James Potter and his 20 children
If you were to ask Regulus Black what he thinks of his neighbours, he’d make sure you never asked such an offensive question ever again.
His neighbourhood wasn’t bad, per se, but his excitement about it was as dull as his mother’s heart. He never wanted to move here, he never wanted to open a ridiculous dark green door every day, he never wanted to receive delicious muffins from the lady across the street, and he would never, ever, in any lifetime, dream of living right next to James Fleamont Potter.
Regulus wasn’t sure of many things. He didn’t know why he still loved his parents, after everything they’d done to him and his brother. He couldn’t understand how brains worked, how some people were so stupid to think the Earth was flat. He was bewildered by the thought that his best friends loved him and Sirius forgave him for every cruel remark he made.
Most importantly, though, Regulus couldn’t comprehend the fact he agreed to this.
When he told his mother he wouldn’t be coming back to Grimmauld Place when he was done with his studies, he didn’t wait to hear her manipulative arguments. He left the family dinner, if he could call it that, and stumbled across the streets of London alone on a heartless Christmas night. He wasn’t going to admit this, but he had his brother’s number memorized, and so it took him less than five minutes to track down a phone booth.
He outright refused it, days later, when Sirius mentioned he was welcome to live with him and Remus after his last year of University. First of all, he didn’t even want to imagine the torment he’d go through if he had to endure seeing his brother and his boyfriend being domestic all the time. Second of all, even though he knew Sirius loved him and he’d never admit it, it was an uncomfortable predicament.
Unfortunately, he was still broke without his parents’ aid. Even more so, when he finished his last year of University.
When Sirius mentioned he finally found him a house, Regulus couldn’t help the exhale he let out. Living with his brother for only three days was hell. Funnily enough, said brother never stated that the house was the one his best friend had been talking about for the past weeks. James mentioned his neighbour was moving in with their partner, but Regulus made it his life mission to ignore each syllable coming out of his mouth, so he never paid it attention.
Now, though, he wished looks could kill.
If he were any other person, he’d like it here. It’s a quiet neighbourhood, filled with the scent of freshly baked goods because of Mrs. Pomfrey. Next to her lived a closed-off man with greasy hair and a creepy stare, but Regulus rarely saw him so it was fine. What was not fine, however, was that the crimson-red door of the brick house next to his was owned by someone just as obnoxious as the annoying color.
Sirius was still wailing as he was mounting his bike, a tired Remus behind him. Regulus paid him no attention rather than a mumbled ‘goodbye’. He was currently too busy glaring at tan arms carrying his suitcases and a beaming face waiting for him at the emerald door.
“What do you think you’re doing, Potter?”
James’ face fell a little bit, but they both knew he was stubborn as ever and so he only nodded his head towards the door.
“What does it look like?” he asked, amused. “I’m helping you. Now, come on, hurry up-”
Regulus quickly marched to the door as he heard the brakes of his brother’s motorcycle being pressed. He offered an even uglier scowl to the intruder, but opened the door nonetheless.
James smiled wider and tried to step into the house but Regulus raised his hand.
“Leave them here.”
“But-” the man tried.
Regulus simply crossed his arms and looked at him expectantly.
James sighed. He softly let go of the suitcases’ handles and tried a quick glance again at the unmoving body of his new neighbour.
“Are you sur-”
The door was forcefully shut in his face.
As Regulus looked around the empty living room area, he couldn’t help but smile. Yes, that might’ve been rude of him. Cruel, as his brother would say. But did he give a fuck?
Absolutely not.
Just because they were now living next to each other didn’t mean Regulus wanted to spend time with James, God forbid.
Everyone, his friends, his not-friends, his brother, wonders why he hates the man so much. Everyone, except James, who has never questioned it, who smiles wider every time he gets a scowl, who says stupid shit just to see the roll of grey eyes. And this is exactly why he hates him. James Potter is incredibly infuriating. It all started because of Sirius, as most important things in his life do. After his first day of secondary school, his brother comes home with the wildest grin and the most honest eyes, prattling on about the divine intervention that his newest friend is. From the first exclaim of the abhorrent name, Regulus turned green with envy. He decided then to hate the boy for the rest of his life for stealing his brother from him. He knows he’s dramatic, don’t waste your breath.
It was even worse once he’d met him. James Potter was beautiful, even as a lanky preteen who hadn’t been accustomed to his growing limbs yet. He had lovely brown skin, with awfully messy dark hair and the sweetest eyes he’d ever seen. He would’ve compared them to honey if he was any other person. But most importantly, Potter had a charming smile and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Regulus understood from the first moment he glanced at him why Sirius was obsessed with the bloke. Hell, he would’ve been too if he didn’t hold so much dislike in his heart.
But he’s not. He’s never been obsessed with James Potter, and he will never be. He’s overly arrogant, to the point where he’s not even sure if James believes all the compliments everyone pays him, he wears his heart out on his sleeve, which is purely stupid, he never knows when to back down, he is dreadfully stubborn, and worst of all, he wanted to be his friend.
Regulus will do everything in his power to avoid him at all costs. But if he dares to look through the peephole at a retreating muscled back who glances behind once more with gloomy dark eyes, that’s simply his own business.
–
Avoiding James Potter should not be as hard as it is.
First of all, they’re very different people. One starts the day watching the sunrise with hope gleaming in his eyes, while the other finds comfort in the sparkle of stars in the depths of night. He’s not a poet, but it’s rather ironic how they probably go to sleep at the same time the other wakes up.
(So when he opens his door at 10 pm, dressed in an almost unbuttoned tight black shirt and his best pair of trousers, ready to curse Barty the fuck out for forcing him to go on another night out, he’s stopped by the annoying headlights of his neighbour's car. Regulus ignores Barty’s amused greeting, instead watching as James parks his stupid car. He gets out, takes a backpack from the passenger seat, and continues down the path towards their houses. He looks troubled, messing his hair as he stumbles his hand through it. He finally looks up and locks eyes with Regulus, who has no idea why he is still standing in his door frame.
Barty, being the horrible human being that he is, wastes no time to yell “Whatcha doing out, Potter? Some good ol’ murdering?”
James moves his gaze from Regulus to the green-haired idiot and smirks lazily. He has dark circles under his eyes.
Which is weird, Regulus thinks, because, for the past week in which he’s been living in this neighbourhood, he’s seen James turn off his TV at around this hour every night. No more lights could be seen from his living room, but he assumed the man went to sleep that early. It made sense since he’d seen Potter drinking his tea at 6 in the morning. He wasn’t stalking him, by the way. But to be able to successfully avoid someone, you need to know their schedule quite well. And James’ schedule was quite boring, but amazing for his quest.
5 am: first sign of movement. Regulus can only see through his living room and kitchen well, and James passed by a few times by that time
6:30 am: between that and five, he doesn’t see him at all. But then, every morning with no avail, James watches the sunrise with a cup of tea, he presumes since coffee and James Potter screamed disaster, at around six and a half.
7 am: Potter makes his lunch, Regulus assumes, because he puts some kind of sandwich in a Lighting McQueen lunch box.
7:40, or sometimes later, James occasionally looks like he’s missed his alarm: the man leaves his house, gets in that surprisingly good-looking car of his, and Regulus doesn’t see him until four.
4 pm: James gets home, his hair as messy as ever, but with a smile on nonetheless.
He doesn’t have a fixed schedule after work, he sometimes eats dinner at his table, sometimes watches a movie, he has horrible taste in films, as he suspected already, and on some occasions, he has friends over.
Regulus didn’t note anyone he didn’t know, which was good. Although he was curious about dates and such.
“Don’t look so turned on by that, Crouch,” he said over his shoulder as he took a left towards his crimson door. Regulus pretended to ignore the way brown eyes trailed on his body.
Barty laughed. As James entered his house and the two of them left towards a club, Regulus wondered what the hell was the man doing coming home at this hour.)
Second of all, aside from being different people, they had very distinct lifestyles. When Regulus comes back from nights out, James passes him on the path toward their houses in gray joggers, tight shirts, and earbuds in. He ignores the way the older man’s eyes linger on his clothes and overlooks his little husky ‘g’morning’.
Third of all, the Universe is definitely taking the piss on him. Whenever Regulus tries to prepare his tea, he is disturbed by the sight of James Potter with flour on his dark curls and silly colourful mittens on his big hands, cooking some stupid dish (that smells almost better than Mrs. Pomfrey's desserts).
Most annoyingly, he cannot avoid him when Sirius forces Regulus to join their ‘Marauder Movie Mondays’ since now he’s only a door away, and he has to see James, enter his house, stay on his couch, watch his films, eat his too salty popcorn and worst of all, he has to interact with him.
Even though they are obliged to spend time together, Regulus manages pretty well with his personal resolution of not talking to James. Yes, the other greets him each time, but he simply marches right off and shuts his door in his stupid ‘hello’s’.
He genuinely thought he was safe. He even ignored Barty and Evan’s offer to get rid of the taller man.
And then the Earth fell off its axis.
–
“You’re radiating dark thoughts, Reg,” the woman muttered as she passed him with a tray full of red velvet cookies.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “When am I not?”
Pandora glanced at him with worry stretched out on her face. She wiped her hands on her splotchy apron and tucked a white strand of hair behind her ear.
“Mmm, your aura is usually black with a sea of stars shining through. Right now, though, you feel more like a black hole,” she grimaced as she walked by him again to rearrange the pre-made cakes in the display for the millionth time that morning.
“Thank you, Pandora. Lovely to hear I’m literally sucking out the positivity here,” he snorted. Regulus glanced at the clock, reading 7:58, and mentally prepared himself for the time the ‘Closed!’ sign would get flipped on the door in two minutes.
When he agreed to help out his best friend with her bakery, he never imagined he would have to come to work at this ungodly hour. Pandora offered him a shift later, but the nightmare of working alongside Molly Weasley was enough to help him get up from bed. Today was his first day working and he already regretted his decision. He was grateful, sure, that Panda randomly decided he needed to do something and not rant dramatically about his lack of money, but he reckoned he’d still rather eat cheap noodle soup than put up with the popularity ‘Love’s Good’ has gotten the past year.
Pandora straightened up and fixed him with a pointed look.
“You know that’s not what I mean. You’ve been gloomier lately, that’s all.”
He waved her off, but he already knew the woman was impossible to shake off of your misery.
“Reg. Is it your brother?” she got closer to him, hopping up on the lavender counter he was leaning on.
“No.”
“Your parents, then?”
He felt his body grow cold from just the mention of them, but he managed to shake his head.
Pandora waited a bit before she smiled warmly at him.
“What?” he asked, confused by the sudden change in demeanor.
It was her turn to wave him off. She suddenly yelped and ran to the door, flipping the sign. When she opened it, she quickly apologised to the three people who were already waiting. Regulus couldn’t help the groan he let out when he realized he was supposed to work now.
Luckily, since the customers were apparently regulars, Pandora was managing the till, which left Regulus to wander around carrying various sweets. He didn’t mind it much, since aside from leaving the desserts on the till there were no more interactions.
All of a sudden, the bell jingles announcing a new person walking through and Pandora does the strange action of giggling. Curious, Regulus looks up from where he was slouched over, icing cupcakes, and he almost drops the plastic bag with vanilla topping.
There, in all his annoying glory, was James Potter entering the bakery with the most blinding smile he’d ever seen.
Regulus could see the smug expression on Pandora’s face, and while he’d usually curse her, he was quite immobile at the moment. James was wearing a basic maroon hoodie with a white shirt poking out at the end, light-washed jeans, and his obnoxious red Converse. The star of the show, however, was the Spiderman backpack he was leisurely holding. The whole sight made Regulus’ stomach swirl with hatred.
He could tell James hadn’t noticed him yet since he was animately talking to Pandora at the till. He was explaining something while gesturing wildly with his hands and Regulus thought he was safe, thought he could quickly hide in the back room and never get out again. He had the fake illusion his friend would be nice and let him go since she knew of his dislike for the man, but apparently, he thought very wrongly.
Just as he was about to turn, he heard Pandora’s sweet voice calling out:
“Hey, Reg, look who’s here!”
He quickly shot her a look that was surely screaming ‘traitor!!’, but he looked anyway.
James’ eyes lightened up, as they usually do, and he waved excitedly. He was unabashedly smiling and Regulus wanted to smash his face into all the cakes he could find in this darned place.
He simply scowled.
Somehow, James’ smile widened and he shared a knowing look with Pandora.
Since when were his best friends friendly with the enemy? With the opponent? With the most annoying person he had ever met?
“Anyway. I’d love to chat some more but I’m actually running late,” he smiled apologetically.
Pandora shrugged and gave him a warm smile. What the fuck?
“Don’t worry, Jam. I was worried for a second, thought you’d ignored your alarm again,” she laughed. “The usual?”
While Regulus was processing the entire conversation, James nodded and Pandora got started on ‘the usual’. When he saw her try to gather 10 cupcakes all at once, he swiftly approached and helped her.
“Is he mental?” he said. “What the fuck does Jam need these many cupcakes for?”
“I need 20, actually,” the other man chipped in.
Regulus’ head snapped towards him and he glared. He then realized what James had said and his brows knit into confusion. “What for?”
As Pandora put them into a bag, her eyes began to sparkle. “For his children.”
If Regulus had just taken a drink, he’d probably choke on it.
“What?”
James started to laugh hard, clutching his stomach. He and the blonde shared another knowing look and the black-haired man felt startingly left out of an inside joke.
“Oh, yeah. For my 20 children, obviously.”
“Obviously,” Regulus repeated, confounded.
He felt every icy bit of his demeanor melt away. He wanted to snap about the absurdity of it, to snark a remark at the weird friendship between the two, to insult that stupid backpack, but his thoughts were full of James Potter and his… 20 children? What?
“Well, thank you, Pan. Thank you too, Reg. I’m sure my kids will love them. See you tomorrow!” he chuckled again before taking the bag and marching off.
What the fuck?
Before he got out the door, though, he couldn’t help but yell “It’s Regulus!”.
That only made James’ laugh blare through the bakery louder.
He suddenly turned towards Pandora and glared at her. She only smirked and continued placing the money into the register carelessly. When he wouldn’t turn away, she glanced back and quirked a delicate eyebrow.
“Jam? Really?”
She giggled.
“Is that really the first thing you’re going to ask?”
Priorities, he’d say, if he knew she wouldn’t take it the wrong way.
“I didn’t know you were friends,” he said instead.
She shrugged. Regulus wanted to grab both her shoulders, shake her, and force her to spill every detail about every interaction she had ever had with James Potter.
Wait.
“Tomorrow?”
“Hmm?”
His eyes were nearly falling out of their sockets. “He said, see you tomorrow. Why the fuck would we see him tomorrow, Pandora?”
Her smile widened. “He’s a regular, of course.”
Ah. That’s decided, then.
Regulus Black will never step into ‘Love’s Good’ ever again. If he had to choose between being in this bakery at.. 8:15 in the morning for one more day and killing himself, he wouldn’t even hesitate before jumping off a cliff into the greatest body of water.
Mark his words.
–
He tried, okay? He really tried. But then the ugly head of guilt clawed his way into his heart and that’s how he found himself behind the till of his best friend’s bakery again. He hated to admit this, but working at ‘Love’s Good’ wasn’t as bad as he would say so to everyone else. He spent time with his friend, he could spit onto Barty’s cookie if he wanted to, and a lot of people minimized conversation because he’d constantly scowl.
It wasn’t always sparkles and glitter, though. On more than one occasion he had to, God forbid, speak more than three words. To be fair, it was usually to argue with a mean customer, which he didn’t mind much, but still. It was tiring.
Even worse, although he was only working three days a week, his annoying neighbour was obnoxious enough for a decade. Every morning Regulus saw him order twenty cupcakes or twenty cookies or twenty cake pops and every morning he wished he would choke on them already. Obviously, on the third day he found out the ‘children’ were kids he was a kindergarten teacher to, a thought he didn’t think about for more than a second because the ugly hatred moths dared to thrash around in his stomach if he did.
Pandora started to be insufferable too, sprouting comments about how his aura ‘sparkles again’ just after James walked out the door, or smiling warmly whenever he spat out some insult at the taller man who just laughed. He didn’t even want to know why she was doing it.
The only thing on Regulus’ mind, besides the annoying neighbour, was job hunting. He knew his English major wouldn’t help a great deal, but honestly he had no idea what to do with his life. His brother became a tattoo artist after he spent most of the money Uncle Alphard left him on his motorcycle, and then the other on a tattoo parlour. He absolutely loves what he’s doing, which is something Regulus wishes to be able to say for himself one day.
Maybe he’ll spend the rest of his days serving James Potter a dozen desserts for his stupid children.
Fuck.
This needed to stop.
Regulus knows his feelings of dislike are deep, but turning each thought into James Potter might seem a bit obsessive to an outsider, right?
If he can’t avoid him, he’ll ignore him. How hard can it be?