"But you've kissed a boy, haven't you?"
It was awkward to say it out loud, not like he didn't trust him or anything and maybe it wasn't a big deal but in his mind kinda was cause Slytherins have a certain reputation. Anyways, why lie now?
So he answered a lower "no" hoping he heard it, Harry wasn't looking at him and Draco's eyes were looking at the floor questioning this very moment.
They both kept quiet, maybe a couple of minutes or even more (who was even counting) until then Harry had been staring blankly to the wall in front of them. Draco was feeling so anxious and didn't want to look at him cause why would Harry ask that? There's nothing wrong with the question but it made him feel uncomfortable even if he and Harry were kind of close now, that topic was not good for him yet to talk about without feeling his guts twisting in his stomach.
He wandered off and it was weird how his body felt like it wasn't there so when he comeback to reality saw how Harry turned to the side to look at Draco in a fondly almost scary way and then they looked at each other.
There was tension, he definitely could sensed that but maybe he was imagining it although he felt some uneasiness in his body. Was this still real or he got too much inside his head?
"Mmm...er, well maybe I was thinking...I can, can I kiss you?" Harry said so smoothly that Draco spent several seconds analyzing what came out of his mouth.
Instinctively, Draco was going to make a joke and try to make the atmosphere less charged but instead he said a faintly "yes". He felt his cheeks getting hot. How the hell he managed to say that? His brain just betrayed him like that.
Without further hesitation Harry took him by the chin and approached him slowly like maybe he would change his mind in any second but he wasn't moving. Draco's mind and heart were racing in sync and he felt so hot from his skin that was probably very pink at this point. He felt embarrassed about that so he closed his eyes and at the same time he could feel their lips touching gently so everything he was worried about went down from the window because Harry was actually kissing him without a reason.
They were so close that he could smell his cologne in the hot air he emanated, his lips felt wet against his and they were still moving delicately, he got goosebumps for the feeling of the touching of their skins. Harry took him so delicately and it was like a dream, that very moment felt heavenly.
He could hear a pounding sound somewhere, and suddenly the air got colder and the wind make his eyes dried.
"Malfoy! Malfoy are you all right?"
"What? Why?" He try to focus his eyes cause he was daydreaming again. Apparently he was sitting on the Quidditch yard and he was reading a book before he saw Potter approaching to him and his mind took him to that very memory cause he knows that was a constant one in his mind even if he hasn't seen him since long and for a strange reason he was here now standing in front of him looking worried maybe 'cause he wasn't responding to the snapping from his fingers to bring him back to reality.
"Hi Malfoy" Potter said with a smirk.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Draco answers with a tone a little harsher than he expected, but he couldn't help it, he was just kind of woken up from a dream.
"Can I talk to you?" he asks while scratching the back of his head, he seems nervous and although Draco was too, he didn't want to show it in front of him.
What was Potter doing at Hogwarts? He doesn't remember seeing him the first day of school.
"I don't think there's anything to talk about." He tried to be as respectful as he could. Part of him wants to accept his offer but he really can't do it.
They haven't spoke ever since the hearing, where he defended him in front of all the Wizengamot at the Ministry of Magic and surprisingly returned his wand that he had missed so much at the time.
"Malfoy please. It's important." Potter said his name again and feels a shiver run down his spine, he doesn't seem to want to give up but Draco doesn't care. He doesn't want to talk to Potter whether good or bad, he just wants to go away from everyone and so far, he was great doing it.
It was Friday and he had the afternoon free, which was a relief since he decided to take all the subjects he could to keep himself busy, that is why Friday was a day for resting so at weekends he could get the ton of work done.
That day he left the castle to go where he knew there would be no one and could read in peace one of his recreational books he recently found at the library, although, normally the books he reads at rest are about fiction stories, this time he found this book that was fascinating. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but his favorite reading stories were about romance.
He headed towards the Quidditch Pitch where the matches are watched, at the moment the Quidditch season has not started and there were even rumors that perhaps there would not be a competition that year, so for now, it was clear of students until further notice.
Draco layed on the grass face up on a blanket he conjured from his gray sweater. He was reading a new story about a half-wolf who had a mission to save someone from a curse. It was enchanting to read something that was just fiction because if it were real, it might even be somewhat depressing but he didn't think about that and only focused on the main couple and hopefully an happily ever after ending.
He was there reading for what seemed like a few minutes, (if it weren't because he saw his hand on the advanced almost halfway book), until the distraction of the wind that wouldn't let him turn his page made him realize that someone was approaching. And now there were here looking at eachother.
"I don't think so. If you excuse me, I have to go to my class." Draco stood up and grabbed his blanket, which became his sweater as soon as he touched it with his wand. Before putting it on he shook it off the grass that had gotten caught in the fabric. He just felt Potter's eyes staring as his back.
"I know you don't have classes right now, I just want to tell you something and if you're so worried there's no one around. I checked and I don't think anyone will come but if you want to go somewhere else we can..." Draco just walked away without looking at him.
"I'm not going to stop until I talk to you in private. Maybe I should get your attention around other students, you really want that?" The threats made him stop his pace, he looked around and there was no one so he approached until there was a little distance between them.
Draco felt irritated for his comments.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" He told him as he pushed his index finger towards his chest, he tried to be relaxed but felt that his shaky tone of voice gave him away. They locked eyes once again and Harry's intense gaze did not falter.
"I will, but I have to talk to you. Then, if you don't want to talk to me anymore I won't bother you." Potter mutters looking through his eyes without breaking eye contact. Draco couldn't believe it, he knew he had no choice but to talk to him once for all.
"Fine but look for a room far away from everything on that stupid map of yours." He responded somewhat tired, he doesn't even realize that he mentions something about the map when he says it. Potter notices and almost smiles but ends up making something like a grimace.
•••
Potter entered a room that seemed forgotten and once Draco followed him inside he closed the door behind them. He sighed.
"What do you want? What is so urgent that you need to lock me in a deserted room to tell me?" Draco huffed as he looked anywhere but at Potter's face. His eyes glanced around the room where there were only a couple of broken chairs, a very old blue couch, and a dirty fireplace that looks like it hasn't been used in a million years.
"I just wanna talk" Potter also seemed uneasy but his voice is solid. He wandered at the room without looking at Draco.
"About what exactly?" He asked while leaning on the couch that even if he knew it is dirty, he feels like he needs something to support him.
"Err...I uh...well. I want to tell you something..." For the first time his voice falters and Draco feels a little better. He's definitely not doing well. Ha!
"I didn't know you had something to tell me." Draco replied sarcastically which makes Potter visibly more nervous. It's honestly refreshing to see someone like Potter get like this, knowing everything he's done, being a naturally brave Gryffindor, being the Savior of The Wizarding World.
"I just...I don't know. I think I just miss you, that's all." Draco definitely wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth. His mind wanders quickly to memories of the past but then he reacts seconds later.
"What?" He asks really confused.
"I know. It's weird. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't know you were going back to school and I dunno, it was a surprise to seeing you here" Potter looks like he wants to get closer to him but he doesn't do it.
"Oh. I'm sorry for having me here. I didn't know it would bother you so much." He avoided the part of "I miss you" and even Draco knew it better that wasn't what he meant to say.
"No, no, no. You...I didn't mean like that." Potter looked horrified at what Draco was referring to. "I'm glad you're back, it was a surprise and I've been wanting to talk to you ever since I saw you last Friday when I came to visit Ron and Hermione. The headmistress is letting me come see them, I think she wants me to go back here but I can't right now."
"Makes sense, I haven't seen you at school before." Potter just nodded in confirmation.
"Well I,..I just thought that maybe you never wanted to see me anymore. Actually, I didn't think that anyone could want that, so it's better for me to avoid them." He didn't wanted to cause pity by saying what he thought but he also felt that he should at least say something in return.
"Merlin! I still want to see you. You're right, maybe it's hard for everyone. But not for me 'cause I know you." They looked into each other's eyes but Draco couldn't look at him for long. "I know you're sorry, I know you wouldn't have wanted it to be like that. And honestly it is not your fault."
"Maybe you did knew me but it was other time...and right now I know you wouldn't be here if I tould you everything."
"I'll still want to talk to you." Potter retorted very confidently and Draco looks at him in disbelief.
"And...why is that?" Draco responded confused by his answer and because his heart won't stop being restless.
"It's just that...after being in like...danger and not knowing when someone close to me would.., it's...just you know...I was thinking about everyone. And I was worried twenty-four seven about my friends and others that I consider my family...and yet somehow I couldn't shake the image of...I was especially worried about you."
Why? He wanted to ask, but the words wouldn't come out.
"I'm fine, you saved me as much as you saved the others. Even if I didn't deserve it." He said and felt so embarrassed to say that out loud but it's the truth. He didn't do much just to being part of the wrong side of war.
"Don't say that. Ever. You hear me? "Potter's tone became harsh, it even made him shudder a little.
"It's the truth. Maybe I did not became like them but I was still on that side." He claimed. He was just trying to say what he thought deeply even if it sounds bad to say it. He could not help it.
"You did what you could, and you were worried about your family. You were in danger that is called survival instinct and it's a normal reaction from human beings"
So what? Potter was also in danger maybe since he was a baby and he wasn't a fucking coward like him.
"I didn't do anything but protect myself and be a coward." He could feel tears around his eyes but tried to hide them. He felt so in rage and even thought he is trying to care less he cannot. He tries and tries and tries, always and he still managed to being mediocre.
"It's not your fault. You know that." Potter said softly. He knew what he meant but still... It hurted. Hurted how he was never as braves as anyone else. Now he is playing the victim again. Wicked!
"Don't know." Draco's voice is quiet.
"Do you know how many people I could trust? Almost no one because even they if they were on our side, they were also very scared and I...I still knew that if I have asked you...you would have helped me without thinking twice."
"But like everything has already happened. We can't change the past" He added.
I didn't helped you at all...I wished I have, he didn't tell him but that is what he thinks.
"That's also true. Right now it's just you and me talking and I'd like us to focus on that. Could you? For me." Potter approached him and he wants to take a step back but remembers that the couch is behind him.
"Alright." Draco gave up again, it was difficult to go against him. After all...
"I meant it. I miss you." His voice was raspy and made his skin crawl.
I've missed you all the time too. He wanted to say but the pride wins for very little.
"You don't need to be nice, I'm fine." He answered instead and really wants to leave before saying anything else that would expose him more.
"I'm not being nice, I'm telling you the truth." Potter spoke softer and Draco wants to melt. He aprouched a little and Draco had need of leaving.
"This is weird" he doesn't want to believe it, he can't accept it. But he does at the same time because part of him needs him, a part of him is screaming inside for his attention.
"Maybe, but I really liked spending time with you and would like to continue doing so."
"But..." he doesn't know what to say, anything isn't enough nor will he say what he really wants to say.
"But what?" Potter asks, prompting him to say something he knows he doesn't want to say but now they are closer and Potter is holding his hand and looking at him but Draco just looks at the movement of his hands, he doesn't know what to think. He can't think properly at this point.
You don't need me. His mind repeats those words trying to come out and his insides stir.
"You have many friends, you'll be fine without me and they will treat you the same as I did. I'm not that special." His voice was less audible but it was easier to hear being so close.
"It's not the same. You never treated me different, even Ron and Hermione didn't treat me like you." Potter brushed his cheek with his fingertips for a second but it makes Draco feel his body tremble.
I thought you hated me. He thinks it, he doesn't say it.
"You'll get over it." He moves from the place which makes his hands loosen and he moves closer to where the door is.
"Draco, I want us to be...friends again." He shuddered hearing his own name coming out of his mouth, it sounds tender but frigthen. He knows him. Wrong. He used to know him very well.
"Friends? We were never friends, Potter. You're getting confused." He stares at Potter, who meets his gaze with defiance.
Draco is panicking, he knows he shouldn't but he can't help it. That comment hit the nail on the head, his feelings pressure him to resurface without his permission and he doesn't want to.
He doesn't want to go through that again.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I know I was confused but not now." Potter says. And if it weren't for the fact that they were alone and there was no noise he wouldn't have heard it.
It's your fault, Harry. You did this to me..and now I can't live withouth feeling so much. He wants to scream that out loud but he clings to the small part of his self-restraint.
"It's okay. Don't worry about it now, it's in the past." He answered but he really wants to say a lot but he has to keep holding back.
"I really need a break from working." He walks around seeing where they are for the first time and then looks back at Draco. "We can meet here and talk or spend time, no one would have to see us together. I don't have a problem with it though, but I really like being alone with you." Draco ignored the last part and just accepts his fate, even though he tries he can't get away from Harry Potter.
"Okay, but can you lend me your cloak?"
Potter smiled for the first time, Draco thought he would never see his smile so close again.
"Maybe." He answered and continues looking at Draco with a little smile.
"Tell me exactly when and where next time in advance."
Potter smiled widely at him and he can't help but smile back.
•••
Draco had slept late reading his book of Ancient Runes and translating all of it, trying to get somewhat ahead of his classes as he was used to. He felt heaviness in his eyes and being a little dazzed make him time to time difficult to concentrating on the course of the day.
It's been almost six weeks since Eighth grade classes started and four since he and Harry Potter talked that day.
At first he found it improbable to go back to Hogwarts after the war and everything that happened, but then he found himself lost, having recurring bad thoughts when he was alone and all the things he worry about running in his mind. That made him decide that he would much rather have to return to the castle to study knowing that almost everyone hated him, than to have to stay in the mansion alone with his own mind and thoughts and memories and everything was too much.
Especially on the first day, he got thousands of angry and hateful looks that made him turn his gaze to the ground every time he passed someone in the hallway, but then by time wear on people apparently got tired of showing their hatred and now they just ignore him completely. He thinks, maybe McGonagall had something to do with it after a talk they had.
There weren't many Slytherins from his year, so the only allied he had was Blaise who wasn't that bad compared to the others who still had ingrained prejudices that Draco couldn't stand no more. Even though they didn't talk much it was comforting knowing that he was there.
Potter and Draco were seeing each other every Friday, sometimes other days during the week, even if it was through the fireplace when everyone went to sleep and they spent the weekends busy with their work.
Nothing had changed, except for the fact that now, Ron and Hermione greeted him in the hallways when they met and when people noticing it made him anxious but at least it helped people hate him less than they did at the beginning.
Apparently, Potter was recruited as an Auror immediately after the war and he being too kind had to accept. Ron also wish for to be an Auror but Hermione wanted to finish school so they went together, but Potter was now training and had free time to visit them at the castle only at Fridays.
Even though Draco only spoke to Potter, apparently his friends knew about their arrangement which at first puzzled him but when he saw that nothing dramatic happened he soon forgot about it.
There was also the matter that his heart couldn't handle so much and it decided on it's own to restart his feelings for Potter like from the beginning. In spite of Draco trying to convince himself that everything was platonic, his body reacted to Potter's presence and his mind was dedicated to acting accordingly even though he avoided it.
He also reminded himself that Harry wasn't available, he was now with Ginny. Which hurt him more thinking about it and how they were perfect together. Not just because people said it but it was true. Ginny is smart, brave, talented and very pretty. She's like the male version of Potter. How could anyone compete with that? How could he...
But that wasn't all, his heart broke even more when he saw them together for the first time and saw how happy he looked. He will have that image kept in his memory for the rest of his life because it was when he realized that he was so in love that his body physically hurt.
All of this happened in Sixth year and Draco had never felt so bad and since that year it was getting worse until now. Potter has never mentioned Ginny and he hasn't said anything either because even though he's curious he doesn't think he can handle it. He prefers to distract himself and imagine that that part of Potter doesn't exist.
They spend their Fridays reading Draco's books (not the romantic ones), playing chess, listening music, drawing (more like someone watching the other draw), eating sweets, tidying up and decorating the room a little but most of all, most of the time they were talking about everything. Even about the war for accident, which although it was uncomfortable for both of them, they had shared one or two occasional stories about their experiences.
•••
"What about your books?" Potter asked.
"What about them?" Draco was reading his fiction book in silence while Harry was just lying on the blue couch.
"I don't know. It's just that I remember watching you reading romantic stories." Draco's eyes opened wide for the surprise. How did he found out? He was very cautious about it.
"No. I would never read that kind of books. That's ridiculous." He replied trying to hide his very personal secret.
"I've seen you. You can't deny it." Potter raised his brows and grinned at him.
"I didn't." He replied pretending to read his book.
"Sure but I've got this for you." He grabbed his bag and pulled out a bright new red book. "And if you don't want it that is fine I'll give it to someone else."
"Wait! Give it to me." He pulled the book out of his hands. "Now that you insist I suppose I must accept it.
"Good boy." Potter claimed.
Draco rolled his eyes ignoring him "Tosser."
A few days later, Draco was waiting for Potter to join at the fireplace, there was no one around right now and he felt knackered but he really wanted to talk to him. He needed to ask about the book he gave him.
"Shh Malfoy! Here." He heard a voice coming out and he got closer and knelt in front of the fire.
"I'm here. Potter you gave me a muggle book." He said bluntly.
"I know. Why? What's the problem?" Even with his face in the ashes he saw how Potter frowned.
"I didn't knew...muggles could write like that. It was really a exceptional book."
He had never read anything like it, even though it was a Muggle story and obviously many things changed, he could understand from the way of the author narrates and tells the story, he was capable of heard each word resonating in his mind, he could feel every emotion and imagine himself in the same situation. He felt in love with the story but at the same time he fell in love like the main character who was debating her life to find her soulmate.
"You liked it?"
"That's what I'm saying." He replied sarcastically.
"I knew you would. It's a classic." He could heard his smile.
"I still don't understand much about muggles but I guess the type of emotions are the same."
"Yeah, muggles are humans with feelings like us." He responded like kind of obvious.
"I guess but it was still so different of what we write. This muggle wrote about them so beautifully and marvelous that I couldn't keep my eyes out of it." He explained so fondly that he didn't even noticed he did.
"I'm glad you liked. I'll get you another some other time." Potter said with hidden note of affection.
•••
"Bloody hell! Why do you like The Vampires of Notre Dame?" Draco brought his old music box and some LP's to play.
"For your information, they are very talented and famous." Draco said being condescending. He actually likes them cause they're all hot but he wasn't going to admit that.
"They are not. They sound like music you'll play at a funeral." Potter scowled.
"That's not true. They have some good lyrics and rythim and an actual good baterist. You wouldn't understand this kind of music." Potter was looking through the covers of the albums.
"You just think they are hot, don't you?" Draco only glared at him with lips pinched. "You do. Oh Merlin! This is golden."
"No!" He yelled. "I just think they have really good music." Draco replied nervously.
"Sure." Potter grinned and Draco was so done with him.
•••
They meet again at the room and Potter was late. He arrived looking really weird with white makeup on his face and red lips, with some fancy robes and a very strange fangs in his mouth. But why the fuck he still thinks he looks so damn cute?
"Why are you dressed like that?" Draco asked very stagger.
"I'm a vampire." He hissed and Draco smiled cause it was ridiculous.
"That doesn't look like it." He never read a vampire like that describe on the books of magical creatures.
"Well it's how muggles think vampires look like."
"Really?" Well that was for sure better looking than the actual vampires.
"Sure, this is a costume for a Halloween party."
"Costume?" He asked looking more confused.
"Muggles dress with costumes for Halloween."
"I didn't knew." He guessed that explains the weird costume he is wearing.
"I didn't expect you to do." They look at each other and Potter was smiling at him like he was waiting for a compliment. Even if he was badly dressed he wouldn't say that cause he looked adorable and he didn't wanted to break his silly illusion.
"You look good though." He responded.
"Thanks." Potter blow a kiss and approached to Draco at the sofa and realize he was using black nail polish. Bastard!
•••
It was a few days before leaving for Christmas vacation that Potter told him one the darkest parts of his story. Draco ended up crying pathetically without stopping, because he remembered how scared he felt everyday not knowing if Potter was alive or getting hurt..., he remember that cold voice over telling everyone Potter was dead and that very moment, he felt like a big part of his was dead too.
Potter looked at him bewildered but ended up hugging him and felt a little better.
He would never have imagined everything that happened and Potter was still here. Alive. And he was so relieved that everything worked out for him in the end and that they had that conversation. So he said that to Potter. And he smiled and Draco did too, still wearing tears in his eyes.
They said goodbye and each one went their separate ways. Draco had to go to his mother's new place and even if he did not wanted to..he was happy to see his mother.
When they return from vacation for their first meeting, Draco asked him how it went.
Potter seemed a little quieter but he understood because, after all, it was the first Christmas after the war.
Potter told him what happened, just short stories and it was very brief but he didn't want to ask any more questions of course. He didn't have an amazing time either, everything felt so weird because his father wasn't there and even if he kind of felt relief, he could saw the pain in Narcisa's eyes and how she tried to hide it. That was the worst part.
"And also Mrs. Weasley wanted to know why Ginny and I broke up again but luckily she didn't come to me so easily. She can be really persuasive with her big eyes and making you spill words." Wait what did he just said.
"You...what?" He couldn't stop those words from his mouth, he so was shock.
"Oh we broke up but actually it happened a while ago, it's better that they don't find out. I mean everyone outside." Potter lets out a small laugh but he still can't process all that information.
"I won't tell" He said without knowing what else to say. "I didn't know." Two times wow! How the hell he never knew.
"Don't be so happy." Potter said seriously but Draco got so nervous that he opened his mouth but nothing happened. Has he noticed? Bloddy hell. No, how could he? He never said anything, his mind is running wild. "I'm joking, you should've see your face." Potter ended and Draco was still so stunned to speak.
Draco laughed fakely but inside he's relieved. Potter continued talking about his vacation and the Auror training or whatever but Draco's mind wandered.
Draco was still in a trance, they were just lying on the sofa and talking all afternoon. He ran his fingers through Harry's tangled hair, it felt too nice and smelled good and even at one point he was practically combing it.
Potter looked like he was about to fall asleep but he didn't, he just kept talking quietly while Draco made noises that he was listening to him. It was so quiet arround that they got too relaxed, the room was so cozy now and Draco's heart was no longer beating rapidly at every moment with Potter, now it was just calm except that he had a tightness every time something unusual happened like now when he had Potter's head in his lap while he tells him anything.
At the end of the day, Draco finds himself in his own room with the lights off, lying on his bed and with his mind going over and over about what he discovered.
He had never thought possible that Potter and Ginny would break up. He could feel his heart beating fast just thinking that he might have a chance. A chance.
Harry Potter was actually single now.
•••
"I'm starting to hate Aurors." Harry looked exhausted.
"Why?" Draco asks not that interested, he didn't care about Aurors, only maybe, Potter.
"They're such pricks and show offs. I don't like that." He huffed loudly. Potter never share that kind of thoughts with him, this was the first time.
He didn't knew Potter could ever hated anyone right know just for simple things like some suckers from work.
"I'm like that." Draco played indignation.
"But you're different. They're ten times worst."
"I bet they aren't suck-ups for you?"He mocked him.
"Course not." Potter rolled his eyes and Draco laughs.
"Oh Salazar! They don't. You serious?" Draco was surprised that someone in the Wizarding World wouldn't kiss the feet of the Savior of the world, much less in the department they so wanted him to be a part of so badly. The least they could do was be good and cooperate with him.
"No, but that's not what I'm talking about."
"It's not but you deserve better." He replies undoubtedly.
His team were real idiots for being mean to him, because even if he wasn't Harry Potter he was still one of the kindest and selfless creatures that ever existed.
"Thanks. That's why I like you and I hate them." His brain went numb and his heart raised for a few seconds.
"'Cause they don't lick your ass like everyone else?" Draco teased.
"Merlin! I think I'm starting to hating you too." Potter punched his arm lightly.
"No, you're not." He punch him back for real.
•••
Draco looked a little sad, he was worried about his mom. The last letter she send wasn't very promising, she didn't say it directly but he noticed it.
He didn't knew that to do but he couldn't leave Hogwarts right now, it was almost the end of the semester and it would be more convenient to finish what was left of the course and then live with her again, besides he didn't even knew what he would do when he finished clases. He obviously wanted to get a job in The Ministry but he didn't know what he liked and he didn't even believe they would hire him.
"Have you talked to your mother?" Potter asked while he was still in his thoughts. Was he that obvious or have he got his mind attacked by legilimency?
"Yeah, last Sunday I did." He answer muffled.
"How is she?" He turned his body to talk to him face by face. Potter was lying on the floor with a couple of blankets and Draco was sitting straight on the couch.
"Well, you know..., she is fine." He didn't look at Harry but he could feel a couple of eyes watching him.
"Is she?" Potter leaned more and grabbed one of his hands, it felt warm on his cold fingers.
"I don't know." Draco's voice lowers.
"She will be. You'll see." Potter curled his hands together and kissed his knuckles, Draco wasn't paying much attention because his wandering mind.
"I hope so." He replied still looking at the wall in front of.
"Hey Draco" He tried to call his attention. "Listen, say hi for me to her. I'm here for you and her, if she needs anything of course." Now Draco finally looked at they intertwined hands.
"Thanks." Draco smiled at him.
•••
Harry arrived with two glases and a bottle of wine. It was a cheap one but Draco didn't cared because he had not got any so this one was okay. They drink all of it and started talking shit at some point, it wasn't even a coherent conversation anymore.
"The other day I wanted to surprise Ron and Mione but when I entry they room I saw them almost naked. Thank God I was under the cloak so I left the room and never said anything." Harry was sitting on top of the only desk they had there with the bottle passing on his hands.
"Oh gross! I don't want that image in my head." Draco closed his eyes and grabs his head like it's hurting him. He was now sitting on the floor with his back leaning on the couch.
"I know! Believe me. But you slytherins are got use to it by now. Aren't you?" Potter raised both of his eyebrows presumptuous.
"It'll surprise you how many people I've walk in having sex." He replied while thinking all the traumatizing views he saw.
"How many?" Potter insists.
"I'm not telling you." Draco turned his gaze to the other side hidding his smile.
"Just tell me. I told you my story." Harry begs with a cute voice that mades Draco's inside melts with endearment.
"And it was disgusting." He replies feigning gagging and Harry rolled his eyes.
"How many?" He squealed.
"Thirteen and probably like five were in my room." He replied feeling his head a little heavy. He felt drunk but he wasn't actually sure. Maybe he was. Was Harry plastered too?
"Shit. You're serious?" Harry asked looking worried.
"I wish I wasn't." Draco lays on the floor and puts a pillow behind his head. Yes, he was fucked but it felt nice with the nice company.
•••
The next week they planned to see each other on Saturday since Potter had a day off and invited Draco to go to Hogsmeade but with all the pain in his heart he had to reject it. Potter looked a little disappointed but understood Draco's reasons.
Draco rather felt embarrassed, it was still early to go out and try to pretend that people's reactions to seeing him didn't bother him, plus he would attract a lot of attention if he was with Harry Potter and he didn't wanted to wear the cloak for a trip that supossed to be for them to have fun together.
Then for some odd reason, Potter decided to stay in the castle with him while the others went out. They did the same thing as always but this time Harry convinced Draco to go out to the lake to get some fresh air.
There were no students hanging around and Draco was wearing Harry's invisibility cloak. He was very happy because he loved his cloak, he wished he had one like that to disappear from everyone's sight whenever he wanted for the rest of his life.
When they arrived to the to the farthest part of the lake it was lonely (like always), so Draco took off the cloak and hands it back to Potter. They sit near the shore and look around, the sunset was close and the temperature was getting a little colder, the air blows calmly and it gave him shivers.
"Have you come here much?" Potter asked while looking at the lake.
"Sometimes, it's good to hang around but I didn't like it very much." Draco's memories of his past appeared in his mind.
"Why is that?"
"I don't know" He grabbed some grass and play with it while looking at the floor. "I usually came with Pansy or Blaise because they wanted to study outside and it's closer to the dungeons."
"Sometimes they fought all the time and I was just in the middle and they made me furious." He added for him to understand his apathy for it.
"Oh, she was...she was your girlfriend, right?" Potter wasn't still looking at him but Draco saw him moving uncomfortably.
"Yeah kind of... It later became their place to make out. And er, well you know." He says being cautious. "Girls are not really my type." This was the kind of slips that made him nervious, cause it reminded him that their past actually existed.
"I remember you told me. What is your type then?" Potter suddenly sounded interested to ask him that.
"I don't know, I haven't had time to even think about that." Draco still playing with the grass in his hands but he was getting uneasy with the conversation so he kept breaking the leafs in pieces.
"But you've been with anyone?" That is a really funny question. They have never talked about that before and he feels weird telling anything about any other boy when the one he really wanted it's in front of him.
"No, I haven't." Which was sort of true. He used to hang out with a French guy that was kind of his neighbor and they kind of had something going on but it was very brief and Draco didn't reached for him anymore.
"Oh well sure you still can." Says with a smirk and Draco wanted to choke him because how dare he think about him with someone else when not even he could do it.
"Sure. Maybe. I would have to leave the country cause everyone here knows who I am." Harry glanced at him like he doesn't seem to understand from the look on his face.
"No one would want to date a Death Eater." Draco replied like it was obvious but apparently Potter forgot about that or something.
"You're not a Death Eater." He replied and for the tone of his voice sounds annoyed.
"But I was." As much as Draco wanted to, he couldn't erase his past and the traces it left. The faded mark on his arm and scars were a constant reminder of that.
"You didn't want to though." Potter was so hard to look right now, cause he saw his own reflection on his eyes. He was feeling so under the light and so vulnerable again.
"I know but doesn't change the fact that I was one." Everyone knew what he once was and who family comes from and even his appearance do not helped him to disguise otherwise. "And there aren't enough handsome gay magicians in Great Britain. Maybe I should go to France?" He tried to change the topic because he was already getting depressed about it and maybe Potter noticed that.
"France?" Potter is now trying not to laugh and Draco was smiling for that.
"Yes, I have been before at Christmas. It's nice and there are a lot of French guys." Said while remembering. "Really cute ones too." He added just to see Potter's reaction who's still seems incredulous.
"I have never been. I've heard some anecdotes from Mione but maybe you..could..take me?" Potter beamed like if he could convince Draco to do want he wanted only by his looks. Which was true but also Draco is not that easy.
"Great so that you could take away all my possibilities only for being you?" Draco said mocking him.
"Being me." Potter raised his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Yes, i'm quite sure, you, the savior of our World." He still looked extremely confused, so bad that it was worrying him a little.
"I don't think they know who I am in France." Harry glowered.
"You're serious?" He asked sort of laughing in disbelief.
"Well I'm..I don't know...that would be insane."
"Insane is saving the Magical World and thinking that you would not be recognized anywhere else." He scoffed with a chuckle.
"Thay is...Okay. Don't take me." He knew Potter wasn't angry but rather tired of him.
"Maybe I would take you if you get a disguise or something." Draco smiled in amusement to lighten the mood.
They were messing around. Of course Potter knew Draco would take him right now if he asked, but Draco liked to be a pain in the ass and Potter liked to fight with him. If they weren't friends, anyone would think they were flirting, although in a very strange way.
"Sure, that would be nice." Potter replied sarcastically.
"I want a boyfriend, it's not a crime." Draco winked.
"You could have whoever you want. With your gray eyes and your blonde hair. You know that, right?" Well that wasn't what he expected to hear. His heart started to bother him by beating too fast but clearly he has to hide it for his own sake.
"You think I'm fit?" He managed to say and trying to kept the cool tone. He can see Harry blushing a little even though he tried to hide it. "Harry Potter thinks I'm fit. Merlin! People don't know what his hero just said." Draco burst into laughter.
"Bloody hell! You are unbearable." He looked pretty irritated about Draco that was laughing so loud for real. "Just accept the compliment and shut it." He added and Draco is still holding his stomach for the laughter and Harry closed his eyes looking ashamed.
"Aw Harry, don't act like that. You already know that I care about you and your feelings."
"Whatever." He crossed his arms pouting.
"Come on, I could return the favor but you probably hear it all the time." He grabbed his arm and shakes it to tried to pacify him.
"Don't be so sure." Potter said petulant and Draco just rolls his eyes. Like he would believe that crap. Harry was like one of the most gorgeous boys he ever met and he knows a lot of people. He is also kind and smart and every good quality could describe him.
"Why not? Someone has to love your bird nest you call hair and your scarhead." Draco rubbed his hair causing even more damage.
"Merlin! I give up I will never tell you anything about your looks."
"Oh Harry, you are so brave and handsome and after all you have saved us. I want to thank you privately." Draco reacts dramatically to make a point.
"Shut it!" His face flushed red. He tried to grab him by the arm but Draco was faster.
Draco stand up so he could run from Potter's grabbing, he was looking too annoyed at this point.
"We should make a home together, and get married so you could have my babies and they carry your pretty bright green eyes..." He yelled and Harry caught him throwing him on the floor. They were practically fighting in the grass and then Potter climbed on top of him and his hand covered his mouth to stop Draco from talking.
He could have laughed even more but Harry's weight made him aware of the position they were in. Draco looked confused because he still had his hand over his mouth but he wasn't saying anything anymore.
The sunset was setting in the horizon and the air got colder. There's was a plain silence except for the insects and the wind moving the leafs of the trees.
Harry looked thoughtful and Draco felt his chest rise and fall very quickly, no one was moving. Harry reacted and removed his hand to run it through Draco's locks, stroking them gently and Draco couldn't move, looking directly into his eyes.
Then he got off him so quickly and sat on the side of him and before he knew it, Harry grabbed him by the back of his neck and brought him to his lips.
It was the same feeling he had the first time, he thought he would never feel anything like it, but there he was and Harry was kissing him deeply but softly as if he weren't sure and Draco just melted into the kiss so much that he thought he would fade away but he wasn't going to allow it. He had to feel that moment to the fullest, in case there wasn't another. Like the last time.
Harry pulled away and opened his eyes to meet Draco's and when he did Draco saw some fear shining in his large pupils.
"I'm sorry." That was the last thing he heard and Draco didn't say anything as he kept frozen in the same place.
•••
It was really cold to go outside but Harry had something to tell to him, so he went out with him to their room for their secret meetings.
Draco had apologized (when he actually undesrstood everything about his family convictions) and Harry surprisingly accepted his apology. Some time later they started talking about a potions homework that Harry wanted to improve and then he realized that it was probably because Harry didn't talk as much to his friends as he did in previous years but he didn't ask him why, although, a little later Harry confessed that he felt alone and that no one understood him. Draco of course knew the feeling, all his life he felt lonely and isolated from everyone.
So they connected instantly after that, spending a lot of afternoons together where no one could bother them.
When they meet that peculiar afternoon under the sparkly stars and warm fireplace a peculiar confession was made. Harry confessed to Draco that Cho Chang had kissed him, this fact did not surprise him since he had previously told him that he fancied her, even Draco made fun of him a little for not having kissed anyone yet at fifteen.
He told him how it happened and Draco felt his stomach drop. He didn't knew exactly why but the fact that he was telling him something so intimate like that made him feel a confidence that he hadn't had with anyone else, he had the need to say something, it was his chance to finally told him what he wanted to tell.
So he did. He told Harry that he was gay.
He regretted it the moment he said it but Harry just looked at him undisturbed. He didn't react, instead he asked him how he knew and Draco told him about Pansy Parkinson and their brief affair.
"She was crazy about you, right?" He mocked him after all and Draco laughed.
"Yeah, something like that. It was really a disaster."
"She's still very irritating, how did you stand her?"
"Well, she wasn't that bad and we were only together for two weeks. Everyone knew she fancied me and there was some pressure to ask her out so I did. Then I realized I didn't like her in that way. I had a nervous breakdown and found out (more like I was now really sure) I was gay and the rest is history."
"That is a wicked story." Harry said fondly.
"Thank you. I will write a book." Draco smiled, he was still recovering for the rush of telling him that.
"But you've kissed a boy, haven't you?"
That was the question that started everything and nothing at the same time.
He remembered how he thought that was the pic of his life. That very moment was esencial for him.
Harry took him so delicately and it was like a dream, that very moment felt heavenly.
They opened their eyes still so close, Harry removed his hand and moved away from their short proximity, he didn't say anything but Harry touched his own lips with the tips of his fingers while thinking deeply.
"So..how was it?" Harry asked.
"Lovely" That was extremely good, so far Draco had never experienced like that, he felt like he finally belonged.
"So...are you sure you would kiss a boy?"
Would you kiss one again, right now? He wanted to ask.
"I'm quite sure." Harry smirked but Draco was blushing.
Was Harry also doubting his sexuality or he just wanted to help him?
Harry just had his first kiss with a girl and a boy. Which one did he liked more? He wanted to say anything but something inside him knew it wasn't a good idea.
"I think I have to finish a paper but I'll see you later, okay?"
"Sure."
As soon as he left, he also ran his fingers over his lips, still not believing what happened. Harry kissed him. His first kiss was Harry Potter.
Draco wasn't sure how to feel, he might think Harry had just used him but he knew he wouldn't do that, he was more like trying to help or trying to clear Draco's doubts once for all and he'll appreciate that.
After that day he got nervous to seeing him again which was odd because he never felt like that around him. But they went back to normal, they didn't mention anything and Draco was relieved because he wouldn't know what to say and he wasn't going to admit out loud that he'd like to repeat the kiss.
So it was a bit of a shock when the following days Harry asked Draco if he would teach him how to kiss.
Draco wanted to laugh when he heard that, he didn't even have that much experience but more experience than Harry did have since it was a custom among purebloods to kiss or even have sex with as many as they could before marriage. Because if their parents could arrange a marriage for them, why couldn't they have fun before?
So he thought about it for a few minutes while he saw Harry looking nervous, he was about to laugh again but he didn't do it because he didn't wanted Harry to feel bad.
So he accepted and they spent the next few days kissing non-stop, it was crazy. After the first day Draco didn't even continue to give him advice, they only kissed in an abandoned broom room or inside the secret passages of the castle even when they felt a little reckless they kissed after class when everyone left, but most of the time was when they hang out at they secret room.
Every day he returned to his room with his lips swollen, red and bruised since sometimes Harry bit him but he didn't care because Draco thought it was hot. Even if his friends noticed they didn't say a word cause it was normal for Slytherins to mess around.
They were good days, they would talk in some hallway or dark room, then one of them would start kissing the other and they would continue like that for the next hours.
One day, on his way to one of the castle towers, he saw a couple talking through a half-open door. When he managed to peeked, he saw that it was Harry and Cho Chang. It sounded more like an argument about something, but then they started to kiss and he looked away immediately, he felt strange, he had to get out of there and he almost ran until he reached the dungeons absorbed in his mind.
He knew there was a reason Harry asked him for help and yet he felt something was wrong. Draco thought about them, how much they talked, how well they had connected, even if lately they just kissed without doing anything else, then he thought that it was absurd to have a friendship with Harry.
So he decided not to talk to him again, although Harry obviously didn't seem to understand why he didn't speak to him anymore, much later he didn't try to ask him anymore and everyone continued with their lives as before.
Then a lot of things happened, his father went to prison and even though he knew he deserved it he still had rage since he knew that Harry had something to do with it.
In Sixth year he was trying to do what he was asked in exchange for the Dark Lord not punishing his family, so Draco was thinking of nothing else. He was so anxious and worried all the time, he didn't talk to anyone, he hardly did his homework, he was distracted in class and didn't notice what was happening around him.
When he found out about Harry and Ginny he couldn't help but feel desperate, how could anything Harry do affect him? They weren't even friends anymore and maybe they never would be. He tried not to think about it and dedicate himself to his task, but he had come to the conclusion that it had really affected him to see them together. And even more he was worried about Harry being in danger. FUCK.
He was in love. And it fucking hurted.
It hurted so bad. Even sometimes...everything came together and it was too much and he hurted himself to try to cope with his pain.
Of course it was wrong. And he felt very bad afterwards.
But even if he was good at occlumency he couldn't afford to put his family, Harry and himself in danger by thinking about him.
•••
Draco is losing it. What had happened hours before with Harry? Since when he started calling him Harry again?
Harry might have feelings for him. He could reciprocate his feelings cause like why else he had kissed him.
They weren't drunk or bewitched. Why act like this? Maybe it was slip, maybe he remembered about before and how they could so easily have contact, how he could kiss him like it was nothing and Draco would follow him.
He was honestly loving talking to him again, he was funny and smart and a good listener and it made him feel less alone but now it felt like something else had happened. It was as if they had crossed an invisible line that was already there all along.
That was a hard blow and he vividly remembered all the kisses and the lazy days where they spent their time locked up talking and kissing until there were only ashes left in the fireplace.
He and Harry never managed to talk about what was happening or what happened, even now that they talked again they hadn't broached the topic and although it crossed Draco's mind to ask, he wasn't sure he wanted to.
He had worked so hard on leaving his past behind that he couldn't just bring it up just like that, he wouldn't even know what to say to Harry. He couldn't lie to him about the real reason why he stopped talking to him and he didn't want to confess when they were friends again (even might have been his only friend).
It wasn't fair. Sometimes it hurt to think about spending time with him as friends without being able to do anything else like hold his hand or hug him or kiss him without having to explain why he did it. But he could bear with it, what he couldn't do was lose him again.
Draco needs to talk to Harry, talk about everything and maybe it wouldn't end so badly. But would Harry be willing to forget everything to be friends again just like that?
On Sunday morning he came down for breakfast, he needed a coffee urgently because he could barely stay awake. There weren't many people in the Great Hall anymore, so he sat at the first table and poured himself a large cup of hot coffee.
It was invigorating to have a hot drink when things weren't looking so good. He read the newspaper while he drank and ate some biscuits. He wasn't hungry maybe he would eat later, he didn't have much to do, so he would do it quickly and go write to Harry.
He was still thinking about what to say to him when he didn't know exactly what was going through Harry's head when he responded to his kiss. He left through the big entrance to go to the dungeons to organize his homework and try to write when someone intercepted him in the corridor.
"Malfoy, can we talk?" Hermione called him as she passed by him with Ron behind her. Now he was really worried, for Harry's friends to want to talk to him they would be very desperate.
"Granger, what's wrong?" He asked with fear.
"It's about Harry," Ron said and feels a hole in his stomach. Was Harry in trouble?
"What's happening? What's wrong with him?" He spoke even with a knot in his throat.
"I'm not sure. That's why I want to talk to you." As she said those words he felt the urge to run and lock himself up to write a letter to send it immediately but he had to listen to his friends first. Calm down!
"All right." Hermione advance to a nearby room and walks in to verify that it is empty. They entered and close the door, even Hermione puts a charm on it to prevent the noise from coming out.
"Yesterday he came with us secretly with his cloak on and he was crying very badly. He didn't tell us what exactly happened but we knew he was going to stay the afternoon to be with you." She begins to tell very meticulously.
"Yes." He nodded not being sure what else to add.
"We know what happened between you two." Ron gushed as quickly as if he couldn't contain himself any longer. Hermione glowered at him and Ron looked ashamed.
"What do you mean?" Draco imagined it but he wants to know exactly what they know and so he wouldn't tell too much.
"Harry had to tell us, it was inevitable in the circumstances we were in." Hermione said.
"And what were those circumstances?" He asked carefully.
Hermione sighed before talking. "Snape gave him his memories before he died. It was necessary to passed very important information that Dumbledore had confided to him that he needed to tell Harry in the end. Snape used to give Harry occlumency classes and he wasn't very good...so he knew about you too because he saw it in his thoughts." Ohh. Well. Draco didn't knew but that wasn't important right now.
"And we saw the memories." Ron added. Ohhh. Alright.
"So if you already know all that by now what do you want to know?" He asked them resignedly.
"Yesterday, Harry looked very bad but he didn't tell us anything about it, so we waited and maybe he would tell us later but we woke up this morning and he was gone. Do you know why he was so upset? What happened to you two yesterday?" Now Hermione's tone sounded just a little accusatory.
"I'm not sure. It's complicated...I also want to know what's wrong, I was going to my room to write to him." He explained trying to be calm.
"That is okay but you know...Harry has had a bad time and after the war he had very bad days. We were with him but he never said anything more, he looked lost and depressed. When he entered the Academy to be an Auror he looked a little better, he had something to distract himself with but in the last few months he has improved a lot and I know it has to do with you." Hermione holds a tender smile and his chest felt warm.
"Now he talks to us about his days, about remodeling his house and makes jokes and laughs with us. Even at Christmas when we were all dow...it was he who tried to cheer us up. I don't know what you did but thanks for that. For giving us back our friend" Said Ron and Draco wants cry and to apologize and hug them.
"I...he has helped me too and I care about him more than you think is all...So I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for everything that happened before, you know in the war and my behavior towards you was the worst and very horrible. I'm trying to be better and you don't have to accept my apology I just wanted you to know." He felt his heart rushing loud but it wasn't that scary after all.
"Draco that's it...of course I accept your apology, I guess we were all fighting for something and I've seen how you are with Harry. I believe you and I'm glad you're moving forward."
"Yes I am the same. I can tell you that Harry definitely likes you mate. I can see it and I trust him." Draco wanted to weep a little.
I like him too.
"Thank you for your words I appreciate it. And I'll try to find out about Harry."
•••
So Snape knew. That's why he wanted to protect him so much those years and Ron and Hermione had never said anything to anyone so he could definitely trust them.
Now he had to think about what to do with Harry. He has to ask him to meet up even though he didn't know if he would want to.
How could he get him to talk to. He had thought of two options, one would be to write a very long letter about everything he thought and maybe it would be easier for him to talk about his feelings without telling him directly or he was also thinking of a short letter hoping for his quick response.
Maybe when he gets to the parchment he could decide what to do, if he had enough to pour out his heart hoping to be reciprocated with the possibility of scaring Harry even more or just explain that he was worried about him and that he need to see him as soon as possible too. Chances are he won't answer for a while.
He walked distractedly until he reached his room, as if on autopilot he organized his things and looked for the paper and pens. He started by writing "Hello Harry" and then nothing.
He didn't know where to start.
But maybe he could start saying that when they started to get to know each other better and learned that he was the sweetest boy he had ever met and that it made him sick to his stomach to think about everything he had said to him before, the fights and comments and having been so weak for not to being able to fight with his ignorance about life and see beyond the prejudices and legacy.
That every time they talk he feels light, carefree as if there were only the two of them in the world and that he had managed to learn as much from him as he never had from anyone else, that when he knows they are going to meet he is so excited that his stomach feels tight like you he'd be short of breath but once he sees him, he can exhale and breathe better than ever.
That every time they were together time passed so slowly that he missed him in the very first second they separated, that he had never felt anything like that for someone and he felt so stupid when he finally realized his feelings because they weren't talking anymore and knowing that maybe, they would never speak to each other again, and that it kept him in constant pain and sometimes most of the time he kept thinking about him, about them and what they could have been.
Or maybe he could write about when he kissed him for the first time he didn't know how lucky he was that someone like Harry was his first kiss, his first love and his last. Because he really couldn't imagine another person by his side sharing his life, 'cause he didn't think he would find someone who made him feel the same way he made him feel, that no matter how pathetic it sounds, he couldn't settle for less and that, although he could never be his, it would always be part of his heart and occupy the best memories of his mind.
That probably in a parallel world they really belong to each other as soulmates, souls destined to meet again and again until they manage to always be together in the end.
Well that's a lot, how could he resume it? The echo in his mind whispered something and he felt a pinch in his chest.
Love.
I love you.
He had never said those three words not even in his mind, perhaps in his subconscious he had said it. But they obviously belong to Harry.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
He stood up from his chair, he couldn't say that in a letter. This time he would be brave enough to stand up for himself and do something about it. He was scared but he couldn't allow it, he couldn't be a coward now.
Draco would go look for Harry wherever he went until he founds him and told him to his face what he felt.
He leaves his room and crosses the common room, there are people around him but no one turns to look at him. When he crosses the threshold of the door he sees a figure standing on the other side of the wall.
"Hello." Harry, who was leaning against the wall, gets up and walks towards him. Draco's brain is still processing whether it's real or if he's still dreaming.
"Harry? What are you doing here? We were worried about you fool." He is flabbergasted.
"I need to talk to you" He says without seeming to have heard Draco.
"I have to tell you something too." He felt the blood running through his veins, now he is warm and anxious.
"Could we go into your room or would you prefer to go somewhere else?" Harry turned to the hallway as if looking to see if they were going to run into someone else.
"I share with Blaise, we better go to our room." He answers and realizes that he said "our room". It was just the abandoned room that they fixed up but when they were there it became theirs.
They walked to their room and it felt like they were on their way to the end. He never had to deal with that unlike Harry but he felt so much like his heart would beat out of his chest before he said anything.
He closed the door behind him, staring at the floor with his hand still on the doorknob.
No one said anything for a few seconds, Harry seemed a little too much in his head and Draco was finding some courage to speak first.
"Draco I'm sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He started and feels a little better than before. He's no longer holding his breath.
"I guess it was...you know..." He can't say what exactly but they both know what he's talking about. They both understand each other in a way that is inexplicable.
"I know. I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done that without asking you." He noticed Harry making his habit of grabbing the back of his neck nervously.
Draco doesn't say anything and felt the déjà vu of a few minutes ago trying to write something on the white plane paper.
"Will you still talk to me?" Harry asks fearfully. Which is weird because it's not like normally Harry to be afraid of something.
"Why not?" He replied because Harry didn't really do anything that they can't fix unlike him...
"You know. I feel like this has happened before." He says and Draco remembers everything and realized that for the first time they are talking about what happened.
"Oh." He managed to say even though he wants to say more, his stroke of bravery has not yet arrived.
"I was...I didn't wanted to leave you like that yesterday but I couldn't help it. I was a mess, I'm still a mess." Draco didn't know but now he thinks that Harry really felt so bad for kissing Draco when he sure didn't wanted him that way. He was gutted.
"I understand." He says although he doesn't but he do not think about anything else.
"Are we still friends? Please say yes." Potter looked like he was about to get on his knees for forgiveness. There it is, he just had to hear that so he could react to what he was facing.
"I... Err, Harry I don't think that's the best for us to be friends." He faltered as he tried to find words and make complete sentences.
"What? But you said that..." Oh Salazar! Just because of his momentary illiterate mind he was doing it wrong.
"I mean I don't think we can be friends because...because I don't think I can be just your friend." He finished explaining and sees Harry frowning and all he thinks is that he still manages to look beautiful.
"Wait, what?" He asked confused and Draco is ready to confess.
"I wanted to write you a letter but I felt it was better to tell you in person and prepare a speech but you arrived before I could arrange something like that... So I guess now I'm gonna tell you before I regret it." His chest rises and falls, he feels sweat on his forehead. Here goes nothing. "Here I go...Harry, I love you."
Harry makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat and so he continues talking once that he had said it.
"You don't have to reciprocate me, I just wanted to tell you because I can't take it anymore and you really are very special to me, I care about you a lot and I can't imagine you with someone else 'cause it hurts and I honestly can't stand seeing you doing it, so I think it's better if we weren't friends as much and it really hurts me to tell you this. I'm sorry." Draco closed his eyes and pinchs his arm, it's real.
"Draco, I, I don't know I..." Harry begins but he silences him.
Draco grabs his cheeks and kisses him before he says anything else because it would most likely be the last time he would do so. It's so soft and sweet it's perfect and he tastes the salt on his wet cheeks, feels his hands trembling and his grip was such that he wring his fingers in Harry's clothes so hard he might leave bruises but he couldn't do anything else with his hands because he knew that the moment he ran his fingers through his hair he would collapse.
Maybe 3 seconds or 10 minutes passed, he couldn't tell the difference but when they separate Draco covers his face with his hands and starts sobbing.
He doesn't even know why Harry hasn't said anything and still kissed him back, but just being there in this situation makes him feel very real and it's overwhelming and he can only cry and cry because it already feels like a loss.
"Draco please don't cry." Harry whispers but it makes him want to cry more. He falls in his knees onto the floor and covers his face with them.
He hadn't cried so much since never. Lately he was becoming so sensitive it made him nauseous. He didn't even notice when Harry took him to the couch to sit next to him and held him, Draco's face covered with Harry's shoulder, unable him to see his face.
Harry is saying things in his ear but he doesn't listen because he feels so bad about himself and all he thinks about is how stupid it is to be soaking Harry's shirt with his own stupid tears.
He can't stop sobbing and he's just crying silently and Harry notices it and doesn't say anything either but continues to caress his back.
"I love you too." Harry says very softly in his ear and Draco feels his heart stop. He removed his hands from his face and hugged Harry so hard it hurts but he doesn't complained, still not wanting to look him in the eyes. With his face buried in his chest he could hear Harry's rapid heartbeat.
"Draco, I was afraid of what I felt for you. I know you think I'm very brave, that I can fight my own battles and everyones but I can't fight this. This thing between you and me is unique, it's so rare that...it scared me and I'm not used to feeling this kind of fear."
Draco is still hiding in Harry's chest but he is hearing every word.
"Even through the hard times I have tried to cope but this is different. Since we were in fifth year I realized how much I liked being with you, especially when you let me run my fingers through your perfect hair and ruin your clothes from kissing so much without you getting mad at me for make a mess of your appearance, that was the very moment when I realized how much you cared about me and I you."
"When we talked after classes and I get to know you more, I couldn't believe it was you (my old nemesis) the smartest and funniest person I've know and I was kinda confused 'cause I never felt as curious with anyone as I was to you. I wanted to known you and talked to you about everything and nothing at the same time. I was confused because I started liking you but not like how I liked my friends or Cho, it was more further and deeper. So I was that selfish and I asked you if I could kiss you 'cause I was confused with my feelings for you."
"So when we kissed I really liked but I was still confused about myself, I didn't knew until that day you could like boys like that and I went again and asked you if you would teach me how to kiss and it was an stupid excuse but you agreed and I felt bad but I wanted to kiss you so bad again that I went against my own beliefs and..." Harry's voice was trembling.
"When I finally figured it out right after that moment I went to talk to with Cho because it wasn't fair, she was mad and kinda fought with me but I knew I was doing the right thing. And then...you didn't talk to me anymore and..." Harry sighs.
"Remember when I tould you about when I was walking through the forest that day? Ready to die. Before it happened I remembered the first time I kissed you and that made me smile because I did it and It was wonderful (i did it loats of times and maybe not enough) but I also wanted to cry knowing that I couldn't do it anymore. When everything was over and I had survived I wanted to find you and tell you everything and kiss you again but I knew that wasn't the right thing to do at the moment. So I just put it off, until a few months later I saw you again in the castle and I couldn't wait anymore."
"Since the day I confessed I had miss you, I felt the same as before and I realized that I still care so bad and i didn't knew what to do with myself because I love you so much that I couldn't love anyone else but you."
"I love you so much, you can't imagine." Draco says with his voice a little touched from crying.
Draco looks up and saw his wet green eyes flashing with tenderness and concern, he knows his face will be red and puffy and he feels embarrassed and tries to hide again but Harry takes his face in his hands and kisses his wet cheeks and kisses his forehead and his eyes and Draco wants to laugh at how ridiculous the scene is.
Instead he feels more silent tears fall but now he is smiling. He can't believe it. He pinched his arm again. It's real.
Harry Potter loves him.
"Maybe I do." Harry answers with a little smile.
Draco starts crying again and Harry's smile falls but he still looks happy behind his wet eyes.
"These are happy tears." He assured him, Harry lets out a laugh and Draco smile widely.
"We should get married right now" Draco’s eyes widen, a splash of pink is showing in his cheeks.
"Don't pressure me" He punches his arm and Harry pretends to be hurt.
"I'm joking love" Draco rolled his eyes and Harry catches him off guard and lifted him into the air to kiss him again.
He didn't need to pinch himself again. It was real.