Follow the flowers
Each star has its own unique qualities, though one in particular stands out to the sun more than the rest. A star who doesn’t like to be disturbed. Staring helplessly at the stars, the sun tries to reach out. He tries to talk, and when that doesn't work, he tries to scream. His throat becomes raw and the taste of iron cools it each time he swallows.
“He can’t hear me.” the sun huffed defeated.
“You ought to find one who listens, little sun.” Pandora stands beside him, her long platinum hair cascading down her back. “Try him, instead.” She points to the brightest star before disappearing.
For James, the days began to drag on a lot longer than he remembered them being, and he began to live in the present. Before long he was back to his cheerful self, socialising with everyone, though he mightn’t have felt as good as he looked. Pandora could see his aura brightening a little bit, but not enough to decipher colour, and as each day dragged on longer than the last, she noticed sometimes James seemed almost jetlagged. Others in the institution kept to their same routines of moping about and feeling sorry for themselves, and James would have joined them if Pandora hadn’t kept him in line.
“I wasted four years, Dora.” James sat in his usual spot in Pandora’s room. It was past curfew. His roommate, Gilderoy, had blamed him for stealing all the pudding from the kitchens and hid the evidence under James' bed, so he thought it were best he leave or else he might turn Gilderoy into pudding. And Madam Pomfrey had informed him earlier that day that he was going to be twenty two in nine days. Palms were sweaty, he could feel it dripping down his back. He kept repeatedly banging his head gently against the wall (he hit his head hard once and Pandora got scared he would put a hole in his head) so he didn’t damage the wall. He could have been doing better, but he wasn’t sure what better felt like. “Four years.”
“I’ve been here for four years. . . funny how time passes.” Pandora sat in front of him, cross legged and motioned for him to do the same. He sighed and sat up a little straighter, despite the effort it took to do so. Normally he would shut down and not talk to anyone when he became stressed, but the way Pandora had no judgement for anything, he felt comfortable with her. The past couple weeks he’d spent with her made him realise he’d been around the wrong people all his life.
Never would any of his friends back home make him meditate or smell every flower in the garden if he was upset. Instead they would tell him to blow off his steam in a football game, or wrestle til one of them is out cold. This was a big change, but he liked it. He enjoyed how peaceful Pandora made his mind, how lively she made him feel. He almost forgot how he ended up in the institution in the first place.
She moved her hands in an up and down motion, in time with her breaths. Inhaling through the nose, and exhaling through the mouth, James followed suit. “Close your eyes and imagine you’re on a boat in the middle of the ocean.”
James did as he was told, imagining he was in a small wooden dinghy with one paddle, in the open sea. The water was a calm blue, green compared to the sky, which had no clouds. He could smell the salty air as he inhaled deeply, and feel the swaying beneath him, making him dizzy. Wind passed through his ears and he felt calm and collected.
“Now imagine your boat is sinking.”
“What?” James’s eyes flew open with a slight panic. He’d felt as if he were in a sinking boat his whole life, and now that it's afloat, Pandora wants him to sink himself again? She sat with her eyes closed, hands resting on her thighs.
“Close your eyes, Jamie.” And he does. This time, imagining a split in the dinghy, and water filling the boat quickly. “Now there's a large ship coming to your rescue, but your greatest enemy is the captain. Do you stay proud and drown, or swallow your pride and accept the help?”
“Hmm. . . the right answer is the second one, right?” James asked, peaking through one eye and seeing Pandora so still she could have been a statue in the garden.
“What would you do?” She opened her eyes and James quickly shut his again.
For a moment James pretended to be thinking thoroughly about his answer. Though both he and Pandora knew he was only pretending, and she knew his answer before she even asked the question. Though she wasn’t finished. “But I’m in the boat with you, and it’s sinking fast. Do you let us both drown, have us both accept the help, or make me go onto the ship alone while you stay behind and risk both of us dying because the captain is your enemy and probably won’t be nice to me if you’re not around?”
“What is the point of this exercise?” James leaned back against the wall, huffing once again in defeat. He was now actually thinking about what he would do given the situation, he’d forgotten what had made him so upset in the first place. His heart rate had slowed down, sweat now only drenched his clothes and not his skin, and he was genuinely confused as to where Pandora was heading with the exercise. But that wasn’t the first time she would ask him that. On multiple occasions she would make him imagine his sinking boat, and have him decide what to do. And on all of those occasions, James wouldn’t know what to do, changing the topic entirely.
Curfew was nearing and the twin flames walked through the garden. The sun was setting beneath the horizon, pink and orange clouds painted in the sky, and James' favourite star became visible. Pandora led him down the rows of flowerbeds, offering him to tell her what each colour smelt like.
“If you were to get out of here, where would you go?” James asked, eager to know where he’ll wind up once he’s free to leave. Pandora didn’t hesitate before answering, she didn’t even need to think about it. She knew everything she was going to do, she knew because that’s what she was destined to do.
“To the edge of the world.” Once they reached the edge of the garden, she stopped with an expression that James hadn’t seen before. A look of determination crossed with hope. He still couldn’t decide what colour her eyes were even when looking directly into them.
“What’s there?” James wondered. How were they supposed to get to the edge of the world? A slight panic rose in his chest. The edge of the world was over the horizon, over the ocean. Pandora’s scenario wasn’t just a trick to distract him. It was preparing him to have to make the decision at some point.
“When you get back to your room, pack your most valuable belongings,” She watched him carefully, looking up into his golden brown eyes. Her hand reached for his, a soft comfort travelled through his body after contact. “and when the time is right, follow the flowers.” She pointed in the distance, over the bounds fence that kept them trapped, to a public garden.
James furrowed his brows, unsure how he was going to get out of bounds without getting caught. But he trusted Pandora, he knew there would be a way, he just didn’t know it yet. “Alone?” He asked, afraid his time with her had expired and he would have to find his own way without her. Something that he’d always dreaded to think about. Having hope fed to him, creating an unbreakable bond, until it weakened and he would be forced to think for himself, decide his own fate.
“You will find me, Jamie, you always do.” She smiled, squeezing his hand tightly before letting go. James stood in the same spot and watched as his twin flame shrinked into the distance. He waited until the curfew bell rang to go back inside, as he always did, to minimize any unnecessary interactions with his odd roommate.
“What are you doing?” Gilderoy asked in his usual high voice. James had to remind himself to take deep breaths so he didn’t throw the book in his hand at the annoying boy behind him. James had begun to collect a couple of his favourite books along with the few clothes he had, and his roommate, being the big nose he is, wanted to know why James did anything. Why do you breathe like that? What did you do with the clothes you wore yesterday? How come you wear glasses? When did you get them? Where is my teddy Jameson?
Questions that were left unanswered. Though James disliked interacting with Gilderoy, he still did things purposely to annoy the blond boy. Like how after discovering all the empty pudding cups under his bed, he put them in Gilderoy’s pillowcase and duvet cover. Or when he tied the teddy bear Gilderoy couldn’t sleep without to a football and kicked it over the bounds, claiming the teddy wanted to fly. Or when he wrapped his whites in a red sock so when he got them back from being washed, all his clothes were pink.
“Just tidying up.” He replied, not bothering to glance at Gilderoy, otherwise he might tie the boy to his bed and leave him there forever.
The sun had disappeared and after packing everything up, James lay wide awake in bed. An orange light suddenly began flickering over the walls, illuminating the whole room. Sighing, he got up to close the curtains because he was sure Gilderoy had gone to sleep. Warmth hit his face as he stood at his window, mouth wide open.
He wasn’t sure how long he stood watching the garden, but he was pulled from his trance when alarms began blaring through the institution. And Gilderoy had screamed at James to shut up, then screamed at James that they had to get out of there, and then screamed at James again when he forgot he didn’t have his teddy bear. But all James could think about was that the garden was on fire. All the beautiful coloured flowers now turned to ashes, never to see daylight again.
His mind was flames, destroying the beauty around them. Not caring about how delicate the flowers were, not caring to smell them and move on. No, the fire was going to burn down everything it could until nothing was left. But did it realise how much it was destroying just so it could keep shining? Is that what James was? Was he flames, destined to destroy all the beauty he’d ever known? The poor flowers.
“Follow the flowers!” James whispered to himself when Gilderoy screamed at him again, though it was drowned out by all the other panicked noises throughout the halls. James grabbed his packed bag and darted down the hall of cries. He swerved around all that were in his way, following directions to all gather in the parking lot, out of the bounds. Cold air hit his bare chest when he emerged from the building, as much chaos outside as there was inside. Patients running in all directions, hoping to finally escape. He scanned the area for the direction of the flowers Pandora had told him to follow.
“Dora.” He stopped and started searching for his angel with white hair, impossible to miss. But she was nowhere in sight. You will find me, Jamie, you always do. Her words echo in the back of his mind. If he follows the flowers, he will find her. They will be free. They could find the edge of the world because that is where Pandora said she’d go.
“It was James!” He heard Gilderoy shouting at people,”I saw him packing his bag! He did this! He burnt down the garden!”
A fire brigade and police had already started showing up, so James ran. Just like a lot of the other patients. He ran as fast as the night could take him, following the flowerbeds. And when the shouting faded and his chest began to ache, he didn’t stop. He didn’t stop because he felt free. Happiness washed over him like a waterfall. He felt back to his normal self. A triumphed shout escaped his mouth and he laughed, feeling a pit of warmth in his stomach. When the flowerbeds ended, so did his run, literally. James tripped over a root, rolling aggressively in the dirt before his face stopped him.
“Ugh!” He spat the dirt from his mouth and brushed himself off, panting and aching from the run. A small giggle put him on high alert, and James looked around, “Dora?”
Whoever giggled, began to run into the darkened night, and James followed. He knew it wasn’t one of the other patients, because Pandora had taught him to feel people's presence so he could know whether they were safe to be around. Deep down he knew the giggle didn’t come from his twin flame, but he could feel the similarity of presence.
“Wait! Dora!” James tripped over another root, and another. He had followed aimlessly into the woods on the edge of the bounds, the one that also leads to the local prison. “Okay, this isn’t funny anymore, Dora! You said I’d find you, and I found you, so come out!”
He stopped for a brief moment to catch his breath and listen for any sign of the mysterious person. His feet ached, the red ward socks torn and covered in dirt. Pandora would have ditched the socks and felt the earth, but James was a little too modest to do it without her around. So he kept walking in the direction he thought might have been the right way. Then he turned around because he wasn’t sure if the first direction felt right. He turned around again because that way definitely didn’t feel right. And then he was turning around in circles, unsure of which direction to walk in.
“Are you serious?” James shouted, he swore he just had a heart attack giving his chest aching. Once again, he had been sent into the dirt after tripping over another root. Only this time it wasn’t himself, but rather another person who jumped out from behind a tree and scared him. Vaguely he could make out shoulder length hair, and a masculine build made up of the whitest skin James had ever seen. Another giggle escaped the strange man and muttered a yes between his giggling.
“Fall over, did you?” His voice had a slight french accent to it as he came into James' view. A perfect grin was plastered on his face and he held out his hand to help him up. “I am serious by the way, literally. The name is Sirius Black.”
And for the second time in his life, a human being in front of him felt safe. A wonky grin crawled onto James face and he began to laugh. Sirius joined him because he thought James' laugh was funny and rather contagious.
“I’m James.” He accepted Sirius’ hand and jumped to his feet more energised than he was moments ago. “James Potter.”
“Well what are you doing out here?” Sirius asked, finding a tree to lean against. James on the other hand decided it was probably best he make comfort on the ground, so he sat cross legged and took in the cool night air.
“Oh nothing,” James sang, closing his eyes, “just meeting a friend. . . and running from the police.”
Sirius barked out a laugh and joined James on the ground in front of him, “You come from the madhouse?” James nodded sheepishly, remembering he had been in a psychiatric institution because people thought he was sick in the head. That he had lost four years that he would never get back. But the judgement he expected didn’t arrive, and instead an odd grin appeared on Sirius’ face. “I have a feeling we’re going to get along really well.”
“I’m not crazy.” James blurted, afraid Sirius might actually be mad, and happy he’s found a friend just as crazy as him. A small breeze made him shiver. Remembering he didn’t have a shirt on, he searched in his bag for his football hoodie in a grumpy manner.
“Wasn’t calling you crazy.” Sirius’ face softened, an almost guilty look flashed in his eyes for a split second before it vanished again, “I’ve come from the other madhouse. Your fire was my savior, without it I’d still be locked up. I was thinking earlier that I would marry whoever lit that fire, and here you are right in front of me.” A large straight grin crept back onto Sirius' face. But James didn’t mirror his expression.
“Same here,” He agreed, picking at his socks and wishing he had a pair of shoes on right now, “but I didn’t start the fire.”
“Okay good. Because you didn’t seem half excited about marrying me— but don’t worry, when I find whoever did light the fire, I’m putting a ring on their finger.” Sirius twisted one of the many silver rings he had on his fingers. James stared at the man in front of him, taking in his beauty. He’d never seen a man with such a masculine yet feminine look to him, a look of strong will yet also delicacy.
His nails were painted black and he had tattoos trailing from his hands and up his arms. James could see a couple peeking through his neckline, and wondered how many tattoos he had. His long dark hair looked soft and silky, while his smile was white. Sirius didn’t look like he’d just been in prison. No, he looked as if he had just run away because he didn’t want to be pampered and looked after anymore. Wanting to find his own path and pamper himself.
“Where are you headed once your friend gets here?” He asked, now twirling his fingers through his long hair. James felt a small bit of anxiety radiating off Sirius.
“The edge of the world, you can come if you have nowhere else to go.” James grinned, hoping Sirius had nowhere to go. And not to sound selfish, but James wanted more friends. He wanted to create more bonds like his and Pandora’s. He wanted a group of friends that he could call home. Relief washed over him when Sirius’ expression mirrored his. The two runaways talked for a bit before deciding to sleep so they could catch daylight and begin their journey to the edge of the world.