Standoff

Peter was slowly being driven insane by the chase. Day by day he was getting increasingly obsessed with Gilderoy Lockhart. Shit. 

“Hey Pete!” Sirius called, lounging on the windowsill in the dorm the four marauders shared, “How’s the cologne chase going? Any success with the birdie?”

“Don’t let the Ravenclaws hear you calling them that,” Remus warned, walking over to take a seat next to his boyfriend. 

The two of them had been low-key about their relationship since they’d begun dating half a year ago. Only their closest friends knew about them, and they liked to keep it that way. After all the drama they’d experienced throughout their time at Hogwarts, the marauders had collectively decided to keep their final year at the school drama free. 

“C’mon, let me have some fun Moony, I’m expressing myself,” Sirius enunciated, waggling his eyebrows.

Remus rolled his eyes, but dropped the subject, always weak to his boyfriend’s antics. Sirius reached out his hand, which Remus took in his own, weaving together their fingers.

A gagging sound reminded the pair of their neglected friend, on the other side of the dorm. 

“Sorry Pete, you know how it is - once I lay eyes on Moony, I just can’t look away,” Sirius laughed, flashing an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, don’t mind me - I’ll just be over here perfecting the art of being single.” Peter muttered, continuing, “You know, it really is an art form. Like, how often can you stare at the ceiling and reflect on your life choices? As often as you want when you’re single.” 

“I bet you do that a lot, right Pete?”

“Constantly, all the time.”

“I thought you spent all your free time thinking about Lockhart’s cologne?” Remus cut in teasingly. 

Peter groaned, “I mean it Moony, if I could smell only one scent for the remainder of my life, I’d choose his cologne. It’s that good.”

“So it’s worth all the time you’ve spent chasing the poor sod around the castle?” Remus chuckled, “The poor bloke’s gotta be real tired of you by now, mate.”

“Do I look like I care, Moony? I’ve literally been chasing him down like a bloodhound on a mission. And what did I get? Nothing. Not even a hint. I’m starting to think his cologne is some kind of government secret. Why can’t he just tell me?”

The last sentence was said with such desperation that his two friends had to avoid looking at each other for fear of bursting into laughter.

“Well, let us know if you need any help with this whole ‘cologne thing’ mate, we’d be happy to help.” Sirius offered, a mischievous smile rising on his regal features. 

“Speak for yourself, I want no part in this.” Remus interjected, swatting at him lightly with his hand.

“Don’t be such a buzzkill, Lu!” Sirius chastised him.

“Thanks for the offer Padfoot, but it’s personal now. I need to do this myself.” Peter said before the two could continue their flirting, “I’m gonna go to the library. I’m on a mission to find the book with the longest title and the least amount of content. It’s harder than it sounds.”

“Well, good luck with that Wormy, we’ll be cheering you on from here.”

The walk to the library was uneventful, apart from the appearance of Mrs Norris, Peter’s arch nemesis. Being a literal rat was nice and all, until he had to interact with cats, his natural predators. He would never admit it to another human being. Ever. But Peter Pettigrew was deathly afraid of cats. It obviously stemmed from his animagus form being a rat, and he had to fight the sudden urge to run any time he spotted the devil’s spawn. 

The glowing, yellow eyes followed his movements from the corridor as he entered the library. Securely shutting the doors behind him, Peter spotted Lily Evans sitting buried in books in a secluded corner. He strolled over to join her, taking a seat in the chair opposite.

“Morning Pete,” she gave him a sleepy smile, “have you seen James? We have a project due on Thursday and I haven’t seen him all morning.”

“He’s probably still on the quidditch pitch, training for the match on Sunday, “ Peter replied, adding, “He scares the living shit outta me every morning when he gets up at the ass-crack of dawn to go practice.”

“I can imagine. I’ve seen how obsessed he gets when he’s passionate about something. It seems to be a trait that all you ‘marauders’ share,” she said knowingly. 

Peter waved his hand through the air, as if swatting away imaginary flies, “Please Lily, I just had a conversation about this with Dumb and Dumber. I don’t think I can handle another one this soon.”

“Ok then, have you started writing your charms essay yet? I can’t believe Flitwick’s piling up our work so much when we’re already stressed with our NEWT studies!” Lily burst out, reaching up with both hands to mess up her hair.

She looked like a mess, with large bags under her eyes and her fiery red hair sticking up in all directions. Peter could tell from her uneven fingernails that she’d been biting them. 

“Hey, Lils, maybe it’s time for a break,” Peter said, “I saw Mary and Marlene in the common room earlier. You should join them for a bit, to relax a little.”

“You’re right Pete, I’m not getting any work done here. I’ll see you later!”

She collected her books and waved at him as she left, moving quickly under the weight of the large tomes. Peter watched her go, glad that she was getting better at prioritizing her well-being over schoolwork. 

He reached into his bag to extract his own schoolwork, when he caught a glimpse of gold out of the corner of his eye. Turning his head in that direction, he saw Gilderoy Lockhart - the culprit of his obsessions - browsing the shelves in search of a book. 

Peter immediately got up, running. With only a few meters left between them, he stopped running, sliding the final distance to the bookcase. He leaned against it, one hand stabilizing himself, the other ready to grab the boy if he attempted to escape. 

“Please just leave me be! I’m not telling you!” Lockhart immediately deadpanned, growing visibly tense. 

“But I need to know. It’s literally a matter of life and death - that cologne is the holy grail of masculinity! I will genuinely keep chasing you until you tell me. You’re not getting away.”

Peter leaned closer, smelling the familiar scent gracing his nose. 

“Stop sniffing me!” Lockhart squeaked, his voice going up an octave and taking on an almost girly pitch. His face had gone red when he continued, “I’m not a flower!”

 Peter considered, “Well-”

“No! I don’t want to talk to you, and I’m not telling you which cologne I use.” 

“At this point, you’ve got me thinking that the cologne is illegal or something. Is that why you can’t tell me? Because the Aurors would be after you? Don’t worry, I can keep a secret.”

Lockhart scoffed, “No Pettigrew, the cologne is not illegal. I’m simply not interested in telling you. Goodbye.”

Right at that moment, a kind voice joined the conversation.

“There you are Gil! I’ve been searching for you,” Pandora Lovegood said, placing a hand on Lockhart’s shoulder, “Oh, hello Peter. How nice to see you.”

“Hi Pandora! I like your necklace, silver really suits you,” Peter told her, smiling. 

Pandora Lovegood was universally loved at Hogwarts, her whimsical demeanor charming even the coldest Slytherin, a prime example being Regulus Black, who was famously her best friend. 

“Thank you,” she smiled at Lockhart, “It’s time to go now, Gil. I’m quite certain that the cactus in my dorm has been plotting against me. I’ve been receiving strange looks from it for a few weeks now. You’re good with plants, could you please help me out?”

“Of course Pan, let’s go right away.”

“Well, don’t mind me. I’ll be here reading up on- “ Peter looked at a random book, reading its title, “‘How to Tell If Your Wand is Judging You’. Fascinating stuff - you won’t be seeing me for the next few days, with this in my possession.”

“I sure hope not,” Lockhart muttered sullenly, taking hold of Pandora’s hand and leading her away. 

Peter watched them leave, slowly formulating a rough plan in his mind. That cologne was going to be his.