“Visions are not real,” the man continues. “They are simply what occurs when the mind is undisciplined. I am here to teach you discipline.” Pandora says nothing. The man pulls out his wand. Pandora says nothing.

“Crucio,” the man says. Pandora screams and the memory blurs around the edges. Her screams sound so much like the ones her future daughter will make watching her mother die. Regulus will never get that sound out of his head.

The tension in the room of requirement is thick when they rejoin Evan.

“Who was that?” James asks. “Tell me who he is and I can tell my dad, have him arrested. He won’t ever be able to hurt you again.”

Regulus fights the urge to roll his eyes. James Potter has yet to learn that good intention can do more harm than good. Lucky for James, Pandora is much nicer than Regulus.

“That’s not how it would work,” she tells him. “He likely would never be arrested in the first place and even if he was, he would be out before supper. My father and his friends— lets just say they have some friends in very high places, the ministry included. The only thing that would happen if I told you who he is, is that he would know I told.”

“I know that you know about the Blacks’ parenting style. You lived with Sirius, so you saw him flinch at loud noises and maybe you saw a few bruises or scars. I don’t think you understand that you finding out about it was not supposed to happen. Sirius was never supposed to be in Gryffindor. He was never supposed to have friends other than those the Blacks approved of. Because of you, he learned at eleven years old that the way his parents treated him was wrong. I didn’t have that luxury.”

“When I was eleven, what my father was doing was just a father raising good, upstanding, pureblood children. And he believes that’s true, because that’s how his father raised him and how his grandfather raised his father and so on and so forth. If my housemates saw any bruises or scars, all they would think is that I had failed my duty to my family.”

“You asked me to tell you who did it. You ask that question like it’s the most obvious question to ask. But you are the first person to ask it. Some haven’t because they think him continuing to discipline me will truly help me. Others know that they can’t stop it, no matter what questions they ask or actions they take. Everyone else doesn’t even know it’s happening.”

“You can’t do anything about this, James. I know you think you can and I know that you want to, but anything you would do would only make it worse.”

“No,” James says, determination in his face. Oh Merlin, Regulus thinks. Why can’t he just let it drop? James continues. “I don’t believe that. I’m hearing what you’re saying and maybe some of it’s the truth, most of it even. But you have another option now, okay? You can come to my house, anytime, no questions asked. Any of you. Sirius got out. There’s no reason you can’t too.”

“Sirius didn’t get out!” Regulus yells, patience snapping so suddenly he startles himself too. “He was let out. There’s a difference. Our parents have come and taken him out of your house before, they could very easily do it again. They’ve decided not to. Wizarding law, vague as it is, is on their side because it was written by people just like them. They have a spare son, losing one didn’t matter to them. The only way that Sirius gets out is if I never do. The only way Pandora, or anyone else, gets out is if they’re let out or if they’re dead. You don’t get to come in here with your white-knight complex and try to save us all, Potter. You got lucky with Sirius. Or more accurately, Sirius got lucky with me. It won’t happen again.”

James doesn’t know what to do with that information. He looks over to Sirius who is looking right at Regulus. He looks heartbroken and guilty. Good, Regulus thinks.

Before Sirius can say something that will make Regulus punch him and before James can dig himself into an even deeper hole, Barty comes to his rescue.

“Well, while we’re on the subject of Daddy issues, I might as well take my turn,” he jokes, sending his memories swirling into the pensieve.

Regulus’s anger dissipates quickly and guilt is left in its place.

He was supposed to be in charge, be calm, and lead his classmates in the right direction. But instead Barty, of all people, Barty Crouch, is the one who takes the reins and guides the group forward.

Regulus has a realization right then and there as he reaches toward the pensieve and lets himself get swept into Barty’s memory.

He has taken Barty Crouch for granted. Barty has been his roommate since they were eleven. And as annoying as Barty is, he is never annoying at a time when Regulus can’t handle it. Barty and Evan know him better than anyone else in the entire world, despite Regulus being entirely neutral, if not cold, to them for the past four and a half years.

But even though Regulus made no move to reveal any part of his life or personality to those two boys, they know him better than anyone. And he knows them too.

They have never once had this kind of conversation. They have never once spoken of any parental “disciplinary” tactics. But they knew. They saw the broken pieces of each other as if they were looking in a mirror. And Barty in particular was Regulus’s other half. The way Sirius had been back when he and Sirius were him and Sirius, the Black brothers, not him and Sirius on opposite sides of a battlefield.

Where Regulus was quiet, Barty was loud. Where Regulus does his best to sink into the shadows, Barty comes in and soaks up all the light on himself. Just now, as soon as he saw Regulus needed help, he did the exact right thing to help, without Regulus even acknowledging that he needed help at all. He does everything Sirius always used to do in that house.

But Barty has never used it against him. Barty has never once made Regulus feel pitied or weak or soft. And Barty has never left him. And as much as Regulus is a pessimist and a cynic, he truly believes that Barty never will.

Regulus feels more guilty than he has in his entire life. Well, except for one thing, but Regulus is doing his best not to think about that until the moment it's his memory swirling around them.

He promises right then, while the walls are still swirling into place that he will do better. He will do the same for Barty, and Evan too. He will take the time to figure out what they need and he will do everything in his power to get it to them.

When the walls are firmly in place, they are standing in a kitchen with Barty, who doesn’t look all that much younger than he does now, maybe a year or two difference, and his father, Bartemius Crouch Sr. Regulus knows Mr. Crouch works for the ministry. Regulus knows Barty hates Mr. Crouch. Those are the only two things he knows about the man.

“Junior,” Mr. Crouch says sternly, “some colleagues from the ministry are joining us for dinner tonight. I need you to be on your best behavior.”

Barty, in pure Barty fashion, laughs right in his face. “Yeah okay, sure thing, no problem.” His eyes are full of mischief and his tone is dripping in sarcasm.

“You will be on your best behavior.”

“And what if I’m not?”

“Are you telling me that you will not be on your best behavior?”

“Yep, that's exactly what I’m telling you. I think I’ve got some dung bombs upstairs. Or I could try–”

“This is your last chance. You will promise to be on your best behavior–” Mr. Crouch pauses, presumably waiting for the promise from his son. Regulus knows he will not receive it. He looks over to Now-Barty, whose eyes are full of hatred. Regulus doesn’t see any hints of fear. But then again, Barty tends to cover up any emotion he doesn’t want to feel with anger, so Regulus can’t rule out the possibility that the fear is there. He doesn’t see any in Memory-Barty either, just mischief and maybe a tiny bit of madness.

Mr. Crouch continues when Barty’s only response is silence and a raised eyebrow. “Or I will make you behave.” Barty still shows no sign of fear. He doesn’t flinch for an anticipated blow. Regulus can tell that he literally doesn’t believe in his father’s threat, he thinks he’s too weak to do anything. He’s wrong.

Barty rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to make what is sure to be a sarcastic comment, but Mr. Crouch opens his mouth first, along with a point of his wand. “Imperio.”

Barty shuts down, all the light and mischief and fun leaving his body, his hands, his eyes. He looks hollowed out.

“Now go upstairs and put on the outfit your mother has laid out for you. I will call you down when our guests arrive. You are to sit quietly in your room until then.”

And Barty turns to do just that, with no bounce in his step, no anger in the set of his shoulders, and not an ounce of mischief in his eyes.

The room swirls and then they’re back. Barty doesn’t wait for any of the pitying looks or sympathetic words from the room. He beats everyone to it.

“So, does anyone else have any Daddy issues they want to get off their chest and keep the theme going? A Black brother or two, perhaps?”

Dorcas dumps her vial in before either of the Blacks could, even if they had wanted to, which Regulus does not. The closer it gets to inevitably being his turn, the more he wishes he had kept his mouth shut and never suggested this stupid trust exercise at all.

“I’ve got Mommy issues,” Dorcas says, with the same dry humor as Barty. “That counts, right?”

“Oh yeah, that counts Princess,” says Barty with a laugh and a clap on Dorcas’s back.

And then Regulus is being tugged and pulled upside down and rightside up into another memory before he even had time to process the last one. The last several, if he’s being honest.

Their circle is being pulled along a street, where Dorcas and a woman, her mother, are walking. Shopping, specifically, if the bags on their arms are any indication. Dorcas looks like she’s thinking very hard about something. Her mother seems to have no idea, walking along quite happily.

“If only I’d kept my stupid mouth shut,” Now-Dorcas mutters with a sigh just as Memory-Dorcas seems to find the courage to say or ask whatever it was she was thinking about saying or asking.

“Mom,” she says and stops walking. “I’m gay.”

Her mother stops in her tracks and her face drops, but she doesn’t turn around to face her daughter. Both of them stand like that for many moments.

And then her mother’s face lights back up, though it is clearly a forced imitation of her previous demeanor.

“Of course you’re happy, dear” she says, finally turning to face Dorcas.

Dorcas shakes her head. “No Mom, not like happy. Like I’m a les–”

“Of course you’re happy,” her mother repeats, more forcefully, though still with fake brightness. “Because you have nothing to be unhappy about.” She pauses. This is clearly a warning. Her mother waits for Dorcas to take back her statement, or agree with her mother’s. Dorcas does neither. “You have a family, a house, and food on the table. You have a bright future ahead of you, with a husband and children. You have many privileges and with those privileges come responsibility and you recognize this and accept this and you bring honor to the family name.”

“Mom, please,” Dorcas says. She doesn’t look heartbroken or devastated or any of the things a child has a right to feel at a parents’ blatant non-acceptance. But she’s pleading. Regulus has never seen Dorcas plead or anything close.

“You have nothing to be unhappy about,” her mother says again, finally dropping the smile and the fake happy facade and glaring forcefully at her daughter. “Not yet.” And then her mother takes off, continuing briskly down the sidewalk and Dorcas has no choice but to follow.

Back in the room of requirement, Barty is once again the one to break the silence. He does so quickly, clearly sick of the wallowing they had been doing between memories previously.

“No way!” he shouts. “You too?!”

Dorcas is clearly confused. “Me too what?”

“Not to publicly out anyone, but in the interest of no secrets and my own personal curiosity, exactly how many people in this room are gay?!” Barty asks excitedly

“Um, you’re gay?” Dorcas asks, dumbfounded

“Well, technically I’m bisexual. Would you like the term queer better?” he answers with his usual sarcasm

“I’m queer,” Pandora says. Just as a statement. Not like it was hard to say or like it was exciting to share. It’s just simply who she is and Pandora has never had any qualms about being herself. But she plays into Barty’s jokes anyway. “I’m afraid Evan here is quite boringly straight though.”

Evan rolls his eyes, “Sorry, my bad.”

“Unfortunately, I am also straight,” Lily says with a comical sigh.

“Are you sure?” Sirius interrupts.

“What do you mean ‘am I sure?’” Lily retorts icily. “Are you trying to tell me what my own thoughts and feelings are Black?”

“No, no, of course not,” he backtracks, putting his hands up in surrender. “I just recall seeing you make out with Mary MacDonald. That doesn’t seem like entirely straight behavior is all.”

“Oh,” Lily replies with a chuckle, “We’re just friends. It wasn’t like that.”

“Friends don’t just go around snogging each other Lils”

“You’re one to talk,” Lily rolls her eyes. “When was the last time you didn’t sleep in James’s bed?”

“Oi!” Sirius yells just as Remus sarcastically replies “When he sleeps in mine obviously.”

“That’s different than snogging, Evans!” Sirius continues.

James raises his hand and says with a smile, “I’m bi.” Sirius turns his head and stared with an open jaw.

“I’m gay,” Remus adds. Sirius’s disbelief switches directions and lands on Remus now instead.

“What?!” he shouts.

“Is there something wrong with that Sirius?” Remus challenges.

“But I’m gay,” Sirius says as an answer

“I’m sorry,” Evan pipes up, “Are you two not dating?”

“WHAT?!” Sirius shouts as Remus yells “Dating?!”

“Okay, guess not, my apologies,” Evan says hands up, surrendering to the two Gryffindors.

James is shaking his head both fondly and in exasperation. “They are,” he sighs “They just don’t know it yet.”

“WHAT?!” Sirius and Remus shout together, both staring daggers at James.

Regulus lets a small chuckle fall out of his mouth before adding, “I am also gay, for the record.”

Sirius turns his full focus on Regulus and stares for a full 30 seconds before he starts cackling.

“Is something funny, Sirius?” Regulus asks, even though he knows the answer. It’s just nice to be in a room with Sirius and be laughing rather than be shouting or hurting. Regulus wants to make it last just a little bit longer before he ruins it with his secret.

“Oh nothing,” he replies through giggles, “Just thinking about how Mother would probably die on the spot out of shock if she ever found out both her sons are so impure.”

As Sirius continues to cackle and Regulus lets a small smile onto his lips, James turns to the last of his friends. “Anything to share, Pete?”

“No,” Peter says simply. “I like girls. I just wish they would like me too.”

Everyone joins the Black brothers now with smiles and laughs

“Don’t worry about it Petey Boy,” Dorcas teases, “Barty here has twice the options and still can’t find anybody that likes him.” Dorcas gets Barty’s elbow in her ribs and everyone dissolves further into laughter.

When the laughter dies away, Barty, once again taking the lead, says, “So a bunch of homosexuals with daddy issues are going to defeat the two greatest wizards in the world. Fan-fucking-tastic!”

“I’m curious about your big secret James. You don’t have Mommy or Daddy issues do you?” Dorcas says

James, with laughter left over from the previous moments says, “Nope.”

“Well,” Sirius huffs, “Maybe not like the rest of us, but they definitely gave you your white-knight complex.” James rolls his eyes and pushes Sirius and Sirius pushes back. But then James goes suddenly stiff and awkward.

“Well, the thing is, my secret isn’t just my secret. None of my secrets are really my own. I don’t know if I should be sharing things on behalf of other people,” James says. “They should get to share things themselves, in their own way.”

“Well what’s your biggest secret that’s just yours?” Barty scoffs

“Um,” James looks up at the ceiling, thinking. Then he looks to one of his friends. “Remus, you know that astronomy essay from a couple months ago? I may have, or specifically Prongs may have, um, eaten it on a dare?”

“What?” Remus and Barty both exclaim.

“You told me you didn’t know what happened to that!” Remus continues.

“I know,” James says, “I’m sorry. But I knew you’d be mad and I didn’t want to get Peter in trouble for daring me to, it was my fault, I did it, but sometimes you can be a little stubborn, Moony.”

James is saved from Remus’s response to that by Barty.

“Are you kidding me?” Barty yells. “Your biggest secret is about homework? Not even your homework. Not even homework you cheated on. Literally just someone else’s stupid homework assignment?!”

“Well no,” James says, with his arms out, clearly attempting to de-escalate the situation. “But as I already said, my biggest secrets aren’t just mine. They’re other people’s.”

“Well is it someone in this room?” Barty quips

“Yes,” James says softly

“So it’s gonna get picked out of their heads eventually too and it doesn’t matter if you say it first.”

“It does though. They should get to choose how people find out about this particular thing. They’re the one who wanted it secret.”

“Alright fine,” Barty says, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Who is it then?”

“Um,” James talls, running his hand through his hair and adjusting his perfectly straight glasses to be even perfectly straighter.

“Who is it Potter,” Barty demands.

“Regulus,” he answers quietly, eyes boring straight into Regulus.

What? Regulus thinks. He had been quite enjoying hanging out on the sidelines the past few minutes, outside of the center of everyone’s attention and smiling with his brother for the first time in what feels like years.

Regulus can only think of one interaction James Potter could possibly be referring to: After Sirius had left Grimmauld Place over the winter holidays last year, after he had floo’ed to the Potter’s, legs bleeding, Regulus had tracked James down in the halls to check in and make sure Sirius was okay. He had asked him not to tell Sirius he was asking about him, he just needed to know.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sirius demands, echoing Regulus’s thoughts.

“He didn’t want you to know, Sirius,” James replies, seemingly agonizing over it, though that seems a little dramatic to Regulus. It was just one conversation. “That’s what makes it my biggest secret– it’s the only thing you don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Alrighty then Regulus,” Barty says. “Looks like you’re up.”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “That might be his biggest secret but it’s not mine. I’ve done much worse things.”

“Okay well then you go first and give James permission to share his secret that is also maybe yours so we can get this show on the road,” Barty says matter-of-factly.

Regulus shrugs. “Yeah okay, fair enough. I’ll go first, and James, you are free to go afterwards.”

“You’re sure?” James says intensely

“Yes James, I’m sure. Barty’s right– Sirius will pick it out of my head eventually anyways.”

And then Regulus pours his vial into the pensieve before he loses his nerve. Well, it was nice while it lasted, he thinks back to the last few minutes when he and Sirius were smiling together, laughing at their mother. Neither of them would be laughing in a minute.