James Potter simply loved too much. It was both a blessing to those around him and a curse. Because as pure as his intentions may have been, it was becoming increasingly hard to balance all of the relationships in his life. And while most people hadn’t noticed this, there was a very important person in his life that certainly had.
“I can’t believe you.” Regulus’ sharp jaw tightened. James wanted to reach out and smooth out all the lines and sharpness from his expression. He needed to see the smile that had been on his face a mere few minutes ago. “Reg.. please.” James begged, trailing after him as Regulus began his descent down the astronomy tower.
His pleads fell on deaf ears as he continued to be ignored before his next words.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus froze at that, back rigidly straight. They were both silent for an agonizing moment. “That’s what you always say.” James doesn’t recognize the cold voice that addresses him.
Regulus turns to stare at him in the darkness of the stairway. “You always say you’re sorry, and yet— here you are.” James holds his breath as he leans in closer.
“Choosing them and screwing me over once again.” Regulus hisses. James can handle many things, he can deal with the angry voice, the unforgiving words, but never the hurt in his eyes. He can’t bear with the knowledge that he was to blame for it.
“Darling, I’m not choosing them—” Regulus cut him off heatedly. “Yes, James, that’s exactly what you’re doing.” James’ words die in his throat when he hears Regulus’ shaky voice. “You continue to choose them over and over again when I need you.”
“That’s not true.” James insisted. “We can still see each other tomorrow, just—” He trails off, suddenly aware of how terrible it would sound, but Regulus finishes the thought off for him.
“Just when the whole castle is asleep, right? Like always.” James is horrified to see tears gather in his silver eyes. “The same way we celebrated my birthday—in the dead of night.” Regulus was too tired to do anything but allow himself to be held against James’ chest, shuddering with his silent cries. James could only squeeze him tighter helplessly.
He whispered apologies into his hair, stifling sobs of his own. How had it come to this when all James had ever wanted was to keep his boyfriend happy? He only served for one purpose, and he’d still managed to fail at that.
He continued to hold Regulus unwaveringly, wishing it hadn’t come to this— but it had and he did not know how he would even begin to manage the situation. How could he possibly keep balancing his secret love life and his dear friends who were still clueless.
Regulus drew back shakily, face ashen and resigned. “I’m done begging.” His voice came out surprisingly steady, not at all matching his tear filled eyes. “I’m finished. I shouldn’t have to beg.”
Regulus’ breath hitched dangerously, lip quivering. James felt as though a bucket of ice cold dread had just been poured all over him. They’d fought and had disagreements before— but this was nothing like what he’d ever heard.
“Regulus.. what?” The rest of the words died in his throat, still, they weighed heavy in the air.
‘What are you saying?’
Regulus took another step backwards, fully removing himself from James’ arms.
“A year ago tomorrow.” He says simply, frowning. James wants nothing more than to kiss it away.
“A year ago and yet— I still don’t have you. Not completely anyway.” James shakes his head vigorously, wanting to deny but he never opens his mouth to do so. Because deep down, as horrible and wretched as it makes him feel, he knows it’s true. How could he be able to fully give himself to Regulus when all of the most important people in James’ life didn't even know they were dating?
Regulus’ eyes subtly reignited with faint traces of anger again and James knows what’s coming will hurt.
“I just— I don’t understand.” Regulus’ hands yank his hair in a way that looks painful. “How can you have nights like these, moments like these and still not?..” Regulus cut himself off as his voice rose emotionally, he’d been far too vulnerable already.
They stared at each other for a moment, unmoving. The knowledge that this could be the last time they stared at each other so openly heavy on their minds. James’ lack of response only spurred the hasty thoughts and decisions in Regulus’ head.
He came to one quickly after that.
“You can spend our anniversary tomorrow with your friends, James.” Regulus said bitterly. “Not like it matters anymore anyway.” He muttered before taking off and slamming the door behind him.
James flinched at the sound, only once he did, he could not stop shaking. The floor quickly became much closer as he collapsed onto the ground in shuddered cries. He was so awful and undeserving. He should’ve known Regulus Black wouldn’t settle for the likes of him.
He could not stop the self deprecating thoughts from coming as he laid on the floor. He kept repeating what Regulus had said.
‘Not like it matters anymore anyway’
That sounded an awful lot like a break up, he sobbed once more at the thought.
It must’ve been hours later that he finally mustered the strength to get back up. He felt pathetic under the invisibility cloak as he trudged up the endless stairs sullenly, drying his tears and snot as he went. It’s as though life had been sucked out of him and he was condemned to do nothing but simply exist unwillingly.
It was only when he arrived back into the familiarity of his room that he felt a different emotion other than crushing sadness. He couldn’t help but feel the hot burn of irritation rise up his chest once he heard the soft giggles coming from Sirius’ bed. Truly, couldn’t Remus and Sirius give it a rest? Why should he have to endure their sickeningly sweet displays of affections all the time, when he had no such luxury?
He scowled deeply before ripping the curtains to his bed open loudly, hoping they’d take the hint and go to sleep already so he could sulk in peace. Immediately the giggling stopped and he could hear hushed whispering, then silence. James tucked his cloak back into his trunk and slipped his shoes off before climbing into the comfort of his bed. When he was finally tucked under the covers he felt a new wave of hot tears. He let them slide down his cheeks and onto the mattress below him helplessly. His face scrunched up as he tried to stifle his cries, body racking softly.
Much later, sleep did eventually find him– though it did not offer him any respite. He was plagued by dreams of sad gray eyes. James could not escape his harsh reality asleep either.
.
Remus liked to think of himself as the emotionally intelligent one of their group, which is why he often found himself being the only one who noticed the little things others wouldn’t think twice about. He frowned at James’ empty seat at the breakfast table and tried to recall if he had even seen him out of bed that morning at all. When he came back with no such memory, he turned to Sirius who was stuffing his face with a hearty portion of bacon and laughing along to Peter’s poor imitation of Severus Snape.
“Lads” Remus rolled his eyes at their antics.
Both Sirius and Peter turned to him questioningly. Remus couldn’t believe they hadn’t even noticed their friend’s absence. “Have either of you seen James this morning?” He nodded his head at the empty spot next to Peter on the bench. Sirius shrugged and reached across the table to spoon a helping of scrambled eggs onto his plate. “Probably slept in.”
Peter nodded in agreement, ever the follower, making Remus sigh deeply. “When has James ever slept in on a sunny saturday?” He countered, because days free of any classes were James’ favorite. He’d always go for a lap or two around the Quidditch pitch and be freshly showered by the time the rest of them had even woken up.
Sirius looked thoughtful for a second before reaching another conclusion. “He’s probably still down at the pitch then.” When he tried to reach for his fork again, Remus smacked his hand away. “Ouch! Oh, c’mon Rem. What do you want from me?”
“Did either of you even notice if his curtains were drawn open?” Sirius and Peter were silent at that, thinking it over until concluding that they hadn’t. That was enough for Remus to stand up abruptly, toast forgotten on the table. “Alright then, let’s go.” Sirius scoffed as he alternated looking between his boyfriend and breakfast. “Go bloody where?” Remus yanked him up and off of the bench by his arm. “To find out where our friend is.”
Sirius groaned but conceded, muttering to himself in annoyance as all three of them made their way out of the great hall. “Let’s go back to the dorm.” Remus supposed they should start there, seeing as neither of them were even sure if James’ bed had been empty or not. Right as they took a turn, Peter ran straight into someone, promptly knocking down the book in their hands.
“Regulus?” Remus asked, staring into the boy’s morose face. Regulus’ eyes glanced back tiredly and almost disinterestedly until they reached Sirius. His mouth tightened and posture stiffened subtly, but nothing more. Sirius’ eyes narrowed and they continued to stare each other down when Peter cut in awkwardly. “Alright, mate?” He offered Regulus the book that he’d picked back up. Regulus accepted the book back wordlessly, staring at them as though trying to communicate a silent question. He looked behind them, searching for something—or someone. Regulus shook his head free of any thoughts and left swiftly after that, footsteps echoing in his wake.
“He looks like shite.” Sirius blurted, looking back at his brother’s retreating form. “He does not look well.” Remus agreed. “I reckon Mommy and Daddy finally made him seal the agreement with the Dark Lord, then.” Sirius said casually, but Remus could see in his eyes just how much the thought disturbed him. He reached for his boyfriend’s hand and squeezed it tight. The walk back to their dorm was spent in silence.
It was only when they opened the door to their room and he could see James’ curtains were still very much closed off that Remus began to really worry. And by the exchanged look between his friends, he knew the feeling was shared.
They stood beside the bed, not knowing how to proceed until Sirius grew ansty and he finally stepped forward to grab the curtain carefully. “James?” He called, waiting for any signs of movement. When there weren’t any he finally drew back the curtains to reveal James Potter lying on his back motionless and staring up blankly.
Sirius looked back at Remus with wide eyes before turning back to his friend. “Hey, mate. You alright there?” He asked, uncharacteristically soft. When James gave no indication he had even heard him, Sirius continued. “You didn’t come down for breakfast.”
James finally turned his head slightly, eyes gloomy behind his wire rimmed glasses. He didn't respond. “We just want to make sure you are alright.” Remus stepped in.
“Go away.” A voice so much unlike James’ usual chirpy one finally acknowledged them. Peter rested a hand on James’ shoulder. “C’mon, Prongs. If there’s a problem we can work it out together.” Jame’s eyes filled with tears, much to their horror. “No.” He rasped. “There’s nothing to work out. It’s over.” He sniffled. Remus crouched down to be at Jame’s eye level. “What’s over, James?” He could only watch helplessly when his friend gasped in pain as the tears kept coming. He shook his head wildly and turned to face the wall, gripping the bed sheets closer to himself until all that was visible was his mop of unruly hair.
“Go.” He hissed. Sirius shook his head and sat down on the edge of the mattress. “No, we won’t go.” He said firmly, resting a solid hand on Jame’s back. “I want you to go.” James bit out, even then Sirius knew his friend and recognized it was just an attempt to make them leave.
“We won’t.” He replied stubbornly. “We’re your friends and we are here to make you feel better.” Remus hummed affirmatively, hoping James would meet their eyes again.
“I don’t deserve it.” James said meekly, words nearly getting lost in the mound of blankets he was under. Remus sighed sympathetically. “Of course you do, Prongs. You’re one of the nicest blokes I’ve met. You’re always there for us, let us be here for you.”
James whirled around, eyes wide with a sort of manic tinge. “I’m not the one who got hurt, I did the hurting. I deserve this.” Remus’ eyebrows shot up in surprise, what was all this talk about hurting? He couldn't help or even begin to understand if James kept speaking so cryptically.
“Two things can be true at once, James. Why don’t you tell us what’s going on and we can figure out where to go from here?” Remus suggested. James only shook his head.
“He’s perfect, he wouldn’t hurt me. Not like I did.” He said miserably, silent cries racking through his body once again. Sirius and Remus shared a shocked look before continuing to comfort their friend. As much as they tried to soothe the other boy, he kept choking on his own tears and crying relentlessly. It was as though every negative emotion he had ever felt in his life was finally bursting to the surface and they could do nothing but watch as they ran consoling hands over his hair and arms.
“I want to die.” He whimpered. James suddenly gagged and Remus was quick to grab a nearby bin and bring it over just in time for James to hurl into. Sirius ran a hand over James’ back as he heaved over and over. Peter stood to the side of it all, hand over his mouth, feeling useless among all the chaos.
“You need to calm down, James. You’re only making yourself sick.” Sirius exclaimed, beyond concerned for his friend who had never even shed a tear in front of him before. James retched until he was only dry heaving into the bin, slowly, he was guided into lying back down onto his bed. James’ breaths hitched as he tried to control his emotions. Remus rested a gentle hand on Jame’s forehead, stroking it for several long moments until his eyes slipped closed. “Sleep.” He whispered.
Sirius, Remus, and Peter barely moved a muscle until they heard James’ breath even out. Although James was anything but still, he had a tortured expression even in his sleep, and he continued to whimper and twitch. Sirius let his head fall forward into his hands. “Bloody hell, what the fuck is going on?” He exhaled deeply, wanting to cry himself.
Remus shook his head, at a complete loss. They all monitored James as he slept for a few hours, muttering darkly in his sleep. Nothing was adding up or making sense. The random breakdown was so unlike James that they were left with no conclusions as to what had triggered it. Sirius rested a shaky hand on James’ fevered forehead, frowning worriedly until a familiar name tumbled out of his friend’s mouth.
“Ree—goo-us”
Sirius scratched it off as a fluke from how low it was muttered, he couldn’t be sure he’d heard correctly. But the next time James spoke it was clear as day. “R- Reg—” “Regulus” Sirius stumbled as if the force of the word had pushed him backwards. He sputtered pathetically as Remus looked down at him with an unreadable expression. “Padfoot..”
Sirius lost it.
“W- what?” He stuttered as he collapsed on the floor, legs completely giving out from underneath him. Sirius looked like a mad man as he muttered incoherently to himself. Piecing everything James had said together, trying to make sense of it all and most importantly— how Regulus had anything to do with it.
Remus said nothing, likely processing it all as well. After what felt like ages of sitting and shaking on that hardwood floor, he finally drew a conclusion. Not one he liked. He stood up unsteadily, legs still wobbly.
“That fucking bastard.” Sirius leapt out of the room at a thunderous pace, he walked with purpose.
Remus yelped at the sudden action, quickly following after him as he flew down the stairs leading to the common room.
“Sirius!” He yelled out, to no avail, his boyfriend continued to shove innocent bystanders out of the way as if possessed. Remus could barely keep up, the ache in his hip after the most recent full moon was in full effect.
Sirius had been headed for the Slytherin common room when he passed by one of the openings to the courtyard and spotted Regulus reading a book against a tree with Barry Crouch Jr. at his side.
“Oi!” Regulus only had time to look up before he felt the tip of a wand hit his throat and saw his brother’s murderous face staring back at him. He glared back at him instinctively for a shocked moment.
“Undo the spell.” Sirius ground out through clenched teeth. Regulus could only frown back in confusion, which only served to make Sirius angrier. “Undo. The. Spell.” Barty had retrieved his own wand, ready to hex the other before Regulus held his hand up. He wanted to see what this was all about first, and then decide if he’d allow his friend to try out one of the new spells they’d been working on.
“I have not the faintest idea of what you’re on about.” He replied calmly, rolling his eyes.
“I’m talking about whatever it is you’ve done to James.” Regulus nearly flinched at the name. What had happened to James? At Regulus’ prolonged silence, Sirius continued. “You’ve got him in a real state, you piece of shit.” Sirius snarled. “He can’t even function, all he’s able to do is cry about you.”
“Did you think it would be funny? To spike his pumpkin juice with amortentia and make him love you only to break his heart?”
Regulus openly parts his lips in shock, not knowing what to reply to the baseless accusation but also sick with worry, despite himself.
“Undo whatever the fuck you’ve got James under or I swear to Merlin I will murder you right now. Stop. Hurting. Him.”
There were many things about the confrontation that finally led to Regulus being set off. It might’ve been Sirius’ completely irrational behavior, his accusations, the steady wand against his throat, his threats— but it was the mistrust that affected Regulus deeply. Sirius hadn’t even hesitated to assume the worst from his own blood in favor of defending his chosen family. Sirius would always choose James, would always see him not just a mate but a brother. He’d always known, but to see it so plainly had cut deeper than he thought it would.
“He did the hurting.” Regulus finally spoke, shaky lips pulling into a scowl.
Sirius’ wand faltered at those words, taken back to their dormitory where James had said the same thing.
“He made me love him.” Regulus said heatedly. “Only to—” he cut himself up abruptly at that, steadying himself and coming to his senses.
“I do not owe you an explanation.” He stood quickly, and if it weren’t for Barty’s hand on his shoulder he’s certain he would have collapsed. Sirius didn’t allow him to get much farther. He jabbed an accusatory finger into his chest, “You’re a filthy liar. James would never—” Sirius’ argument was shot down as promptly as it had begun. “James would never what? Love?” Regulus countered.
The words hung heavy in the air, and slowly, mortification sunk deep into Sirius’ chest. “He would’ve told me.” Sirius shot back weakly, his resolve breaking. Regulus’ pained expression at that comment was not lost on Sirius.
Remus’ hand settled onto the back of Sirius’ neck, hesitant but wanting to comfort him nonetheless. “There’s nothing to tell now anyway.” Regulus shrugged. Sirius sputtered uselessly, his words failing him. Regulus scoffed at that, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “Let’s go Barty.”
Remus stepped forward to interject, filling in for Sirius who was still staring back at his brother dumbly. “Regulus, please.” He pleaded, desperate to get his friend better
”James is not okay, if you could simply speak to him—”
“Did it occur to either one of you that I do not want to speak to James because I’m not okay?” Regulus’ voice spiked in volume at the last word, alarmingly emotional. At that, Barty grabbed his arm gently, guiding him away. “Alright, you’ve gotten enough out of him, fucking wankers.” Barty sneered at them both.
At the sight of his brother being led away from the scene, Sirius jumped back to attention. “Regulus..” He called weakly, and when his brother turned back briefly with a pained expression, Sirius was reminded of the scared, scrawny boy he had known in their childhood. The rest of the words died in his throat, and Regulus was gone before he could force them out.
Hot flashing anger encompassed his every sense as quickly as it had a mere few moments ago. This time, he whipped around wildly, heading back to the direction of their dorm. Remus let out a surprised yelp behind him, following as close behind as he could once again. Sirius’ irrational temper would never cease to make his head spin. “Oi! My hip hurts, won't you slow down a bit?” He said miserably.
Sirius immediately stopped at that, sighing guiltily. “M’sorry, Moons.” Sirius softened slightly, kissing his forehead. Remus smiled at that, trying to catch his breath and gripping Sirius’ arm. “It’s alri—ahh!” Remus yelled when Sirius suddenly swept him off his feet, cradling him carefully in his arms before taking off once again at an unrelenting pace.
“Merlin, Black!” Sirius carried on, face murderous as he body slammed into unsuspecting first years who were in the way. Remus looked back at them apologetically.
He was feeling nervous, knowing that Sirius was set off again and the second rampage would be more explosive than the first. “Sirius, maybe you should take a moment and calm down before—” Sirius cut him off heatedly: “I love you Rem, but stop talking.” Remus wisely chose to close his mouth.
The way to their dorms seemed so much shorter when Sirius tore through the halls like a maniac. Soon they entered their quiet dorm for the second time that day.
Remus felt a pang of sympathy when he saw how exhausted James appeared to be, now awake and slumped against his pillow, face back to the miserable expression from earlier. Sirius was merciless after he set Remus down, turning to James and throwing a discarded pillow at him sharply.
James didn’t react, he simply allowed the pillow to fall back down to the floor after the impact. He did, however, look at Sirius with dull eyes. “Regulus.” Sirius said simply, teeth bared in restraint to not lose his shit and beat his best friend up. James’ eyes widened at that, and the waterworks resumed once again. Sirius didn’t falter at his tears, he simply stared back in complete resolution. “Explain.” He demanded.
What followed was James’ incoherent blubbering that none of them could understand. Peter reached out to grab his shoulder gently. “Mate, calm down— you’re not making any sense.” James took steadying breaths, wiping his nose before looking up at Sirius with a deeply remorseful face.
“I love him.. and I hurt him.”
Sirius scowled at that, taking a threatening step forward. “What do you mean you hurt him?” James’ face scrunched up into a tortured expression. “I just didn’t know how to..” James struggled. “Didn’t know how to what?” Peter encouraged gently.
“Didn’t know how to tell you guys about it.” James revealed, which only served to anger Sirius further. “So you dated and then broke up with my little brother?”
James instantly shook his head at the accusation. “No! I would never.. he..” The painful words that James hadn't been able to wrap his head around were stuck in his throat.
“Did he break up with you?” Remus asked quietly. James screwed his eyes shut, pressing his lips together in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. “I think so.” He whispered.
“What the bloody hell do you mean by that? Did he or did he not?” Remus shot Sirius a withering look at his remark. “I don’t know, okay! We argued and he was mad, and he said that I could celebrate our anniversary without him.” James cried, yanking his hair in a way that looked painful. Sirius, Remus, and Peter looked at each other in surprise at the mention of an anniversary.
“It would have been a year today.” James said miserably.
The room was silent for a moment after that, everyone letting the new developments sink in. “You kept this from me for a year?” Sirius spoke up.
James could only nod in confirmation, eyes apologetic. “I’m sorry.”
A beat.
Suddenly, and much to everyone’s surprise, Sirius began to laugh loudly. He placed his hands on his knees, kneeling over as he lost itself in a fit of giggles. “Love?” Remus asked in concern. “This is madness!” Sirius exclaimed between his chortles. “I mean— my baby BROTHER!”
James winced, worried Sirius was losing it. “Sirius...”
Sirius shook his head, collecting himself. “This is a nasty joke.” Sirius said manically. “There’s absolutely no way you’re being serious.” Sirius denied.
“I am.. I— Sirius, I love him.” James confessed once again. Sirius hardened when he saw the sincerity in his friend’s eyes. “You don’t hurt the person you love.”
James flinched, sighing. “I know..”
Remus intervened, sitting down on the corner of James’ bed. “Tell us what happened.” He coaxed.
“From the beginning.” Sirius snarled.
.
A sharp smack resounded throughout the room as Sirius hit James with another discarded pillow. “You fucking bastard.” He scowled. “Now, Sirius, let’s be rational..” Remus tried to placate. “He wasn’t rational when he decided to be ashamed of Regulus.” James’ eyes filled with a few hints of anger for the first time that day at Sirius’ words. “I was never ashamed of him!”
“Why else would you not want to tell us?” Sirius argued, voice rising. “Because I didn’t want to lose you!” James yelled back, breathing heavily. Sirius instantly bit his tongue at that. The room was quiet for a moment before James continued. “I love you Sirius, you’re the brother I never had.” James said quietly. “I knew you’d be livid when you found out.. and I thought.. if you’d stopped being my friend over this, Remus would surely follow and Peter would have no choice but to do so as well.” James said shakily, pressing his lips together tightly to keep them from wobbling.
The room fell into a heavy silence, Sirius could feel the beginnings of his anger begin to dissipate. “James, we would never.” Peter said finally, Remus nodded in agreement. “I would slap some sense into Padfoot.” James offered a weak smile before looking at Sirius expectantly. “You…” Sirius’ voice came out all strangled, conflicted. “I love you, Prongs.” He sighed. “But you’re a fucking wanker.” James hung his head and couldn’t help but nod in agreement.
“You’re a wanker that Regulus apparently loves.” Sirius shrugged, shaking his head. “So you’re going to get your sorry arse out of bed and give my baby brother a good anniversary.” James’ eyes widened at his words, he couldn’t believe Sirius was willingly agreeing to this. “He doesn’t want to see me.” James said miserably and Sirius groaned before ripping the bedsheets from James’ body. “Enough of the pity party bullshit. Go take a shower and get dressed.” He ordered and James could only obey as he was herded into the bathroom. Sirius checked the time before continuing. “Wormtail, go to the Great Hall and lure Regulus out into the hallway.”
“What? How would I manage to do that?” Peter stammered. “You better find a way.” He scurried off obediently at Sirius’ hard stare. “Rem, where’s that nice sweater you got at the shops a couple weeks back?” Sirius asked. “It’s in my trunk.” Remus hurried to retrieve it. All the while, Sirius paced by the bathroom door anxiously before he was decidedly done waiting and knocked on the door loudly. “Get out, you have to get dressed!” He heard the water stop and movement before James reappeared with wet hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. “Hurry!” He hissed, guiding him to Remus so he could pull the sweater over his head. Sirius looked for his wand next, and found it discarded on the floor by James’ bed. When he walked over to his friends again, James was fully dressed. “Hold still.” He ordered, waving his wand and successfully drying James’ hair. Remus stepped forward and placed James’ round rimmed glasses over his eyes.
“Ready?” Sirius asked, but he didn’t wait for a response and simply pushed him towards the door. “Wait!” James panicked, quickly going back into the room. “James!” Sirius said frustratedly. “He might be upset but that's no reason to—” He cut himself off as he walked further into the room and saw James digging under his bed. “It’s not that.” James grunted, emerging with a wrapped present. “I can't see him on our anniversary empty handed, I’m not that bad of a boyfriend.” Sirius couldn’t help but laugh at those words. “That’s debatable, mate. Now, c’mon!”
Soon enough, they were all heading down to the Great Hall with urgency. James breath hitched as he heard a familiar voice arguing around the corner. “Leave me alone.” As soon as he turned the corner, his eyes met his favorite shade of gray. Peter had sunk into himself at Regulus’ words and let out a relieved sigh at the sight of his friends.
Regulus’ eyes revealed far too many emotions for a moment as he looked at James before he fixed a glare at them all. “What is this supposed to be?”
Sirius only stepped forward and grabbed the book in Regulus’ hands before motioning for his friends to go back into the hallway and away from the couple. Regulus’ head was spinning by then, far too much happened all at once. James, however, took a step forward. He was prepared to lay his heart on the line.
“I don’t want to break up.” He started bluntly, and Regulus sucked in a breath at that. “I’ve been a shit boyfriend.” James confessed sadly. “And you have no idea how sorry I am for that, but I’ll humble myself and try to be better.” He insisted. The only indication that Regulus was moved was the crease of his eyebrows. “I told my friends. Everything.” James added. “No more secrets, just you and me.” James’ shoulders slumped as he finished, looking at Regulus in anticipation.
“Break up?” Regulus asked quietly. At those words, James felt the pesky tears he’d been battling all day emerge again, triggering his overwhelming emotions. “I don’t want to.” James whispered. Regulus immediately came closer and held James’ face in his hands. “Oh, love.” He murmured, one of his hands reaching to stroke the back of James’ head in a way he knew comforted him. “I was just going to make you spend today with your friends.. I didn’t want to break up.” Regulus offered him a weak smile. “What?” James asked, wrecked.
“T-then what about what you said about it not mattering anymore?” James pressed. Regulus’ cheeks flushed a faint scarlet. “I was just being a bit melodramatic.” He admitted. James’ eyes widened.
“Oh.” James said dumbly. Regulus laughed softly. “Yeah, oh.”
“Regulus..” James took in every single detail of Regulus’ face, he was truly a sight to behold. “I’m so sorry.” Regulus sighed at that. “I’m still hurt, James..” He admitted. James’ devastated expression following his words hurt Regulus all the same. “I promise the secrecy is over with– finished.” James said, urgently trying to alleviate the pain he’d caused. Regulus nodded.
“Alright.” He whispered. James stopped short at that. “Alright?”
Regulus nodded and James didn’t waste any time hastily gathering Regulus in his arms the way he’s desperately wanted to all day. He leaned in for a kiss when Regulus protested quietly.
“James, we’re in the middle of–” James silenced him by pressing their lips together urgently. Regulus was helpless to do anything but sink into it as his hands came up to James’ hair. His protests faded into a soft, breathless sigh. His hands fumbled in James’ hair, tugging him closer as though he might shatter if James pulled away.
Their lips moved with an intensity that made Regulus’ pulse race, his heart frantic rhythm against the stillness of their surroundings. The world around them seemed to disappear, leaving only the heat of their closeness and the dizzying feel of each other’s touch. Regulus’s breath came in shallow gasps, his fingertips tracing the edge of James' jaw, as if memorizing every inch of him.
“James.” He murmured, barely pulling away, though his voice betrayed him with a quiet plea. “Let them see.” James breathed against his lips. “I told you– we’re finished with the secrecy.” Regulus looked into James’ eyes, so very moved and at a loss of what to say. “I..”
“I’ve got you something.” James cut in, reaching over to hand him the wrapped present in his hand. Regulus accepted it with a shy smile. “Open it.” James said eagerly.
Regulus opened it carefully and squinted at it before looking up at James with wide eyes. “Felix Felicis?” James nodded excitedly. “It took me forever to get right– and I had Remus’ help, but I figured it was a good gift.” James rambled. Regulus huffed a laugh. “The best.” He agreed.
“Unfortunately…” Regulus began, looking sheepish. “I might have thrown your gift into the black lake after our fight…” James burst into a fit of giggles, shaking his head. “Why am I not surprised?” Regulus rolled his eyes affectionately. “We can retrieve it tomorrow.”
James nodded easily, capturing Regulus’ lips in another kiss. “Happy anniversary, baby.” He murmured against his lips, his voice full of affection and promise.
Regulus pulled back slightly, his eyes soft but teasing. “Happy anniversary, you idiot.”
“Oi!”
They both turned as they heard a familiar voice call out to them. “Have you guys finished? It’s all getting quite nauseating..” Sirius said in mock irritation, stepping out from behind the corner where he’d been eavesdropping. “Sirius!” Remus hissed. “Let them have their moment.”
“Consider the moment murdered.” James said in exasperation.
Sirius shrugged, walking towards them before stopping awkwardly a few steps away. He met eyes with his brother and felt the familiar sting of disappointment in himself. He couldn’t change what had already occurred, but he could start by being the brother Regulus deserved.
“Regulus..” He began quietly. James looked between them with worried eyes.
“I promise you that if this prick messes up again I’ll personally murder him.” Sirius said.
And though it wasn’t technically an apology, it was as good as one for Sirius Black.
Regulus smiled hesitantly, nodding his acceptance.
“James, you’re a lucky guy. Regulus– you can do better.” James squawked in indignance at Sirius’ words, pulling his boyfriend closer. Remus smiled, tugging Sirius back gently. “C’mon, let’s eat dinner.” He said, wanting to give them space. “We should go find Peter first.” Sirius replied. “Poor thing was terrified and shaking like a leaf when he left.” Sirius shot a pointed glance at Regulus.
Remus and Sirius disappeared into the darkness of the hallway, leaving James and Regulus alone. “Where do you want to spend the rest of our anniversary?” James asked tenderly.
Regulus thought for a moment before answering.
“Anywhere.” Because now they could.