The complaints of the winds could be heard, the howls of dogs, and the leaves hitting against the tree branch. The room was lifeless, enveloped in darkness, the bed neatly made, even though Regulus Black was lying on the expensive sheets. He slept serenely, though it had taken him a long time to fall asleep. However, his sleep was light, and upon hearing footsteps and the dragging of wheels on the floor, his dull and cloudy eyes, due to the room's obscurity, opened. Regulus sat up, waiting for his vision to adjust, and observed through the gap beneath the door that no lights were on. Placing his bare feet on the cold surface, he slipped on his slippers and adjusted the dark green shirt over his torso. He noticed it was four in the morning by the round clock on the wall and wondered what could be happening. He walked slowly to the door and opened it. He could hear the wheels on the floor and walked to the large staircase leading downstairs, his eyes lingering on the closed doors of the hallway behind him, afraid that his parents might wake up. He also noticed that the door to his older brother Sirius Black's room was open, and his mind went on alert. Clutching the fabric of his clothes, he quickly descended the stairs. Sirius was standing in front of the house's exit, his hand gripping the handle of a suitcase, and his feet stopped moving as soon as he heard Regulus's movements.
"Sirius," his voice cracked, as if he already knew what his brother was about to do.
The older Black turned slowly, his long hair obscuring the view of his face. His long eyelashes hid his blue, teary eyes, yet Regulus could see the tear streaming down his cheek. The Slytherin noticed the elder's knuckles turning white from the strength with which he held the handle. The younger one pulled at the sleeve of his green shirt, a gesture of insecurity, while mustering the courage to ask what was obvious.
"Sirius," he called again, his feet moving toward him. Sirius said nothing, his gaze shifting between the doorknob and his shoes. "Where are you going?"
"Away," Sirius murmured, not knowing how to look his little brother in the eye—the eyes that he would leave behind.
"Away? What do you mean by that?" The boy with dark, short hair couldn't believe such words.
The older boy finally turned to him, his irises now examining his brother's incredulous and disappointed expression. His hand let go of the object he was holding and ran through his disheveled hair. Regulus still tried to glean something from him with wide eyes and a dry throat. Sirius blinked softly, swallowed hard, and placed his hand on his chest. He was trying to collect himself because he hadn’t expected to be caught, but he should have known—he could never leave without a goodbye.
"Reg. I can't do this anymore," he began, trying to explain. Regulus tried to be understanding and listen carefully. "I can't stay in this house; it's impossible to live here."
"This house? It's our house, Sirius!" The younger one pressed his lips together. He couldn't understand; his heart raced uncontrollably.
"Look, I can't stay here any longer; James is waiting for me outside." Regulus couldn't hide the disdain on his face. He let out a humorless laugh and bit the inside of his cheek.
"So, this is all about Potter?"
"No, Regulus! It's about me, my pain, my path. I don't want to stay in this family that doesn't understand me," he said, his eyes closing tightly as he searched for strength from deep within. With a deep sigh, he continued, "I don't belong here anymore."
"We're your family!" Regulus responded exasperatedly, a single tear falling down his face.
"No! You are my family. James, Peter, Remus...not them, Reg."
The pale boy stepped back, incredulous, hurt, and angry. How could Sirius think these things? How could he not want to be with his family? For Regulus, family was everything, even if their parents didn’t understand them, even if they had been beaten and cursed at times. Though their parents were not like others and they didn't share fun moments together, they were still their parents! Sirius sighed, moving toward the younger one, placing his hands on his shoulders, and looking into his blue-gray eyes, so similar to his own.
"Come with me, please. Let’s be happy, free, together! You’ll never have to worry about anything again. The Potters will take care of us, be real parents. Me, you, James, Effie, and Monty," Sirius looked at him with hope in his brilliant blue eyes. Regulus stopped to stare into the vastness of that lonely ocean, seemingly celebrating the new fish—the Potters—but he couldn’t see how he could fit in and swim in those waters.
Because he was also an empty and sad ocean.
"No," he replied indifferently, a detached look taking over his gray eyes. The grip on his shoulders loosened, and Sirius bit his lip, feeling the tears starting to come.
"Reggie…" he tried, but Regulus pulled away sharply, as if struck.
"You’re abandoning us; I can’t accept that. We’re your family; you’re a Black!"
"I never was, Regulus. You don’t understand me," he said, moving toward the suitcase as if he had given up on the conversation. "I can’t be happy here."
"Sirius, don’t go…please," Regulus pleaded, even though his brother had turned his back, even though everything hurt, even if it wounded his pride.
Sirius wanted to cry. He didn’t know how to tell his younger brother that there was no way to turn back. The older boy knew he couldn’t survive another second in that house, no matter how hard he tried, ignoring all the insults from his mother and his father’s superficial attitude toward his feelings. He couldn’t understand how Regulus could endure it all so naturally. Perhaps his brother didn’t know what it truly meant to be loved, like Sirius felt he was by his friends.
“You can’t beg me to stay because I can’t live in a house that isn’t mine,” the long-haired young man said, turning to his brother with a sad, worried look. “I don’t want to leave you here, either, Reg.”
“Then don’t leave! I promise I’ll try to talk to Dad and Mum. They might change… You can try, just one more time, Sirius,” Regulus murmured, desperate. Being left behind was a fear he didn’t know he had until Sirius approached the front door.
The eldest sighed deeply, reaching out to gently caress Regulus’s flushed, tear-streaked cheek. Regulus swallowed a sob threatening to escape his throat, allowing his curls to brush against his brother’s palm. His shining eyes, full of pleading, met Sirius’s, his cold, trembling hand clutching his brother’s tightly, their fingers intertwining.
“Please…” he whispered, his blue eyes glistening with unshed tears that eventually fell again.
“Regulus,” Sirius said, letting their joined hands fall. He looked at him intently. “Either you come with me, or there’s nothing more to discuss. I can’t stay.”
The younger boy released his brother’s hand and fell silent. His body shuddered slightly, announcing the sobs he had tried to hold back but could no longer contain. Sirius tried to reach for him again, but Regulus turned his face away, showing his disappointment and indifference. Sirius lowered his hand and took a deep breath. Regulus wasn’t coming with him, and there was nothing he could do. The ocean in Regulus’s eyes now resembled an endless storm, with no hope of calming. Sirius wanted to bring him to his own waters—joyful and peaceful—but his younger brother didn’t want to be saved, and Sirius couldn’t force him.
“Alright,” Sirius said, his throat dry as he tightly gripped his suitcase. “If you… change your mind, I’ll be there.”
“Go, Sirius,” Regulus murmured coldly, his gaze lowered, his fingers digging into his sleeves.
“Regulus… please, at least give me a hug,” Sirius asked softly. Regulus’s blue-gray eyes met his brother’s sad gaze. Though he didn’t move, his expression revealed that he wished Sirius would.
Sirius stepped closer, his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. He set his belongings aside and looked at his brother’s pale face, touching it with care and tenderness. His fingers caressed Regulus’s cheek before pulling him into a heartfelt hug, full of sorrow, longing, and love—everything they held in their hearts. Sirius squeezed the younger boy in his arms. Regulus stood still for a moment before his hands finally moved, clutching the fabric of Sirius’s clothing.
“I love you, Regulus. I’ll never stop loving you. I love you now and forever,” Sirius whispered near his ear like a promise, ensuring his brother would never forget. His arms tightened around Regulus, and his hand tousled his curls.
“I’m sorry, Sirius. I’m so sorry,” Regulus whispered back, not fully understanding why he was apologizing. Sirius smiled faintly and placed a gentle kiss on his brother’s forehead.
“Don’t forget me, please.”
“Never. I promise,” Sirius replied before releasing him. “Don’t let them poison you, Reggie. You’re you. You’ll always be my little brother.”
James appeared on a broomstick outside the Black mansion. To Regulus, it felt like James was taking Sirius away, like a monster stealing his brother’s happiness. Sirius finally let go, releasing a sob filled with pain. The younger Black watched him one last time and waved with a trembling hand.
“I’m sorry it has to be this way,” he murmured, his eyes holding an unbearable sadness.
“So am I,” Regulus replied in the same tone. “Goodbye.”
Sirius walked out the door, and Regulus Black felt this was his descent into hell. As Sirius left the house, a wave of relief washed over him. He turned back, seeing Regulus through the window, utterly devastated. He only wished his younger brother could understand that staying in that place wouldn’t do him any good, even if it was their parents’ home. Sirius knew it wouldn’t make him better because of their actions.
James waited in front of him, his brown eyes shining with understanding. Sitting on the broomstick, he extended a hand to his best friend, now free of it all.
“Let’s go, Pads. Let’s go home,” James said. Sirius silently thanked him with a look. He grabbed James’s hand firmly and climbed onto the broomstick.
Sirius wrapped his arms around James’s waist, looking back at the mansion and everything he was leaving behind: all the pain, punishments, tears, sleepless nights, and meetings with the Dark Lord. Sirius Black was finally free of the Black family, the malice, and the destiny they had tried to impose on him. Though he wanted the same freedom for his younger brother, he knew not everything was possible.
As the broomstick gradually distanced itself, Sirius saw Regulus at the window, his icy gaze and hand resting on the glass, as if trying to bring him back. A single tear fell from Sirius’s eye as he buried his face into James’s back. James sighed, allowing his best friend to hide from all his pain. He, too, wanted to help Regulus, knowing he was still a child like them, undeserving of the darkness that had consumed him.
But, unfortunately, the younger Black didn’t want to be saved.
The young man with short, curly hair turned to face the stairs as soon as he heard heavy footsteps. He figured it must be his mother—he could tell by the way the floor trembled and the heavy breathing filled the space. Walburga appeared with her hair in a flawless bun, as if she hadn’t been sleeping before. Her piercing gaze fell on Regulus the moment she reached the bottom of the stairs. She showed a questioning expression, and without needing to speak, the younger one opened his mouth.
"Nothing happened, Mother. I just thought I heard someone downstairs," he said. The Black matriarch continued to look at him, distrustful of his words, and the boy met her gaze with the same icy stare she was giving him. "I swear to you, Mother."
"Are you certain, Regulus? Because I am absolutely certain I heard voices down here," her voice came out deep and rigid, making the hairs on his arms stand on end.
"Yes, I promise you. I would never lie to you." Regulus wasn’t sure whether it was the way he spoke with conviction or simply his mother’s inherent indifference to him, but she accepted his words without further inquiry.
The matriarch climbed the stairs again, her intimidating presence leaving a trail in her wake. Regulus leaned against the railing, resting his head on his sleeve-covered arm. He felt utterly drained and utterly alone at that moment. His only brother, the only family he truly felt he had, had walked out of that door, shattering the last piece of his heart. But he couldn’t afford to be weak forever. If there was a reason for him to keep living, he would hold onto it, even if it meant being alone forever. That was his destiny, one that had been chosen for him—meticulously—and there was nothing he could do to change it. Sirius was a traitor, determined to stay away from the family. And Regulus had to accept that reality now.
---
Sirius woke up that morning with a sense that something was wrong. The sunlight hit his face, but not in a way that bothered him—it was almost as if the sun pitied him for some reason. He didn’t wake to find Remus by his side, nor did he feel his partner’s usual hugs, kisses, and caresses. It wasn’t their usual morning. Dragging himself out of bed with his characteristic laziness and a faint smile, despite the strange atmosphere, he followed his routine and headed downstairs in search of Remus. He found his boyfriend sitting on the couch, but he wasn’t alone—James and Lily were there too.
Lily’s expression was one of disbelief, as if she’d been struck by a shocking revelation. James’s face held an unreadable expression, while Remus looked at him with an expression Sirius recognized all too well.
"What’s going on? Why are you all here?" Sirius asked as he approached, his hands beginning to tremble and his confused gaze shifting between the three of them.
He noticed a letter in James’s hand, and the bespectacled man wiped his eyes behind his glasses. Lily approached Sirius and held his hand, guiding him closer to their friends. She gently seated him on the soft couch, and James handed him the letter. Remus looked at Sirius again, his hand outstretched. Sirius immediately grabbed it, his fear and apprehension growing with every heartbeat. When he turned the letter over, he saw the initials of his younger brother on the sender’s line, and his heart raced. Cold sweat broke out on his skin. It had been so long since he’d heard anything about Regulus, especially with the war raging on.
"Pandora gave me this," Lily began, her voice faltering, her trembling hands resting on her dress. "She said he wanted you to know..."
"Know what?" Sirius asked, his throat dry, his pulse pounding in his neck. Breathing was becoming difficult.
"It’s better if you read it, Pads," James murmured, patting Sirius’s back. Sirius swallowed hard and nodded.
With trembling hands, Sirius opened the envelope, noticing the care Regulus had taken to seal it. His brother’s handwriting was still as elegant as ever, despite the years that had passed. As soon as he opened the letter, he saw the familiar script on the beige paper. Taking a deep breath, he tightened his grip on Remus’s hand, who continued watching him attentively. Sirius began to read the letter, his eyes scanning the words penned by his brother.
The letter content here...
By the time Sirius finished reading, his face was soaked with tears, his body shaking with sobs. His trembling hands reached out for comfort, the letter slipping from his grasp onto the couch. Lily picked it up, her heart breaking at the sight of him, and gently placed a hand on his back. Remus got up and sat beside him, letting James take the letter from Lily to fold it again. Lupin pulled Sirius into a delicate embrace. Black rested his face on his partner’s shoulder, crying loudly and uncontrollably, clutching at the fabric of Remus’s shirt as if it were his lifeline.
James felt as though something had been ripped from him as he watched his best friend in such anguish. He gently ran a hand through Sirius’s long hair, resting his head against him. Lily hugged him from behind, and the four of them cried—three of them silently, while Sirius’s grief poured out in wrenching sobs. It was as though his world had collapsed entirely. His whole body screamed for help; his head throbbed, and his throat felt raw.
Lifting his tear-streaked face, Sirius locked eyes with Remus, who gazed back with tender affection, holding the back of his head and stroking his dark locks.
"Reggie... My Reggie," Sirius choked out, his cries intensifying. Lupin tried to comfort him, but nothing seemed to ease the pain.
The Black with the stormy gray-blue eyes, now reddened and tear-filled, was consumed by memories. He thought of every moment he had shared with his younger brother—the times he cared for him, the games they played together, drawing and painting wherever they pleased. How they used to sneak out on visiting days to play in the snow, building forts on rainy nights in the middle of the night. Regulus had always loved spending time with him, and Sirius knew that he loved his younger brother just as deeply.
But he would never see his brother’s eyes again. Those oceans of emptiness and longing. He hadn’t been able to bring happiness to Regulus, hadn’t been able to save him.
Even though it might not have been his fault, Sirius couldn’t help but think he should’ve tried harder. He should’ve taken Regulus with him, fought harder to protect him from that toxic family. He wanted to have saved his life, his mind, and his soul.
And now, it was too late.
Tears continued to flow as Sirius clutched the letter from James, kissing it and letting his tears fall onto the paper.
"Reg... Forgive me, Reg... Forgive me," he repeated over and over to the empty air, his eyes closed. Remus exchanged glances with their friends and sighed, unsure of how he could make Sirius stop blaming himself. But they would find a way.
No matter what, Sirius would always love him.
Forever.
And he would find Regulus again someday.
Even if only in his dreams.