tying you to me

James sighed heavily from his place at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. Some might say his position was strategic—that he had placed himself in the perfect place to look at the Slytherin table without drawing too much attention to himself. He—of course—still reminded himself to look away every now and then towards his friends around him. Occasionally. So, less often than he should but more often than he wanted to.

He was taking full advantage of the fact that Sirius was not in his usual seat at the table, or, really, any seat at the table. He was currently in detention with Filch which meant that James could openly stare at the Slytherin boy across the room without the added fear of Sirius catching on to what James was doing.

Of course, Regulus Black was not returning James’ helpless glances. Not that he could. His back was to James so Regulus had no way of knowing whether he was looking at him. It was stupid, right? James was studying the back profile of a person and had to force himself to look away. He was genuinely concerned with how infatuated he was.

The conversations beside him filtered out, turning into background noise as James subtly watched Regulus' body language and his interactions with his friends. He observed Barty Crouch reach out over the table to take something off of Regulus’ plate. He was slightly envious that he could not see the reaction on the Slytherin's face but did know that it caused Crouch to howl with laughter.

His brain registered Remus mumbling something beside him that his ears didn’t pick up. Assuming that it was directed at Pete or the girls, he didn’t react to the sound. He reached down blindly to pick up the bread roll on his plate, bringing it to his mouth to bite into the bun, likely covering his face with flour.

“James?”

He felt a hand on his arm. An attempt to capture his attention. Had it really been that long since he looked away from Regulus? It didn’t feel like long.

“James!”

His eyes hesitantly left Regulus as he turned to look at the owner of the voice. He swallowed his mouthful and followed it by wiping a hand over his mouth, removing the crumbs that hadn’t quite made it to his mouth.

“Yes?” He replied, silently hoping his face didn’t display his guilt. “I’m listening.”

“Moony asked you a question,” Pete told him, gesturing to their friend with his fork, an amused smile on his face.

Remus had his own smirk on his face. “I think my question has been answered.”

“No. No. Sorry, I was distracted. What did you ask?” James insisted frantically, gesturing with a hand to get his friend to continue.

Remus studied James with a smile, his eyes briefly flicking towards the Slytherin table. Shit. He’s been caught. Again.

“I asked you whether you were looking at the Slytherin table again.”

“Oh,” James said sheepishly, feigning ignorance. “Was I looking again?”

He was well aware that he was looking. Merlin, he had a routine now. Look at Regulus for several minutes then look back to his friends. Smile and nod. Repeat. It was a completely unhealthy behaviour he had programmed into himself.

“When are you not looking?” Peter mused loudly, drawing attention from the girls sitting a few seats down. James let his leg fly underneath the table to connect with Peter’s shin, accompanying it with a scowl.

Peter hissed, a hand snaking under the table to rub at the injury site. He grinned at James, deliberately raising his voice, “I don’t blame you for looking, Prongsie. Minnie is good-looking and smart.”

James sighed, running a hand over his face as he ignored the stares of the Gryffindors around them, his eyes again looking over at Regulus. He turned his head until it rested on Remus’ shoulder, and then he let out a pained groan. “He’s just so…”

“Pretty?” Remus supplied. “Lovely?”

“Gorgeous?” Peter chimed in.

“Yes,” James said. “Just yes.”

And he was. Fuck. Even his back profile was gorgeous. Regulus’ beauty was otherworldly. It was like he was designed to attract attention. Merlin. If Regulus turned out to be a deity James would be his number one devotee.

“Why don’t you talk to him?” Remus asked.

That caught James’ attention. His head whipped back to his friend. “You’re not joking are you?”

“Why would I be joking?”

“Number one: he has not shown any indication of having an interest in me. Number two: from the looks he gives me I’d say he’s the opposite of interested. And number three and arguably the most important: he’s Sirius’ little brother. He’s off limits.”

“Oh come off it.” Remus rolled his eyes. “How’d you know he’s not interested if you don’t ask? And when did Sirius say he’s off limits?”

James shook his head. “Peter once made a joke in third year about how if Regulus and I got married Sirius would be my brother-in-law and Sirius immediately shut it down.”

Peter nodded. “He said and I quote: ‘There is no chance my little brother and my best friend will end up together. I would be dead before that happens.’”

“That was in third year,” Remus protested. “Sirius could have changed his mind.”

“He recently explained that he would not approve of anyone at Hogwarts dating his brother,” Peter told him. Peter then hummed. “For someone who hasn’t engaged in conversation with his little brother in months, he still is overly protective of him.”

“How recently did Sirius say this?” Remus asked.

“Last week.”

Remus sighed, “Okay, Prongs. Keep suffering in silence. Maybe a miracle will happen for you.”

“I sure hope so,” he replied glumly, turning his attention back to the dark-haired Slytherin across the Great Hall.

It wasn’t unusual for James to wake up and find that Sirius had crawled into his bed in the middle of the night, especially if he had woken up from a nightmare. The boy did grow up under the care of Walburga Black and in the weeks following him leaving the Black house, he was in James’ bed almost every night. However, Sirius hadn’t crawled into James’ bed in months since he and Remus finally got together. Sirius had claimed Remus’ bed as his own while they were at Hogwarts. So as he stirred in the middle of the night and felt a figure curled against his chest he subconsciously reached a hand up to bury into Sirius’ hair, a gesture that his friend appreciated.

Wait. His brain seemed to register that this was not the long silky strands of Sirius’ Black hair. Hair equally as soft but not quite as long. Still sleepy, he opened his eyes slowly and gave them time to adjust to the pitch-black room. With no lighting, he could not determine who it was but he knew the hair did not belong to any of his dorm mates. He was sure that he would have remembered falling asleep with someone in his bed and he knew there was only one other person who he wanted in his bed—one person he would allow. But that couldn’t be for multiple reasons.

He rolled onto his back gently, part of his body hanging off the bed, and the person—intruder?—readjusted in their sleep to rest their face on James’ chest, and he could feel the person nuzzle their face to steal his warmth. Strange. His body did not exactly feel disgusted with the gesture. Perhaps, even in the dark, his body was in tune with his senses that he knew exactly who this was.

James reached a hand through the curtain for his glasses and his wand, pulling them back through and pushing his glasses onto his face. He cast a faint light on the tip of his wand, being careful not to make it bright enough to disturb the sleeping figure.

The light hit the person’s hair first and it sure did have him questioning whether it was actually Sirius. Who knows, maybe Sirius decided to sleepwalk and cut his hair before climbing into James’ bed?

It wasn’t until the light trailed over the person’s face that James froze. He knew this face. And not just in an ‘I’ve seen them in the corridors’ type of way. He had studied this person’s face when he was sure they weren’t looking. He knew the straight edge of their nose, neither too large nor too small for their face. He knew the sharp curve of their jawline and the full, pink lips. He knew the light scattering of freckles that dusted their cheeks and their nose. This was the face of an angel, and James was wondering if he had died in his sleep and woken up in heaven. Because if this was what the afterlife had to offer him then sign him the fuck up.

The only thing he hadn’t studied were their eyes. That would, of course, require the person to look at him. Yet, he found himself wishing that the boy would open his eyes from his slumber so he could look into them. He wanted to know: Were they the exact same shade of grey as Sirius’? Did they have more grey? More blue?

He spent several minutes studying Regulus’ face, taking note of how softer his face looked in his sleep. He somehow looked more youthful, as if the troubles that haunted him vanished in his sleep. Vulnerable. That is the word James would use to describe Regulus’ face. Angelic.

He knew in the back of his mind that he should be questioning this situation and how Regulus—a Slytherin—had managed to get into his bed, but selfishly he didn’t particularly care. He was still unconvinced on whether this was real. Whether his mind was tricking him, or he was dreaming, or he was in fact—horrifically—dead. Did it really matter in the end? To him, Regulus Black was here. In his bed. Lying on his chest. He didn’t want to think of all the possibilities, he just wanted to appreciate what was in front of him.

He snaked his hand back through the curtain to place his wand on the table next to his bed. It was then that Regulus turned in his sleep so his back was to James’ side. James took the opportunity to climb out of bed and attempt to make his way over to the bathroom to splash water on his face. Maybe then he would truly know whether what he saw was real or a figment of his imagination.

However, as he emerged from the curtains he immediately froze at the sight of Remus, whose head was poking out from the curtains around the bed opposite James’. This was beginning to feel less like a dream and more like reality. James’ stomach did a little happy flip.

“James?” Remus asked. James couldn’t see his friend's face due to the darkness that cloaked the room but he could sense the concern in his voice.

“Moony, am I dreaming?” he whispered back, trying not to awaken anyone else—whether they were tenants or not.

He could hear the amusement in Remus’ voice. “Dreaming? No.”

James frowned, “Isn’t that something a dream-Remus would say?”

Remus chuckled quietly. “I suppose. Are you okay?”

James' face twisted into a smile that Remus surely could not see. “More than fine. The fates have answered my prayers.”

“And what prayers might that be?”

“They’ve sent me an angel.”

“Prongs, I think the happiness and shock have gotten to your head. Go to sleep, okay? We can talk about your angel more tomorrow when you're fully awake.”

“So I am dreaming?” He whispered back, suddenly sad at the thought that this was not reality. Fuck the fates. Who would curse James with such a cruel dream only for him to wake up in the morning to a world where Regulus Black did not acknowledge his existence?

“No, Prongs. You’re not dreaming.” Remus’ voice was filled with what sounded to James like amusement and satisfaction.

James—forgetting about going to the bathroom and splashing his face with water—turned around and pulled open his curtains enough to see inside. Sure enough, Regulus was still there, face buried into James’ pillow and legs tangled in the blanket.

“I’m not?” he whispered to his friend, his eyes not leaving the sleeping Slytherin.

“You’re not,” Remus confirmed, a slight chuckle falling from his lips.

“Oh.”

“Go back to sleep, James. Okay?” Remus’ voice whispered across the room.

“Mhm.”

James carefully climbed back into the bed beside Regulus, making sure not to disturb him from his sleep. His breath halted and his body froze when Regulus stirred, grumbling something under his breath as he rolled over towards James. He remained still as Regulus’ leg found its way across James’ waist and his face buried into his shoulder. Once the boy had settled again James released a breath and hesitantly raised his hand to place it on the small of Regulus’ back.

His eyes drifted closed and he found himself easily falling back to sleep, still unsure whether he was dreaming. The rise and fall of Regulus’ chest against his side was a steady rhythm that his own echoed.

He fell asleep wondering whether their heartbeats were synchronised too.

“Prongs? You up yet?” The sound of a voice outside the curtain reached him in his unconscious state.

He likely could have ignored the voice and continued to sleep if it wasn’t for the jolt that rocked his body after the voice had called out. There was an added weight across his hips that usually wasn’t there and even his still-sleepy brain could register that there was a person currently seated on his lap. Huh. How odd.

He opened his eyes—to no one’s surprise—a blob of colour in front of him. Without his glasses, it was a blob that could be Sirius. And Merlin, he remembered the dream he had last night. He realised that if it was Sirius in his bed right now then he was a shitty friend. A shitty friend that dreamt about Regulus while he was sleeping next to his brother.

He squinted his eyes, cursing his eyesight at this moment for not giving him any help in deciphering what the situation currently was. He swore that the voice he heard belonged to Sirius and he swore that it had come from outside the curtains around his bed and not within. And isn’t it a stupid question for Sirius to ask if he could see if James was awake? There was also the fact that Sirius hadn’t climbed into bed with James since he and Remus got together—James happily handed Sirius off. The comfort of his best friend was nice but the growth spurt they both had and the size of their beds was not so nice. James and Sirius saved their bed sharing for the holidays when Remus went back home to Wales.

He realised that he was probably due to respond to Sirius—even if the man was the weight currently on his hips. “Yeah, Pads. I’m up. Just give me a few more minutes. I still need to wake up.”

To his surprise, Sirius’ voice did call out from behind the curtain and out of James’ view. “But it’s pancake breakfast! You might want to hurry before they are all gone.”

Now, having received confirmation, James was confused. He was starting to question the dream he had last night. His dreams were vivid and half the time he had to figure out whether they were actually events that had happened in his past or the day before.

He figured it was best if he sent Sirius off while he figured out this mess. Otherwise, one of two scenarios could happen:

1. It is a random student that somehow found his way into James’ bed and—since James did not want a random student in his bed—upon finding out Sirius kills them.

OR

2. It—by some miracle—is Sirius’ little brother in his bed and by sticking around, Sirius finds out and decides to kill James.

“You go on with Moony and Wormy, I’ll catch up. Save me a few, won’t you?”

“Fine. But if you take too long and they run out, you can’t blame me for eating them or handing them off to Pete,” Sirius replied stubbornly as if the thought of a pancake breakfast without James had ruined his entire day.

He and the person straddling him remained silent while his friends left the room. He found himself amused when the intruder exhaled a massive breath after the door clicked shut, coming to the realisation that they had likely been holding their breath the entire time.

Then he felt a weight lift off his hips as the person lifted one of their legs in an attempt to escape. James, instinctively, reached out with one hand to grip the person’s waist, pinning them down so they couldn’t move any further. If they really thought that they could sneak away without answering some questions then they were delusional. Yeah, fat chance of that happening.

He could feel the heat of the person’s body through their shirt and he was surprised that a surge of heat ran through his own body. Huh, that was very unusual.

With his free hand, he reached for his glasses outside the curtain, putting them on his face and—oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Regulus Black was in his bed. Regulus Black was straddling him in his bed. Was he still dreaming? Merlin, it still felt like he was dreaming.

So it wasn’t a dream he had last night? This was real.

The speed at which his face moved from confusion to shock was ridiculously fast. And fuck, he was gone for this boy. He really should not have been able to see Regulus rumpled from sleep with his perfect bed hair and flushed cheeks. Merlin. He just wanted to shove Regulus in his trunk and take him home with him right now. But he wouldn’t do that—of course. Because that was creepy and weird and would scare Regulus off. It was just a thought.

Regulus cleared his throat, bringing to James’ attention that the two of them hadn’t said a word and had just been staring at each other.

“Are you going to let me go or…?”

“Sorry,” he winced and released his hand from Regulus’ waist. Not knowing what to do with it—and fearing he would reach out to touch the Slytherin’s hair—he ran it through his hair. “I just didn’t want you running off before I knew for sure who you were.”

“Right,” Regulus replied, “because you must have plenty of people straddling you this early in the morning.”

James frowned. What did Regulus mean by that? If it wasn’t for the sarcasm dripping in the Slytherin’s voice and the blank expression on his face James would have thought it to be a joke. It had to be a joke right?

Before he could open his mouth to respond, Regulus was already clearing his throat. “Well if that’s cleared up I’m going to go then.”

James froze as Regulus’ hands pressed into his lower stomach. His brain had short-circuited enough for several seconds to pass before he realised that the man had swung his legs off his waist and was pushing his way through the curtain.

He scrambled off the bed, determined to follow the boy and have a proper conversation that he had woken up to. Twice. The first time was what he had mistaken for a dream.

“Wait!” he called out, feeling like a baby deer on fresh legs as he walked after Regulus.

His shout seemed to fall on deaf ears as Regulus kept walking towards the door with purpose. He moved as if he wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. James still followed him, gaining distance with his long strides.

“Regulus?” The Slytherin boy’s name fell from his lips and he couldn’t help but be shocked at the speed at which Regulus came to a stop. It was so sudden that he didn’t have time to stop himself from colliding with the boy, sending Regulus stumbling forward.

It was instinctual for him to reach out and grab the boy’s arm to steady him. However, he used this to turn the boy towards him so they were facing each other.

Regulus’ face was painfully blank, a solid wall as he looked at him.

“What, Potter?” Regulus spat his name like it was poison on his tongue, simultaneously pulling his arm out of his hold, reminding James that he was yet to release him. Just to put a cherry on top, the Slytherin took a step back away from him, as if he couldn’t bear to be that close to James. Ouch.

“Don’t you want to talk about this?” He replied, determined to calm his features so he didn’t reveal the pain at Regulus’ reaction on his face.

What Regulus said next fully shattered both his ego and the drop of hope he had.

“I would honestly prefer to forget this ever happened. I’m sure it was just a stupid prank and as civil individuals, I’m sure we can part ways and never bring this up again.”

Fuck. Regulus truly didn’t want anything to do with him, didn’t he? So much for his future attempt at following Remus’ advice. No way on Earth that was happening now. He didn’t even need to directly ask whether Regulus was interested in him or not. The fates didn’t send Regulus to him last night to push them together. No. They sent him to show James that there was no way Regulus would be interested in him. I take it back, James internally screamed. Fuck the fates. They had sent him an angel he couldn’t keep for himself. How fucking cruel.

He searched Regulus’ face and finding absolutely no shift in emotion he replied. “If that is what you want.”

He kept his eyes on Regulus’ retreating figure as the boy left his dorm and ventured out into the Gryffindor Common Room.

He forced himself to turn around and walk to the trunk at the end of his bed, pulling out the first clothes he touched and slowly getting ready. His mind was off to a different place, trying to find the missing puzzle pieces that could hopefully explain the ordeal he had found himself in this morning. But, the pieces didn’t come, and so James remained utterly and completely confused.

Even as he joined his friends in the Great Hall for breakfast he was still deep in thought, unable to focus on Sirius chattering about a prank idea he had. His eyes continuously flicked towards the door, waiting for Regulus to walk through.

He was eventually caught by Remus, who had turned a concerned eye on him as James was gazing hopelessly towards the door.

“You alright, Prongs?” his friend asked.

James immediately turned back towards Remus, forcing a smile on his face because he didn’t only have Remus’ attention, he had Peter’s—and most importantly—Sirius’. So, his answer came in the form of, “Yeah I’m all good. Perfectly normal. Just a little tired, I think.”

Because what could he say? Hey Sirius! Sorry, I haven’t been paying attention to what you’ve been saying. You see, I woke up this morning to find your little brother in my bed. And before you say anything I must assure you that I have absolutely zero clue how it happened. But also I’m really happy that it did happen because I’ve fancied him for a long time. A very long time. And I know he’s off limits but I can’t help how I feel—

Yeah, definitely not an option.

Eventually, Sirius continued and James turned his attention to his breakfast plate. He didn’t look toward the door once.

“James,” a voice hissed into his ear, following a prod of what he assumed to be a finger on his arm.

He didn’t know whether to kiss or kill whoever was responsible for waking up to Regulus in his bed again the following morning. Somebody was either trying hard to torture him or give him a love life (that he was certain now was never going to happen with Regulus).

Instinctively, in response to the sound, he tilted his head back and found that his nose rubbed against soft skin. He did it again, noting that Regulus smelled good. But, of course, he did. The boy was perfect. He wanted to burrow his entire face into the heat of Regulus’ neck.

“Reg’lus?” James slurred, still half-sleepy. Fuck. Would it be bad if he fell back asleep right now? He was so comfortable, pressed up against Regulus like he was the boy’s blanket.

Even half-asleep, he could make out the sarcasm in Regulus’ voice as he replied. “You expecting someone else to have magically popped into your bed in the middle of the night?”

James sighed heavily, forcing himself to open his eyes. “Back again?” he murmured against the Slytherin’s neck, noting how Regulus attempted to wiggle away from him.

“Not willingly,” Regulus replied.

Was James supposed to be confused or oddly disappointed? He was both. He didn’t have the solution as to why Regulus was turning up in his bed, so hearing the Slytherin say those words was a mindfuck. As for the disappointment he felt he should not have been surprised by Regulus’ words. The boy had made it clear yesterday that he wanted to be far away from James.

Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from sighing and responding with the word, “Shame.”

Merlin’s fucking tits could he be any more obvious? He may as well have printed the words ‘I love you’ across his forehead.

Luckily enough, it seemed that Regulus hadn’t figured out James’ shameless feelings for him. Amidst his internal panic, it seemed that Regulus was still trying to untangle himself from where he was pinned underneath James.

“Do you mind getting off?” The exasperated Slytherin asked him, bucking his hips up. “I have places to be.”

A sudden rush of sleepiness overcame James and he sighed again, relaxing further into Regulus’ body. He pressed himself closer, trying to steal some of the boy’s body warmth. “Can I have five more minutes? I’m so tired and once I get up I won’t be able to go back to sleep.”

“No.”

Well, that was it then. James had been raised to know that no meant no. And as much as he wanted to pretend he didn’t hear the boy, he knew it would go against what his father had taught him. He rolled away from Regulus and untangled his leg from around his waist. He manoeuvred himself into a seated position on the edge of his bed.

What surprised him though was that Regulus didn’t move immediately. He didn’t run off to whatever plans he desperately had to get to. He raised an eyebrow at the unmoving figure. “I thought you had places to be?”

Regulus scowled and immediately sat up. “I had to give my body time to adjust after I spent the night as your personal pillow.”

James smirked in amusement, failing to fight the urge to tease the boy. “You didn’t see me complaining yesterday.”

“Maybe because I’m not built like a bloody Greek god!” Regulus snapped and James watched as the Slytherin’s cheeks flushed.

A grin stretched out across his face as he looked at his best friend’s little brother, once again raising his eyebrow.

“Oh don’t look at me like that,” Regulus continued, the scowl remaining on his angelic face, “forget I said that.”

Then Regulus was gone, climbing through the curtain on the other side out of James’ sight. There was a brief moment of panic within James’ chest as he pushed through the curtains with determination to not end the conversation like that. Because he didn’t want to forget what Regulus had said. He wanted to know what Regulus was thinking because this man confused him. He was mean and indifferent but so so pretty. And James didn’t mind that Regulus was mean, it made him like him more.

He found himself standing between Regulus and the door, blocking his path with all intentions of figuring out what was happening to the two of them.

Regulus scowled up at him. “Do you mind?”

And even when there was a scowl on his face Regulus Black was pretty.

“Is this going to be a regular thing or are we finally going to talk about this so it doesn’t happen again?” James asked.

Give me a clue as to whether you like me, James silently begged the boy as he studied his face for any cracks in his features.

Nothing.

“I assume this isn’t some prank on your end?” Regulus finally replied.

Huh?

“My end,” he replied, frowning. Then he let his face morph into a wide smile. “So you haven’t been sneaking into the Gryffindor common room in the middle of the night to cuddle up to me?”

Fuck. He couldn’t help but rile this boy up if it meant that he could see emotions other than his indifference. Even if it was disgust, horror or shock.

And it worked. Regulus’ mouth dropped open in outrage and leaked into his voice. “Y-you,” the boy sputtered. “You think I would want to sneak into my brother’s dorm into my brother’s best friend’s bed on purpose? Have you taken a bludger to the head?”

James was surprised he was able to prevent the laughter that bubbled in his chest. He didn’t let more than a grin show on his face as he replied, “I just assumed you were playing a prank on your brother, using me to get back at him while also benefiting from cuddling me.”

Was that true? Probably—definitely—not. But did it get Regulus to keep talking to him? Yes.

The Slytherin scoffed. “Has anyone ever told you your ego is as big as the Black Lake? Seriously, how do you walk when your head is that big from thinking everything revolves around you? Not everyone is obsessed with you.”

He thinks he just fell in love with this boy a little more. Fuck. He definitely was insane. What person got butterflies in their stomach from someone telling them their head is big? Surely not mentally sane people.

James pouted at Regulus, “So you aren’t obsessed with me, Reggie?”

The nickname fell out of his mouth too easily. And he loved watching the response it had on the Slytherin. Regulus—Reggie—squirmed and a pretty blush flushed his cheeks.

“Don’t call me that,” Reggie replied.

James grinned smugly at him. There was no way that he was stopping now. “But I like it.”

He watched Regulus—Reggie—take a deep breath and reply, “If you don’t want to talk about this seriously, then I am going to go.”

Then Reggie had managed to push his way past him and walk towards the door. No. A voice inside James called out. Don’t let him walk away. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching out with his hand to grab the boy’s wrist before he got too far away, just as he had done the day before.

“Wait,” he told the Slytherin, no humour or amusement in his voice or on his face. “I’ll be serious, I really do want to talk about this. Can we meet later today in the library to research?”

He didn’t want to actually torture Regulus with this. If the boy wanted answers—just as James did—then he would do it. Maybe, just maybe, he could prove to Regulus that he could be serious. Maybe that was what needed to happen to get the boy to like him.

“I have plans today, as I have mentioned,” Regulus replied and James’ heart sank. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that Regulus had started seeing someone. Surely he would know if he had. But then Regulus was talking again, “I can do tomorrow after classes?”

James nodded eagerly. “Yes. Yes. That sounds perfect.”

Merlin. Could he sound any more desperate?

Because his eyes were fixed on Regulus’ face, he saw the Slytherin look down at his wrist, where James’ hand was still clasped around it.

“Can you release me? I need to go and try to sneak out of here without anybody seeing me.”

James let go and once again pushed his hand through his hair to keep them occupied. Right now he was fighting the urge to reach out for the boy.

“Oh, well the common room is quite busy this time on Sundays…” He explained to the boy. Which was true. The Gryffindor common room was a place of catch-up on Sundays—almost like a family gathering. There was no chance of Regulus making it out of here without being seen. Unless…

Regulus sighed. “Well, that’s great. I don’t have my wand for a disillusionment charm and I definitely don’t want to stay here for another second.”

James stood, deep in thought. Could he? Should he?

He decided yes and turned around and opened the top of his trunk. He reached into it for the familiar bundled fabric that had been passed down to him from his father. He turned around and paused, looking between the cloak and the boy standing in front of him. Sirius would definitely kill him if he found out what he was about to do.

He unfolded the invisibility cloak and took a step towards Regulus. “I can help with that.”

A part of him wondered why he was offering to help. The alternative was that Regulus stayed in the dorm room until the common room was empty enough to leave. It could be half an hour. It could be an hour. It could be hours. But he reminded himself that the boy had plans today. And the possibility that he could earn Regulus’ favour by helping him.

James studied Regulus as the boy stared at the fabric with curiosity. “What is that?” the Slytherin asked.

Instead of replying verbally, he decided to show Regulus. Pulling the invisibility cloak around him, he watched the Slytherin boy’s reaction as he disappeared from his view. The boy gasped and his eyes darted around the room as if he were trying to figure out where James had disappeared to.

Regulus was still glancing around the room when he asked, “An invisibility cloak? Merlin, how did you get your hands on it?”

James had snuck around behind Regulus and pressed his face as close as he could to the boy’s ear without brushing the cloak against him to whisper, “It’s a secret.”

Regulus jumped away, yelping, as his hands swatted where he had been standing moments before. Thankfully, James had already moved out of reach and chuckled as he pulled the cloak off.

He forced his face into full seriousness as he faced Reggie, clearing his throat. “The condition for using the cloak is that we are under it together. I can’t exactly leave it in your hands not knowing whether you’ll return it or not.” He sighed upon seeing the appalled look on Regulus’ face. “We will fit and it’s better than you being caught sneaking out of here in your chequered pyjamas.”

Regulus looked down at his pyjama pants and looked back up at James with pretty flushed cheeks and a scowl on his face. He crossed his arms in front of his chest like a petulant child and James suppressed a laugh.

“Fine,” Regulus said.

He stepped in front of Regulus and draped the cloak across the both of them so they turned invisible to the outside world.

“It’s easier if you wrap your arms around my waist. You can match my footsteps better and we are less likely to fall,” he explained to Regulus. Butterflies bloomed in James’ stomach at the thought. He was down bad.

He couldn’t see Regulus’ face to try and read his emotions—even though that seemed impossible to do. But the silence showed Regulus’ discomfort. James’ heart sank. Did Regulus truly not want to touch James at all? Fuck. That hurt.

He cleared his voice, breaking the silence. “Or if you would rather not we can just walk really slowly. It might take a while but it still works.”

He really didn’t intend to make Regulus uncomfortable.

When Regulus didn’t reply again James was wondering whether the boy was even there. Perhaps James’ brain had made him up. But then Regulus’ arms were there, wrapping around James’ waist. A weight pressing against his back belonged to Regulus’ chest. A shiver ran through James’ body. Shit. He desperately hoped Regulus hadn’t felt that.

“I’m going to start walking now,” he warned Regulus and began walking slowly towards the door, allowing Regulus time to adjust to the pace and distance of his strides. He had to give it to him, Regulus caught on quickly and soon it felt just like it was with his other friends. Maybe in another lifetime, Regulus was a Marauder. Maybe in another lifetime, he looked twice in James’ direction.

Just before he opened the dorm door he explained to Regulus the best solution for getting him out of the common room without suspicion. “It’s best to wait for the portrait to open for students either exiting or entering the common room. It would be strange for those in the common room to see the door opening and closing on its own.”

The stairs were always tricky. Even for James and his friends after they had years of practice. To avoid any tumbles, he talked Regulus through it. Whisperings of “left” and “right” successfully got them both down the stairs and into the common room without any unfortunate mishaps.

They were waiting close to the door—out of the path of other students—when it finally opened. However, what he didn’t expect to see was his own friends emerging from the opening into the common room. Sirius entered first, an exasperated look on his face. Peter followed Sirius and to James’ shock (and amusement) was rubbing his behind. Remus was the last of his friends to enter the common room.

“How’d you forget your wand, Petey?” Sirius asked, and James had to hold back his own laughter at seeing Sirius failing to suppress his chuckle. The last thing he needed to do was reveal that he was trying to sneak Sirius’ little brother out of their dorm room.

Peter scowled, continuing to rub his behind as he responded. “How was I supposed to know those nasty Slytherin gits were waiting around the corner to hex my arse?”

James was surprised at his ability to control his urge to laugh—an urge that quickly vanished as Remus came to a stop and looked directly at where he and Regulus were hidden underneath the invisibility cloak. Fuck those werewolf senses of his. There was truly no hiding yourself around Remus. Not that Remus was the concern here—James was sure Remus wasn’t going to give them away, considering that the man knew that Reggie had been in his bed before.

Remus narrowed his eyes towards them and James felt Reggie tense beside him and Merlin, James just wanted Remus to go on so that Regulus didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore. Thankfully, it seemed that Sirius had grown impatient with his boyfriend, calling out, “You coming, Moony?” Several seconds passed and Remus continued looking in their direction before Sirius called out again, the sound more of a whine than a shout, “Moooony!”

A few more seconds passed before Remus finally turned away but not before James caught the small smile on his friend’s face. Interesting. “Yeah. I’m coming,” Remus replied to Sirius, “but no disturbing Prongs! Let him sleep!”

James could kiss Remus John Lupin for saving his ass there. He wouldn’t kiss Remus—because he wouldn’t want Sirius to have two reasons to want his head on a stake—but he could. Metaphorically.

“Fine!” was the stubborn response from Sirius as he stomped up the stairs towards their dorm, Remus following behind him.

James and Regulus slipped through the closing door, pulling off the cloak once it was deemed safe and stepping through the opening behind the portrait. The two boys landed in the corridor and James quickly pulled the cloak around his body below his shoulders—leaving his head poking out. Regulus hadn’t stopped once they stepped out. The boy had continued storming down the hallway with long strides, putting as much distance between himself and James as he could.

James watched on with a grin, calling out to the boy, “See you tomorrow, Reggie!”

Regulus didn’t respond to him, not even sparing him a backward glance as he made ground across the corridor. But James didn't care. Regulus hadn’t willingly looked at him in the past before, so he could handle no response from Reggie. Besides, there was always room for change. And James was a hopeful individual. So so hopeful.

It was surprisingly easy to sneak back into his dorm. Sirius was in the bathroom and Peter was lying face down on his bed so neither of them watched the curtains of James’ bed move as he climbed in. From there it was simple enough for him to yawn and push open the curtains as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

To his guilty delight, he had woken once again the next morning with Regulus in his bed. The Slytherin woke up before him as usual, this time by yanking his arm out from underneath him. His eyes had opened to Regulus looking directly at him before the boy climbed out of his bed and disappeared behind the curtain before either of them said a word.

James didn’t know what else to do other than to roll onto his stomach, bury his face in the pillow and groan. Putting his face into where Regulus had been lying may have been a mistake in itself. One inhale of the lingering lavender and lime on the pillow that likely belonged to Regulus’ shampoo had his head spinning. It was reminiscent of the Potions class in sixth year where they brewed Amortentia and he inhaled the citrus, sea salt, lavender and broomstick polish that wafted from his cauldron. Sirius’ curious “What do you smell, Prongs?” was enough shock for James to jolt and almost knock the cauldron off of its stand.

Potions was likely his best subject—as expected for a son of a professional potioneer—but charms and curses? His part-time job as Hogwart prankster and marauder meant he was good at casting them, not breaking them. This was exactly why the library was the best option for him and Regulus in finding answers and setting Reggie free.

He was vaguely aware that Regulus was explaining something to him, the boy’s eyes fixed on the book in front of him in frustration as his mouth moved. Whatever Regulus was saying was lost to James. He was too focused on studying the boy’s face. He hadn’t really got the chance to do so up close in the light. The boy ensured that every morning he woke up before James and moved away too fast for him to memorise his face. He technically had studied Regulus’ face when he woke up the very first time but that didn’t count—he didn’t get to see the boy’s eyes. And he had his answer. They were more grey than Sirius’. A devastating shade of grey that was both stormy and soft. But they were beautiful—as the rest of Regulus’ face was. Angelic, one would say.

He realised a little too late that Regulus’ eyes were no longer on the book but on him. “Potter!” the Slytherin snapped, “are you even paying attention?”

James shook his head, trying to clear his head. He felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment, feeling like a child who got caught eating sweets after dinner. “Uh… yes,” he replied instinctively. “Sorry. You said something about portations?” He swore he had heard that word break through the haze he had just been in.

“Portkeys!” Regulus sighed before going on to explain—likely for the second time. “Which likely isn’t an option because they require Ministry approval and no idiot would approve such a stupid Portkey. And then there’s the fact that it would have to have a specific time alteration on it because I can touch my bed just fine in the middle of the day.”

James took in the information, trying to focus on Regulus’ theories that spilled from his mouth quickly. It was difficult to figure out the exact cause of it when Regulus hadn’t been conscious as he was travelling to James’ bed—whether that was somehow by his own two feet, apparating, or by another means. Either way, James knew that this was going to be tough to crack.

“So, no luck again?” he asked Regulus, forcing his eyes on the book in front of him to remain focused when he heard Regulus’ response.

“Obviously,” Regulus replied, and James watched the man slump back in his chair in his peripheral vision. “Not in this book,” he said with a shake of his head. But, he thought back to something he had heard his parents talking about and was in a paragraph of one of the earlier books he read. “But I was thinking,” he began, feeling Regulus’ eyes on him, “what about a Curse-Breaker?”

He could tell immediately that Regulus disagreed before the boy even opened his mouth. “That would mean our parents would need to be informed of the situation.”

The look that Regulus gave him told him that it wasn’t James’ parents that were the worry—it was Walburga and Orion Black. The nasty members of the Noble and Ancient House of Black would lose their shit if they found out their “remaining” son had been waking up with him.

“Oh, yeah,” James replied, slumping in his own chair, mirroring Regulus. “Well, that’s off the table.”

Regulus abruptly stood up quickly, pushing his chair back from the table. James couldn’t help the panic that ran through him as he looked away from his book and up to Regulus in desperation. His eyes were wide, fearful, as he asked the boy, “Are you leaving?”

He didn’t want Regulus to go. He wanted the boy to stay here.

“I’m just going to go check the enchantment section again to see if we missed anything.”

“Oh, okay,” he replied, relaxing back into his chair. “You’ll let me know when you are leaving, right?”

“Scared I’ll run off without telling you?” Regulus asked, both his voice and face showing no emotion.

“Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to do for the past three mornings?” James was embarrassed at how snarky his voice was but he was overwhelmed and frustrated with keeping this a secret from his friends. Between that and Regulus acting as if he was a parasite and wanted nothing more than to run away from him James’ head was a maze.

Regulus didn’t respond, walking away from him and further into the enchantment section of the library. James immediately felt guilty, desperately wanting to follow the boy but managing to hold himself back and focus on reading the books in front of him. He was certain that Regulus would appreciate him helping find a solution rather than following him to apologise.

He flicked through the pages of a book titled ‘Household Curses to Use on Your Husband’. An interesting title, especially for something in a school library where no students were married. But he still looked through the pages at all the curses listed there, hoping to find something of use. There were curses to turn a person’s shirt inside out once they were on their body. Curses that made their shoes run away before they could put them on their feet. It wasn’t anything that harmed someone, which was surprising since curses were listed as ‘dark charms’ and only seen as being extremely severe. Yet, these seemed more like practical jokes. Good for a prank. He should keep this book in the back of his mind to show Sirius.

He quickly flicked through another book, finding nothing of value and deciding that none of these books were going to have what they needed. He pushed back his chair from the table, walking off in the direction Regulus disappeared to.

As he walked closer to Regulus—who was walking along the shelves looking intently at the books there—he noticed a green book tucked under his arm.

When he was several steps away he asked, “You find anything?”

When Regulus didn’t respond, the Slytherin’s eyes and attention remaining solely on the books, James put a hand on his shoulder to let him know he was there. James was shocked as Regulus spun around instantaneously, pulling his wand from his pocket and aiming it at his throat. It wasn’t touching his skin but it was close enough that James lifted his chin slightly to avoid accidental contact. He raised both his hands in the air beside his head, watching Regulus scowl and shake his head as the boy pocketed his wand and turned back towards the shelf.

James was wondering whether he was supposed to go back to the table now, whether he had been dismissed. He was seconds away from leaving when Regulus took the book out from under his arm and passed it to him without turning around. “This one has the potential to be of use.”

James looked at the title ‘Complex Charms and How to Break Them’ by Cornelius Agrippa. This author he recognised, one that Remus and Lily both looked to when studying for Charms or Defence Against the Dark Arts.

“Ah, Cornelius Agrippa,” he said as he started flipping through the pages. “He’s quite a smart and well-known author. Surely there’s something useful in here.”

He watched Regulus pull out another book, flipping the cover open to read the contents page. James knew it was another unhelpful book as soon as Regulus groaned and returned it to the shelf. Regulus then turned towards him, his hand reaching out for the book that was in James’ hands. James immediately passed the book over with no hesitation.

“I think this one’s it,” Regulus told him.

James looked up at the shelves and saw a book with ‘A Guide to Cursing Objects’ down the spine. “What about this one?” he asked before stepping closer to Regulus to reach a hand up towards the book. He was up on his toes with his head above Regulus’, essentially caving him in as his hand clasped around the book.

Once the book was securely in his hands he rocked from his toes back onto the ground with a noise of satisfaction. Yet, he didn’t step away to return the distance between the two of them. He couldn’t. He really couldn’t. It was like there was a string pulled taut between them, stopping him from moving further away from Regulus. He looked at Regulus, who was staring at the book. The boy reached out a hand to take the book, his fingers brushing against James’ hand and sending a shiver down his spine. To think such casual touches elicited such a response in him when he spent the entire past few nights with their bodies pressed together. He was a lovesick idiot. And extremely delusional.

Regulus flicked open the book and started saying something about cursed furniture and the nature of cursing objects but James was once again lost as he looked at Regulus’ face. His face reminded him of something that was seen in those Muggle artworks Lily adored. Something so beautiful that it had to be captured on a canvas with paint to be adored for centuries. If James had such a painting he was certain he would never look away.

Regulus looked up at him, his mouth moving in what James could make out as, “Are you okay?”

James was not okay. Not okay at all. It simply wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for him to feel so deeply for Regulus. It wasn’t fair that he was stuck looking at him from a distance with stolen glances. It wasn’t fair that this time would eventually come to an end and nothing would come from it. Because this was Regulus. Sirius’ little brother who hated James or was indifferent towards him at least.

So, James drank him up greedily, letting his eyes scan Regulus’ face from his eyes to his chin, lingering on the boy’s lips. He subconsciously leaned closer, wanting to see how the freckles across Regulus’ face looked in the light. But he didn’t get to see the boy’s freckles. In fact, what happened next was something James never saw coming.

He blinked and then Regulus’ lips were on his. His first thought was did I do this? Followed by a brief panic about how Regulus would react before he realised he was stepping back from the momentum of the kiss. Meaning that… Meaning that… What? Regulus. Regulus was kissing him. Regulus was kissing him?

James gasped and brought his hands down to Regulus’ waist to stop himself from falling over. His eyes were still open and he looked at Regulus, whose eyes were firmly closed. Fuck. This was really happening. His eyes fluttered closed and he let out another gasp and just about melted as Regulus’ tongue slipped into his mouth. James had to be dreaming. This was a dream, right? Regulus would never. Regulus didn’t like him.

He heard a noise from the aisle on the other side of the bookcase and tensed. It dawned on him that he was being kissed in a library. A library where anyone could walk in and see them. What would Regulus’ parents think if they found out? Why would Regulus do this?

Regulus pulled back abruptly, walking backwards away from him. James immediately felt cold, wanting the boy to come back. Fuck the other people in the library. He would obliviate the moment from their heads if he had to. Anything to wipe the look of horror off of Regulus’ face. So, when Regulus’ feet hit the bookshelf and he fell back into it, James took a step towards him, trying to help him. But Regulus threw a hand out in front of him, stopping James from getting close to him. He then watched the boy lift his hand to his mouth in horror. A sinking feeling in James’ stomach. There was regret written all over Regulus’ face.

James tried to take another step towards him, desperate to find answers for what had just happened.

“Don’t,” Regulus told him and James came to a stop.

“What was that, Regulus?” James asked him, confused. He was aware that his voice was high-pitched but at that moment he couldn’t control it. “What does this mean?”

Regulus’ voice was a mere whisper as he repeated, “Don’t.”

“What was that?” James said again, a forceful plea. “What was that?”

Regulus’ voice was impossibly small as he repeated, “Don’t. Please.”

James was confused. He didn’t know what was going on. “I don’t understand,” he told Regulus. “What was that? Do you—”

His words were broken off as a loud sob escaped Regulus, followed by the words, “I’m sorry.” And the sound of Regulus’ voice—so broken and small—was enough to shatter James’ heart. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the boy repeated like a chant.

Regulus was sorry? Why was Regulus sorry? James was the one that had made him cry.

“Are you crying?” James asked him, his voice softening. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please stop. I’m sorry.”

He reached out with a hand to try to comfort the boy, desperately wanting to pull him close and help Regulus’ tears disappear. But Regulus only shrank further into himself, batting James’ hand away with one of his own. Regulus looked back up at him, wiping at his tears. James was filled with shock and guilt as he looked at the boy's reddened and tear-stained face. He did this. He made Regulus cry. He made Sirius’ little brother cry. He felt his own eyes welling up at the sight of Regulus’ tears.

Regulus had told him one last time, “I’m sorry,” before the boy turned and ran out of the library.

No. James had to fix this. He called out Regulus’ name and desperately tried to follow him. But it was no use, the boy was long gone and James was left alone with his tears. He walked back to where the books Regulus had been holding were on the floor, sitting down beside them and pulling his knees up to his chest. He rested his head back against the bookshelf and let the tears fall.

His brain scrambled for the answers, reeling for anywhere to fix this. Stupid. Stupid stupid idiot, his internal monologue reprimanded.

He stayed there for a few minutes, curled up against the bookshelf as his thoughts raced around his brain at a speed he couldn’t keep up with before by some chance Remus found him curled up on the ground. James looked up at his friend, his mouth twitching with a sad smile.

“James,” Remus said softly. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Those last few words—that question—were enough for another sob to escape him. “We finally kissed and I did nothing. I thought I was imagining things and then he was crying,” he hiccuped, “and now I’m crying. Merlin, I’m so pathetic. I finally get what I want and I ruin it.”

Remus slowly lowered himself to the floor, wincing at the strain it surely had on his aching joints. James immediately sobbed again at the sight of his friend’s pain. He seemed to be causing everyone pain, wasn’t he?

Remus placed a hand on James’ knee. “You aren’t pathetic for crying, James. This whole thing sounds like a misunderstanding to me. Just give him some space and you some time to calm down and relax, alright? You can find him and talk to him about it tomorrow when you’re feeling better.”

James hiccupped again. “W-what if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”

“Then you wait until he does. Don’t give up hope, James.”

“His things are over on the table over there around the corner. He’ll need them tomorrow for class.”

Remus nodded. “I’ll get them to him. You don’t have to worry about that. Are you okay here by yourself while I deal with that?”

James nodded and climbed to his feet, holding out his hands to Remus to help his friend up. He knew it was still painful for his friend but relieved some of the strain.

As Remus walked off, James sat back down on the floor, reaching for the books beside him that Regulus left behind and opening the cover-up.