Beyond Fear

When Harry arrived at the Burrow that evening and saw Ginny sitting in the living room, he realized he hadn’t thought about her even once throughout the day, but now that she was there, he didn’t want another fight. He just wanted to hold on a little longer to the joy that day had brought. Ginny stood up when she saw him enter and stared at him.

"Harry, can we talk?" Her voice was calm, and she seemed a little shy.

"Ginny, I’m really tired. I don’t want to argue again." And he meant it.

"Please, Harry, I don’t want to fight." Her eyes now pleaded with him.

"All right," he relented and stood silently, waiting to hear her out.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday. It wasn’t right for me to get mad at you. It’s just that you seemed like you were somewhere else most of the time, and it upset me."

Immediately, Harry felt guilty. She was right. He really had been distant, thinking about Luna and the baby, so he bore some responsibility for her bad mood.

She walked up to him until their bodies were almost touching. "We had a great date despite that. Can we leave the rest behind?" Now she was wrapping her arms around Harry’s neck and giving small kisses on his face. What could he do?

"Of course we can, Ginny." He wanted to tell her he was upset about her childish behavior and how it disrupted his first appointment for his child, but he was distracted by the passionate kiss she began giving him.

After that day, Ginny didn’t complain about the times Harry went to Luna’s house, but she also never accompanied him—unlike Ron and Hermione, who started visiting frequently, even if Ron always grumbled about helping in the garden. Despite this, when Harry returned to the Burrow, Ginny kissed him fervently and clung to him, even calling him to her room several times. Harry was vaguely aware that she did this to remind him he belonged to her, but he avoided that thought, preferring to believe it was just longing.

In the midst of all this, Harry and the others received their Hogwarts letters, announcing that reconstruction was complete and classes would begin in mid-September, a bit later than usual. Hermione, Ron (mainly to accompany Hermione), Ginny, and Neville had already decided they would return (in the Weasleys’ case, Molly gave them little choice). Luna decided not to return—being pregnant at Hogwarts wouldn’t be the best option. Harry didn’t know if he could return to Hogwarts so soon. It had always been his home, but now he could only remember the dead bodies of those he loved, the groans of the injured, and Voldemort’s red eyes battling him. He had never told anyone this, but he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Luna and his child for so long. Of course, he could see them during holidays or try to get permission to leave on weekends, but it didn’t feel right.

His indecision was heightened when he received an invitation from Kingsley to join the Aurors, even without his N.E.W.T.s. Harry had always wanted to be an Auror, but now he felt he had fought enough in his life. He was tired.

His indecision caused new arguments with Ginny, who had taken for granted that Harry would return with her, as they were dating. Thus, every time she questioned him and he had no answer, she grew furious and said Harry didn’t care about her. Harry thought she somehow believed he wasn’t going because of Luna, even though neither of them had brought up the subject. However, as always, Ginny apologized and then dragged Harry into a make-out session in her room. He never resisted—after all, he was a 17-year-old teenager with raging hormones—but in the back of his mind, he always felt something was wrong. His relationship with Ginny was an endless war, and Harry was tired of wars; he wanted peace.

When he thought of peace, he remembered Luna’s serene smile as she painted her walls.

But that didn’t mean anything, he convinced himself.

Harry's birthday arrived, and the Weasleys insisted on throwing a party, even though Harry had said it wasn't necessary. In the end, it was just the Weasleys, the Dumbledore's Army, and a few members of the Order. Molly made a wonderful dinner, and everyone sat at the table set in the garden. Everyone seemed happy, including George, who, although quiet most of the time, still smiled at some of Ron's jokes.

Harry's birthday party was full of laughter and conversations, but for Luna, the atmosphere felt oppressive. She had noticed that Ginny was distant, a little colder than usual, and she knew part of it was due to the pregnancy. She didn’t want to cause any more discomfort, but she felt that she needed to try to make things right, if possible.

Luna approached Ginny, who was alone, watching the party with a distant look. She sat beside Ginny, trying not to be intrusive.

"Hi, Ginny," Luna said softly, her voice calm but with a hint of apprehension. "I… I wanted to talk to you, if you don't mind."

Ginny slowly turned her head, looking at her with an expression of disdain. She didn’t respond immediately, just waiting for Luna to speak.

"I know things aren't easy," Luna continued in her gentle voice. "I don't want you to feel bad or think that I'm trying to cause problems between you two. I know pregnancy can be... difficult to handle, and that all of this might seem overwhelming. I just... wanted to apologize for hurting you."

Ginny remained silent for a moment, her eyes fixed on Luna, but her expression remained cold. When she spoke, her voice was controlled, but there was bitterness in her words.

"Do you really think your apology will make any difference, Luna?" Ginny said, not looking directly at Luna. "You were my friend, and now you're pregnant with my boyfriend's child. But even so, that doesn't change the fact that he is my boyfriend."

Luna lowered her head, feeling the weight of those words. She knew Ginny was right to a certain extent, but she wished that, as her friend, Ginny would understand the pain she was feeling (the pain she still felt) when she became pregnant with Harry's child.

"I never meant to hurt you, Ginny. I just want you to know that I'm not trying to invade your space. I want Harry to have the peace he deserves, and I don't want to be an obstacle to that."

Ginny looked at her with an ironic smile, but without joy. "No matter how much you apologize, I won’t forgive what you did. And we both know that he will always be mine, and you’ll be the one left behind."

Ginny stood up firmly, not giving room for more words. She walked away, her body stiff, while Luna stood there, silent, with her heart aching. She knew she had tried, but she also knew that not all pains could be fixed with words. And Ginny’s words caused new pains within her.

Despite all the gratitude Harry felt for everyone who had come to celebrate his life, at some point in the evening, he found himself walking toward the far side of the garden, needing some time to think. This day reminded him of those who would never be able to celebrate their own birthdays, like Remus, Fred, Colin, Sirius. It reminded him that Teddy would celebrate all his birthdays without his parents.

Harry thought this was meant to be his fate, not the fate of those who had sacrificed themselves for him. He had been sitting on the grass for a while when he heard soft footsteps approaching, and although he wanted to be alone, for some reason, he didn’t want to push her away. Just like so many times at Hogwarts, she found him in the moments he needed her most. She never pressured him, she just stayed with him, in silence, and always listened when he wanted to speak. This time was no different; she just sat next to him, almost touching his shoulder with hers. The movement she made to sit caused her summer dress to tighten a bit on her belly, showing evidence of her pregnancy, and this stirred an unfamiliar emotion in Harry.

Luna stayed silent, and after a few minutes, she lay on her back, staring at the stars. Moments later, Harry did the same and watched the stars. Despite the large moon in the sky, the stars shone brightly. Luna’s presence had a calming effect on his emotions. Before he realized it, he was speaking.

"Celebrating my birthday reminds me of all those who won’t get to celebrate their birthdays because of me." Guilt was something he had lived with for a long time, but there were moments when it was worse.

"Maybe you should use your birthday to remember those who sacrificed so that all of us, including you, could live." She took his hand and placed it on her belly. After everything she had been through, Luna didn’t like being touched, so Harry knew this was important to her. He left his hand open, feeling that her belly was larger than the last time he touched it, and then he began to gently caress it with his thumb. "Harry, they gave their lives so that we could love and be loved without fear. Don’t waste their sacrifice with guilt. Live, love, and be loved. That’s all you can do to honor them." Luna’s voice was so soft and ethereal, like he hadn’t heard in a long time. It felt as though she was telling him the secret of the stars.

The knot in his chest unraveled, and he felt a warmth envelop him from the inside. Luna always had the right words to say to make him see things from a different angle, to calm him. She knew him better than anyone, he realized belatedly. Hermione and Ron were his best friends, but most of the time, they didn’t understand Harry’s feelings, and his own girlfriend didn’t either; after all, every time they had together, they were either arguing, talking about Quidditch, or kissing. Luna understood his soul, pushed away the shadows, and brought light.

"Thank you, Luna, you always find me when I'm lost."

"You’re never hiding from me, Harry." And it was true; he hid from everyone, but never from her.

"You’re right, as always." He smiled, and from the corner of his eye, he saw her smile too.

"I saw you talking to Ginny." He commented cautiously.

"Yes." Luna didn’t say anything more.

"Is everything okay?" He asked casually, but he was concerned.

"Yes." She sighed. "I was trying to apologize."

Harry tensed; he didn’t think she had to apologize for what happened.

"So, how did it go?" He asked.

"It didn’t go too well. I understand." Her voice was sad.

Harry didn’t know what to say, so they remained in silence for a while.

"Myself and the baby have a gift for you." She sat up and took out her wand; with a flick, a box appeared in her hands. Her voice was more cheerful now.

"You didn’t have to worry, Luna." Harry sat up too.

"Of course, I had to. We both want to give you something."

Harry’s smile grew impossibly wide at the thought of his child giving him a gift. He carefully unwrapped it. Inside the box was a baby onesie in Gryffindor colors, with the words "My dad is the best Seeker" written on the front. The onesie came with a tiny golden hat with Quidditch hoop wings sticking out on the sides. They both started laughing at the idea of the baby wearing such an extravagant little hat. It was something Luna Lovegood’s child would wear, and Harry realized how much he loved the idea of Luna's child being his as well.

"This is perfect, Luna! Thank you!" He hugged her and was happy when she returned it without hesitation.

"There's one more thing. Look at the bottom of the box."

Harry hadn’t noticed, but at the bottom was a photo frame, and when he turned it to look at the picture, his heart nearly stopped. Luna had painted everyone from the Dumbledore's Army and the Order of the Phoenix, with the first row showing those who had passed. Harry felt a lump in his throat, and his eyes filled with tears.

"Luna, this is wonderful! You’re so talented! They’re all here! I don’t know how to thank you." His voice was hoarse with emotion.

"You don’t have to thank me, Harry Potter! Just look at them and be happy that you knew them, instead of sad that you lost them."

Harry looked at the person beside him and realized that she was no longer a girl; she was an extraordinary woman, kind, sensitive, and so special. He felt an overwhelming urge to hold her forever and never let her go. He wanted to swallow that soft smile and get lost in those eyes that seemed to reflect the moon. They stayed there, in that moment, neither of them looking away from the other.

The moment was broken when Ginny’s voice pierced the bubble they were in.

"Harry, I found you! What are you doing here?" She walked toward them, stomping.

"Hello Ginny, I’ll let you two talk."

Luna stood up and began to walk away before Harry realized she was leaving. He briefly thought it hurt a little to see her leave him. He immediately pushed that thought away; it had too many implications.

"Hi Ginny, I was just thinking." Harry found his voice and tried not to sound disappointed that she had found him.

"It’s your birthday, Harry. It’s not the time to be sulking in the corners."

Harry gritted his teeth to prevent himself from saying something that would cause a huge scene in front of everyone. He stood up and started walking back to the party, with her following him.

"You’re right, Ginny." That was all he said, unable to avoid the irritation in his voice.