"Hello Lily..." Regulus shuffled his feet awkwardly, flipping a pair of scissors in his hand, clippers in the other. He'd made the trip up from the dungeons with the two instruments of happiness tucked under his robes, not wanting to answer any questions that were sure to arise. He'd jogged over and his hair was still wet from the shower.
"Hi Regulus. How are you doing?" Lily looked up from her book, putting her bookmark carefully inside and closing it. She took her feet off of the other arm of the armchair in the common and smiling up at the boy, spinning to face him. "You want me to...?" Her mind instantly put two and two together but she wanted Regulus to say it.
"I want you to... um... to cut my hair. Please?"
Lily beamed. "Brilliant. Okay, let's go." She clapped her hands together and stood. She understood the weight of the situation immensely.
Regulus had confided in her greatly over the years. What started as a shared passion for classic literature had blossomed into a fully fledged friendship, a bond based on their shared experiences of being outcasts in their own homes, and finding solace in a group of people far more accepting - the Marauders, Mary and Marlene, in Lily's case; the Skittles for Regulus. And here Lily was, aiding her friend through the first steps of his social transition; she hadn't commented on the haphazard, and downright dangerous, binding Regulus was using, nor the wince and small sound of pain as she had hugged him. She'd let Marlene know and Regulus could here it from someone who truly understood what they was doing.
"Some place quiet." She pulled away and placed a hand on the small of Regulus' back. Guiding him up the stairs to her dorm, a simple wordless spell lifted the charm that'd prevented Regulus from climbing up the stairs on his first day - the staircase knowing long before he did about who he really was.
They reached Lily's dorm and found it empty. Lily explained that Marlene was at quidditch practice with James and Sirius, and Mary was helping Peter with his Charms essay. He was an alright caster of a spell but any sort of theory went through one Scottish ear and through the other. Regulus eased up at that. "Right, this way Reg." She took his arm again and led him into the bathroom. Unlike in the muggle world, she needn't have worried about getting hair all over the floor - a quick scourgify would sort out any and all mess, but she still felt the need for some sort of cleanliness. So she lay a towel out on the floor and ordered Regulus to take a seat on the edge of the bathtub. "So then... what are we thinking?"
Regulus' mind blanked. He'd never been asked what HE wanted. It was always some predetermined hairdo with elaborate clips and pins, done by his mother's harsh hand, administering a slap across the face if he tried to pull away as she scraped through his hair with little care for how the boy underneath it felt - and neither did she care for the scars covered by long sleeves or the floods of tears threatening to destroy what she did care about - the presentation. Regulus was merely a canvas for his mother to impress suitors or rival families, or conciliatory ones. And here he was, finally, being allowed to be himself. And who else better than the girl who'd had to try so hard to conform to standards of a society that didn't welcome her. Lily Evans beamed down at Regulus, awaiting his decision.
"I want to keep it long...ish. middle part, and keep the curls at the ends." He smiled, confident for the first time in, perhaps, his entire life.
Lily's smile only grew. She kissed the top of Regulus' head and got to work.
Every inch of hair that fell from Regulus' head was the equivalent of years of hardship, of a torturous upbringing, of dysphoria and depression and dogmatic indoctrination that he was finally FINALLY breaking out of.
Lily worked skilfully, humming softly to herself as she danced her way round Regulus, making sure every strand of hair was perfectly cut. It was only when she took a step back to inspect her progress that she realized Regulus had been silently crying. His cheeks were stained with tears. "Reg..." Lily's voice was soft. When the younger Black brother was hesitant to raise his head, she placed two fingers under his chin and gently guided his face up to meet hers. She didn't need to ask any questions to understand why Regulus was upset - she was rather clever in that regard, and she'd been friends with Marlene for years so had some idea of gender dysphoria. But obviously she couldn't know for certain, nor was she expecting Regulus to tell her anything.
"Thank you." Was all he whispered, his voice small and broken, much like Lily's heart as she held her friend close, kissing the top of his head softly, over and over, and rubbing small circles into his back.
"Hey... it's okay, Reg. It's okay. I'm here." She ran her hands through his, now significantly shorter, hair. "But we aren't done yet, sweetheart. Unless you want a wonky haircut."
"Can we just... talk? For a bit?"
Lily nodded. She knew she wasn't going to be talking... and she was correct. Regulus ranted; he monologued and let all the years of torment out in almost one breath. He really went for it.
Lily got the whole story: the early years of Regulus being different, trying on Sirius' clothes, wearing boxer shorts under his dresses, the fact Regulus essentially became a vampire and avoided mirrors like the plague, each one filling his head with thoughts he could share with no one, and so they bottled up and festered and grew until they came exploding out in a waterfall of tears and an river of blood. His mother was more concerned about the tapestry being damaged than her pale, bleeding son. He'd seen his picture on the tapestry and, while cursing himself for not smoking like Sirius and having a way to harm the picture - for any magic was ineffective, as the brothers had found out - he'd hurt himself instead. The horror stories continued with the blatant transphobia; the dismissal of identity, the slurs and the physical punishments at the hands of those who are supposed to love you. They continued right up until that very morning, when Regulus had considered using the scissors for another purpose and cutting some place else. Instead, he'd bound himself, covering the offending tissue with bandages and the tightest t-shirt he could find cropped to somehow resemble a binder.
Lily was ever so grateful she had relieved the massive weight off of Regulus' shoulders. Because, despite her own t-shirt being soaked with a mix of her own and Regulus' tears, she'd rather her clothing be ruined, than Regulus bottle it all up again and have another episode. And so, she held him and continued to hold him until all of his tears had been choked out and Regulus was just messing out breath after breath. Her hands were in his, squeezing rhythmically until his breathing matched the pace of her hands putting pressure on his. "It's okay Reg... I'm here. You're accepted here, and I know a fair few people that wouldn't hesitate to use muggle methods to silence your parents." Regulus laughed at that. "We love you and we accept you and that is all that matters. You can't choose your biological family but you can choose the family you want to be with. We have you, Reggie. And we aren't letting you go. Not now, not ever."
A quick nod was all that was needed for Lily to resume her work, tidying up his hair, washing and parting it and applying some muggle hair product, instead of just waving her wand and having it lie perfectly - though Regulus' hair was naturally beautiful. She wanted it to be perfect out of love and time and consideration, not magic. And Regulus more than appreciated that The width of his smile throughout the ordeal was enough for Lily to get that message. And she beamed back at him, applying the finishing touches before stepping back and admiring her work - and admiring Regulus while she was at it. "Very pretty."
Regulus blushed. "Thank you, Lily. A-And thank you for... this." He gestured to his hair, shaking his locks a little bit, getting used to the shorter length. "You didn't have to do it all. I could have washed it myself, you know?"
"I know." Lily's eyes smiled with her mouth. "I just wanted to. You deserved someone doting on you, deserve it all the time."
Regulus repeated the 'thank you' with his face buried in Lily's neck as they hugged hard. With a final kiss to his forehead, Lily pulled away, taking his hand instead. "James and Sirius will be done with practice soon. "Shall we head down; see what they have to say about your new look?"
He nodded and allowed Lily to practically drag him down to the pitch.