Chapter 10
Severus was supposed to be working on the wolfsbane, but every time he picked up the leaves, his mind was bombarded with the images of Remus, in wolf form, attacking him. Harry had been right, there was more to that night than what anyone knew. Severus couldn't fathom how he never picked up on it. He was a master spy, tricking one of the most intelligent wizards of his time, yet he wasn't able to recognize that his memories had been tampered with by an insufferable simpleton. Finally, he closed the box that contained the wolfsbane leaves and swiftly got up from his chair.
Severus headed towards the door, while shutting off all the lights with the flick of a wrist. He walked with purpose, though he had no destination. His pace grew faster with every step and soon enough he found himself holding on tightly to the railing of the astronomy Tower. He took a deep breath, letting the cool night air hit his face. The night was quiet, save for the faint rustle of leaves below.
His mind scrambled for a way to ground himself, thinking back to techniques he hadn't used since he first started learning occlumency. Severus closed his eyes, feeling the cold, bumpy metal railing underneath his tightly wrapped fingers. He moved his thumb back and forth, taking in the slight texture from the railing. Once he felt his head clear, he gently opened his eyes and let out a deep breath.
"I had a feeling you'd come here." said a familiar voice behind him, startling Severus from the peaceful moment he was trying to create. He spun around, his black robes billowing around him. Sirius stood. leaning against the staircase, arms loosely crossed over his chest and an eyebrow raised in expectation.
"Black, if you’ve come to lecture me about Potter, I assure you, I’ve no need for etiquette lessons from the likes of you." Severus said.
"I'm not upset about that. You were right. He has disrespected you many times and Remus and I have let him get away with it. We aren't able to put our foot down with him the way you are. Thank you for taking care of him." Sirius said, the sincerity throwing Severus off guard.
"I care deeply about all of my students. Potter has never and will never face consequences for his actions in the Wizarding World, simply because he's the Chosen One. But he's still a child, a child who should not be leading meetings in a war room." Severus replied.
"Harry's a smart kid. If you explain this to him with kind words, he'll learn better." Sirius smiled his charming smile, meeting Severus' gaze head on. For perhaps the first time in his twisted memory, Severus understood why Sirius had the reputation of charming anyone's pants off. Severus averted his eyes immediately.
"Now if we're done here, I must get back to work." Severus said, walking towards the stairs.
Sirius shook his head, stepping forward. "I'm not here about Harry. I…" He hesitated, then forged ahead. "I can’t stop thinking about everything we learned today. About us. About our relationship."
“I care very little for whatever epiphany you think we’ve had. The past was ugly, and now we know it’s uglier still.” Severus replied, callously.
“How do you not care? What happened – it shattered everything we thought we knew.” Sirius asked.
“No, it didn’t, Black. That day, I was still sent off to my death. I was still attacked by a werewolf and the deed went unpunished. The only difference now is the name of the person who served me on a golden platter. James Potter…” Severus began.
"Don’t," Sirius warned, his tone low.
"Don’t what?" Severus sneered, folding his arms. "Speak the truth? Your precious Potter wasn’t the paragon you’ve built him up to be, Black. He was selfish, arrogant, and cruel. And now we learn he was also a liar and a thief. He stole our memories, our choices, and for what? To preserve his own delusions of superiority?"
"That’s enough," Sirius growled, taking a step closer.
Severus ignored the warning, his voice rising with his anger. "You idolized him, but he was a coward. Someone who manipulated everyone around him, including his so-called best friends. You and Lupin, both."
"SHUT UP!" Sirius barked, his voice echoing across the tower. His fists clenched at his sides, and for a moment, his whole body trembled with suppressed rage. "You don’t get to talk about James like that. You don’t know what he meant to me—what he still means to me."
Severus raised an eyebrow, his tone icy. "Oh, I know exactly what he meant to you. He was your everything, wasn’t he? Your leader. Your moral compass. The one you followed blindly, even when he led you down the wrong path. So blindly that he destroyed your relationship."
Sirius’ jaw tightened, his gray eyes blazing. "You don’t understand anything! Yes, James made mistakes. Yes, what he did to us was unforgivable. But he was also my best friend. He was the closest thing I had to a brother. And I loved him."
Severus’ expression hardened. "And that is your downfall, Black. You still can’t let go of him, even after everything he’s done. I can’t help you with glorifying him or justifying his actions because I always saw him as the person you witnessed him to be today. If you want to stick to your delusions, you’ve come to the wrong place."
The two men stood facing each other, the tension between them thick and suffocating. Finally, Sirius let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "This was a mistake. I came here thinking—hoping—we could at least talk. That maybe we could figure this out together. But you’re right about one thing, Snape. There’s no future for us. Maybe James saved us by ending whatever we had that day.”
“And for the record," Sirius added, his voice cutting through the silence like a knife, "James may have fucked up, but at least he wasn’t a cold, vindictive bastard who pushes away anyone who gets too close."
With a sharp crack, Sirius disapparated, leaving Severus alone under the cold light of the stars. For a long moment, Severus stood motionless, staring at the spot where Sirius had been. Then, with a deep breath, he turned back to the railing and let the cool night air wash over him, swallowing the ache that Sirius’ words had left behind.