Come Back, Be Here

Padfoot drifted back into consciousness from the end of the bed where he had migrated at some point in order to have a view of the door. His ears flicked but he didn’t bother opening his eyes as he listened to the room around him, after a while he relaxed back into the bed.

Again, he was roused by the sound of a whimper. With a doggy whine, he lifted his head and looked at his Y/N, asleep on your side of the bed. Your face was all scrunched up and you were breathing heavy as if you were running. Padfoot didn’t always know a lot of things, but he knew people didn’t run in bed.

He slowly crept a little closer and placed his front paws on your feet and rested his head against it, hoping the added weight would provide his girl a sense of security. His efforts were in vein though as you let out another cry. Padfoot got up and crawled to the head of the bed, and by the time he reached your head, Padfoot had changed back to Sirius.

“Alright, that’s enough of that, beautiful.” He whispered as he pulled your arms out from your body and wrapped them around himself before pulling the rest of you into his chest. “You’re alright, love. It’s just a dream.” He murmured into your hair, tracing shapes with his arm that wasn't underneath you across your back.

You let out a shuddering breath before relaxing into his embrace.

Sirius doesn’t know how long he laid there holding you in his arms as you rested, but he did know that he would happily sell his soul to spend the rest of his life like this.

Apparently, it wouldn’t cost him his soul if he wanted to stay with you in bed for the rest of eternity, but he may need to make some decisions regarding his best friends.

The door opened so painfully slowly that Sirius accio’d his wand into his hand, sure as all get out that someone had snuck into the house. A lifetime later, the messiest head of black hair poked into the room, and as James spotted the two forms curled up in the bed, the most shit-eating grin Sirius ever had the (dis)pleasure of witnessing spread across his face.

“Are you seriously cuddling in my house without me?” James asked, and that was all the warning he got. Before Sirius could reply, James was in bed on the opposite side of Sirius spooning him from behind.

“Prongs you wanker, get out.” Sirius whisper-shouted.

“Not a chance, babe.” Was all the response he got as James smacked a wet kiss on Sirius’ cheek.

Their arguing was interrupted by a gasp from the door where they saw Lily looking at the bed incredulously.

“A cuddle puddle without me?!” She commented before she too joined the bed. Lily crawled up and laid between you and Sirius, her head resting on your stomach; your eyes began to flutter at the intrusion of your nap. Sirius brushed the space between your brows with his thumb which caused you to crack one eye open.

“Good morning beautiful.” He winked at you, which was met with a scoff from James.

“‘Morning’ he says. Like it isn’t almost dinner time. You guys were about to miss the meeting.”

“James, must you ruin everything?” Lily asked, nuzzling further into you as you began to play with her hair.

“Yes. That’s his middle name. James Must-Ruin-Everything Potter.” Sirius muttered.

“Please, this cuddle puddle wouldn’t be happening at all had I not shown up.” He argued.

“Exactly.” Sirius countered.

A baby’s squeal could be heard from the door and when four adults looked, they were met with the sight of Remus standing with Harry on his hip looking at the four adults in bed with a look of ill-hidden humour.

“Well, Haz,” he started, “I think we found where everyone got to.”

Harry squealed again and held his arms open which Lily reciprocated. Remus walked across the room and to everyone’s chagrin gave Lily her child before joining the 'cuddle puddle' by laying his long ass body across the bunch of them.

“There are far too many people in this bed right now.” You said as the infant pulled at your hair.

“We’ve had fuller beds here, sugar.” James corrected salaciously.  “Remember when we would push the four beds together in our dorm after adding extension charms to them and then all eight of us would have a slumber party?”

The room became deathly quiet then; the pain of losing so many of their little tribe still so fresh for the young adults.

“No, actually.” You admitted, which caused Sirius to bark a (somewhat nervous) laugh.

“Okay, that’s it. Out.” He said and gave James a good kick which launched him off the bed and caused Remus to roll off of everyone else onto the foot of the bed.

“We’re gonna be the last ones at the meeting.” Remus said as he helped James up off the floor.

Remus had met the others at the Potter’s cottage in Godric’s Hollow, and he felt giddy. Usually, he only felt this way close to a ‘manic moon’ as he and his friend’s wont to call it. Moon sickness could go either way; he could be pained and moody and stressed, or he could feel like he was high and had all the energy in the world. The next full was still two weeks away, but he felt as close to happy and flying on cloud nine as any 21-year-old werewolf-soldier could possibly manage in the middle of a war where many of his friends had lost their lives. He had a member of his pack back from the dead, and Wormy was going to meet them at the Weasley’s after being caught up with his missions and work in the ministry. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs – his Marauders – and their Vixen would be together again. So yeah, Remus was happy.

“My, my, Moony.” Sirius smirked as he stepped out onto the porch, “I’ve never seen you so excited for an Order meeting.”

Remus scoffed. “Well excuse me if I’m usually shipped off to some obscure wolf-pack for my missions and never get to go to them. Besides, Vix is back and that feels good.”

Sirius’ smirk turned into a gentle smile at the end of his sentence. “It does feel good.” He agreed.

The girls had gone up to pack Harry up for the trip to the Weasley’s safe house. Unbeknownst to Remus, babies came with a lot of things. They joined the two men at the front door, Lily with a diaper bag that was nearly the size of the baby itself, and you had the child on your hip as he continued to tug at your hair. The saint you are didn’t even flinch at a particularly vigorous tug of your locks.

“Oi, Haz. Watch the hair mate, come on.” Sirius said with a look of mock disapproval on his face. Harry just screeched and clapped his hands.

“He seems quite proud of himself. He has no shame that one.” You said.

“Much like his father.” Lily muttered as she passed the bag off to James. “Poor thing is a carbon copy of an idiot.”

“Oi, said idiot is standing right here.” James said indignantly.

“Potter, you’re not supposed to agree with the title, mate, come on.” You chuckled, and Remus’ heart soared. Sassy Vixen is making a comeback.

“Are we ready?” Remus asked and clapped his hands together but paused at the sight of a glance being exchanged between you, James, and Sirius.

“Not this again.” Sirius muttered as he took the toddler from your arms. Remus smiled at the sight of you; you were wearing your patched denim jacket that had been hanging on its place on the coat rack in his and Sirius’ flat since you hung it up last. He immediately spotted the enamel fox pin he had bought for you when the group of you visited a small muggle town near Windsor several summers ago.

James sighed, “It’s her call, Pads.”

Your face turned pensieve. “You don’t want to go?” Remus queried.

“I don’t know that I should.” You clarified.

“You should,” Sirius argued “because you’re an Order member.”

“Who has been imprisoned by Death Eaters for months and can’t remember her time as an Order member, Sirius.” James countered.

“That doesn’t negate the fact that she still belongs there.” He spat.

“They may not want me there, Sirius.” You offered quietly. Sirius immediately stopped his arguing and looked at you.

“You have every right to be there, Vix. I will fight anyone who thinks otherwise.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“It’s true, he fought me the just this morning when I was skeptical.” James agreed readily.

“Yes, but now you know James. You understand. They won’t, not right away.” You countered.

Sirius sighed. “Love, please. I swear it’ll be alright, and if at any point you want to leave, we’re out of there, okay? But please, don’t not go because you’re worried about the others. They’re going to be just as happy to see you as we were, I’m sure.”

You searched his eyes for a few seconds before nodding.

“Not quite as happy as some of us were, I’m sure.” James snickered and elbowed Sirius, which was met with a hearty shove causing the man to fall off the porch.  

“Enough, you two. Merlin, it’s like I have three toddlers.” Lily muttered as the five adults and one infant set off to the ward line to apparate to the next safe house.

*ೃ༄.ೃ࿐

Remus took a deep breath of the ocean air as they made their way to the Weasley’s safe house. He had to admit, he got to travel an awful lot during this war. He was only sad he never got to enjoy it as much as he wished he could, knowing he’d not likely get another chance to see these places. But he watched as James threw his arm over Lily’s shoulders and caused her to laugh at some no doubt asinine comment he made, and Sirius bounced Harry on his hip as you cooed at him from the other side, and he couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his face.

He split off from the group as they entered the house, the rest of the Order already present. He said hello to Molly holding a very tiny red-headed baby and tried to ignore the squealing of the many other red-headed children whizzing past them in the kitchen. He gave Mary a tight side hug before he spotted Wormtail across the room talking to Mundungus Fletcher and beelined for him.

“Moony!” Peter shouted as he spotted his friend, and they enveloped each other in a warm hug.

“Petey, mate, you alright?” He asked as he clapped his friend on the back.

“Och, busy as hell but I’ve been alright. How about you?” He asked with a friendly smile.

“I’m good, I’m good. Mate, you’ll never believe it, Y/N’s back.” He said, and Peter froze in shock.

“What?” He whispered.

“Yeah, I know, she just showed up at the safe house this week, James found her. Sirius is the happiest I’ve seen him in ages, mate. Lily too.” Remus stated. He clapped Pete on the shoulder again and looked out the room to see if he could spot his friends. Doing so caused him to miss the way Peter visibly paled at the news.

He needn’t search long for his friends though, because before he knew it you were standing six feet away from he and Pete, who he had his arm around, with your wand pointed at Peter’s face.

“Whoa Vix, what’s going-” Sirius started, coming up behind you.

“I’m not going back; I won’t do it.” You stated plainly, eyes and wand never leaving Peters face.

“Going back where, love?” Sirius inquired, sharing a bemused look with Remus.

“I’ve been good Sirius. I’ve been honest. I don’t want to go back.” You shot again.

“Y/N, nothing is happening. You’re not going anywhere.” Lily stated.

“Then what is he doing here?” You shouted.

The room grew excruciatingly quiet, and Remus slowly peeled his arm away from his friend. Remus noticed that by now the Weasley children, the Longbottom’s son and Harry had all been ushered upstairs by Nymphadora Tonks, so they didn’t even have the kids to distract them from the tension in the room.

“Erm, what is who doing here?” Remus asked cautiously.

“Pettigrew.” You spat.

Remus looked to Sirius hoping to find some understanding on his face, but his friend met his look with equal shock.

“Y/N, I...” Peter started, “I thought you were dead.”

You let out a humourless laugh. “Why? Because Mulciber told you so?”

“What is going on?” Alastair Moody finally interrupted; your eyes never left Peter as you responded.

“What is Pettigrew doing here?” You asked again.

“Peter is our friend, Y/N. He’s been working at the Ministry so hasn’t been very active with the Order, but he’s been coming around more lately. We’ve been keeping him up to date with Order business.” James offered.

You seemed to pale at this information, your eyes widening in shock.

“Y/N, erm, why don’t you and I talk in the other room, catch up?” Peter offered, voice shaking. Remus noticed now that Peter had his wand drawn in his hand, pointing slightly up at you though kept it at waist level.

“Mr. Pettigrew, why don’t you put your wand down.” Dumbledore asked, watching his two former students.

Peter seemed to consider it for a moment, looking between his old headmaster and you. “Her first.” He stated.

Sirius turned to you, briefly making eye contact with Lily over your head before addressing the distressed witch in front of him.

“Vix, do you recognize Peter?” He asked carefully. He was answered with a curt nod.

Remus could hear Peter’s heartrate pick up., though he supposed having a wand pointed at your face could do that to a person.

“Y/N, why don’t we go talk?” Peter tried again. “Put your wand down, we can catch up.”

Your wand never faltered. “Show us your left forearm first.”

The room stayed silent. Sirius’ eyes bored into Peter’s, which were steadfast on you. Lily and James stayed perfectly still; bodies poised as if ready to run at any point.

“Miss. L/N?” McGonagall asked, and then all hell broke loose.

As Remus watched in what felt like slow motion, but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds; a purple spell shot out of Peter’s wand, which you quickly deflected with your own before Peter’s short, stocky frame disappeared and a yellow rat was scurrying along the floor. Just as quickly, your body shrunk into a small red fox who began to chase the rat in earnest. Remus looked at Sirius and could see the actual moment that realization dawned on his friend’s face. It took exactly three and a half Mississippi's for Sirius to recognize that 1) Peter shot a curse at you 2) Peter transformed into his animagus 3) that Peter was trying to escape and 4) You were trying to stop him. As that information all clicked inside of his head, Sirius quickly transformed into Padfoot and began assisting you in Peter’s capture. Remus ran to the back sliding door whilst James ran to the front, ensuring Peter couldn’t reach those two exits. Moody ran to the fireplace whilst Lily ran to the bottom of the stairs so that Peter couldn’t reach the children upstairs. Padfoot and Vixen were heard growling and barking as they chased the fat rat who was squeaking frantically. Finally, after many chairs and side tables were overturned, Padfoot cornered the rat and Vixen shot in, grabbing it by the scruff and giving it a good shake as if telling it to stay.

The fox jumped onto the kitchen table, the rat struggling from its hold in her mouth. She bit down harder and gave it a shake which was met with an indignant cry from the rat.

“Enough.” Dumbledore stated calmly as he stood before the fox and the rat, his wand trained on the pair. “You can drop him now. He can’t go anywhere.”

The fox remained unmoving, its yellow eyes staring hard at the headmaster’s blue eyes while its chest heaved from the hunt. They stayed like that for what Remus counted to be 17 seconds before the fox slowly lowered the rat to the table and released its hold. The rat immediately went to flee, but Dumbledore was quicker. Suddenly, the rat became Peter once again and was incarcerated against one of the kitchen chairs, bound by invisible ropes. The fox jumped off the kitchen table and you stood back up from the floor beside Sirius, your wand once again pointed at Peter.

“What the bloody hell is going on?” James and Moody said at the same time.

You and Peter continued staring at one another, neither willing to utter the first word.

“Peter.” Sirius barked. Slowly, Peter moved his gaze from you to Sirius, and any worry he showed at the beginning of the meeting morphed into sheer panic as his eyes met a fuming Sirius.

“She’s insane mate, she’s obviously completely lost it.” He cried.

“You know, Mr. Pettigrew,” Dumbledore started, face impassive but eyes twinkling with subtle anger. “There have been rumours of a spy amongst us.”

Peter whimpered, “Yes! I know! Why do you think she’s here? Hm?” Peter exclaimed, motioning towards you.

“No son, I know it’s not her.” Dumbledore stated calmly.

“How could you possibly know that!?” The sod cried again.

“Because I have my own spies within Voldemort’s ranks.”

Anyone in the room could hear a pin drop. Sirius’ eyes widened and looked between his friends. Lily watched on from beside Remus, clutching his arm like a lifeline. Sirius was sure he could see steam coming out of James’ ears.

“Unfortunately,” Dumbledore continued as if he hadn’t dropped a huge bomb on the whole Order. “My spy has been on a dangerous mission for the past few months and hasn’t been able to be in contact with me. However, I heard from them approximately 37 hours ago.”

Sirius looked over at you whose eyes still hadn’t left Peter, whose face in turn was drained of all colour.

“I didn’t know exactly what they meant at the time, but they warned me to be aware of a rat amongst us. I see now that the warning was really quite clear.”

“Lift your sleeve, Peter.” Sirius demanded.

“Sirius, mate, please. I-”

“LIFT YOUR SLEEVE.” He bellowed. You flinched.

Sirius took an involuntary step closer to you in apology. He decided to shift his focus to you instead; knowing if he looked at Pete, he’d do something he may live to regret. Focus on her. Keep your eyes on her. He told himself.

“Peter, I swear to Godric if you do not lift your sleeve.” James seethed quietly before Remus ripped himself away from Lily and stalked over to Peter. Not at all gently, Remus ripped Peter’s arm from the invisible restraints holding him to the chair, which caused a pained whimper from Peter’s lips, and ripped his sleeve clean off his shirt. Clear as day, the dark mark was visible above Peter’s left wrist.

Stay focused on her. Don’t look away from her. Sirius chanted as he felt bile rise in his throat. She’s all that matters, stay focused on her.

Dumbledore reinstated the restraints on Peter as an explosion of demands were being made.

“How many safe houses has he outed?”

“Where will everyone go now?”

“Who has he gone on missions with?”

“How many of our people has he killed?”

“How many missions have failed because of him.”

“How could you!?” Was bellowed, and it came from Marlene.

“Marls, I-” Peter started tearfully.

“HOW COULD YOU!?” She screamed again.

“Peter. We-we’ve all been friends since 4th year. The Marauder’s since first. You and I, we...” James choked. “We grew up together I-I don’t understand”

“He killed them!” Remus shouted. This seemed to shock the room; some seemed fearful of what the werewolf might do when angry, others surprised by their kind-hearted friend’s outburst. But no one had to ask who Remus was referring to. “You fucking killed them!” He repeated.

“Caradoc...” Benjy muttered sadly.

“Gideon, Fabien.” Molly wheezed as she clutched at a pendant around her neck, Arthur pulling her into his side consolingly.

“If we hadn’t been at Sirius and Remus’ flat planning your funeral” Dorcas said, referring to you, “Marlene would have been home when her entire family was murdered.”

“Dedalus and Elphias.” Mundungus sighed.

“Emmeline.” Lily added.

“So, so many members of the Order have fallen.” Dumbledore agreed sagely. “Some because of Peter, some due simply to the nature of war.”

Peter stayed silent; eyes red-rimmed and lips pursed as if words threatened to spill out of his mouth if he didn’t clamp it tight enough.

“How long?” Sirius asked quietly, bringing all attention to him.

“What, son?” Dumbledore inquired.

“How long has he been the Death Eaters rat?” He clarified, refusing to even acknowledge Peter anymore.

Dumbledore watched Sirius inquisitively for a moment before he turned to face you.

“He first showed up at the Lestrange Manor shortly after the prophecy was announced, said he could help get You-Know-Who access.” You said quietly. Sirius noted how sickeningly pale you appeared suddenly.  

“My son, Peter!?” James asked, but it wasn’t a question.

“He didn’t know if it was the Potter child or the Longbottom child.” Dumbledore stated curtly.

“But he was willing to give up two infants! Infants he knew. YOU WERE THERE WHEN HARRY WAS BORN!” James screamed. “How could you fucking do this?!”

“It doesn’t matter, James.” You mumbled.

“What-” James stuttered. “What the hell are you on about?”

Sirius again immediately moved closer to you worried James’ ire would now be directed at you instead.

“Nothing he could possibly say right now would excuse what he’s done. No amount of reasoning or explaining or grovelling will help you understand why or how he could betray you all. You will never be able to understand what, why or how he did what he did because you’re not like him. You will never understand because you would never have made the same decision.” You explained. “You can ask him again, and you can make him explain until the cows come home, but it won’t make any sense and it won’t make you feel any better. And quite frankly, James,” You paused, finally removing your eyes and wand from Peter to face James and Lily, “whatever comes out of his mouth will be complete and utter bullshit anyway.”

Nobody said anything; there wasn’t anything to say really. You were right - of course you were – but it didn’t make anyone feel any better. James still itched to have Peter explain himself, as if rehashing every tiny thing that took place over the last ten plus years would help erase the symbol of hatred willingly burnt permanently onto his forearm. Remus wanted to hear Peter admit from his dirty fucking mouth just how he betrayed them all. Sirius wanted him dead. None of it would make them feel better.

“How do you even know all of this.” Peter spat, turning to look at you. Just as Sirius was about to smash his face in for even daring to look in your direction, you scoffed.

“I was good for more than your death eater buddies little games.” A sickening smirk graced your face as you regarded Peter. “I would have been dead a long fucking time ago if not.”

“But, but he- but” He stuttered. You cocked one eyebrow as you waited for him to finish. “But Mulciber, he-”

“Ah,” You interrupted, “but Mulciber wasn’t my only keeper, was he?”

Peter paled. “No.” he whispered, but he never got to continue before you stupefied him.

The Order sat in an incredibly uncomfortable silence. Most members stared at you, who in turn stared blankly at Dumbledore. Sirius watched you, hoping for any emotion to betray your face. He was left disappointed and turned to join you in watching his old headmaster.

“What the fuck?” James whispered.

Dumbledore hummed. “Indeed, my boy.”

“Was, was this the meaning of this meeting?” Mary asked.

“Partially, yes.” Dumbledore agreed. “I felt it imperative that you all know of our leak as soon as possible so we could make appropriate alternate arrangements.”

“Like where the fuck I’m supposed to move my family now.” Lily muttered.  

James rubbed a hand across his face. “This is awful, we’ve relocated so many times. I mean, Peter was going to be our secret keeper for fuck’s sake.”

“Mr. Black has access to a property already vacant and protected by the Fidelius charm.” Dumbledore offered.

“Absolutely not.” Sirius barked.

“It is the safest option available to us at this time, Son.” Dumbledore countered.

Sirius scoffed. “To me and James, perhaps. And maybe Harry, if you don’t consider what living in a dark, loveless, and evil pile of timber could do to a child." He paused to wave a dramatic hand in front of himself as if to say see? "But I am not bringing Y/N or Lily there with the amount of dark artifacts I know are littered about just waiting for a muggle-born to touch them. And that’s not to say what is waiting for our dear Moony there either.”

“I forgot you inherited that place.” Lily muttered quietly.

“Listen, the Order is running out of places to hide. The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black already has a Fidelius charm in place, and it is empty. Once the semester is over, McGonagall and I would be happy to assist in the cleanup, however, Moody has a curse breaker ready, and Andromeda and Ted Tonks have offered their assistance as well. I don’t believe you would be standing here today, James and Lily, if Peter had been able to give away your location, but I do not think this can wait. We should not take the chance.” Dumbledore stated severely.

No one seemed to have an argument for the plan, though Sirius despised everything about it and Remus, Lily and James all hated the idea of stepping foot into a space so recently filled with hate. James momentarily envied you – how sweet ignorance would be at the prospect of living in Grimmauld place for the foreseeable future.

“Now, onto our other matters.” Dumbledore said, turning to you. “Your contact within Voldemort’s army, they sent you with something?”

With a quick nod, you pulled out a small, beaded bag from your jacket pocket and enlarged it before turning it over above the table in front of Dumbledore and shaking out its contents.

In front of the old headmaster sat Ravenclaw’s lostfound diadem, the Hufflepuff cup, a gaudy looking locket, a black leather bound journal, and a ring. Remus gagged and pulled the collar of his jumper over his mouth and nose.

“Oh my God, what is the smell?” He mumbled through his shirt.

“Smell?” Marlene asked.

James chuckled, “must be a wolf thing.”

“Yes, I’m sure dark magic smells quite awful to those with the ability to pick up traces of magic.” Dumbledore stated.

“What are they?” Remus asked, peering over the table cautiously as if any of the inanimate objects could launch itself at him at any given moment.

“These, my boy, are horcruxes.”

McGonagall let out a strangled sound. “I beg your pardon?”

“What’s a horcrux?” Ted Tonks asked.

“It would appear Voldemort has, in an attempt to become immortal, split his soul into pieces and placed those pieces inside of these objects. It is very dark magic.” He explained plainly as if instructing one of his classes in Transfiguration.

“Jesus Christ.” Mary muttered.

“Is this all of them, then?” Dumbledore asked you.

“No sir.”

Dumbledore looked at her for a moment, as if waiting for more information. “No?”

“No, we believe there is one more.”

“You mean to tell me that he split his soul six times?” Moody asked on an exhale.

“Seven is a magically powerful number,” You explained. “We don’t believe it’s a coincidence he has splintered his soul into seven pieces.”

“I see.” Dumbledore said. “And what is this sixth horcrux.”

You let out a huge sigh, “I...”

Sirius brushed your arm gently, moving to stand up against your back. I can’t do much, love. But I can be here. I’m right here.

“I think it’s Nagini. The snake.” You admitted finally.

“Fucking hell.” Remus groaned.

“So, what now?” Sirius asked Dumbledore, but Dumbledore appeared to field the question to you.

“We must destroy all six horcruxes for You-Know-Who to become mortal again. Only then can we defeat him.” You explained.

“Ah, but I suppose destroying horcruxes by throwing them down a garbage disposal won’t work?” Lily interjected. You shook your head no.

“Horcruxes can only be destroyed by Avada Kedavra, Fiendfyre, or honourable goblin wrought silver such as Godric Gryffindor’s sword after being infused with Basilisk’s venom.”

“Easy-peasy.” Mary commented wryly.

“Thank you, Miss. L/N.” Dumbledore interrupted, looking at you above his half-moon spectacles. “For everything. You’re contributions to the cause have been immeasurable.”

You swallowed thickly. “May I be excused?” You whispered.

“Of course, my dear.” He replied, and you took off out the sliding door off the kitchen. Sirius didn’t ask for permission nor wait around for further instructions before he followed after you.

He stepped out into the sea air and looked around, but he heard you before he spotted you. He followed the sound of your heaving into a metal garbage can beside what appeared to be a weathered tool shed. He slowly made his way over, not wanting to interrupt you until you were finished. I’ll never be able to get more meat on her bones at this rate.

You took a deep breath and wiped your face with your sleeve before replacing the lid on the garbage can and turning towards Sirius.

“Fucking hell, you scared me.” You sighed, bringing your hand up to your chest.

Sirius breathed out a chuckle. “My apologies, love. Didn’t mean to.”

You stood with your arms wrapped around yourself and turned to face the ocean. Sirius watched you as he tried to make it look like he wasn’t watching you by pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with a snap of his fingers. The ocean breeze pushed your hair behind your shoulders, and you lifted your face to the horizon. Your eyes were red and your nose was running, but Sirius still thought you made the most beautiful picture.

“What did he do to you?” Sirius asked gruffly, not able to keep quiet any longer.

“Hm?” You asked as you squinted over at him through the setting sun.

“Peter. What did he do to you?”

You grimaced and scrutinized Sirius for a few moments.

“Were we just friends?” You asked.

“Hm?” He parroted your previous question.

“You and I.” You clarified. “Were we just friends? Before?”

His cigarette burned in his fingers, completely forgotten. He wanted to lie to you. That’s not true. He felt like he should lie to you, as if that would somehow make this all easier for you. But he couldn’t; he was asking you to be honest with him, he owed you the same.

“No.” He admitted quietly.

You watched him flick his cigarette into the field before pulling out another one. “Then do you really want to know?”

Sirius snorted. “No, I know that I don’t want to know. But I need to.”

Sirius stayed quiet as you fidgeted. He figured it may be somewhat less painful for you to tell him now when you didn’t remember him, than having to have this conversation when you did.

“Did he force himself on you?”

You let out a shuddering sigh. “Yes.”  Sirius cracked his neck in aggitation.

“He wasn’t-” you began before cutting yourself off.

“Merlin, Y/N, if you try telling me he wasn’t that bad-”

“No, I-” you sighed again. “No.”  

He had so many things he wanted to ask. Who? How many? How often? Where? When? Where can I find them? Do I remember the wand formation for Crucio? But he knew none of it mattered. Not really. It couldn’t; knowing those things wouldn’t help him, and it wouldn’t help you. And right now, that was all that mattered, helping you - keeping you safe and away from fuckers like Peter and those Death Eater arseholes. And apparently, he was expected to do that in his awful childhood home.

“Thank you.” He settled for, as his jaw ached from how tightly he was clenching it. “For telling me.”

You stared at him for a long time. “You’re welcome.”

You both stood in a somewhat comfortable silence as Sirius finished his second cigarette and watched the tide come in. His mind drifted to the grey orb in your mind that stored your memories of him in it. Somewhere in there, is the memory of the time Sirius became a bumbling fool after you sang and played a song in the Three Broomsticks for the whole restaurant. Though you blushed furiously the whole time at Sirius’ obvious infatuation, you couldn’t help but smirk at his blustering. Somewhere in there is the memory of the time you came flying (not literally) into the Quidditch field in 5th year and interrupted the Gryffindor practice much to the chagrin of that year’s captain because you had just been notified of your mother’s death and somehow needed Sirius of all people. There was also a memory somewhere in there of what Sirius considered one of the worst days of his life – you and Sirius had been dancing around each other for quite some time by that point; all your friends had bets on how long it would take before you two got together. Sirius knew of your affections toward him, though he never quite understood it. He may have been handsome, witty, charming, but he was just no good. He had gotten into an argument that day with Reg about conforming to the drivel of their parents and it weighed heavily in his mind during the Gryffindor party. This girl had been batting her eyelashes at him all night, and he was feeling sorry for himself – he was such a mess; how could someone as beautiful and thoughtful and smart as you get messed up in the shitstorm that was Sirius Black? It wasn’t fair to you, so, he snuck off to a broom closet with the nameless, eyelash batting Hufflepuff and got off, hoping to alleviate some of the tension of that day. He later found out that not only did he feel gross for fooling around with a girl he never bothered to learn the name of, but you had witnessed them sneak off together. He found you later curled up in Remus’ arms having had cried yourself to sleep. “You’re a right arse, Sirius.” Remus had spat at him, standing up with you in his arms and stalking off to their dorm.

But Sirius wanted you to remember it all. How you flat-out ignored his existence for seven weeks and four days. Sirius waited one-thousand two-hundred and seventy-two hours for you to finally look him in the eye, even though it was only to tell him to go fuck himself. It took another three weeks for you to stop spitting angrily at him and start acting like he was just another one of the guys, which also hurt, but he was just happy to be gifted with the sound of your voice again.

He never took your attention for granted again after that; everyone noticed the change, you most of all. He never broke eye contact with you when you spoke to him. He always took full advantage of your attention any time you were willing to give it to him. He was always the first one to stop talking when you went to speak up, and the first to defend you if someone dared to interrupt. At the time, it made you feel precious, like you were something worthy of worship. Sirius wanted you to remember that, and most importantly, he wanted you to experience it again.

“Well Pads,” a voice interrupted his musings, “excited to bring Y/N home to your darling mother, finally?” James smirked as he rubbed his hands together.

Sirius scoffed, “the only reason I’m even considering the prospect of bringing her to that hellhole is because that old hag is already dead.”

“What, am I not good enough to bring home to mummy-dearest?” You said with a smirk, causing Sirius to bark a laugh.

“Not at all love, in fact, if I had been sure she wouldn’t have Avada’d you on the spot, I’m a little disappointed I didn’t do it earlier; maybe we could have sent her to an even earlier grave.”

The meeting seemed to have ended, as Moody was seen dragging Peter’s stupefied body from the safehouse and apparating away.

“There’s concern of corruption in the Ministry, so he’ll be put in an anti-magic cell in Moody’s basement for the time-being.” Lily explained.

“I always knew Moody was into some kinky shit.” James commented with Harry on his hip.

“It’s not funny, James.” Lily fumed. “I don’t think you realize how close we were to dying.”

“I guess we’re very lucky Y/N had an ally on the other side.” James murmured. Sirius laughed sarcastically.

“Some ally they were.” He spat angrily.

“Sirius, relax,” Lily started, “They kept her alive, protected her memories and gave us the ability to win this war.”

“And let the entire Death Eater army use her as their play toy!” He shouted. “Peter himself fucking violated her!”

“Would you shut the fuck up!?” Lily seethed, looking around to see who all heard.

“No! Everyone should know what a fucking abomination he was! Is! And we called him our friend!”

“BUT IT ISN’T YOUR STORY TO TELL!” she shouted back.

Remus and James looked properly mortified, both at the outburst and on account of the news that their friend not only betrayed them but was capable of such heinous acts.

Sirius felt the blood leave his face as he spun to face you; a curious expression adorned your face. It wasn’t necessarily pain – but certainly frustration, and perhaps some pity.

“You’re so used to being around such moral people Sirius, and that’s good – you should be.” You began calmly. “But I just watched Peter Pettigrew – a member of a racist terrorist organization who is guilty of treason at best and murder at worst, a sexual assailant, a user of unforgiveable curses, and all around bad bloke get carried out of an enemy base completely unharmed to be held in a safe facility until he receives what I assume is going to be a fair trial.”

Sirius held his breath as you paused for what he was sure was dramatic effect.  

“Do you know what happens to the most loyal of Death Eaters who dare to sneeze when their Dark Lord is speaking? They’re strangled by Nagini. Maybe they survive, maybe they don’t; that’s neither here nor there. And do you know what happens if a Death Eater even looks like they might hesitate when they’re asked to crucio or avada a muggle? They’re fed to Nagini. And those are the tamer of the possible reprimands.

“So, the fact that any Death Eater managed to find me, heal me, train me and keep me alive for the past nearly five months is nothing short of a miracle, and God only knows what You-Know-Who would do if he found out that they’d managed it. But they could not always save me from the evil that they themselves were also victims of and surrounded by twenty-four-seven, regardless of whether they simply wanted to or not. It didn’t matter if they knew it was wrong or had the moral compass of a saint – we would not have survived, it is that simple.” You paused as you allowed your words to settle inside of Sirius’ mind.

“You all have the privilege of being surrounded by sane, morally sound people. That has given you the ability to see the world in black and white. To survive, some people needed to become certain shades of grey. I’m not saying that it’s right, or fair, or just; it just is.”

Properly chastised for his outburst, Sirius stared at his boots.

“Does it make me one of them to think Peter deserved everything you just said?” James asked quietly.

Remus let out an inelegant snort. “No mate, I think that makes you human.”

“I wasn’t asking you, you goody-two-shoes.” James mockingly argued before turning back to you.

“No, it certainly doesn’t make you one of them. I think Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes here is right.” You replied.

“I’m literally a dark creature, I don’t know who you all are calling a goody-two-shoes.” Remus muttered petulantly.

“Uhm, the goody-two-shoes, obviously.” Lily snorted.

“Hi, kettle?” James spoke an octave higher, pretending to hold a muggle phone to his ear. “This is the cauldron; you’re black!” Lily swatted her husband.

“Perhaps before we kill Nagini or whatever the snakes name is, we could send it down to Moody’s sex dungeon to finish off Peter.” James joked, though no one missed the dark edge that shadowed his voice.

“Charming.” Sirius heard the posh accent of Andromeda from behind Remus. “Well cousin, ready to head back home?”

Sirius moaned dramatically and threw his head back as his party began to head to the apparition point just beyond the wards. He opened his eyes to see you still standing there, your gaze cautiously analyzing him.

“You okay?” You asked him.

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m the arse and you ask me if I’m alright?”

“Are you?”

“Are you alright?” he countered.

You continued watching him for a few moments.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. Lily was right, I shouldn’t have run my mouth like that. You trusted me and I let you down. And of course, you were right about the other stuff as well – I have no business pretending to know what it’s been like for you these past few months.”

You nodded gently at him. “Thank you for apologizing, and for listening. I’m alright.”

He offered his arms out to you and you hesitated only briefly before accepting his embrace.

“You were always so much smarter than the rest of us,” he mumbled into your hair. “Lily would have just hexed me if she were you.”

You laughed – a real actual laugh, the first he’s heard from you in months. “Sounds about right.” You admitted, before quickly pulling away from Sirius and staring at him in awe.

“What?!” he asked, slightly paniced from the change in demeanor.

“I remembered. I – I knew, or agreed, that Lily would have been the type to hex you – I knew that!”

Sirius beamed at you before picking you up from your waist and spinning you in a circle. When he put you back down, you were both flushed and out of breath.

“Welcome back, Vix.” He knew you weren’t really back, not yet. But by Godric, it was a start.