Chapter 4
Theo
The following morning, Theo awoke with what felt like lead in his stomach. He didn’t understand what had come over him when he’d written that final message last night, but he was certainly kicking himself for it now. “People like you wouldn’t want to know me if they knew more.” Gods, he was a fucking idiot. His first exchange with who he hoped was Hermione Granger, and he’d made a complete twat of himself. Of course, he couldn’t be positive that it was her, but all signs were pointing to yes. When the Sorting Hat had been placed on his head, he surprised himself by doing the same thing he had the night he was sorted into Slytherin his first year. Back then, out of pure fear of what his father would do, he had repeated “put me in Slytherin. Put me in Slytherin,” over and over again in his mind, and although the Hat had hesitated and considered placing him in Ravenclaw, it ended up following his wishes. This time, Theo had repeated “match me with Hermione Granger. Please, please match me with Hermione Granger,” and he had heard the hat chuckle to itself before deciding.
The person he was talking to last night had handwriting that looked very similar to Granger’s (not that he paid attention to what her handwriting looked like…), had a best friend who played Quidditch and whose parents had passed away at a young age, loved to read, and was Muggle-born. On top of being very witty and clever, which he could tell Granger was, his pen pal seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to him. It was more than he could have hoped for, and of course, he’d found a way to muck it all up. Naturally.
Reluctantly, he rose from his bed and got dressed. He’d spent far too long laying about and feeling sorry for himself, and now he didn’t have time for a shower. After splashing water on his face, brushing his teeth, and running a comb through his hair, Theo hastily grabbed his books and headed to breakfast, knowing he’d probably only have time for a quick bite. When he arrived at the Slytherin table, his friends were discussing the very thing that was causing him such dread– the pen pal assignment. Fantastic, he thought as he slid in next to Draco.
“I’m fairly certain my pen pal’s a bloke. Just my bloody luck,” Draco was saying in between bites.
“Perhaps the Sorting Hat knows something we don’t,” Theo muttered back.
Draco threw him a look before continuing. Theo found himself zoning out of the conversation as he searched the hall for Granger. When his eyes landed on her, his pulse quickened. She was stunning, frankly, even more so since the last time they’d been at school together. Her honey-brown curls were gathered in a low bun at the nape of her neck, with a few loose tendrils hanging around her face. Gods, her face, he thought as he stared. She was reading a book, her brow furrowed in concentration as she attempted to take a bite of her toast without losing her spot on the page. When she missed her mouth, her nose scrunched in frustration and her lips pursed a bit. Fucking adorable. She was perfect. And she thought Theo had nice eyes and was rather sweet. It was enough to fluster him, to cause his face to redden a bit. Curiously, he wondered if today’s prompt had appeared yet. When he reached for his notebook, he realized it was glowing faintly, meaning she’d either written back last night or already replied to today’s prompt. Anxiously, he opened it, and found a brief message from last night, apparently in response to his own mortifying confession.
Mystery- I really am going to bed now, but I couldn’t fall asleep without giving you some reassurance that I very much appreciate your vulnerability, especially since you’ve said it’s not easy for you. And for what it’s worth, nothing about you seems like a red flag ( at least so far– I suppose you could turn out to be Filch posing as a student). I am enjoying getting to know you and nothing you just said changed that.
Goodnight- hope you sleep well!
Theo felt the heaviness in his stomach lift as a different feeling took over. Perhaps despite everything working against him, he had a real chance with Granger. Flipping to the next page, he realized that the next prompt had been posted.
If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be and why?
Fuck. She had been the one to answer first last time, so he knew it was probably his turn. This question really didn’t leave room for him to avoid talking about himself in favor of asking questions about her, though. As he reread her message from the night before, Theo decided he might as well take the leap and be as honest as he could manage. Taking a deep breath, he pulled out his quill and began writing.
Good morning, Wildcard.
Thank you for your message last night– it meant a lot to me, truly.
In the spirit of (even more) transparency, I absolutely hate this question but I’m going to make a go of it regardless. I tend to be pretty self-deprecating but I’m going to attempt to be a bit more positive. It can be difficult for a hateful, cantankerous, aging Hogwarts caretaker like me to see the good in myself, although Mrs. Norris assures me there’s plenty to love.
Three words to describe me would probably be introspective, loyal, and inquisitive. As I said before, I tend to keep most things to myself, so I suppose that makes me introspective. I think one of my few positive traits is that if I truly care about a person, I would do anything for them. Granted, my circle is rather small, but I do hold my friends very close to my heart. I chose inquisitive because I have always been very curious about places, people, and cultures I haven’t experienced. Reading books, learning new things, and going to school have served as a pretty great escape for me when things in my own life aren’t going well. I feel very strange talking about myself this much, so without further ado, over to you, Wildcard! Hope you’re having a wonderful morning.
As he finished writing and began packing up his things, Theo chanced a look over at Granger. To his utter surprise, she was pulling her own notebook out of her bag as it had begun to glow. He sat frozen, unable to tear his eyes away as she opened it and smiled to herself as she began to read his response. He watched as she furrowed her brow once again, as if a thought had just occurred to her, and began scanning the room curiously. As if she were wondering who might have just written to her, and realizing that that person was most likely in the same room at this very moment. With his heart in his throat, he watched as her eyes skimmed over the Slytherin table and landed on him for a brief moment before she glanced down at the table in front of him. As if in slow motion, he realized that her eyes had settled briefly on his notebook, which still sat open in front of him. They both looked up at the same time, and for a blissful few seconds, Theo and Granger locked eyes before they both quickly looked away.
“Nott? You alright there, mate?” Blaise said, yanking him out of his trance.
He blinked, exhaling a shaky breath. “Hmm? Yes, just didn’t sleep well last night. You ready for class?”
----------------
The rest of the day was fairly unremarkable, save for the handful of stolen glances at Granger that he managed throughout the day. As it turned out, they had three classes together this term, much to Theo’s delight. He was also extremely nervous that she had figured out he was her pen pal and would approach him demanding to know what the hell he was thinking or demand he leave her alone. But she thinks you have nice eyes, his subconscious reminded him. However, it seemed he had nothing to be concerned about at least for now, because she treated him no differently than usual. Which meant she didn’t speak to him or really acknowledge him at all. He wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about that.
When Theo returned to the Slytherin common room after classes, he pulled out his notebook and saw that Granger had responded.
Good evening, Mystery!
Today was quite busy for me. Getting back into the routine of being in classes is definitely an adjustment but I have to say I’ve missed it! How is your day going so far?
I do think today’s question is a bit challenging, but I actually quite like the words you chose to describe yourself. You seem like a good friend and an intelligent, kind person. I’m curious why you feel inclined to self-deprecate; it seems like there is quite a bit to like about you.
I can certainly empathize with using reading as an escape. Do you read a lot of fiction? Or do you prefer informational texts? I find a balance of both suits me quite well.
As for me, I think I’d describe myself as passionate, ambitious, and empathetic. Passionate, because I feel quite strongly about many things and I tend to do nearly anything to see them through. I love to learn as well; nothing excites me more, frankly. Ambitious, because I have always been determined to excel at as many things as possible. At times, I’ve been known to overextend myself due to my own ambition. It’s something I’m working on. And finally, empathetic, because I do feel that I have a strong moral compass and I care quite deeply about the well-being of others, particularly those who may be disenfranchised.
Theo smiled at her choice of descriptive words. Although he didn’t truly know her, he felt that from what he did know of her, she had described herself quite well.
Good afternoon to you too, Wildcard.
I’m with you on being glad to be back at school. I almost feel like a part of me comes back to life once I’m here at Hogwarts. There’s really nothing like the start of a new term. I’ve enjoyed all of my classes so far and am definitely looking forward to when things start to pick up a bit. I’m on the same page (ha) with my preferences in books– I read fiction when I’m trying to relax, and non-fiction when I’m feeling curious or want to expand my horizons.
Ah, but I’m afraid that self-deprecation is simply part of my personality at this point. I can’t remember a time I didn’t think that way. I think it’s my way of coping, if that makes sense. I find humor can be pretty helpful when life is shitty (pardon my language– sorry McGonagall). I feel really lucky to be paired with someone like you– it seems like we have some things in common, and you sound like someone I’d like to know in real life. I mean, I suppose we must already know each other in real life, at least to some extent. But you get my point, I hope.
Theo was pleased when he saw Wildcard’s response begin to appear almost right away. He barely even acknowledged his friends as they entered the room and threw themselves on the couch.
“What could your pen pal possibly be saying that’s so interesting?” Blaise asked as he poured himself a tumbler of Firewhiskey.
“I’ll say, he’s had that bloody notebook glued to him all day! Is your pen pal being naughty, Notty?” Draco asked, waggling his eyebrows.
Theo rolled his eyes. “Bugger off, both of you. I’m simply engaging in pleasant conversation with my pen pal. I’m cultivating a friendship that may have otherwise never blossomed,” he said, imitating McGonagall’s pinched tone in the last sentence.
Blaise and Draco laughed, and Draco handed Theo his own tumbler. Theo accepted gratefully and took a long sip, relishing in the way the liquid warmed his chest, before turning his attention back to his notebook to read his newest message.
I know exactly what you mean about coming back to life at Hogwarts– I feel the same way. Mystery, I know we don’t know each other very well yet, but I hope you don’t mind my saying that it seems like you have a lot to offer the world. I don’t know what’s happened in your past and I don’t want to pry, but I hope you don’t let it stop you from putting yourself out there. You deserve good things, and I also feel quite lucky to be paired with you. From what I’ve heard, not everyone has fared quite as well as us.
I have to admit I’ve had the same thought– if we’ve had conversations before, if we’ve had classes together (most likely we have, right?), and why we haven’t become friends yet. I’m certain I’d know if we were friends, because I don’t have any other friends who love books and school as much as you do. It’s quite refreshing. I wish I didn’t have to wait until the end of term to learn who you are. I wish we could be having this conversation in person, right now.
Sorry if I’m being a bit bold. I’ve had a few butterbeers (it is Friday, after all) and I’m a bit of a light weight!
Theo couldn’t stop the blush from spreading across his cheeks as he read, hoping his friends weren’t paying enough attention to notice. He summoned the decanter and poured himself another glass of Firewhiskey before summoning his non-liquid courage and replying.
What if we do know each other but haven’t crossed paths because of our houses? Would you still want to know me if you didn’t like the house I was in? And for the record, I wish we were together right now too.
Her response appeared almost immediately.
I’d like to think that I make decisions on who I want in my life based on who they are and not what house they were sorted into. But I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I’ve misjudged people for things that are out of their control before. I’m working on being more open-minded, if you must know. Do you suspect that our houses might not get along?
Theo didn’t hesitate before writing back.
Do you?
I have a hunch. Are we allowed to reveal our houses? I don’t remember seeing anything that said we couldn’t. What if we write them at the same exact time?
Theo’s heart was pounding as he replied. He was sure this was where the spell finally broke, where Granger put together who he was and what he was and decided she wanted nothing to do with him. But he was backed into a corner, and he knew he couldn’t tell her he didn’t want to reveal his house to her without seeming like a coward.
Alright. Ready?
3., 2, 1…..
Slytherin.
Gryffindor.
He didn’t know how to respond. He waited for her to say something instead.
Hmm. Slytherin. Okay. I think I can handle that. Perhaps you’ll challenge my predisposed notions. Actually, if I’m being honest, you already have. So congratulations, I suppose!
Thank you for saying that. If I, too, am being honest, I was really nervous you wouldn’t want to speak to me anymore after learning that.
Theo could tell his friends were looking at him curiously, but he chose to ignore them. He still couldn’t believe he’d just confessed his house to Granger and she hadn’t run away. Perhaps there was some hope, after all. He wanted to talk to her all night. He wanted to run up to the Gryffindor common room and kiss her. Merlin, what was wrong with him? He bit his lip nervously as he read her next message.
I’m sorry, Mystery. You don’t need to be nervous. I genuinely like talking to you and like I said, I’m keeping an open mind. I suspect you’ll continue to surprise me. In the spirit of honesty (and tipsiness), the fact that you are a Slytherin actually piques my interest even more. Is it against the rules for me to ask if you are a boy or a girl? Just curious…
Thank you– that’s quite reassuring to hear. I’m afraid I have a great deal more self-confidence through parchment than I do in person. It’s something I, too, am working on. I certainly hope I can keep surprising you, Wildcard. This, however, may not come as much of a shock– I am a boy. And yourself?
Ah, I had a hunch. I happen to be a girl. This certainly makes things even more interesting, wouldn’t you say?
Well, my Mystery man, my friends are pressuring me to come play some drinking game in the common room, so sadly I’ll have to say goodbye for now. I’ll look forward to talking with you again tomorrow. Enjoy your evening with your fellow snakes! (I promise that was not meant to be an insult).
Merlin, Theo thought as he finally looked up from his notebook. “My Mystery man?” Who was this woman? If he hadn’t been infatuated with Granger before, he certainly was now. His friends were eyeing him, and he knew he should’ve headed into his room as soon as the conversation had taken such a …flirtatious turn. He had been far too caught up in the moment, however. Theo didn’t think he had ever truly flirted with anyone before, and he was still on a high from it. He knew if Granger showed up in front of him at this very moment he would turn into a stammering, nervous prat, but it was quite fun to pretend he was capable of this witty banter.
“Something to share with the class, Nott?” Draco asked, smirking.
Theo blushed, to his own annoyance. He sighed, knowing he likely couldn’t hide this… thing from his friends for much longer. “I dunno. My pen pal and I have been, er… flirting a bit, I suppose,” he managed.
Draco and Zabini’s eyebrows both jumped at his words. “I beg your pardon? Since when does Nott have game?” Blaise said.
“I suppose it makes sense, actually. You’ve always been quite clever, Theo, but you never show it around people you don’t know. Nott probably has more game than the both of us, Zabini. He’s just far too shy to ever use it,” Draco retorted.
Theo felt a pang of gratitude for his oldest friend. As different as they were, Draco had always looked out for Theo. He was the only one who knew the extent of what Theo had endured while living at Nott Manor, of how much of a monster his father truly was. When Nott Sr. had allowed it, Theo had spent as much time as possible at the Malfoy estate, desperate to avoid his own home. While Draco couldn’t do much to protect Theo when he was back at his own home, he did everything he could to ensure Theo had a safe place to escape. Draco and Theo didn’t see eye-to-eye on many things, blood politics for example. They probably would have fallen out long ago had Draco not been so loyal and protective, and thanks to some Ministry-mandated rehabilitation and tenuous debates between the two friends, Theo felt that Draco had changed for the better quite a bit.
Blaise snorted. “Like hell he does. Are you sure you want to be flirting with an anonymous pen pal though, Nott? How can you be sure it’s not a bloke? Or worse, what if she’s butters?”
Theo paused to consider. “I have a fairly strong suspicion of who she is. I know what house she’s in and that narrows it down quite a bit– and yes, I’m quite sure she is a she,” he said with annoyance as Zabini opened his mouth to interject.
“Oh? Pray tell!” Zabini said, leaning forward with a glint in his eye.
“Absolutely not,” Theo said immediately.
They pressed him for a bit, but eventually gave up and the conversation turned to other topics, to his relief. As Draco and Theo entered their rooms later that night, Draco stopped at his door before turning.
“You don’t actually think it’s her, do you?” Draco asked, almost wincing.
Theo chewed his bottom lip for a moment. “I’m almost positive it is,” he said quietly, although he was sure no one else could hear them.
There was a stunned silence for a moment. Draco was the only one who knew how Theo felt about Granger. Of course, he’d tried to keep it to himself for as long as possible, but his best friend had quickly put the pieces together back in Second year. It was hard for someone as close to him as Draco was to miss the way he stared at her, the way he perked up when she started to speak in class. And it had only gotten worse since then as Theo’s childish fascination had escalated into a full-blown crush, to whatever this was. He had privately admitted to himself that he was probably in love with her, but he loathed how pathetic that made him feel– being in love with a witch who he’d barely said a word to.
“How can you be so sure?” Draco asked finally.
Theo shrugged. “I can’t. But she’s dropped so many hints. Her best friend’s parents died when he was young, she’s Muggle-born, she loves books and school… The list goes on and on. And she’s a Gryffindor.”
Malfoy was looking at him nervously. “Nott– if it’s really her, I’m happy for you. I truly am. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up. You know how they are– Potter, Weasley and her. They stick to their group. I can’t imagine her risking all of that to end up with a Slytherin. Even if it’s you.”
The words made something in Theo’s gut twist, but only because he knew they were true. He’d had the exact same thoughts himself. He knew Draco wasn’t saying it to hurt him, but to prepare him for the strong chance that she might not be willing to budge on something like this.
Theo sighed. “I know what you mean, and I’ve considered it too. But she knows I’m a Slytherin, and she says she doesn’t care. In fact, she said it ‘piqued her interest’ even more,” he admitted shyly.
Draco’s jaw dropped for a moment before he fixed his face. “Is that so? I wouldn’t have pegged Granger as such a minx,” he smirked.
Theo rolled his eyes. “I’ll admit, it surprised me too. It seems like the war changed her, though. She said she’s been working on keeping an open mind. I just don’t think I’ll have another shot with her, Draco. I don’t want to be kicking myself in a couple years for not even trying. I don’t have much to lose, as you know,” he smiled weakly.
Draco clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m saying this as your best mate, of course, so don’t get any ideas,” he smirked again. “But she’d be lucky to have you, Nott. I hope you remember that.”
Theo smiled weakly. “Thanks, mate,” he said before heading into his room, thinking to himself– if only I could believe that.