Shadows of Change
Shadows of Change
The summer before his 5th year at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin met Grant, an older Muggle boy, at a library not far from his home. At 15, Remus was tall and lanky, his frame still fragile from the curse he carried with him. He spent hours alone in the library, reading in an attempt to escape the constant pressure his condition placed on him. But that all changed the day he encountered Grant.
Grant was 19, a college student with an easygoing attitude and an aura of confidence Remus found both intriguing and somewhat intimidating. He was everything Remus wasn’t—blunt, loud, and carefree. Grant introduced him to things Remus had never considered before: cigars, alcohol, marijuana. The substances calmed Remus in ways nothing else could, and for the first time in a long while, he felt a bit more at ease in his skin, the war between his curse and his magic settling into a more tolerable rhythm.
Grant also introduced him to something else—his first kiss. It was nothing like the stories Remus had read about. It was more like a test than a romance—quick, impulsive, with neither of them thinking much beyond the moment. They weren’t in love, and they both knew it. There was a certain sexual tension between them, a kind of unspoken understanding that they were both playing roles in each other's lives for reasons beyond affection.
Remus found it difficult to hide the truth from Grant. One night, after a few drinks and a long conversation, he confessed to Grant that he was permanently ill, explaining how his curse was more than just the occasional inconvenience. The truth hung heavy in the air between them, but Grant didn’t flinch. He didn’t fully understand what Remus was going through, but he accepted it, in his own way.
Through Grant, Remus was introduced to a new world of Muggle experiences. They spent evenings at college pubs, where Remus met students from all walks of life—eccentric, artistic, and loud with their personalities. It was there that he discovered the music of the era—rock, disco, funk, and soul. The sound of The Beatles’ melodies struck something deep within him, and Remus found himself captivated by Muggle music. It was an escape he hadn’t expected, a way to feel something pure and free amidst the constant storm of his curse.
One of Grant’s friends introduced Remus to a small, tight-knit hippie community. They were a group of free spirits who lived on the outskirts of London, embracing an alternative lifestyle. The community welcomed Remus with open arms, offering him a place to explore his identity and the concepts of sexual liberation, drug use, and spiritual growth. They taught him about Eastern philosophies like Buddhism and Hinduism, and Remus began to meditate, finding that it helped with the tension his curse and magic caused. He felt himself becoming more attuned to the world around him, more at peace with himself than he’d ever been.
But not everyone understood. Grant, though he had introduced Remus to much of this world, wasn’t pleased with how often Remus was using drugs. He didn’t know that magic kept him from addiction, or worse, complications like STDs. He didn’t know that Remus had found a kind of balance through his exploration of both Muggle culture and his own magical self.
The distance between them grew. What had once felt like a fun escape, a temporary distraction from Remus's troubled reality, began to show its cracks. They were two people in different places—Grant, still pursuing his own carefree life; Remus, increasingly drawn to a deeper understanding of himself and the world. Eventually, they parted ways, no hard feelings, but with the quiet understanding that they were both moving in separate directions.
For Remus, the summer had been transformative. He discovered not just the world outside of Hogwarts, but parts of himself he hadn’t known he was searching for. He had learned to navigate his curse in a way that wasn’t solely defined by the pain it caused him, and in the music and the freedom of those Muggle festivals, he found a sense of liberation he had never known before.
As the summer faded into the autumn, and the start of his 5th year at Hogwarts loomed, Remus knew that the boy he had been before wasn’t the same one who would walk through the school gates. He had discovered new friends, new music, and perhaps most importantly, new ways of managing the weight of the curse that defined him.
The summer before his 5th year at Hogwarts, Sirius Black, now 15, had grown restless. His father, ever obsessed with politics, remained a distant figure, and his mother, a constant presence of disdain and coldness, had been permanently removed from the family a few years ago. His brother, Regulus, was preoccupied with friends from his course year, leaving Sirius to his own devices. Tired of being confined to the house, Sirius seized the opportunity to escape the suffocating expectations of his pure-blood world and slip into Muggle London.
Though his father had worked hard over the years to temper Sirius’s curiosity about Muggles, the rebellious streak in him refused to be stifled. At 15, Sirius was tall, lean, and bursting with energy—an extrovert with a need to see the world for himself. No more confined to the stiff upper-crust confines of his family. No more rigid expectations of what he should be. It was time to explore.
On his first excursion that summer, Sirius found himself at a tattoo parlor. The place was dimly lit, with the hum of needles and the scent of ink in the air. Sirius was immediately captivated. He had seen the tattoos before, on people who carried the weight of their own stories on their skin. It was different here—a world far removed from his family's world of perfectly tailored suits and polished appearances. Here, it was raw, it was authentic, and Sirius was hooked.
With his characteristic charm and persistence, he wore down one of the tattoo artists, a gruff, burly man with a shaved head and thick tattoos covering his arms. The man, part of a local biker community, was initially indifferent, but soon found himself amused by Sirius’s unrelenting questions and natural curiosity. Over time, the tattoo artist warmed to the eager young boy, eventually taking him under his wing.
“Alright, kid,” the man said one day, a smirk tugging at his lips as he handed Sirius a sketchpad. “You wanna be a part of this world, you gotta learn how to draw first.”
And draw, Sirius did. He spent hours sketching, learning from the biker, who not only taught him the art of tattoos but also introduced him to the world of piercings. By the end of the summer, Sirius had two piercings in each ear and one on his tongue, an outward expression of his newfound identity. His love for the Muggle world only deepened when the tattoo artist gave him his first tattoo—his own personal constellation, the Sirius constellation, inked on the back of his neck. It was a symbol of who he was now—something he could keep hidden from everyone else if he needed to, but something that would always belong to him.
The tattoo parlor wasn’t just about ink and needles—it was the gateway to an entirely new world. The biker and his friends introduced Sirius to Muggle music, and it was like a fire igniting inside him. He fell in love with pop, funk, and rock and roll, unable to get enough of the vibrant, rebellious energy of the music. The biker crew, mostly in their mid-20s, treated him like a stray puppy they couldn’t help but adopt. They showed him how to drive a bike, taking him to their favorite biker pub where Sirius had his first taste of alcohol—strong, bitter, and definitely not what he was used to at family dinners.
But it wasn’t just about the alcohol or the bikes. It was about freedom. The bikers took him to rock and roll parties, underground music festivals, and pop gigs, and Sirius absorbed it all like a sponge. He reveled in the fashion—combat boots, leather jackets, ripped jeans—and the way the Muggle world just let him be whoever he wanted. He adored the rush of the motorcycles, and soon enough, they had him earning the nickname “Adrenaline Junkie,” given his newfound obsession with speed and the open road.
His appearance began to change with his transformation. Sirius painted his nails black, lined his eyes with thick black eyeliner, and made sure his piercings were always on display. His leather jackets became a part of his identity—his own way of rebelling against the image of the well-groomed Black heir his family expected him to be. Each new piece of his style was a declaration of independence, a move further away from the suffocating expectations of his family.
Though his adventures in Muggle London were nothing short of intoxicating, Sirius never forgot the sense of belonging he found among the bikers and their music. They were like family to him in a way that his own blood relatives had never been. And for the first time, Sirius felt seen for who he truly was, not for the expectations that weighed on him at home.
As the summer wore on, and he prepared to return to Hogwarts, Sirius couldn’t help but feel that a part of him would never be the same. The boy who had once been trapped in his family’s world of pure-blood supremacy and rigid rules had evolved into someone new—someone who reveled in the freedom of the Muggle world, of rock and roll, of rebellion. And though he knew his family wouldn’t understand, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
The summer before his 5th year at Hogwarts was a time of reflection and quiet self-discovery for Severus Snape. The first week was spent primarily alleviating the guilt of his friends over the Animagus transformation mishap, trying to make peace with the fact that, despite everything, he had somehow found himself intertwined with the Marauders in ways he couldn't easily escape. He could feel the weight of their actions, but he also knew the importance of moving on.
His next goal was more personal—a journey to understand the strange merging of his old soul with his younger soul, a strange consequence of the Animagus incident. He wasn’t just the Severus Snape he had always known; something had shifted, and he was different now. He had to learn the boundaries of his magic as a phoenix, and he spent quiet moments testing his abilities, experimenting with the newfound power, all while grappling with the confusion of who he was becoming. His magic felt more ancient, yet his emotions remained tied to a past he had little memory of.
Then there was Petunia. Severus couldn’t help but think of her often. When the summer began, there was something else that lingered in his mind—he couldn’t wait to see her. Petunia was the one person who would believe him, the one person who could understand the bizarre nature of his existence. She, too, had a different life than anyone knew, a life tied to a different world, and he felt that if there was anyone who might understand the merging of his souls, it was her.
One warm afternoon, as Petunia enjoyed her break from her usual life, Severus found the courage to visit her. He’d always been somewhat awkward around her after he started to noticed her as girl on first year, their interactions laden with a subtle tension between them, but something had shifted within him. The merging of his souls had given him clarity in ways he hadn’t anticipated.
Petunia, still wearing the same somber yet welcoming expression she always had, listened intently as Severus spoke. It was as though the words just came rushing out, spilling from him like a confession, an explanation he could no longer keep inside.
"Petunia," Severus began, his voice low and steady, "I need to tell you something. Something I haven't been able to fully explain, even to myself."
She tilted her head, her curiosity piqued, as he continued.
"The mishap during the Animagus transformation... it wasn’t just an accident. It was an event that connected me to an alternate version of myself. I—" Severus hesitated for a moment, his hands nervously flexing. "I know now that I am more than just Severus Snape. My soul... it’s merged with the soul of another Severus, one from a world different from this one. And with it came the knowledge, the power, and the experiences of that other life. But there’s no emotional connection to that past—it’s like... I’ve been given all this power, but I’m still trying to make sense of who I am in this life."
Petunia remained silent for a moment, processing his words. Severus could see the understanding in her eyes, and it gave him a sense of relief, though he wasn’t sure what to expect next.
"I think," Severus continued, more carefully now, "that part of my soul was rewarded for the sacrifices I made in that other life. It was... merged with the younger version of me here, in this world. I’m carrying two existences now, two memories, but only one path to walk."
Petunia took a breath and finally spoke, her voice soft yet resonant. "You’re not the only one with a different kind of past. I’m not just Petunia Evans, you know. I was Veronica once, from another world, and everything that’s happened since my arrival here changed the course of things. I... I understand what it’s like to have lived another life, and to feel like you're trying to fit the pieces of who you were into who you are now."
There was something profound in her words—an unspoken bond formed between them, something neither had shared with anyone else. In that moment, they were no longer just Severus Snape and Petunia Evans, but two individuals who had both crossed into this world from elsewhere, each carrying pieces of a life they couldn’t fully understand.
From that day forward, their relationship deepened in a way that neither could have predicted. There was an unspoken understanding between them, a shared sense of what it meant to live in bodies that didn’t quite feel their own, to be disconnected from the lives they should have had. They began to confide in each other more, their conversations no longer about surface-level matters but about things that cut deeper—identity, the weight of their past lives, the confusion of their present circumstances.
Severus’s feelings for Petunia also began to shift. What had once been a mild, confused crush bloomed into something much stronger as they spent more time together. He admired her strength, her quiet resilience in the face of everything she had experienced, and for the first time, Severus began to realize that he was not just drawn to her in a way that felt familiar, but in a way that felt essential. She was someone who understood him in ways no one else could, and her presence made the ache of his soul's confusion feel a little more bearable.
Petunia, too, started to see Severus in a new light. She had always known him as the brooding, awkward boy from her past, but as they talked more, she saw the complexity behind his silence. She saw his vulnerability, the part of him that was still learning how to navigate the strange, supernatural world he had been thrust into, and she couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. Their connection grew stronger by the day, as they shared more of themselves than they had ever dared before.
By the end of the summer, the shift was undeniable. Petunia found herself thinking about Severus in ways she hadn’t expected. There was a quiet intimacy between them, a bond that was fragile but real. She began to realize that her feelings for him had evolved beyond mere friendship. And for Severus, the crush he had once harbored for her had grown into something more profound—something that, despite the confusion of his existence, felt right. In a world where they both seemed to exist out of sync with time, they found solace in each other.
When summer ended, and the time came for Severus to return to Hogwarts, he couldn’t help but feel a mixture of anticipation and sadness. His connection with Petunia was something he’d never imagined would develop into anything more than a strange kinship. But as the days passed and they parted ways, Severus couldn’t deny the change in his heart. Their bond was one that defied the rules of the world they lived in, and perhaps, in the end, it was exactly what he needed to finally feel like he was starting to understand who he truly was.
Since their first year at Hogwarts, James Potter had known that Lily Evans was going to be his. It had been a stubborn belief, a certainty he couldn’t shake. He’d spent years trying to win her over, often in the most misguided ways—teasing, showing off, and doing everything he could to get her attention. But by the summer before their 5th year, James had started to realize something: all of that bravado, all the attention-seeking gestures, hadn’t worked. If anything, they had pushed her further away.
This summer, though, James was determined to show Lily the new side of him—the side that wasn’t just a prankster, but someone who had grown, matured, and understood what it meant to truly care for someone. He began sending Lily letters every few days, each one an attempt to communicate the sincerity of his feelings, to show her that he was more than the boy who had constantly annoyed her.
Lily’s initial response was cold, as always. She’d barely glanced at his letters, her frustration with his teasing still fresh in her mind. To her, James had always been a source of irritation, a reminder of the immaturity she despised. But as the weeks wore on, and James persisted with his heartfelt letters—no longer teasing, no longer arrogant—Lily began to notice something different. In his words, there was a humility that hadn’t been there before. A softness.
Lily started responding, cautiously at first, but over time, their correspondence became a space where James could show the side of him that no one else had ever seen. Slowly, she saw past his previous behavior, glimpsing the thoughtful, earnest person behind it. She still wasn’t sure if she was ready to accept him, but she couldn’t deny the shift—James was changing. The more she saw of this new side of him, the more she began to believe that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t the arrogant boy she’d once thought him to be.
Regulus Black had always felt like an outsider in his own home. His parents’ unrelenting pressure to conform, to uphold the Black family name, made him feel like nothing more than a shadow in a house full of expectations. This summer, Regulus had spent most of his time visiting his friends—Barty Crouch Jr., Evan Rosier, and Pandora, each of whom, in their own way, shared his frustrations with the Wizarding world’s rigid structures. They were a comfort to him, and yet, even within that comfort, Regulus felt a growing distance from everything. The weight of his family’s expectations continued to hang over him, and he began to pull away even more, choosing sarcasm as a defense against the stifling world he felt trapped in.
One thing that weighed heavily on Regulus’s mind, however, was his older brother, Sirius. He couldn’t ignore the changes he saw in him over the summer. Regulus had always known that Sirius was different from the rest of the family—he was rebellious, headstrong, and constantly pushing against the rigid values the Blacks held dear. But this summer, it was more than that. Sirius seemed to be embracing a new version of himself, one that Regulus had never seen before. The piercings, the new attitude, the distance from the family—it was clear that Sirius was no longer the boy who had fit in so perfectly within the Black household.
Regulus didn’t know what would happen when their father inevitably noticed the changes in Sirius, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it would only escalate. The Black family was a powder keg, and Sirius’s defiance was the spark that could ignite it all. Regulus wasn’t sure where he fit in that explosion, but he couldn’t help but wait for the inevitable fallout. It would be the breaking point, he knew.
As if that wasn’t enough, Regulus was grappling with his own feelings. His crush on Lily, was something he had come to accept as inevitable. She had always been kind to him, and her fiery personality intrigued him in a way that no one else’s did. Regulus admired her strength, her wit, and her unyielding sense of self. But there was another feeling that confused him—his crush on someone else, someone who was nothing like Lily, and yet who held a similar grip on his heart.
It was a secret he kept locked away, even from himself. That person was, of all people, James Potter. Yes, James— one of his brother best friends at school. Regulus couldn’t quite make sense of it. James was obnoxious, self-centered, and always wanted to be the center of attention. And yet, there was something about him, something that Regulus couldn’t quite place, that had drawn him in. Was it the confidence? The way he seemed to carry himself? Or was it something more complicated, something that Regulus wasn’t ready to face?
As summer wore on, Regulus’s mood grew darker. He felt like he was caught in a storm, being pulled in two different directions—one towards the girl he knew he could never have, and the other towards the boy he could never admit he had feelings for. It was a conflict he didn’t know how to resolve, and the weight of it only made him more withdrawn, more sarcastic, and more disillusioned with everything around him.
By the time the summer ended, Regulus had become more of a mystery to those around him. He was no longer the dutiful son of the Black family. Instead, he was someone much harder to read—someone who had seen the world with a new set of eyes and didn’t like what he saw. The boy who once had a clear path now found himself at a crossroads, unsure of where to go, who to be, or who to trust.