Dear S.O.B or to whoever may be reading this letter,
Its been almost 3 years since he left. He didn’t leave this house, he didn’t just leave his parents or our cousins… he left me his brother. Before he left he swore that he would help me leave , he swore that he would save me from being doomed to a miserable life. But he didn’t , and I knew that he wouldn't. I think he forgot me, he left me alone. I felt like I was stuck in a pen with bulls and I was covered in the richest of blood. I was the sole victim to all their attacks and I was trying to keep hold of what 'life' I have left if you can even call this existence a life. I was being hounded by all of them, to join their cause because it was 'the right one' in the fight against dumbledor. I didn’t want to have to choose between being a blood-traitor or your brother. Yet I didn't feel like I was your brother, after all you abandoned me to live with the Potters, and now insist that potter boy is your brother. But did you forget about me Sirius? Everyone thinks I was 'living the dream', but I wasn’t I was sick to my skin. I didn’t want to betray you I promise. I mean I still haven't betrayed you really have I?
I know that it was big news around Hogwarts when I took the mark. What choice did you give me. The second you left that house they forced me to take the mark in your place… a 14 year old boy to take a 16 year olds place, how was it fair? When I returned to Hogwarts everyone was watching us waiting for one of us, you, to make a move… and you did. When you came up to me in the hallway, I saw father in your eyes and I was terrified. The cold, uncaring glare and your wand seized by your side, you were the spitting image of him and it was torture, well it felt like torture seeing you so angered by me and how was I to know then what torture felt like after all, as you say I was their favourite, they didn’t crucio me like they did you… well that’s what you think. When I saw you striding toward me it felt like I was being enveloped by a storm, a flurry of anger, hatred and almost vengeance. Traitor you called me and it stung like 1000 wounds, because I wasn't a traitor I just did what I had to, to survive. I tried to explain that but, you didn’t understand, telling me I had to join the right side and be a soldier of dumbledor or I wasn’t your brother anymore. Why couldn’t you understand that I was the sole heir left to the house of black , they could afford to lose you because they had me as a reserve. I was their poster child, I was their dream; a Slytherin boy who gets good grades and obeys their every whim. The stark contrast to you. You didn’t understand that when I explained that I had no choice, I meant it with every inch of my being. And when I said that you can't be mad at me for doing what you were too sacred to and that I only took the mark because you left me alone, left me as their last resort and only chance to sustain the family , because you only care for what fits your ideals and not what helps anyone else I meant that too. From my experience in this family people don’t change, and you are no exception. I gave you the choice to help me, the choice to believe my truths, and a choice to still be your brother. For you whatever you chose would be the wrong choice; support your brother and betray your morals, or support you morals and betray your brother. You chose yourself, as always. I resented you for it, I really did. Why could you be free of their wrath and not me? Why did I have to be their favourite play thing?
I was trying so hard to get you to want me as your brother again. At that point my only goal was for you to love me like you used to. But now I see that it was the wrong goal, I should have aimed to do right by you even if you didn’t notice me, if you never noticed me ever again. Because I know you never would. Every attempt I made to win you back was tossed aside. I did everything I could think of, I told you that I wanted to leave and you didn't believe me, I told you how I was terrified to return home and you did nothing. All of the warmth you ever had for me was gone, every day you grew a little colder towards me, you felt more distain and disgust when you saw me. Until I just gave up trying, my efforts were futile it was plain as day that I wasn’t your brother anymore.
When I returned home this winter, I got told of my first mission as a 'soldier' of the dark lord. I couldn't though. No matter how much you hated me I couldn’t betray you, not my brother. When I told mother that I couldn’t do it, she crucio'd me until I agreed. I almost went mad trying to resist, the only reason I didn’t was for you, I had to try and please you, my brother. I hated everything that Voldemort stood for, and I couldn’t within my right mind have gone on missions for him, it was torture. So you would have been pleased to know that I didn't, I didn’t do the mission. I don’t know whether dumbledors army knows about horcruxes or not, but I planned to destroy them all. Destroy all the pieces of the dark lord's soul one by one. You should know that despite this rebellion against being a death eater I am by no means agreeing with dumbledor either. I don't believe there should be a war, it is a futile fight that will kill innocent people wasting important lives on something that isn't worth fighting. The only reason I am destroying the horcruxes is to save you, I don’t wish to be a participant in war. I don’t want to be a number someone can add to their army. I will not fight knowing I could be the difference between the war being shorter and cause less fatalities or the war being catastrophic on the wizarding community. By me simply destroying a few objects, Voldemort will be weaker and the war will be shorter, and innocent people, you, may not have to give up their lives.
The reason I go to this cave today is to destroy Salazar Slytherin's locket. I have read on how powerful horcruxes can be, but I can't not try and help. I do not care if I die from doing this , at least Voldemort will be weaker. I pray and I hope to any gods above that I help you. All I want to do is help you Sirius. If you won't let me see you to help I will do this and come to find you afterwards, if I survive. Please know that I love you and you have been and will always be my brother.
I hope this letter finds its way to Sirius Orion Black if I do not survive, if this letter makes its way to another reader please stop Voldemort, destroy every horcrux you can and you may be able to stop him.
Before I attempt to destroy this locket, I want anyone and everyone to know that I want to stop this war. But I am in no one's army, I don’t fight for Voldemort or dumbledor, I fight for Sirius and the lives of the innocent, children, women men, muggles or not. I don’t want anyone to be harmed I hate this stupid war, I don't care what mother and father or Sirius says I am fighting for me, I do not take orders from anyone. I AM NOBODY'S SOLDIER…DO NOT PUT ME ON EITHER SIDE OF THIS WAR, DO NOT BLAME ME FOR ANYONE'S DOWNFALL BUT MY OWN .
Yours sincerely, and the best of luck,
R.A.B - nobody's soldier
-for sirius only-
I hope I don't die while you still hate me sirius, I love you you will always be my big brother, no matter how much you hate me I understand why you do... I hate myself for the same reason... but I hope that you will like me again after I do this, please
Sirius never found this letter. As he was sat with Remus ,James, Peter and Lily one evening, unknow to Sirius the night that regulus wrote the letter, Sirius felt his chest tighten, his breathing quicken, and he began to feel light headed. Noone had any idea what was happening , and then after what felt like hours but had only been around 8 minutes, it stopped and he was completely normal again. Just as sudden as it started it stopped. The cause was unknown, they would never know what had happened.
The next night as the group were listening to the radio for familiar names of the dead and missing due to the war. Sirius had begun to zone out, until he heard something he wished he hadn't. Time slowed as Sirius heard the words, Regulus Arcturus Black heir to the noble house of black missing and presumed dead, last known whereabout, the Black lake… Sirius started involuntarily crying, he didn’t want to cry for a traitor, but that traitor was his brother. His brother that he had always protected. He still hated regulus for taking the mark. Yet Sirius didn’t want him dead. His brain told him that there was a chance that regulus may be alive and just missing. But Sirius felt it, an empty void in his soul from his brother, he was gone. The feeling from last night was Regulus dying. When Sirius realised this he muttered, "he's… dead", his eyes blank and wide staring into the radio begging for its mercy. The thoughts in his head had felt like a lifetime but in reality were only a few moments," my brother is … dead". The rest of the night was a blur, he wanted to forget it all. He wanted to forget he ever had a brother or forget that he died. Anything to stop the pain.
Regulus died thinking Sirius hated him, and when regulus died Sirius did hate him. Until Sirius found out regulus was dead he despised him. Sirius made the choice to help himself not his brother when regulus took the mark and it was the wrong one. Sirius knew it was a mistake and wondered what could he have changed for regulus to live, for him to not have fought and 'died for' Voldemort.
No one ever knew what great deed regulus attempted, and by the time someone did find out what regulus did it was too late. Sirius was dead, so were James and lily. His attempt to save them didn’t work, it meant nothing they all died anyway.