Chapter 1
Remus hadn’t been the same since the accident. Sirius knew this. He saw the way his husband was slowly giving up, the way he walked around as if he was a ghost walking among the living. He didn’t smile, didn’t talk. He wouldn’t acknowledge Sirius. Sirius saw the way it was affecting Teddy. He would come out of his room and sit next to Remus, try to say something to him, but Remus would only offer and nod or shake of his head, his eyes far and distant. And then the day of the funeral came and things only got worse.
Sirius helped Teddy get ready. His heart broke when he saw his son fighting back tears as Sirius straightened his tie. He wished he could hold him and tell him that everything was going to be fine, but he couldn’t, not when they were about to leave to bury his little sister. Sirius then went to make sure Remus was ready, only to find him sitting on the couch, still in his pajamas.
“Remus,” Sirius said, shock in his voice. “We have to leave! You’re supposed to be dressed!”
Remus didn’t look at him. “‘M not going.”
Sirius blinked. “This is your daughter’s funeral! You’re bloody going!”
Sirius marched up to Remus, going to drag him to the room and dress him himself, but the second Sirius got close and grabbed his arm, Remus flinched and pushed him away.
“Fuck off! I’m staying!”
Sirius stood there stunned, the went to his bedroom and called James. James and Reg showed up in record time. James went to Remus while Reg went to Sirius. Sirius was still on the bed in his room, frozen at the sound of Remus now yelling at James.
“Siri,” Reg said as he came in. Sirius shook his head.
“It’s like he doesn’t care anymore.” Sirius whispered. Reg sat down next to him.
“Sirius, he’s traumatized. You can’t just expect someone to go back to normal after something like that.”
Sirius knew he was right, but didn’t say anything. A moment later James came into the bedroom, his arm around Remus as he led him to the bathroom to change. He didn’t look at Sirius.
~~
Sirius stood there, watching as his baby girl was lowered into the ground. He felt like his heart was going with her. Remus was looking away, his eyes blank, and Teddy was sobbing quietly. James was next to Sirius, holding his shoulder, letting him know he was right there. Sirius felt a put of dread in his stomach as they made their way to the reception hall for lunch. Sirius made sure Remus sat, bringing him a plate of food he knew would be left untouched. Remus still wouldn’t look at him. He found Teddy in the bathroom with Reg, sitting on the floor, caught in a panic attack. He had been having a lot of those lately, something the doctor said was a result of witnessing everything that had happened the night of the accident. Once he was calm, Reg shooed him away, telling him to go eat and sit down. When Sirius left the bathroom, he felt like the air had been punched out of his stomach. Standing there, near the front doors of the reception hall, was his mother, holding a casserole and looking very out of place. Sirius took a deep breath and marched over to her. He hadn’t seen his mother in years, not since the night him and Regulus had run away. Reg. He couldn’t let Reg see her, he’d panic.
“What are you doing here?!” He growled when he reached her. She looked at him, almost as if she was shocked to see him. She swallowed.
“Sirius,” she said, her words carful. “I- I brought this, but was unsure as to where to put it.”
Sirius blinked. “How-?”
“Siri,” Sirius turned, seeing Reg suddenly there next to him, almost looking guilty. “I used the same guest list from your wedding.”
It suddenly clicked. Years ago, he had invited his mother to his and Remus’s wedding, but she hadn’t showed. Regulus had been in charge of planning the funeral but hadn’t been able to get a guest list of out both Remus and Sirius. So, he used the same one from the wedding.
“Oh,” was all Sirius could say. His mother’s eyes had moved to Regulus. Sirius suddenly realized this was her first time seeing him since he had come out. His instincts to protect his little brother suddenly took over.
“Mother,” he said, pulling Reg close to him, but before he could say anything, she spoke.
“R-regulus, I do like that name.” She said, he face unreadable. Sirius felt Reg tense, like he was expecting a hit or something, but it never came. After and second, Regulus stepped forward.
“Here, I’ll go put that with the other dishes.” He said, taking the casserole from his mother’s hands. Sirius was left alone with her.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Sirius.” She said, making Sirius jump. He swallowed the lump in his throat, turning to look at her again.
“Umm, come on, I’ll introduce you to my husband.” He said, his voice unsure. He found Remus right where he left him, staring off, his food untouched. Sirius touched his shoulder, making him jump.
“Babe,” he said gently. “This is my mother.”
That got Remus’s attention. He frowned in confusion, then looked up at Walburga. He stood shakily to his feet, grabbing his cane to steady himself.
“Mother, this is Remus.”
She shook his hand, smiling. “It’s good to finally meet you.”
Remus didn’t say anything, just nodded, and sat back down, his face still blank. She turned to Sirius, looking almost nervous.
“There are somethings I need to discuss with you and your sis-“ she stoped herself, clearing her throat. “With you and your brother.”
Sirius nodded. “Umm, could we do it some other time?” He asked. She nodded.
“Oh, yes of course!” She looked almost embarrassed, and Sirius realized he had never seen his mother like this. “I’ll, uh, go find your brother then.”
Sirius stood there a moment, still in shock from the whole thing. But then he saw James with Teddy, sitting next to him at a table, still trying to calm him down. Sirius closed his eyes and took a breath, knowing he had to be strong, otherwise his whole family would crumble.
~~
Sirius smelt blood, gasoline, and fear. He heard crying, and felt pain. He opened his eyes and looked around, seeing the cracked windshield in front of him. His seatbelt felt too tight, like it was squeezing all the air from his lungs. He took in his surroundings of the crashed car he was in. He was in the passenger seat. He remembered driving home late that night with Remus and the kids. It was foggy.
Sirius looked to the drivers seat, but it was empty, only a trail of blood left from where Remus was dragged out. Sirius could hear crying again and looked back to see Teddy holding his arm, in pain. Then he turned more to look at Ellen, needing to see that she was okay.
Her head had been smashed in the window, glass in his small face. The seatbelt had cut into her neck from the impact. She was bleeding. Sirius knew she was already dead. He felt himself screaming. He was screaming.
Sirius jolted away. “Dad.”
He looked up, seeing Teddy standing there in the living room, looking at Sirius who was laying on the couch.
“You were screaming,” the teenager told him. Sirius nodded, sitting up and pulling Teddy next to him.
“I’m sorry.” He muttered, holding his son close. They were silent for a moment, their breathing the only sound.
“Why aren’t you in your room?” Teddy suddenly asked. Sirius closed his eyes.
“Your Da needs his space right now.”
It was a simple answer to a very complicated situation. The real answer was that the lest time Sirius had slept in the room with Remus it had ended with angry sex and both of them going into severe panic attacks and flashbacks. So, Sirius thought it was best to stay on the couch.
“Da’s different.” Teddy suddenly said. Sirius didn’t reply because there was no point in lying to his child.