Chapter 8
The next day went like any other. James went through the motions—getting up early for a run, pretending to be fine in class, throwing himself into Quidditch practice as if everything were perfect. He couldn’t afford to let anyone see how exhausted he was, how empty he felt inside.
After practice, James went to the dorm, showered quickly, and tried to slip back into his usual routine. But something inside him felt like it was slipping, like he couldn’t hold everything together anymore. The numbness was creeping in again, and it felt too overwhelming to ignore.
He sat down at his desk, staring at the window. He could hear his friends moving around the dorm. Peter was already reading notes from class, Sirius was in the shower, and Remus was curled up in his usual spot, reading a book. It was all so normal. He wished he could feel normal, too.
But he didn’t.
James knew he had to leave before anyone saw the crack in his mask. His heart was pounding, and he didn’t want to explain it. He had never wanted to explain it.
Without a word, he grabbed his jacket and slipped out of the dorm. The cold air hit him, and for a moment, it felt like he could breathe again. He walked aimlessly through the corridors, trying to clear his head. He didn’t want to be around anyone. Not tonight. He just needed to be alone.
The silence was calming in its own way, but as soon as he stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind him, everything hit at once.
He didn’t know what came over him, but the pressure was too much, the thoughts racing too fast. The numbness, the emptiness—it all crashed in, and suddenly, he wasn’t sure he could keep holding it together anymore.
And then, everything went black.
Sirius was the first to notice that something was off. He’d just finished his shower and was getting dressed when he heard the faint sound of a thud from the bathroom.
"James?" he called, frowning. When he got no response, his voice grew louder. “James, mate?”
Still nothing. That’s when he panicked. He rushed to the bathroom door and knocked, his voice laced with urgency. “James, come on, mate, answer me.”
When no response came, Sirius tried the door handle, but it was locked. His heart pounded.
"Remus!" he shouted, rushing out of the room. "Remus, James isn’t answering!"
Remus was already on his feet before Sirius had even finished his sentence. His heart rate quickened as he followed Sirius down the hall. The worry on Sirius's face was enough to send a chill down Remus’s spine. They reached the bathroom door, and Remus stepped forward.
“James?” he called, knocking gently at first. When there was no answer, he exchanged a glance with Sirius. He could feel the tension in the air.
“Open the door, James,” Remus said, his voice calmer, but there was an edge of panic underneath.
Sirius, unable to wait any longer, backed up and kicked the door. The wood splintered with a loud crack, and they rushed in.
What they found made Remus’s stomach lurch.
James was lying motionless in the tub, his head tilted back, eyes closed. Remus immediately dropped to his knees, checking for a pulse. His heart skipped when he couldn’t find one immediately. Panic surged through him as he shook James gently.
“James! James, wake up!” Remus shouted, voice hoarse.
Sirius stood frozen for a moment, his face pale, before he dropped to the ground as well. Remus’s mind raced, his heart pounding in his ears. He’d seen enough over the years to know what to do, but this was different. This was James.
He immediately started CPR, his hands shaking but steady as he performed the chest compressions. Every second felt like an eternity.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, James gasped for air, his chest rising sharply. Remus didn’t stop until he heard that breath, the smallest sign of life.
Sirius grabbed his wand, quickly sending for help. "We need to get him to the hospital wing now!"