Chapter 38
The office was illuminated by a soft, diffused light filtering through the window partially covered by linen curtains. Luna sat in one of the cushioned armchairs, her hands resting on the enormous curve of her belly. The familiar environment of the room should have been comforting, but on that day, Luna seemed especially vulnerable.
Arabella, the mental healer who had been working with Luna over the past few months, observed her with her usual patience. Luna’s gaze was fixed on a distant point, and she seemed to be struggling with the words she needed to say.
“He’s gone,” Luna murmured at last, breaking the silence.
Arabella did not react immediately. Instead, she allowed the space between them to fill with the weight of the statement.
“Harry?” she asked gently.
Luna nodded, her throat tight as she tried to hold back tears.
“I asked him to leave.”
Arabella leaned slightly forward, her expression calm and receptive.
“How did that happen?”
Luna took a deep breath, her hands lightly gripping the fabric of her dress.
“I overheard a conversation between him and Ginny on Christmas night at the Weasleys’ house. She accused him of being with me only because of the babies.” Luna paused, her eyes brimming with tears. “And he didn’t contradict her.”
Arabella remained silent, giving Luna the space to continue.
“I felt…” Luna hesitated, searching for the right word. “I felt like an obligation. Like all the time we spent together was just his way of fulfilling something he thought he owed.”
Arabella stayed attentive but did not interrupt.
“When he came home, I told him to leave. He couldn’t say anything to me—his doubt was written all over his face.” Luna’s voice faltered, and she closed her eyes, a single tear sliding down her cheek.
Arabella finally spoke, her voice firm yet gentle.
“You felt that, by hesitating, he confirmed your fears.”
“Yes,” Luna admitted with a brief nod. “But at the same time… I think he truly doesn’t know how he feels.”
Arabella considered her words for a moment.
“And how did that make you feel?”
Luna gave a bitter smile, avoiding the healer’s gaze.
“Like I was holding on to something that was never really mine. Like I was… settling for crumbs again.”
Arabella tilted her head slightly, studying Luna carefully.
“That sounds like something we’ve discussed before, Luna. About how, for a long time, you accepted less than you deserved. Do you think that was happening again?”
Luna took a deep breath, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.
“I think so.”
“I’m proud of you. Asking him to leave shows that you knew you didn’t deserve that.”
Arabella gave her a small approving smile before continuing.
“That’s a big change, Luna. Asking for something better, even if it means losing someone important, is a sign of growth.”
Luna looked at her hands, now resting calmly on her belly.
“But why does it still hurt so much?”
“Because your feelings didn’t leave with him,” Arabella said, pausing thoughtfully. “And also because part of you still believes you deserve to be rejected.”
Luna raised her eyes to the healer, who was voicing her innermost thoughts.
“Believing that is so painful. Why do I still believe I deserve it?” Luna asked, her voice tinged with anger.
“Over the past months, we’ve talked about how your years at Hogwarts, the difficulties during the war, and even your father’s abandonment shaped that belief. You began to think that if people didn’t choose you, it was because something was wrong with you.”
Luna averted her gaze, absorbing the words.
“That’s what you feel. But that’s not who you are, Luna.” Arabella’s voice was firm but carried a sweet encouragement. “You are not responsible for the choices others make. And asking someone to treat you the way you deserve doesn’t make you less worthy—it makes you stronger.”
Luna didn’t respond immediately, but there was something different in her expression. A slow understanding, perhaps.
“Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever truly believe that,” she said at last, with a sigh.
Arabella smiled gently.
“You already have. Asking Harry to leave proved it. You realized you deserve more, even if you don’t fully believe it yet. That’s the first step.”
Luna remained silent for a long moment, her fingers idly brushing over the curve of her belly.
“I just want to be a good mother. I want my children to know they deserve everything good the world can offer, even if I’m still trying to learn that myself.”
“And that’s the greatest gift you can give them,” Arabella said, her voice full of tenderness. “Showing them that love begins with loving yourself.”
Luna closed her eyes, letting the words resonate. And for the first time, she felt that maybe, just maybe, she was on the right path, even though it hurt so much.
On a cold, gray morning, a few days before the new year, Neville and Luna walked side by side along a busy Muggle street in London, occasionally stopping to look at the shop windows decorated for Christmas. Luna’s long coat did nothing to hide her large belly, and in her hands was a list of items for the babies.
Neville carried shopping bags, still unable to find a place to shrink them without being noticed. He cast a concerned glance at Luna as she walked slowly. So far, they had talked about light topics, avoiding the subject looming over them.
“How are you, Luna?” he asked in a tone that felt like an older brother’s.
Luna looked up, a faint smile on her lips.
“I’m fine, just a bit too heavy.” She placed a hand on her belly. “I keep thinking about how small these clothes are. It’s strange to imagine that soon I’ll be holding them in my arms.”
Neville nodded as they entered another baby store.
“Harry should be here for this,” he commented almost casually, watching her reaction.
Luna hesitated for a moment, picking up two identical onesies covered in birds.
“Yes, but it’s all very recent. I still need some time without him around,” she said calmly, though there was something distant in her tone. “He knows why I asked him to leave.”
Neville took a deep breath, as if weighing whether to continue.
“Do you think it was fair to ask that of him?”
Luna looked at him, surprised by the directness of the question.
“I don’t know if ‘fair’ is the right word. It was necessary.”
Neville held a pair of woolen hats with animal designs, turning them over in his hands as he spoke hesitantly.
“I think Harry has always felt like he needed to save the world, you know? Ever since Hogwarts. He’s never had the chance to just… be himself.”
Luna remained silent, her hands brushing over the hem of a tiny pair of cotton pants.
“That’s true. I noticed it sometimes back at Hogwarts, but I guess I forgot,” she said reflectively.
Neville continued, his voice carrying a wisdom beyond his years.
“I think none of us really had a childhood. We grew up in the middle of a war, always ready to fight. Harry spent years carrying everyone else’s burdens. It’s like he’s never had the time or permission to feel what he really wants.” He paused for a moment, looking at Luna.
Luna felt a tightness in her chest. Neville’s words resonated deeply, giving her a new understanding of what Harry might be going through.
“Do you think he doesn’t even know what he’s feeling?” she asked, her voice almost a whisper. She had always prided herself on understanding him so well, but perhaps—just perhaps—she’d been so caught up in her own feelings that she’d stopped noticing his.
Neville shrugged, placing the hats back on the shelf.
“Maybe. Or maybe he does feel it but doesn’t know how to deal with it. When you spend your whole life preparing to fight or protect others, I think it’s hard to recognize something as simple as… love. And that might be even harder when you think about how he grew up.”
Luna was silent again, processing his words. She thought of Harry, of the times he’d looked at her with something indefinable in his eyes, of his awkward attempts to express what he wanted, and the constant guilt that seemed to consume him.
Noticing her distant expression, Neville tried to soften his tone.
“I’m not saying the way he handled things was right, Luna. I just think sometimes we forget how young he is. How young all of us are.”
“Young people who were never really children,” Luna said quietly.
Neville nodded.
“Exactly. And I think we’re all just trying to figure out how to live now that we don’t have to fight. We’re learning how to live without letting our traumas define us.”
Luna averted her gaze, her eyes fixed on a pair of colorful socks on a nearby shelf.
“It’s not just hard for him. It’s hard for me, too. I wanted… I wanted him to know what he feels. But maybe I’m waiting for something he’s not ready—or able—to give me.” She picked up the socks and placed them in the cart, her voice full of restrained emotion.
Neville rested a light hand on her shoulder.
“You did what you needed to do, Luna. Asking him to leave wasn’t easy, but it was brave. You deserve to be loved the right way, and maybe he needs time to figure out what that even means.”
Luna looked at Neville, a small smile breaking through the lump in her throat.
“Thank you, Neville.” She smiled. “When did you get so wise?”
Neville laughed.
“Maybe somewhere between Snape’s insults.” They both chuckled. “Just remember, I’ll always be here for you.”
They left the store with bags full of clothes and blankets for the babies. As they walked along the busy street, Luna continued reflecting on what Neville had said. It hurt to think that Harry was just as lost as she was, but at the same time, it explained so much about his actions.
She had been hurt by feeling rejected again and hadn’t stopped to consider how he might be feeling.
As they passed a brightly lit Christmas tree, Luna paused and looked at the twinkling lights.
“I think I just wanted him to know that he doesn’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
Neville nodded thoughtfully.
“And maybe he needs to learn that for himself.”
Luna agreed, although she cared about him and now started looking at points she hadn't seen before, it was Harry's responsibility to deal with it.
They walked a little further in silence before Luna sighed, the weight of her responsibilities surfacing in her mind.
“Neville, I don’t know how I’m going to take care of two babies on my own. I want to do everything right, but… it’s terrifying.”
Neville looked at her with a mix of concern and encouragement.
“You don’t have to do it alone. You know we’re all here to help. And besides, Harry will be there too.”
Luna turned away, her expression guarded.
“I know. He’s their father, and he wants to be present. I’d never keep him from his children, but I don’t know how to manage that.”
Neville tilted his head thoughtfully.
“If it’s really necessary, what do you think about letting him move back in? At least until they’re a little older.”
Luna hesitated before responding.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to confuse things again, but I also know I can’t let my pride outweigh what’s best for the babies.” She sighed, defeated.
Neville gave her a small, encouraging smile.
“You’ll find the balance, Luna. I’m sure you’ll do what’s best for you and for them.”
They returned to browsing through shops, picking out more items for the babies’ layette. The conversation shifted to memories of Hogwarts and their plans for life after their N.E.W.T.s.