Loony Loopy Lupin
Classes had started the next day and went smoothly for Remus. It turned out everyone had hated their previous Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Gilderoy, to the point that they were simply relieved to see a different face. This, of course, worked in Remus’s favor.
Remus tried to make his lessons as entertaining as possible, looking back on his own days at Hogwarts to imagine what he might have enjoyed. If someone had asked 14-year-old Remus that question, the answer would likely have been ‘nothing,’ but he empathized with the students as best as he could nonetheless.
Snape, as usual, was giving him a hard time. Remus found it almost amusing after all these years. It baffled him how someone could remain so unchanged throughout their life. Then again, he himself had liked David Bowie since the age of 11 - even though he hadn’t been able to listen to him in over 12 years - so maybe he didn’t have much room to talk.
During one of the first classes he taught Harry, a boggart had made its home in one of the wardrobes in the storage room. Dumbledore was going to have it removed, but Remus insisted it would be great practice for the third years. Dumbledore handed over the wardrobe without further questions or complaints. Snape, however, had plenty to say.
On Thursday of the first week of classes, Remus arrived to class slightly late. In his defense, he had been busy setting everything up.
To his delight, the students were already seated, and it seemed everyone had arrived on time.
“Good afternoon,” Remus began. “Would you all please put your books back in your bags? Today will be a practical lesson. You’ll only need your wands.”
The students looked ecstatic at this news and quickly packed their things away. Once everyone was ready, Remus spoke again.
“Very well, follow me,” he instructed, leading the class through the castle to the staff room. He had reserved it for this particular lesson, as its long space and lack of desks made it ideal for practical work.
However, his small smirk quickly faded when he saw Peeves, the school’s poltergeist, stuffing chewed gum into the keyhole outside the staff room door.
To Remus’s horror, Peeves noticed him and began chanting, “Loony Loopy Lupin! Loony Loopy Lupin! Loony Loopy Lupin!”
“I’d take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves,” Remus interrupted firmly. “Mr. Filch won’t be able to get to his brooms.” Peeves ignored the threat and continued stuffing the gum.
Remus hadn’t been called those names in about 15 years, and he was surprised anyone still remembered, especially Peeves. During his school days, Peeves had mostly steered clear of the pranks he pulled with James, Peter, and Sirius. But then again, this was Peeves.
“Mate, you’re doing it wrong, look!” Sirius whisper-shouted at James and pulled the wand out of his hand to try and bewitch the painting himself.
“Nuh uh.” Remus said as he confiscated the wand from Sirius, “I do not trust you to be doing this. Sorry, love.”
Sirius frowned at him and rolled his eyes “Party pooper.”
“Drama queen.” Remus replied with a slight smirk.
“Well, Remus is the one that came up with the spell so you gotta give him that, you know.” Peter chimed in and Remus nodded in agreement.
“Thank you, Pete. Wise words.”
Sirius rolled his eyes again, “You’re so annoying.” he said to Remus but the obvious smirk could be heard in his voice.
“Just do the damn spell!” James interrupted them. They were all still whispering but James seemed to start getting more and more impatient. “I do not want Filch finding me here.”
“Sorry mr. Head Boy! Godric, you guys are no fun anymore.” Sirius whined.
“You’re just mad Remus isn’t letting you conjure the spe- ow!” Peter let out as Sirius playfully smacked him “The fuck was that for?”
“Oi! Be quiet. Filch is, thankfully, nowhere near us, we're fine. Moony, do the spell. Quick!” James said, shushing them up as he looked at the map he just pulled out of his pocket.
Remus was just about to conjure the spell when suddenly they were interrupted by none other than Peeves.
“STUDENTS OUT OF BEDS! I REPEAT-” he shouted but was quickly cut off by Sirius “Be quiet! It’s just us you dimbo!”
Peeves seemed a bit startled at first but then he looked down and saw the familiar four boys who caused trouble quite frequently around the school, which they all shared in common with the ghost.
“Oh it’s you.” Peeves let out a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Whatcha up to then?”
“We’re bewitching the painting so that everytime Snivellious walks by it shouts ‘you stink!’” Sirius said proudly and James nodded enthusiastically in agreement.
Peeves looked between the boys for a moment before slightly snickering and saying “Carry on then. FALSE ALARM! NO STUDENTS HERE. PLEASE GO BACK!”
“You guys are so lucky I swear if we got caught-”
“Yeah, yeah. Lily would break up with you and you’d lose Head boy. Mate, I’m telling you none of that would have happened anyway, stop stressing, Merlin. You guys are really uptight aren't you?” Sirius cut James off again.
“Pads, calm yourself. Please.” Remus said in a calm tone, which in response Sirius let out a small ‘Sorry’ before Remus finally did the spell and they all quietly sneaked away.
“Peeves, it’s me—Remus,” Remus said, hoping the poltergeist might realise and remember their shared history together and perhaps even listen.
Peeves turned, his face briefly surprised before breaking into a wide grin. He seemingly had changed his mind in making fun of him. “Remus! My friend! How good it is to see you! Not setting traps on another Slytherin, I hope?”
The Slytherin students behind him began whispering, and Remus groaned internally.
“No, thank you for asking. Please go now; we have a lesson to attend.”
“All right, all right. No need to get your panties in a twist,” Peeves said, raising his hands in mock surrender and drifting away.
“With the gum, please,” Remus added. Peeves begrudgingly returned, removed the gum, and zoomed off without another word. It was diabolical how much Peeves reminded him of Sirius. But he pushed the thought aside and turned back to his class.
“Shall we proceed, then?” he asked, opening the door to let the students file into the staff room. Remus was about to close the door when Snape interrupted.
“Leave it open, Lupin. I’d rather not witness this,” Snape sneered, brushing past. But then he stopped, turned, and added, “Possibly no one’s warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I’d advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Granger is hissing instructions in his ear.”
“James isn’t here, so you’ve resorted to picking on children a decade younger than you?” Remus chuckled quietly. “That’s sad, even for you.” he said in a hushed tone so only Snivellious would hear, before he started speaking aloud again “Actually, I was hoping Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation. I’m sure he’ll do admirably.”
Snivelli- Snape rolled his eyes and left, and Remus turned his attention back to the students. He began explaining what they’d be doing that day. When Hermione’s hand shot up immediately in response to his question about boggarts, he couldn’t help but instead see his redhaired best friend and the brightest witch of her generation.
“Very well. I couldn’t have worded it better myself,” he praised her before he turned around to his vinyl player and put on some light jazz. He was scared that if he put on any of the music he actually listened to the students would get distracted from their task.
Remus explained the Riddikulus spell and demonstrated the wand movement. Once he felt the class was ready, he began.
“Picture the thing you fear most and imagine turning it into something funny,” he instructed. “Neville, come on up!”
Neville stepped forward nervously, and Remus approached him with a reassuring smile.
“Now, Neville, tell us. What is your greatest fear?”
Neville mumbled something inaudible.
“Didn’t catch that, Neville, sorry?”
“Professor Snape,” Neville said, his voice trembling.
Remus chuckled softly. If James, Peter, and Sirius could hear this, they’d be rolling on the floor. He struggled to suppress his laughter.
“Very well. You live with your grandmother, correct?”
Neville nodded.
“Picture her clothing,” Remus instructed.
“Uh, she wears a red handba—”
“Nuh uh, we don’t need to hear it.” Remus interrupted him as he put his finger to his lips before, with a swish of his wand towards the lock on the wardrobe, clicked it open.
Out stepped Snape, his expression venomous, glaring at Neville. Neville froze, terrified.
“Riddikulus!” Neville stammered, flicking his wand. Instantly, Snape’s clothes transformed into some very old lady-like clothing and the sight was truly a wonder. Now if James, Sirius and Peter saw this . Merlin, they would piss themselves from laughter.
“Excellent work, Neville!” Remus said with a grin. “Next—Ron!”
A few people also had a go at the boggart before it was finally Harry’s turn. Harry stood in front of the boggart, which was currently in the state of a clown, very bravely.
Suddenly the boggart started changing into the dark hooded Dementor from the train and Remus wasted no time in jumping in front of Harry in protection. The moment Remus stepped in front of Harry and faced the boggart, it had changed into the full moon which was staring right back at him.
“Riddikulus!” Remus cried, as the moon suddenly turned into a balloon and Remus sent it flying back into the cupboard where he locked it with another click from the wardrobe.
“Class dismissed!” he announced, despite the collective groans of protest. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. But nothing lasts forever. We can do something similar another time, now run along!”
He waited until the students were gone before sitting down and taking a deep breath.
…
Later that night, lying in bed, Remus stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t help but think about how the aching hole in his chest remained no matter what he tried to do. Even after all these years it had stayed there and Remus thought, and was convinced, it would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life. The stars that were shining in the night sky, which he could see through his window, definitely weren’t helping the situation any further.
He was doing this for Lily, for James, and, partly, for himself.
Sirius would have been proud.