The Definition of Paranoia
In the morning, as Q headed for the shower, Morwena greeted her. “Oh Claire, a moment, please.” Q paused and waited deferentially for her. “Stacy Hind was looking for you last night. Please speak to her this morning so she doesn’t continue to worry about your condition.”
“I’d like to talk to her,” said Q, letting some worry into her voice. “I just don’t want any drama with Tess.”
Morwena looked primly back at her. “If Tess can’t commit completely to Stacy Hind, she should let her go. Talk to Stacy. She’s a kind, sweet girl. If Tess gives you any flack, let me know.”
Q smiled shly. “I’ll do that.”
“Don’t be afraid to take the lead,” added Morwena. “Stacy is used to playing second violin, to Lara Guishar as well as to Tess.”
Showered and dressed, Q went with Jim and Dave, her two Fourth Year comrades. Lingering by the entrance of the Great Hall was Stacy. Time to play ‘first violin,’ thought Q.
With a soft word, she sent her boys ahead. She sauntered up to Stacy and gave her a wave and then a hug.
“I was so worried about you,” gushed Stacy. “You had such a hard fall, and you were crying.”
Stacy was a little taller than Q. Her green eyes were wide and lovely. With effort, Q kept up her nonchalant smile. “I was embarrassed more than anything. I guess I was having a bad day before that. You were so nice to me. My bag is as good as new. Better than new, actually.”
“I’m glad.” Stacy was smiling and blushing.
“You wanna hang out later?” asked Q.
“I’d love to, but I have classes until late. Fifth Year is no joke. But Friday?”
“Friday, after lunch?” offered Q. Stacy nodded. “Let’s meet in the library. Cool?” Q gave her another hug, and with a confident wave, walked to the Slytherin table.
For the next few days, Stacy and Q exchanged waves and smiles whenever they saw one another. Friday morning before breakfast, the two girls shared a long tight hug before going into the Entrance Hall for breakfast. “Later today, okay?” said Q.
“I can’t wait to hang out with you,” gushed Stacy. She was clearly smitten, and Q felt her own steely reserve melting.
Q didn’t say anything to anyone during breakfast. She kept her eyes down on her plate of eggs. It was only when she was alone with Dave and Jim on their way to the library to study prior to their Astronomy lab that she spoke.
“So, I have a date this afternoon with Stacy Hind of Hufflepuff. We’re going to meet up at the library and then maybe we’ll take a walk. I don’t have a firm idea yet where I want to go. I would like some privacy.”
“We can arrange that,” said Jim.
“I don’t want anyone watching me or tailing me. Tess might put someone on me. Aiden might hang around, either on Umberto’s orders or on his own. Whoever it is, I want them gone.”
“We understand, Q,” said Dave. “We’ve got this.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You’re the best.”
“We learned everything we know from you,” said Jim.
“So, if we suck at this, it’s your fault,” added Dave.
They laughed together. Jim said, “Freya Felwich already has her eye on you. She’s good, but we were ready for it. We spotted her looking sidelong at you during breakfast. Not sure if she’s reporting to Tess or just being nosy.”
“Doesn’t matter. She tries to get close to me and Stacy today, turn her around and send her the other way.”
Finally, it was lunchtime. By the time Q ditched her bag in her dormitory after her Astronomy lecture, it was nearly 12:20. Lunch in the Great Hall was in full swing. She grabbed a cheese and avocado sandwich and a glass of pumpkin juice and started eating.
The hall slowly cleared out of students. Aiden Thompson tried to catch Q’s eye, but she avoided him, which is what she typically did anyway. Freya Felwich left with her friends, but Q expected her to reposition herself so she could spy on the door to the Great Hall without being seen.
There were just a few stragglers at each table. Stacy and her friends sat at the end of the Hufflepuff table. Q got up and sauntered over to them, projecting a confident swagger despite the nervous knot in her stomach.
Stacy looked up, wide-eyed, smiling. Her green eyes sparkled. “Ready?” said Q. “Let’s go.” Stacy stood up. Q caught her hand, and they walked together out of the Great Hall and up the stairs to the library.
They sat facing one another at a small study table. No one was studying in the library that Friday afternoon, not even the Ravenclaws. Jim and Dave sat a discreet distance away, playing a game with their wizard cards. The two girls kept their voices low to avoid the wrath of Madam Pince.
“You know,” said Q, “we were never formally introduced. I’m Claire Quillan. I’m a Slytherin Fourth Year. My friends call me Q.”
Stacy giggled. “Hi. I’m Stacy Hind. I’m a Fifth Year Hufflepuff.”
“Show me this card everyone was talking about.”
“Um, sure.” Stacy reached into the pocket of her robe and set the card on the desktop. “Don’t touch it. The picture might change if you do.”
Q peered down at it critically. “Not my best moment.”
Stacy gazed fondly at her. “I was looking for you for months and months. I didn’t know who you were or anything about you. And then suddenly, you were right in front of me, just like in the picture. And I still didn’t know who you were!
“Finally, I got up the nerve to ask around. Lara suggested we talk to Morwena. So, I brought the card to the girls – they were right over there, actually – and Pauline said, ‘It’s Q!’ She knew right away.”
“How funny. I never talk to Pauline Langlet. Once or twice, maybe. Morwena intimidates the hell out of me, and I’m on her good side!”
Stacy laughed. “I used to be afraid of her, too.”
Q’s suspicions were rising. We’ve been in one place long enough. Someone could be watching us from the stacks. “Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”
“Sure!” The two stood and walked hand in hand out of the library.
Q asked, “Have you ever been up to the Astronomy tower when it’s not the middle of the night?”
“No, actually. Can we even get up there when it’s not time for class?”
“It’s no problem. Come on! I’ll show you.”
The door that led to the tower was unlocked. Q led the way up the stone steps to the enchanted parapet. Though the rain fell unrelentingly all around them, over the Astronomy tower there was clear blue sky, and warm sun beamed down upon them.
Stacy laughed. “I can’t believe I’ve never been up here when it wasn’t time for class! It’s so pretty up here.” She ran to the low wall and looked down. “Look at the lake!” The two girls stood side by side, hips touching. The sun was sparkling on the surface of the green water.
Q scanned the stone floor and saw a sizeable pebble laying a few feet away. “Here’s a neat trick. Watch this!”
She picked up the pebble and rolled it in her hand for a moment before flicking it over the edge of the parapet. Stacy gasped. As soon as the stone crossed the threshold of the tower, it curled around and flew back at Q. She caught it with a swipe of her hand, tossed it back out and caught it again.
“You can’t chuck rocks on people from the top of the Astronomy tower,” said Q.
Stacy laughed. “That wouldn’t be in the spirit of Inter-House Cooperation, would it?”
“No, it wouldn’t,” agreed Q. “Works for people, too, by the way. Can’t kill yourself by jumping off the tower. Suicide is not allowed.”
Stacy’s eyes were wide with concern. “You didn’t try that, did you?”
Q shook her head. “No, but I know someone who did.”
“Who?”
“It isn’t someone you know.” Q turned around and leaned against the stone wall. “So, you grew up in Godric’s Hollow, with Morwena, Tess, and Rhiannon?”
“Yes,” said Stacy, “except, I live in a different neighborhood. Morwena grew up in Druid’s Grove. I didn’t meet her until we got here. I went to primary school with Tess, but we were in different circles. Tess was friends with Calliope, Mona and Sally back then, while I was friends with Lara and Stephanie. Rhiannon and Shona played football with the boys. I didn’t get to know her until she became friends with Philip.”
Q noted how Stacy hid Tess’ name in the middle of a pile of other facts. She’d rather not talk about Tess right now, reasoned Q, which is fine with me.
“Where did you grow up?” asked Stacy.
Among Slytherins, Q avoided this question as much as possible. She often answered, “We moved around a lot.” When pressed, she would lie and say, “Druid’s Grove.” Her mother’s family lived there. Q had visited the town often enough to speak to it. Around Hufflepuffs, however, Umberto had warned her to be truthful.
“East Barnet.”
“Where’s that?” asked Stacy, innocently.
“London.”
“Oh!” Stacy was cottoning on.
“It’s Chelsea country,” said Q. “That’s my football team. Liam Wren roots for the Gunners - Arsenal, you know? I root for Chelsea.”
“You pay attention to which team Liam Wren follows?”
“I’ve seen him wear Arsenal gear to Quidditch matches,” said Q. “Their colours are red and white, and they have a cannon as their logo. In my neighborhood, we’re the Blues. I wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing red in my neighborhood, even before I was sorted to Gryffindor.”
“Is there a team that’s wears black and yellow, like us Badgers?”
Q smirked. “Borussia Dortmund. You don’t wanna root for them, though. They’re a German team. Wolverhampton wears black and gold. That wouldn’t be a bad choice.”
“Are both your parents Muggles?”
“No. My mum’s a witch. She was in Ravenclaw. She grew up in Druid’s Grove. As part of her NEWT in Muggle Studies, before the start of her Seventh Year, she went to a Muggle summer camp. She met my dad, and they hit it off, I guess, ‘cause they’re still together.”
“How sweet!”
“They were up at camp for two weeks. From what I hear, by the end of that second week, they were doing way more than holding hands.” The two girls laughed.
“So, you grew up in London rather than in a Wizard Village?”
“Yes. My mum made me hide my magic, as soon as she knew I had it. I went to school with all the neighborhood kids. Then, when I turned eleven, I got my letter. I didn’t even want to come and leave all my friends behind. I didn’t know any witches or wizards. My witch cousins are older than I am. I was afraid no one would even talk to me. But my parents decided I should come here. If I have magic, I should learn how to use it.”
Stacy took Q’s hand. “Aren’t you glad you came? I’m glad you’re here.”
Q leaned her head into Stacy’s shoulder. “I’ve met some cool people here, and I love my two Slytherin brothers, Jim and Dave. It doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely. It doesn’t mean I don’t hate it here sometimes.”
Stacy bent her head down, and the two shared a shy, tentative kiss. Stacy waited to see if Q would kiss her again. When she didn’t, Stacy asked, “Are you an only child?”
“No. I have a little brother. He’s dumb as a post. Can’t even do Muggle card tricks, much less wield a wand, but I love him.” Her voice cracked as her homesickness surged back. Stacy put her arms around Q and pressed her lips into her hair. Q savored the embrace and Stacy’s unguarded tenderness. But she was starting to feel exposed there at the top of the parapet.
“It’s hard being a Slytherin girl, said Q, “especially when you’re a half-blood.”
Stacy held her tightly and kissed her hair once more. “Please don’t use racist terms like that. Especially towards yourself.”
Q broke the embrace and created a little distance between them. She looked warily at the towers on either side. “That’s the Hospital Wing,” she said, pointing to her right. “If someone was spying on us from there, they’d get shooed out pretty quick. Madam Pomphrey wouldn’t tolerate it.” She pointed to the other tower. “That’s Ravenclaw tower. There are study rooms on the lower floors that are open to all students. From the right window, they could see us with Omninoculars. Somebody could watch us from there.”
“Who is spying on us?”
“I don’t know,” said Q. “But somebody might be.”
Stacy shook her head. “Slytherin paranoia.”
Q gave a snort, and a wry smile curled her lips. “It’s only paranoia if the suspicion is unjustified. There is always a market in Slytherin House for news on the hot new couple.”
“Are we the hot new couple?” asked Stacy.
Q pushed off the parapet wall and walked in the direction of the alcove where Madam Sinistra stood during Astronomy lab. She turned around so she was facing Stacy, and, walking backwards, beckoned her with her finger.
Stacy followed, blushing, trembling with anticipation. Q reached out her hands and took Stacy’s. Q led her, walking backwards, until she felt the wooden wall of the alcove. “Here, no one can see us. Unless they were on a broomstick, maybe. But it’s not a sunny day for them, just for us.”
“What if someone followed us up the tower?” asked Stacy, playfully. “She could be listening to us right on the other side of that door.”
Q shook her head. “No, she isn’t. I set a guard.”
“What?” asked Stacy.
“I’m serious. My two Slytherin boys. They’re like brothers to me. They are guarding the tower door entrance.” Stacy gazed at her in wonder. “I’m very diligent when it comes to defending my privacy,” said Q, “and the privacy of those I’m with.”
Stacy reached out her arms and pulled Q into a firm embrace. “No more schemes today, okay? No more Slytherin backstabbing. Be a Hufflepuff girl for a little bit. Be an East Barnet girl in love.”
Q reached up her hand and touched Stacy’s cheek, and then they were kissing. Long, slow, hungry, desperate. The afternoon sun sunk lower in the sky, defying the rain that stormed around the castle. A cold wind swept over the parapet, rustling the girls’ robes. Strands of Q’s straight, brown hair caught in Stacy’s lips. They took a moment to untangle themselves.
Q looked up and saw tears in the corners of Stacy’s eyes. “Are you alright?”
“Yes,” said Stacy, tenderly. “I’m unbelievably happy right now.”
“It’s been a really long time since I made out with someone,” confessed Q. “Last summer sucked. My old girlfriend, most of my friends, they were avoiding me. They don’t understand why I won’t go to school with them. And, I couldn’t tell them. And it sucked.”
Stacy kissed her again. “Don’t dwell on it, okay? You’re here now, with me. Let’s make a new thing.”
Q sunk her head down into Stacy’s chest and listened to her breath and the racing of her heart. But there was a buzzing of fear at the back of Q’s head, all the things she hadn’t yet said.