Felix
Hogwarts was very warm, which Felix found uncomfortable. He’d rather go outside, where there weren’t this many people. Removing his coat had no effect whatsoever, and he immediately wished to return to where the snow covered everything.
He’d forgotten this bustling aspect of Hogwarts, and he hadn’t missed it.
He felt squashed by the crowd, and his anxiety began to rise. Too many people. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. Too many-
A hand suddenly grabbed his, and he found that he didn’t mind it.
He couldn’t see who it belonged to, but he could guess: Charlie.
The hand, warm, was as an anchor, lowering the speed of his heartbeat, soothing.
Scamander seemed equally uncomfortable, and Felix, with his other hand, tool the old man’s wrinkled hand to guide him through the crowd, letting go once they’d reached a less crowded area. He still held onto Charlie’s hand though, until they reached the room allocated to Scamander.
It was rather cozy, nothing extravagant, with enough space to be comfortable for a few days.
“Is it to your liking?” Felix asked, out of mere politeness. Scamander couldn’t really change rooms, unless he went to Professor Dumbledore, and Felix guessed that the magizoologist wouldn’t be the kind of person to do that.
“Very. Thank you very much, children. I wish you much luck on your further adventures and… friendship.” The last word was said in an odd way, and Felix briefly wondered whether Scamander had meant something else, although he didn’t enquire any further.
“Well, if you need anything, we’ll be here sir!” Charlie said, smiling.
“Alright.” Scamander chuckled, closing the door.
For a while, he and Charlie didn’t really speak. It was a rather awkward silence, and Felix was about to start a conversation on the goddamn weather just to talk with Charlie a bit more when the other boy spoke.
“So… what will you be wearing tonight?”
“Just some fancy-looking robes that my parents got me. You?”
Charlie winced. From what Felix had heard, the Weasleys weren’t the richest family of the wizarding world, to put it nicely.
“Eh, it’s not great. But at least it’s something.”
Suddenly, Felix had an idea. Charlie scaringly looked like a boy from the past, whose name Felix had forgotten, but who he’d greatly admired. And that boy had left clothes at the Rosier House.The only difference between them seemed to be their hair
“Hmm, it could work…” he said underneath his breath, looking at Charlie.
“I think that I’ve got something that you could wear. It hasn’t been worn in a while, but I think that it would suit you.” Was this truly a good idea? Oh well. To be honest, he did want to see Charlie in nice clothes. “However, it's at my parents’ place, though they shouldn’t be there. I have some floo powder on me, and I’m sure that we have the time to get there and back, if we go quickly. I could even call Panda to get you some makeup… yes, that would do... What do you say?”
The other boy’s mouth hung open in shock.
“Uh, yeah! That sounds awesome, mate!”
Charlie seemed to be happy.
Wow, Felix was doing an amazing job at keeping his distance.
“So what’s working with dragons like?” Charlie asked once they’d left the castle.
“Amazing. Our reserve is worldwide famous, so I often get sent to other countries to help out other tamers, negotiate business, and many other such things. Sometimes, although that’s rare, some of us are sent to illegal auctions to retrieve eggs. Whether we buy them or steal them is entirely up to us. Just… Please don’t tell anyone about this. We’re not s’posed to share this kind of stuff. I’m only telling you because I get the feeling that you’ll be amongst us in a short time.”
Charlie’s mouth hung open, and he looked extremely excited.
“Bloody hell, that is even cooler than I’d expected. Will I get abs like you?”
Felix nearly choked on his own saliva.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Charlie’s cheeks were the same color as his hair now.
“Uhm, well I noticed that you looked quite fit and…”
“So you were staring at my body, Weasley? Did you like what you saw?”
Charlie became redder, if that was even possible. Oh, red was definitely Felix’ favorite color. He had no idea why he was acting in this flirtatious way, but it made Charlie blush, so he liked it.
Charlie gulped.
“Yeah. You’re hot.”
Well that was completely unfair. Since when was Charlie allowed to make him blush? He was just a kid, only seventeen. Felix was not supposed to feel this flustered.
A good thing was that they reached one of Hogsmeade’s floo chimneys, which halted that catastrophic conversation..
Felix went first, enunciating a name he’d thought he’d never utter again.
His hand trembled as he let go, but Charlie didn’t seem to notice. Good.
Just a few seconds later, he was standing in the hallway of the place he’d once called home, and which had now become too full of memories, tears and ghosts for him to love it as he once had.
On day he’d left, on his sixteenth birthday, he’d vowed never to return, yet here he was, breaking this silent promise made to himself, for a boy he’d just met.
“Felix, you’re goddamn crazy..” he said out loud to the walls, to the silence.
The walls seemed to cave in, as if hands were pushing them together, ready to squash Felix to the oblivion he’d let his brother fall into.
Oh, how he hated this place…
Felix remembered a time when these halls had been filled with laughter, when parties were thrown which so many people who Evan was friends with attended. Felix had seen many things at those parties, some of which, he had to admit, now that he was older, he really should not have seen.
-
“Je te haïssais.”
A sigh. A tear.
“Je sais. Je t’ai toujours aimé.”
“Alors, dis-moi, pourquoi m’as-tu abandonné?”
What were they talking about?
“Car je ne pouvais plus vivre là-bas.”
A home?
“MOI NON PLUS! POURQUOI NE PAS M’AVOIR PRIS AVEC TOI? JE T’ADMIRAIS TANT, ET TU AS DISPARU SANS DIRE UN MOT!”
Sobs, shouts.
“Je… Je suis désolé.”
Tremors in a voice.
“Encore et toujours des excuses...”
“Je pensais que tu serais heureux. Ils t’ont toujours aimé plus que moi.”
“Idiot… Tu crois que je ne subissais pas leurs colères aussi? Toi, ils te frappaient, oui. Mais moi? Moi, ils m’ont si bien brisé que je n’ai jamais pus m’échapper.”
A prisoner, trapped?
“Tu peux toujours t’enfuir! Je t’aiderai.”
“Je n’ai pas besoin de ton aide. Je n’en ai jamais eu besoin. Tu as fait un choix, et ce n’était pas moi. Ce n’était jamais moi. De toute façon, il est trop tard. Trop tard pour reculer.”
It’s too late. It is always too late, isn’t it?
“De quoi parles-tu? Il n’est jamais trop tard! Laisse-moi t’aider! Laisse-moi au moins une fois être le frère que je n’ai jamais été!”
Oh, how he missed his brother…
“Je suis venu te dire adieu. J’aurais voulu que ça se termine autrement. Nous l’aurions tous voulu. Malheureusement, les étoiles n’ont jamais été du côté de ceux portant leur nom. Je suis venu te dire adieu…”
Farewell. I loved you. I hope that you’re happy, wherever you are.
—
For a few seconds, although they felt like an eternity, Felix’ head was filled with memories from times long gone, with people who’d passed away too many years ago and who he’d never see again.
His hands trembled, and not just because this house was colder than the hearts of those who’d lived here.
Suddenly, there was a flash of flames, of red, of fire, as Charlie arrived, and it seemed to Felix that the cold withdrew a little.
Charlie didn’t notice him, at first, looking around, and Felix was content only watching this little firefly.
Why was that boy so… alluring? He was so pure, Felix thought. He’d never seen death, and he seemed so alive and vibrant… so full of life… so different from Felix…
Ever since Evan’s death, it had felt as if everything was numb, colorless, empty. Until the day he’d been in a tree and seen a firefly.
Oh, he’d never tire of admiring that boy. He seemed to hold all the light in the world, as if the sun had been caught in his bloody meshes, as if his eyes had trapped the moon, as if…
Charlie caught him staring.
Shit.
Embarrassed, Felix turned away.
“Uhm, well I’ve sent an owl for Pandora. Xenophilius is watching over Luna, so she can make it. She should be here in a few minutes. Do you want to start getting ready in the meantime?”
Salazar, this was embarrassing.
Felix gulped as he looked up the stairs.
—
”I’m gonna catch you, dipshit!”
“You wish you could!”
Laughter echoes in a house filled with music, as a boy chases another down stairs.
“Get back here!”
“Nope!”
The chaser trips, the chased halts.
“Ouch!”
Worry.
“Are you alright?”
“You shouldn’t have stopped running.”
A grin. A lunge forward. They tumble down together, smiling.
“My rose, you’re quite sly, you know that, right?”
A laugh, bright, nearly forgotten. Felix hasn’t heard that laugh in a long time.
“And you’re foolish, Bee.”
They’re so close. Felix envies their friendship. He wishes that he too could have someone to hold like this.
“Oi! Assholes! Are you coming?”
A girl. Felix liked her. He doesn’t remember her name.
“Yeah Cas, just a sec!”
They get up. They laugh.
Felix gets up from his chair at the dining table, putting his book down.
The year is 1981. Evan will die soon. Felix doesn’t know that yet.
—
Climbing up the stairs, Felix couldn’t help but feel ill. He hated this place.
The feeling only got stronger as he approached Evan’s room. The door was locked. It has been locked ever since his death.
There was an instant where Felix hesitated.
What was he doing? Why was he bringing this person who was basically a stranger to him to a place he’d never shown anyone before?
Yet in this cold place, the only warmth was that of the stranger he was falling in love with.
Pathetic.
He wanted to bash his head against the wall.
At last, he opened the door and took a good look at his brother’s room.
It was obvious that nobody had entered this place for many years. His parents had forbidden even their house elves from cleaning it.
It was odd. Usually, whenever he got close to anything involving Evan, he found it hard to breathe, and cold took over his body.
The only difference was that, this time, he had a firefly with him, to reassure him with his mere presence.
Felix took a deep breath and entered.
Heading straight to the closet, he did his best to avoid looking at anything. Charlie helped, but this odd protection couldn’t do everything. He shouldn’t tempt the devil.
It was with great care that Felix went through Evan’s closet. It had remained untouched ever since he’d left, never to come back.
—
“Fefe! I got a present for you!”
Felix doesn’t quite remember what he felt, but it was probably excitement and happiness. Little, he’d admired Evan so much that any gift, even a little candy, became a treasured possession.
“What is it?!”
Felix climbs onto his brother’s bed, jumping onto the sheets, a grin on his face. He’s too young to notice the sadness in his brother’s eyes.
“Look! I got it just for you. It was my friend’s.”
Evan then presents Felix with a pretty and shiny green necklace looking old. Very old.
“What’s the ‘S’ for?” he asked, naïve.
“It was a previous owner’s name, I think.”
“Oh. Okay! Is it really for me?”
Evan’s expression is sour. Felix doesn’t notice.
“Yes. May I ask you to take really good care of it? It is very precious.”
“Of course! It will be my favorite thing in the world! No one will steal it from me!”
“I have to go now. Goodbye, Fefe. Be nice to Pandora.”
Felix pouts.
“But why? She’s mean to me! She doesn’t want my best friend to stay at home and she scares him away every time! He’s gonna hate me!”
“You’ll… you’ll understand later. Now stay safe. And…” Evan hesitates for a second, biting the inside of his lips. “Just stay away from people like me. Especially from the Dark Lord.”
“Why? You follow him, just like Père and Mère!”
Evan’s breath is hitched, and he grabs Felix’ hands.
“I made bad decisions, Fefe. Don’t make them too. Please.”
“Okay. Where are you going?”
“You don’t need to know. Goodbye, Fefe.”
And he’s gone.
—
Felix notices Charlie looking at an old picture. He recognizes it.
Evan always smiled when he looked at it. Which was very often.
“That was Evan’s best friend, though I don’t remember his name. They were always together. I think that they liked each other more than they’d have cared to admit. At least, that’s what Pandora says, and she’s never wrong.”
Those words left a bitter taste in his mouth. Pandora was never wrong.
An immense sense of gratitude for Charlie’s presence overwhelmed him. He hadn’t had such a friend ever since… since the incident.
Quickly, he pulled away. What if he got hurt this time around too? He couldn’t trust Charlie: he’d just met him.
“Uhm, so I’ll let you change, I guess. Pandora should be here soon.”
He left without another word, leaving Charlie with the outfit he’d picked out from Evan’s best friend’s resident pile of clothes.
Just as he arrived downstairs, there was a flash of green flames in the chimney, and a familiar face appeared.
“Long time no see, sister.”
She wore her usual smile, which ticked him off. All of his memories of her had involved this smile, as if she knew what was going to happen, yet, ever since Evan’s death, there was a certain melancholy to it.
“That’s entirely your fault, brother. You’re the one who moved to a different country and who randomly decided to contact me, not because you miss me but because you need me.”
“Correct.”
Felix’ relationship with Pandora had never been great. He loved her, yes, but he resented her to the point where he couldn’t bear being near her. It wasn’t very fair of him to dislike her because she had all of their parents’ attention when he’d never had any, yet he did.
“So who’s this ‘Charlie’ boy? Boyfriend?”
Felix snorted. As if.
“Salazar, no. Just a friend.”
‘Just a friend.’ The words echoed in his head. They sounded wrong.
She had that smile again.
Felix gritted his teeth.
Coincidentally, although Felix didn’t believe in coincidences when Pandora was there, Charlie arrived, wearing the robe and damnit, it suited him. Felix nearly regretted lending it to him.
He looked like someone else.
Shit, he’d been right. They looked so similar… They could have been brothers… Cut Charlie’s hair, dye it brown with streaks of green, add a few tattoos and piercings, and he was the spitting image of Evan’s best friend.
Pandora had the same thought, apparently.
“Barty?”
Felix was still staring at the redheaded boy in blue robes.
“It’s Charlie.”
Pandora’s face turned from horror to awe in an instant, and she took Charlie’s hands in hers.
“It’s amazing… you’ve got the same eyes, face and bone structure as him… Are you a Prewett, perchance?”
“My mother was.”
“Just like his…”
Pandora looked towards Felix again, with that infuriating smile.
“You have the same type as him.”
Why did it feel so hot in here?
“Charlie is nothing like Barty. He’s not a mentally ill psychopath.”
Pandora frowned.
“Don’t speak of Barty like that. You didn’t know him like I did. He loved you as he’d have loved a brother.”
Oh, he knew that. The few memories he had of him were some of his best ones. Barty had been the first person to introduce him to dragons, giving him one of Scamander’s books for his seventh birthday.
Pandora spoke to Charlie once more.
“You’re going to look so pretty that Felix won’t be able to hold himself together.”
Oh, he didn’t doubt that. Felix may have disliked his sister, but he’d trust her with his life.
“I got this, Felix. Now go get ready. You won’t be the only one salivating, and I can guarantee that.”
Felix smiled. As if.
It was an odd experience, opening the door to his room after so many years.
Everything was the same as the day he’d left, and it was all dusty too. Not as much as in Evan’s room, though.
When Evan had died, they’d developed the coping mechanism of acting as if he’d never existed. They’d burned every picture of him and every trace of him that they could find. The only places which had been spared were their children’s rooms. They’d forbidden Felix and Pandora from ever talking about him, and Evan’s room had become off-limits, locked, key thrown away.
It was a good thing that Felix had retrieved Evan’s keys before he died. They’d become something he always had on his person.
The shelves here were bear. He’d emptied them.
There were a few things that he hadn’t taken with him, though. His dress robes were among them.
Felix walked to his wardrobe and took them. All it took was a little spell to make them look fresh and new, and he put them on.
They fit perfectly.
Felix decided to go to Evan’s room one more time. Nostalgia? Perhaps.
He needed to be alone there.
—
“Pandora, have you seen Evan? He’s s’posed to be back! Where is he?”
A glare. Tears clouding usually soft green eyes.
“Felix, it’s not the time for that. Please. Leave me alone.”
“But…”
“Please.”
Felix leaves her room, running to his.
He might not know where his brother is, but he knows how to find him.
There, on the chimney, lies a small object, a little silver bracelet, not looking like much but terribly precious.
Felix clamps it around his wrist.
“Show me Evan.”
The bracelet starts to glow blue, and he knows that Evan’s is too.
Suddenly, everything turns dark.
He’s alone. He’s surrounded.
All around him, there’s ministry men. Fucking aurors.
Evan spits to the ground. He won’t go down without a fight.
Closing his eyes, he raises his wand. He spent years training under his harsh parents’ tutelage, and it won’t have been for nothing. They made him the perfect heir, and he was going to show these motherfuckers what a Rosier was capable of.
He thinks of Barty, who’s probably scared out of his mind, and his hands tremble. If only he’d told him. If only he’d told him just how much he loved him.
Too late for regrets.
However, as Evan raised his wand, the bracelet at his wrist began glowing blue.
Shit. Felix. Now was not the time.
“Felix, get out of my head. You can’t see this. I won’t let you.”
He reaches for the bracelet and takes it off, throwing it to the ground.
Felix’ powers aren’t strong enough yet for him to mantain the connection much longer without the bracelets.
“Fefe, you’re gonna be awesome, someday. Powerful. I love y-”
Felix’ eyes snap open. Evan. Evan is in danger.
He needs to get to him. Right now.
—
On the small table, next to the photograph, were two bright red earrings, reminding him of Charlie’s hair. Without thinking, he gently took them and put them into his ears.
However, as he exited the room, a floorboard creaked underneath his foot.
What?
Felix knelt down, the smell of dust invading his nostrils, and pulled at the wooden plank.
It came away, and, underneath it, he found the smallest of chests.
It was of oak wood, probably, and it looked as if it had been red, long ago.
He quickly put it in his pocket and went back downstairs.
Holy. Motherfucking. Shit.
Charlie looked like a god. A divine creature which Felix, a mere mortal, could only admire from afar.
His hair was styled as to fall in careful locks to his (large) shoulders, and the makeup only revealed the beauty Felix had seen the first time he’d seen the firefly.
At first, he’d looked like a free spirit, wild and unpredictable. Now… Now Felix would let that man do anything to him. Anything.
Charlie was a flame, and Felix a mere moth.