All The Young Dudes - Other Perspectives

Tuesday 2ⁿᵈ September 1975

𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦, he thought.

𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦, he thought again as he watched Barty approach him, a smirk on his face.

"Regulus, there you are! You should have seen what just happened!" Barty exclaimed, almost hopping from foot to foot with excitement "It's about Christopher Barley; that faggot was just leaving Slughorn's classroom when Mulciber shrug'd him and made him fall from the stairs. Oh man... Regulus, you should have seen his face! He began to cry like a baby and ran away screaming Lily Evans's name... Snape's mud-blood's friend, you know? Can you believe she is a prefect now?"

But Regulus wasn't listening.

He was too busy thinking about Dumbledore, mentally cursing him as if he could sense his frustration; after all, being one of the most powerful wizards ever to live, that old man probably had the gift of Legitimacy.

"Oi, Regulus?" Barty snapped his fingers in front of his face. "Are you listening?"

Regulus got brought back to reality, the first thing he saw was the disappointment on Barty's face, "Huh? Oh, yes, yes. Barley, got it. Such a shame I wasn't there, mate."

Regulus saw Barty's rolling his eyes with an annoyed pout on his face, and Regulus almost felt guilty – he knew he had spent far less time than usual with his friend, ever since they got on the Hogwarts Express. Barty probably had noticed it too.

"Barty, I'm sorry. I– I 𝘸𝘢𝘴 listening, really! Come on, let's–" Regulus tried to put a hand on his friend's shoulder, but Barty pushed him away, clear irritation on his face.

"It's okay, mate, don't worry. I'll go search for Evan, maybe he'll care enough to listen to what I'm saying!" Barty glared him one last time, then walked down the dark hallway leaving Regulus alone, his back against the cold stone wall.

Regulus knew he wasn't being fair to Barty: his friend had told him tons of times about his complicated relationship with his father, and Regulus knew for a fact how much Barty needed validation from other people, especially him, as his best friend.

But as much as he tried to, Regulus couldn't make himself really feel bad for they way he was starting to subconsciously neglect his friend. He was too busy trying to hold out his emotions and his own feeling of neglect by no other than the biggest authority at Hogwarts, the one person who should have helped him!

And with that Regulus thought of Dumbledore again, and his rage almost exploded.

He took a breath. He had to stay calm. He couldn't just go and make a scene, he wasn't allowed to. What would his parents think if they knew that their perfect son was about to ruin the family reputation by strangling the headmaster of Hogwarts with his own hands, if only he could?

Oh.

He brought his hands to his chest, as the mere thought of his parents brought back the physical pain she inflicted on him that night.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵, Regulus thought.

***

"𝘓𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘰!"

"𝘛𝘰𝘶𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘗𝘶𝘳!"

"𝘔𝘶𝘮‐ 𝘮𝘶𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱!"

𝘏𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵, 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥.

𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥.

***

Oh, he had tried to save him, so many times.

He had warned him, he had tried to reason with him to stop him from acting so recklessly, he had tried to stop their mother from hurting him when that summer he had been woken up in the middle of the night by his brother's screams. In exchange he received a long, straight, deep wound across his chest and not the tiniest bit of empathy by the person he was trying to save.

So, no. He would not think about Sirius.

He would not think about his brother's selfishness and how the emotional pain he was causing him was far higher than the physical pain his mother had inflicted on them that night.

But if there was someone he couldn't stop thinking about, it was Dumbledore. Since Regulus had left the headmaster's office he had found out how hard it was to contain the deep hatred that was burning inside him for that old selfish idiot.

That morning, before his classes started, Regulus had gone to their 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 headmaster, begging him to do something, anything, to help Sirius, as the idiot was acting too stubborn to ask for help.

But when he went there, he quickly realised how Dumbledore didn't care at all.

Once Regulus had assured him that his mother's punishment had nothing to do with Voldemort and the war, Dumbledore reduced the whole thing to a family feud.

***

"𝘜𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰, 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴." 𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘢 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴.

𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘶𝘱, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.

"𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦, 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴?"

𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴 turned back to watch 𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦?

𝘖𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵... 𝘩𝘦... 𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦. 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦.

"𝘕𝘰," 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 "𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭."

𝘋𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘴, his 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘦 yet cold 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 had been replaced by a frozen, emotionless face, "𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯."

***

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

His frustration boiled over, and his mind didn't even register the fist he slammed furiously into the wall behind him.

"Ouch!"

As soon as he saw the blood on his knuckles, Regulus calmed down, taking a deep breath.

There was no point in staying right outside Dumbledore's office doing nothing... maybe he should've apologised to Barty, hoping that he wasn't with Evan already – things between those two were always so strange; Regulus knew that if he interrupted them from whatever they might have been doing he would have ended up making things worse.

So he just walked away, directionless, hoping to find Barty or any other distractions from his thoughts.

Regulus didn't know how much time had passed, but in the end he found himself at the end of the Charms corridor following some weird noises. As he got closer to that strange noise he recognized Barty, messing with a first year Ravenclaw boy.

"Give me back my wand! Give it back!"

Barty burst out laughing in response.

"Barty, what are you doing?" Regulus asked, shocked.

"Oh, it's you." Barty said with excessive drama, "Why should you care about what I'm doing now? You made extremely clear that you were not interested in everything I had to say."

Regulus knew that at that point Barty was just overreacting and trying to make him feel guilty, so he chose to end it all to not cause any more arguments.

"Fine, I'm sorry. I should have listened to you earlier, I was just lost in my own thoughts."

Barty smirked and threw the wand of the Ravenclaw at him; Regulus caught it.

"Wanna be forgiven? Then join the fun, Reg! I'm still not done with him."

Regulus had no idea what that Ravenclaw boy might have done to make Barty treat him that horribly, yet he considered giving him back his wand out of pity.

After all, he was so tired and just wanted to go to bed; tormenting someone definitely was not the kind of thing he was thinking about when he thought of looking for a distraction... but that first year seemed to have other plans.

As Regulus got closer to him to give him back his wand, the kid started to cry and yelled at him.

"Coward, let me go right now! Only a coward could ever bully someone like this! I'm going to tell Dumbledore what you are doing!"

Regulus's mind went blind.

"You little mudblood scum, take that back right now!"

Regulus pushed him to the ground, and then casted a binding curse at the boy. Barty burst out laughing, "Finally!" Barty pointed his wand at the boy, ready to cast another spell on him, "Time for some fun..."

"Expelliarmus,"

Regulus and Barty's wands flew away. As he turned, Regulus recognised the scar-filled face of one of his brothers's friends, Remus Lupin.

"Oh, you two..." Lupin yawned, leaning casually against the wall.

Regulus glared at him, not even noticing the young Ravenclaw taking back his wand from Regulus's hand and running away.

"Loony Lupin!" Barty smirked.

"Watch your tongue, Crouch," Lupin hissed, then shot a curse at him.

At once, Barty’s tongue began to swell up, turning purple as it did so. He clutched at it, desperately, “Better get to the hospital wing,” Lupin smiled, pleasantly. “I’ll send your wands to your Head of House, let him know you were out of bounds…”

“How dare you!” Regulus seethed, marching over to Remus. He was much shorter, but it didn’t stop him squaring up to his brother's friend. “Filthy half-blood scum! You might be a prefect, but you’re still just a cowardly, dirty---"

"Cowardly, am I?!" Lupin dropped both wands, using his hand to ram Regulus up against the wall by his neck "I may be a half-blood, but at least I don't stand by and watch my family get cut to shred!"

Regulus forgot how to breath.

Lupin knew nothing about his family.

He knew nothing about his attempt to help Sirius by talking to Dumbledore himself.

He knew nothing about the countless times he had tried to help Sirius, always receiving rejection and horrible consequences that he, Regulus, would have to pay for.

"𝘓𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘰!"

"𝘛𝘰𝘶𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘗𝘶𝘳!"

He felt like living the images of that night again; he saw his mother's rage, his father's carelessness.

"𝘓𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘰!"

"𝘛𝘰𝘶𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘗𝘶𝘳!"

He saw again the scared look on his brother's face as he was sinking in a pool of his own blood.

"𝘓𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘰!"

"𝘛𝘰𝘶𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘗𝘶𝘳!"

Since that night, Regulus had imagined every day what Sirius might have done that time to make their mother react the way she did: he knew Walpurga had read Sirius's mind, once or twice, and he also knew that she absolutely despised what she saw. Maybe it was all about that.

"𝘛𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘥... 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘯, 𝘖𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵?!"

Yet, Regulus had remained by his brother's side... and what did he get for it? Nothing.

Nothing from Dumbledore.

Nothing from his parents.

Nothing from Sirius.

Regulus didn't understand what Sirius was expecting him to do more than he he was already doing, despite going completely against himself in the process.

Did he really deserve to be called careless of his brother's suffering by his brother's half-blood friend? Hypocrites.

"I told him to stop pushing her, but he wouldn't listen!" Regulus whispered, "I couldn't stop her..."

Lupin sighed, then finally let him go – a look of pure disgust on his face.

"You're a coward, Regulus Black. Don't ever forget it." and with that, Lupin spat at Regulus's feet, and walked away.

𝘊𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥.

Regulus stood there, unable to turn his head as he was watching Remus Lupin walk away from the dark hallway.

He quicly held back tears in his eyes, swallowing the weight he was carrying in his throat. He turned around to see Barty: his tongue had turned an extremely dark shade of purple.

"Come on Barty, let's go." he picked up their wands from the floor and did not wait for his friend to leave the hallway.

𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, he thought.