Chapter 5
The final time that Harry kissed Draco, was on the eve of his wedding ceremony. No one had really known about it until they were sending off invitations, but then Draco hadn't told anyone. Arranged marriages were common in pureblood families, so it wasn't too interesting, then. During the war, it was the furthest thing on his mind, and then afterwards he supposed he had forgotten himself.
Maybe not forgotten, but with his father in prison he didn't really think he'd have to go through with it anymore, but it turns out that the Greengrasses had made things more final than he'd expected. Apparently, they'd already given his father a dowry. One that he couldn't really afford to pay back because of the reparations taken from the Malfoy fortune.
He hadn't wanted to invite Harry. He didn't want to invite anyone, but especially not him. It was too... complicated. Not physically. Physically, they were friends. Not even close friends, if he was honest. But in other ways, it was very, very complicated. But not inviting him would say something that he wasn't prepared to face. And he supposed it would always have to stay that way, now.
All the preparations had been finalised, and Draco was about to go to bed when he felt the wards shift. He hated when they did that; it made his skin feel like how nails on a chalkboard sound. He rolled his shoulders to make the feeling go away, before apperating to the front door. He wasn't supposed to apperate indoors, as his mother insisted it was improper. But his mother was off sorting the last-minute bits for the wedding, and he was tired.
He could hear it thundering outside and Draco was privately glad; while it was seen as a bad omen for it to rain on your wedding day, he liked the way it pattered gently on the wards above them in the courtyard, and how the garden revived in colours and scent.
He opened the door; the cold hitting him like a wave, to find Harry Potter on his doorstep.
Harry had visited a total of three times, by then. The first: when he was kidnapped during the war, and the second was to tell him that his father had died, fresh out of Hogwarts. It was for that reason that he felt a pit in his stomach throb as he contemplated what the third could be for.
"You're getting Married?" The raven said, cutting Draco's theories short.
"I.. yes." He had been afraid of this, he suddenly realised. "I sent out the invitation awhile ago, Harry." A few years ago, a younger Draco would have said it with an edge. He said it now with a sadness that spoke more than its surface.
"I get a lot of post, and it looked fancy. I thought it was some kind of ministry party." Harry said it defensively, but his arms remained wrapped around his mid. Draco realised this was probably from the cold, and so he ushered him inside, closing the door behind them.
"I'm sorry, I didn't consider that. Mother handled the invitations." Maybe Harry was upset because he couldn't come? It was understandably late notice, of course.
"No, I don't care about any of that. It's just.. you're getting married? I didn't even know you were dating?"
"It's complicated... I don't think it's the sort of thing you'd understand."
"What do you mean?"
Draco sighed, "It's an arranged marriage."
"An... what? I didn't even know the Wizarding world had those?"
"It's only really something traditional families do." He wondered if the Potters' did those. Obviously not Harry's parents, but those of a few generations before. Maybe in another life, it wouldn't be Astoria he'd be set to wed.
"Can't you get out of it?"
"If I could then I obviously would, Harry." That was a bit of a lie. He could get the money; it wouldn't be easy but it'd be possible. His only reservation was that it was his father who had put it in place, and now that he was gone... Draco knew that he had been a bad person, but he was still his father.
"Why didn't you tell me? I'm sure I could've-"
"It wasn't something I wanted to talk about." Draco felt like his throat was closing up. He fought the urge to grip at it or undo the top buttons of his sleep shirt.
"Well, I'm sure I can still stop it. I'll tell Kingsley, and-"
"Harry, no. I've made the decision not to fight the contract."
"But why? Don't you want to marry who you want to?"
"Arranged marriages aren't all that terrible. Astoria is perfectly nice, and you don't have to be in love to have a successful marriage."
"But wouldn't you prefer it that way?"
"Harry, I was a death eater. I haven't exactly had the most luck in terms of dating. In terms of anything, really. This will be a good thing."
"But what if I don't want to say goodbye?" It was then that he noticed that it wasn't just the rain dampening his face, but tears too.
"You wouldn't be, Harry. It'd be the same as before."
"I shouldn't have been a coward" Harry wasn't listening to him, anymore. "I should have just said it."
"Said what?"
"That I love you."
Draco felt his heart grow big, and break all in the same beat. He couldn't tell him this now. Not when he had been doing so well in staying away.
"I love you, Draco. I have for years."
"Don't say that, Harry" he begged. He felt like he were going to faint, or cry or both. I want this. Want you, but I can't. This needs to stop. It can't happen.
"I love you so much"
"You can't tell me this. Not now- please, Harry. Please, you can't." Harry's eyes were the biggest Draco'd ever seen them, and so green. The dangerous hue of a forest at night. A forest on fire.
The raven was captivating. Not the boy who lived, or the chosen one. Harry. He was powerful (to an unsettling degree, at times). Draco had found himself consumed by Harry during Hogwarts. So, in finding out about the marriage- he had pulled away.
He was starting to think that hadn't changed anything. The years had only made him more alluring. If Draco were a sailor, he was certain that Harry would be the Siren to draw him into the water.
Harry was soaked from the rain, and all together haggard. Panting like he were chasing the snitch. Eyes glinting like he'd caught it. "Didn't you ever consider it? Consider me?" Tears fell freely down rose-tinted cheeks.
"Of course I did, Harry" his chest ached. Throbbing and unrelenting. "But I knew I couldn't. This was always the plan." He should've told Harry, the first time he'd kissed him. Or if not, then maybe the second. Third. Fourth. Or he could've just casually told his friend, Harry, during those happy days outside. Harry, I'm engaged. But he was selfish. He didn't want to end the sunshine of their laughing. He didn't want Harry to stop looking at him like he had charmed the stars to shine.
It was with the crease of dark brows, and that soft pout of bloody-bitten lips that his resolve finally crumbled. It was with clarity, finality, and a lasting sense of surety that he realised that there was no happiness without Harry. No anything without Harry, and certainly no Draco.
As though he had seen the change, Harry pressed forward and kissed him with smooth, firm lips that fit with his perfectly. A beat -one where everything stood still, and nothing else mattered- before Draco wound his arms around the raven's waist, pressing their bodies together. Like coming up for air, Draco found he couldn't get enough of Harry. Pulling him closer, pressing his fingers into the sharp angles of his jaw. That desperation simmered into something much more gentle, however, when he felt Harry smiling against his mouth.
Kissing Harry felt like surrender. Not like giving up. It felt good. Like relief. Like finally being able to rest after a perilous day. Perilous life.
He had never kissed him like this before, yet it was akin to coming home. Like the warm of his breath were an oasis, and the rest of the world a desert. They were so close that Draco could feel the raven's heart against his chest. It hummed in gentle beats of, I like you. Love you. Stay with me. Forever. Please.
He pulled away panting and delirious; locking onto Harry's eyes like they were the only thing keeping him upright. And when the air grew too cold without him, he pressed back in, tucking his head into his shoulder. He smelled intoxicating, and knowing that it wouldn't be the last time he'd breathe it in, balmed over a pain he hadn't noticed until it had stopped hurting.
"Does this mean the wedding's cancelled?"
"Yes, Harry." Had he just been seduced by Harry Potter?
"Okay," The raven grinned into his neck victoriously. Caught the snitch, indeed.