Almost Enough

For a quick moment of clarity, Angela has realized she has spent almost all of today in her car. It was now approaching 9 pm, and her head was empty. The ride felt heavier than night itself, the rain was now a drizzle, the streetlights streaked past in a blur. Nothing could distract her from what she had just done. The weight of her decision crushed her.

One hand in her lap fidgeted as she nervously ran it up and down her thigh, her other hand gripping the wheel as if it was her only tether to reality. This car ride was not quiet, instead it was thick with thoughts she could not escape. Her chest moved as her breathing became rapid, and like Amanda, she yelled. She pulled over, and banged her head on the steering wheel. She lost the one audition that was going to make her big, and she lost the only woman she knows would truly love her.

Fuck it.

She put her car back in drive, and hightailed it to the bar she had her sights on. She needed to fill her body with poison, it was the only thing to match what was in her heart right now.

She kept replaying what happened in the bathroom. How Amanda had so kindly brought her in from the pouring rain, carried her all the way upstairs, and how she gently held her head as she helped her clean up.

But she also walked away.

The hum of her car was steady, so different than the beat of her heart, a part of her wanted to turn around, to run to Amanda and make everything right. But as she neared the bar, she wasn’t sure if she was seeking comfort in something else, or a place to feel alone without feeling lonely.

~

Angela entered the bar and sat in a booth in the back. Ordered two shots of something that burned her throat worse than the yelling she did earlier. A drink or two found its way into her mouth, and she could feel her body become lighter.

She sat at her table, finger lightly tracing the rim of her glass, aimlessly checking her phone over and over for a text from Amanda. A text that was definitely not coming. The weight of her home, sitting by herself in devastation was too overwhelming, she started to get up, when someone sat down across from her.

“Rough night?” The silky stranger asked, his voice low.

She looked up to meet his gaze, his smile was easy, his eyes soft. His eyes were dark brown, and a sense of familiarity washed over her. A fleeting feeling crossed her body, a breath of air before she is pulled back into the water.

She could stay. It’s not like he was wanting anything from her, he was just lonely. And so was she. Another drink. Another moment where she doesn’t have to think about the consequences of her actions, and she doesn’t have to think about what awaits her at the house.

Or- she could leave, before she does something she may regret.

She decides to stay.

The conversation stretched on, and it’s an easy conversation, easier than the one that happened earlier. His words are gentle, no expectation, no history shared between them. Just casual back and forth conversation between two people who have nothing to lose.

Except she has everything to lose.

Another drink, another shot, another drink.

She was plastered at this point, losing almost all control of her senses. She tells him about her running out of her rehearsal for her show, and he listens. He chuckles slightly, imagining her running out of a place where she always belonged. He nodded like it mattered. Like she mattered.

His story was light as well, and she listened to the best of her ability. She was plenty of shots and drinks in, and she noticed he only had two beers, and now he was sipping on something she drank not too long ago. His story works, and she laughs.

For the first time since she left Chanse’s apartment, she forgot about why she was even here. About the things she didn’t say, and she got up to call him to pick her up, but the stranger reached for her.

“You have a beautiful smile. I love to hear you laugh.” She should’ve been alarmed, but she wasn’t. A song came on, the same one Amanda was humming to in the kitchen earlier. “I love this song.”

He laughed slightly, “I don’t know this one, maybe you could teach me?”

A part of her wants to, to lean into his touch for a moment longer, one more drink, one more story, one more reason to stay with him.

Streets away, the clock on the wall at their apartment ticked, counting down reasons why Angela needed to leave.

She sat back down with him. The conversation went back and forth between them, and as the song ended, her senses started to come back to her. The phone in her pocket, heavy. His presence and touch was a line not yet crossed, but it so easily could be. His eyebrow raised as her expression changed.

“You should probably go. I can tell that you have someone waiting on you at home.”

She nodded slowly, vision blurry, her head swimming. “I probably should.”

She hesitated for a moment, and for a second she really considered it. The part of her that wanted to stay, and experience temporary relief that would have cost her a lifetime of regret, and she almost did. But, she reached for her purse, slid off the booth, and walked away.

Back to the life that was waiting for her, to the love waiting on her.

Back to home.

~
Amanda sat quietly in bed, her heart shattered seeing Angela had left, and she even took Spork with her. So here she is, in bed, waiting for Angela to walk in the door. She never comes.

Her phone lit up, her stomach dropped, hoping it was Angela. Begging the universe for it to be Angela. It wasn’t. It was Courtney.

She picked up the phone, tried to calm down, and answered the call.

“Hey Movie Mandy! How are you?”

Amanda opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

“Amanda?”

“Angela left. She took Spork with her, she went to Chanse’s.” Was all she could get out before she started to cry.

“What?! Oh my god, Amanda please come over. Shayne and I were going to invite you both over for dinner tomorrow…” At this Amanda let out a small squeak.

“...if you need me to come get you I will.”

“Please..”

“I’m on my way.” (NO PUN INTENDED THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SAD)

Amanda looked at herself in the mirror, cooled her face with a wet towel, and waited patiently for Courtney to come. They showed up not too long after the two of them hung up the phone.

“Oh Mandy, I’m so sorry.”

“She’ll be back, I just know it.”

“For your sake, I really hope so.”

~
They made it back to Shayne and Courtney’s apartment, Shayne reading a book on the couch, a cat curled up in his lap. Courtney signaled for him to leave the room, and he made his way towards the kitchen, leaving them to their own private moment.

“So what happened?”

“Angela didn’t book a really important audition yesterday, and it seemed like she placed her whole entire self worth on booking this one thing. Then she left super early, and had a really busy day which was not too far from normal Angela stuff. But then she ran out of rehearsal and had a panic attack, I talked her through it on the way home and when we got home I ran a bath for her. She told me then that she needed a break.”

Comfortable silence hung in the air.

“I was so stunned. I mean, I was literally scrubbing her hair with shampoo, and then she just wants me gone? So..I left.”

“I honestly would have done the same. Do you know where she is now?”

“No, we stopped sharing locations a while ago, I assume she’s at Chanse’s, but I really don’t know.”

“Well, we can just sit here for a while if you want, and if you want to stay you can. I can see how being at your shared apartment can be really hard right now.”

“Thank you Court, that really means a lot.”

Shayne entered the room, a cat dangling from his arms. “I thought this might help.”

She smiled and took the cat in her arms, and the three of them shared a moment of much needed laughter.

The three of them sat down and watched a movie, light conversations happening. Amanda felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

Chansey ;) : “Where are you? I just got a call from Angela, I think she needs our help.”

Courtney shifted from her position on the couch. “Is it from Angela?”

Amanda shot up from the couch, eyes wide. “No..It’s Chanse. He said Angela needs my help.”

“We’re coming with you.”

Shayne grabbed his keys off of the counter. “Let’s go.”