Lexa never allows herself to look back.
It’s a rule she learned as a child, when she understood that survival doesn’t leave room for regret. Commanders don’t mourn, don’t hesitate, don’t break.
So why is this time different?
Why does every step she takes away from the Mountain feel like a weight on her chest?
Why does Clarke’s image remain so vivid in her mind?
Her eyes.
That’s what haunts her more than anything.
The way she looked at her when she realized what was happening. When she understood the betrayal.
It wasn’t just anger.
It was something deeper, something raw.
Pain.
Of all the things Lexa had faced, she never thought seeing Clarke’s pain would be what tormented her the most.
But here it is.
And no matter how hard she tries to ignore it, the memory lingers.
Because she knows the truth:
She didn’t just betray an ally.
She betrayed the only person who made her question whether there was another way to live.
She betrayed the only person who saw her not as Heda, but as Lexa.
The first few hours after leaving the Mountain are silent.
The Trikru warriors march with firm steps, eyes forward, following orders without questioning. No one speaks of the deal. No one asks why they abandoned the fight.
Because everyone knows the answer.
Because everyone believes it was the right decision.
And Lexa wants to convince herself they’re right.
That this was for the best.
That saving her people will always be the priority.
That Clarke will understand, someday.
But when they finally reach camp and Lexa finds herself alone in her tent, she feels something inside her has changed.
And she fears it may never be fixed.
The news comes at dawn.
A messenger enters hurriedly, bowing his head in respect before speaking.
—The Mountain has fallen.
Lexa doesn’t react immediately.
She knows what this means before the messenger says it.
—How? —her voice is firm, controlled.
But inside her, everything tightens.
The young man swallows nervously.
—Clarke did it. She killed everyone. She suffocated them. No one survived.
Lexa closes her eyes for a brief second.
Clarke had won the war.
But at what cost?
The messenger continues speaking, but Lexa doesn’t listen anymore.
She can only think of Clarke, standing in the heart of the massacre.
Covered in blood.
Alone.
And she knows this will change her forever.
She knows she took something from Clarke when she left her behind.
And for the first time in a long while, Lexa wonders if she really did the right thing.
Days have passed since the fall of the Mountain.
Lexa should feel victorious. Trikru is safe. The war is over.
But all she feels in her chest is an unbearable emptiness.
Every night, when she closes her eyes, she sees her.
Clarke, with a distant gaze. Clarke, with her shoulders tense from the guilt. Clarke, carrying the weight of a hundred lives she should never have had to bear alone.
Lexa hates herself for leaving her.
She hates herself for not protecting her.
She hates herself because she knows that if the roles had been reversed, Clarke would never have abandoned her.
Indra watches her silently while she trains.
Lexa feels her gaze, but says nothing.
Finally, the warrior speaks.
—You’re restless.
Lexa continues striking the practice dummy.
—I’m training.
—You’re punishing yourself.
Lexa stops. She clenches her jaw.
Indra is rarely one for many words, but she always knows exactly where to strike.
—Wanheda is still on your mind.
It’s not a question.
Lexa lets the sword fall.
—I can’t change what I did.
Indra watches her for a long moment.
—No. But you can still decide what to do now.
Lexa holds in a sigh.
She knows what she wants to do.
She knows where she wants to go.
But she doesn’t know if Clarke will want to see her.
She doesn’t know if there’s anything left between them that can be saved.
She doesn’t make the decision until the third sleepless night.
When the silence becomes unbearable.
When she realizes that if she doesn’t seek her out now, she might never do it.
When she finally accepts that losing Clarke is the one thing that truly scares her.
So at dawn, without escort and without announcing herself, Lexa mounts her horse and leaves the camp.
Not for a treaty.
Not for an alliance.
For Clarke.
Because she needs to see her.
Because she needs to know if there’s anything left between them other than betrayal.
Because she needs to tell her what she never said before she walked away.
That she never wanted to leave her.
That she never stopped feeling.
And if Clarke still hates her…
Lexa will accept the punishment.
But if not…
If there’s even a single chance of getting back what they lost…
She will do whatever it takes to never lose her again.