Beyond Fear

Harry was in the kitchen preparing afternoon tea for himself and Luna, while she finished settling the babies into their crib after they had fallen asleep on her chest.

A soft knock sounded at the front door, and Harry frowned. They weren’t expecting any visitors, as the babies, only a week old, were still too small to receive guests. Their fragile little bodies would need time, and a few vaccines, before anyone could come to visit.

Harry quickly made his way to the door, worried that whoever was outside might knock louder and wake the twins.

When Harry opened the door, his jaw almost hit the floor in shock. The last person he ever expected to see stood on his doorstep, his posture hunched.

Xenophilius Lovegood looked at Harry with what could only be described as shame in his eyes.

“Hi, Harry,” he said quietly.

“Xenophilius.” Harry wasn’t sure how to feel. He felt anger for all the pain this man had caused Luna, but also pity. His eyes looked so sad.

“Can I speak with Luna?” Xenophilius asked softly.

Harry was tempted to say no and slam the door in the man’s face, but despite his desire to protect Luna, this wasn’t his decision to make.

“I don’t know if she’ll want to see you.” The man seemed to shrink at those words. “But I’ll let her know you’re here.”

Harry left him waiting in the entryway, as the snowstorm outside was too harsh to leave the door open.

He climbed the stairs with a heavy heart. This visit would hurt Luna, and she was already so vulnerable. It felt so unfair to make her suffer even more. He didn’t know how to make this less painful for her, and it tore him apart.

He found her exiting the twins’ room, gently pulling the door halfway shut.

She smiled when she saw him. “They’re asleep. Is the tea ready?”

Harry stayed silent, and as he looked at her, she noticed the tension in his expression.

“Lu.” He took a deep breath, unable to delay any longer. “Your father is downstairs. He asked to see you.”

Her smile vanished, and all the color drained from her face. She turned as pale as paper, and her breathing became shallow and erratic.

Harry immediately grabbed both of her arms, afraid she might lose her strength.

“Lu, you don’t have to see him. I can tell him to leave.”

She seemed not to hear him.

Harry cupped her face in his hands, gently forcing her to meet his gaze.

“Look at me.” She did. “Match my breathing.” She followed his slow, deep breaths, and after a moment, the color began to return to her cheeks.

“You’re not alone. I’m here with you, and this is your choice,” he said softly.

She nodded and stayed quiet for a moment. Harry wrapped his arms around her. It was the first time he had hugged her since things had ended between them, and it felt strange not to have her baby bump between them.

“I’ll talk to him,” she said in a low but firm voice. “Will… will you stay with me?”

“Of course.”

He held her hand as they descended the stairs. Xenophilius stood in the same spot Harry had left him, his head bowed. He looked up at the sound of their steps.

“Moonchild,” he whispered, as if her name were sacred.

In that moment, Harry hated the man, but he could also see his pain. Whatever his reasons for leaving, they clearly hadn’t brought him any peace.

“Father,” Luna said softly, her voice just as quiet as his.

They stared at each other in silence.

Sensing they were too uncomfortable to make the first move, Harry spoke.

“Why don’t we sit in the living room?”

They all moved to the living room. Harry gestured for Xenophilius to take the armchair while he and Luna sat together on the sofa. At no point did he release her hand, and when he noticed Xenophilius glance at their clasped hands, it only made him hold on tighter.

“I… I saw the news in the paper,” Xenophilius began, his voice trembling. “I saw that you had two babies.” His voice was a mixture of sorrow and tenderness. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know you were pregnant.” Tears filled his eyes.

“Of course you didn’t know. You abandoned me and never cared to find out,” Luna replied, her voice filled with hurt. It was the first time Harry had ever heard her sound like that.

Her father winced. “I didn’t abandon you.”

“Oh? Then what do you call what you did?”

“I… I wanted to protect you,” he stammered.

Luna’s face was incredulous. “Protect me?” Disbelief laced her words. “You were all I had, and you left me alone.” Her voice quivered, and Harry squeezed her hand, trying to lend her strength.

“I couldn’t stay. It was what was best for you,” he repeated, sounding desperate, almost unhinged.

Harry realized that he really believed what he was saying.

“After everyone found out I tried to turn Harry in …” He avoided Harry’s gaze at that moment. “They would have destroyed my life, and I deserved it. But you didn’t! If they associated you with me, you would have lost your friends, your future. People wouldn’t just see you as eccentric; they’d see you as the girl who nearly lost them the war.” A tear rolled down his face. “I couldn’t do that to you, Moonchild. You’re the most precious thing I have. I wanted you to be happy.”

Luna’s eyes were brimming with tears, and even Harry felt his own emotions stirring. The man had made the wrong choice again, but everything he did, he did thinking of his daughter. He had made a painful decision, believing it would give her a chance at happiness, when in the end, it had only caused her more pain. Harry realized, sadly, that it was a mistake he might have made himself, and for the first time, he understood the importance of the therapist’s advice to ask Luna what she needed.

“I understand why you did it,” she said, her voice trembling. “But that wasn’t your decision to make! I would have chosen you!”

“I knew you would, which is why I didn’t say goodbye.” Xenophilius looked utterly defeated.

Luna stared at him for a moment, and then Harry saw her break before their eyes.

“I needed you, and you abandoned me. I was tortured, I was…” Her voice cracked, and Harry’s heart broke for her. “I was raped, and you left me alone.” Tears streamed down her face, and Harry wanted to hold her, but Xenophilius moved with startling speed, leaving the armchair to kneel in front of his daughter.

“Forgive me!” he cried, weeping harder than she was. He pulled her into his arms, and Luna leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder as she sobbed.

“You abandoned me,” she repeated softly.

“Forgive me, my love! I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” They cried together.

The scene was heartbreaking, and Harry felt tears in his own eyes. Through it all, Luna never let go of his hand. She gripped it tightly, and he stayed by her side.

"I’m so sorry! Forgive me. I would never have left if I had known," he lamented through tears. "You are the most precious thing in the world to me, the only thing I have."

Luna remained silent, crying on her father's shoulder as he held her tightly.

After a long while, when they both seemed calmer, Luna pulled away and returned to her seat on the couch. Xenophilius, however, stayed kneeling, holding her free hand.

"I forgive you," she said softly, and Harry couldn’t contain the wave of affection he felt for her. Luna was so precious. "But things won’t be the same as before. I’ve changed. You’ll have to earn my trust again."

Harry admired her even more. She was compassionate but firm. So gentle, yet she respected her own feelings. He wanted to be like her.

"I’ll do whatever it takes," Xenophilius said with fervor.

Luna studied him for a long moment, and then her expression softened. "You’re a grandfather now," she said with emotion.

Xenophilius smiled tenderly, but his expression quickly shifted. "Are they...?" He stammered, and Harry understood the unspoken question.

"No. They’re mine," Harry spoke for the first time during the conversation.

Xenophilius looked relieved. "May I see them?"

Luna glanced at Harry, silently asking his opinion. The way she immediately valued his input warmed his heart. Harry nodded.

"Yes, but they’re sleeping," she said gently.

The three climbed the stairs, and Luna opened the door and stepped inside. Xenophilius followed her, and Harry stayed at the door, observing the scene.

"This is Albus," she whispered proudly, pointing to the baby sleeping on the left. "And this is James," she said, indicating the baby on the right.

Xenophilius gazed at his grandchildren with so much love, tears falling freely.

"They have your mouth," he whispered.

"And Mum’s eyes," Luna said with affection. They were her eyes, but she had inherited them from her mother.

"Really?" Xeno let a few more tears fall. "They’re perfect."

"Yes, they are."

After a while spent admiring the babies, Luna said goodbye to her father and promised to send a letter letting him know when he could return, as this was still a delicate time.

Harry accompanied the man to the door, but as Xenophilius stepped over the threshold, he turned back.

"I can’t express how deeply sorry I am for what I did to you," he said.

"What you did was wrong, but I understand why. We all did things we regret during the war," Harry said firmly.

"You’re a good man, Harry Potter. Thank you for taking care of my Luna. Your love for her is obvious. I’m glad you didn’t let my actions affect that."

Harry stood silent, somewhat stunned.

"Goodbye," Xenophilius said, then disapparated.

Harry remained in the doorway, still turning over Xenophilius’s words.

Was it obvious that he loved her?

Xenophilius had spent less than an hour with them and concluded that Harry loved Luna. In fact, he had said it was obvious. Something stirred within Harry. Over the past few days, the fog of confusion had been gradually lifting. He knew he harbored deep feelings for Luna; he just wasn’t sure what kind they were. It was ironic, though, that his doubt stemmed from not knowing if it all came solely from obligation and the desire to do the right thing. Yet the fog had started to clear precisely when he was with her, doing the right thing. In other words, the moments of greatest connection—when he realized the depth of his admiration for Luna and how real his affection for her was—had happened while fulfilling their responsibilities together.

He recalled the mental healer’s words: "Love is as much a choice as it is a responsibility." Could he feel responsible for their children and still love Luna independently of that?

He thought he already knew the answer; he just couldn’t find the words to express it.

Harry climbed the stairs and found Luna standing by the crib, watching the babies sleep.

He stopped at the doorway and asked softly, "How are you?"

"I don’t know," she replied without looking at him. "I forgave him; he’s my father. But the pain hasn’t gone away. I started to believe I deserved rejection, and only therapy has been helping me see that being rejected by someone doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of love."

Harry felt his throat tighten. She was being vulnerable with him, sharing something so profound. Harry knew all too well how difficult it was to shed beliefs like that. He also realized that his own indecision was probably another rejection for Luna. He knew he had hurt her, but now he saw how deeply.

He walked up to her and intertwined their fingers. Only then did she look at him.

"Forgiveness can heal some wounds, but it doesn’t mean the pain will disappear immediately. Over time, your father will show you that you can trust him, and little by little, the pain will fade."

Harry realized that it wasn’t just Luna’s father who would have to work to regain her trust. He would, too.

"I know," Luna replied.

He gently pulled her into his arms, and she went willingly. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close.

"You deserve to be loved. More than anyone, you are worthy of love." He stroked her hair, feeling her relax against him. It felt so good to hold her again. Having her in his arms made him feel like he could breathe once more.

"Thank you, Harry. Thank you for being there with me and not letting go of my hand," she said softly, tightening her arms around him.

"I’ll always be there for you, whenever you need me," he replied, and it was true. That truth made his heart race, for he realized that beneath his fog of confusion, he would always be there for her—not out of obligation or responsibility, but because he wanted to be.

She said nothing, but she didn’t pull away from the embrace until Albus woke up. They stepped apart and turned to the crib. Harry picked up the tiny baby and kissed his little head. It felt like a miracle to hold him in his arms. It felt like a miracle that, after everything, the universe had allowed Harry and Luna to receive something as precious as their children. That life had allowed them to survive to look at that tiny body and feel that kind of love.

Harry handed Albus to Luna and watched as she cradled him to her chest. The soft sound of suckling filled the room, and Harry watched Luna’s gaze as she looked down at her baby.

She was the most incredible woman he had ever known, and she was only seventeen.

He realized how blessed he was that his children were hers, and an overwhelming desire swept over him: he wanted to be hers, too.