Chapter 1
Lily Evans knew that the cards were not in her favor from the moment she turned 13, the day her mother died from some sort of illness she'd contracted in the mines. That was the same day she met Remus Lupin, who was also at the small cemetery at the end of her block.
She'd just trailed away from the small memorial being held for her mother, which consisted of her father and sister and an officiant. In an attempt to escape the depressing atmosphere, she'd wandered away to visit the forgotten graves, which is where she found him.
He was standing before an overgrown gravestone, head bowed. Lily had approached before she could think better of it, and he startled when she crunched the grass behind him. He had spun around, and she had smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” she had said, to which he'd relaxed slightly.
“It's fine,” he'd said awkwardly, looking at her with a guarded but slightly curious expression.
“I'm Lily. What's your name?” she had asked, as if they were at recess on their first day of elementary. He’d looked all the more confused, but indulged her nonetheless.
“I'm Remus,” he'd mumbled. “Do you have a habit of approaching people in cemeteries?” Remus’ voice carried a hint of annoyance, but Lily ignored it.
“Oh no. I've only been here a few times before, but my mother is being buried right now and I’m rather desperate for a distraction,” Lily had said lightly. Remus’ eyes snapped to her face from where they'd been hovering slightly to her side, as if he'd been trying to tell if she was joking. She seemed to pick up on this, and laughed slightly.
“I'm not joking. She's over there, with my father and sister. I don't believe it's quite hit me yet.” Remus had stared at her, clearly unsure how to respond. Eventually he'd settled on a mumbled ‘sorry for your loss’, which she'd brushed off.
“It was bound to happen eventually. Nobody lives forever. Who are you visiting?” Remus had seemed startled by the abrupt topic change, but didn’t press the matter.
“My mother. She died a year ago,” he had said, sorrow filling his tone. Lily had put a hand on her shoulder, as if they were close friends.
“I'm sorry about that. I’m sure she was a wonderful person.” Remus had seemed surprised at her empathy, and from that moment on they became inseparable. Wherever Lily was, Remus was close behind, and vice versa. Soon, most of District 12 had taken to calling them twins, and neither of them had objected, so it had stuck.
Over the next 4 years, the two of them had grown closer than even Lily and her sister, Petunia, who had distanced herself from Lily after their mother died. She'd been angry, claiming that Lily didn't even care, that all she thought about was her new friend. One day the tension gave way to a disastrous fight, after which neither spoke to each other much.
The distance between them only increased when their father succumbed to the drink, deteriorated more every day until one morning Lily found him lifeless in his bed. From that day on Lily avoided her house as much as she could, and by extension Petunia.
The only days they interacted any more than a few muttered words to each other was on the day of the Reaping, when they wished each other luck. But even then, Lily would leave their small house early in the morning to find Remus and try to distract herself from the horror of the day.
The same routine as always took place on the day of their last Reaping. Lily and Remus were both 17, and had begun to dare to hope that they'd make it to adulthood without having their name Reaped.
Lily had woken early, as she always did on the morning of the Reaping, and quickly dressed in her nicest dress. It was a plain, pale green dress, her only article of clothing that had no stains or rips. She tied her hair up in a matching green ribbon, and then grabbed a loaf of bread from their nearly empty pantry.
Lily passed Petunia on her way to the door, and paused. This would be Lily's last Reaping, but Petunia had aged out of it 3 years ago already. Lily envied her sister this, if nothing else. She waited a moment before leaving, expecting at the very least a muttered ‘good luck’ from her older sister.
But Petunia hardly glanced at her, instead walking right past her towards their tiny kitchen. Lily opened her mouth to remind her sister of her existence, but then hesitated. Petunia and her hadn't been on good terms for a while, but on this day they had always put aside their disagreements.
If her sister couldn’t even be bothered to remember that this was the day her younger sister could possibly be sent to her death, then it wasn’t worth it. Lily slipped out the door, unable to resist the temptation to slam it shut.
A horrible part of her almost wished that her name be called today, if only to make her sister hurt. She wondered if she’d even notice. Lily blinked past the tears that threatened to spill at this thought, and walked quickly to the end of her street.
There, looking awkward as usual, was Remus, lounging against a rusty lamp post that had long since gone out. She quickened her pace and enveloped him in a hug that nearly sent him stumbling backwards and he laughed slightly.
“Morning, Lils,” Remus huffed as she tightened her grip around him. After a moment she let go and backed up slightly, holding up the loaf she'd taken from the kitchen.
“I doubt Petunia will mind too much that I've taken this, seeing as she ignored me when I left,” Lily said with a smirk that failed to disguise the underlying sadness. Remus glanced up at her sympathetically, but she shook her head slightly to show that she didn't want to talk about it.
Their ability to communicate without words was something Lily and Remus had fallen into easily, as if they'd been created to understand each other. Many people had remarked on this freakish ability, as if the two of them could read each other's minds. Petunia in particular had been nasty about it, on one occasion even accusing them of witchcraft, a long forgotten practice.
Lily shook those thoughts from her head and tore the loaf in half, offering one to Remus. He grinned, immediately taking a famished bite. She chuckled slightly at his eagerness as the pair started their long walk to the Town Square.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Remus sighed adoringly, and Lily rolled her eyes. “Starve, probably. Now stop looking at that poor loaf like you want to fuck it and eat it already.”
Remus gasped in mock offense, but shoved the rest of the bread in his mouth regardless. Lily laughed, and the two fell into their familiar banter as they walked, managing to ignore the dread hanging over them for a small time.
By the time they reached the Square the sun was already high in the sky, and they both halted at the same time. For a moment they just looked at each other, neither wanting to break the silence. Then, without a word, Lily stepped forward and pulled Remus into another hug.
“Just one more time. Then we'll never have to worry about this again,” she whispered into his shoulder. She felt Remus nod from where his chin rested on her head. They stayed like that for a few moments, then Lily stepped back. “May the odds be ever in your favor,” she said mockingly, and Remus smiled half-heartedly.
“They always are,” he scoffed, and Lily rolled her eyes fondly. They lingered there for another moment, and then Remus turned and headed towards the boys section. Lily only then realized he’d gone without his cane today, clear in the way he limped slightly.
She sighed before heading towards her own section. She barely noticed the prick on her finger as the Peacekeeper took her blood, and the usual daze fell over her as she found the other 17-year-old girls.
Her first Reaping she’d been so terrified that she’d been hardly conscious, fear having completely clouded her mind. Now that she’d been here so many times, the mind-numbing fear had left her. Of course there was still the horrifying chance that this time it would be her name, but she’d gotten better over the years of pushing the fear to the back of her mind.
After all, if it was her name read today. looking terrified only made her an easy target for the other tributes. Lily glanced around her, taking in all the girls around her who must have been just as terrified.
Some showed no emotion, and some clearly broadcasted their fear. Lily had never really been close with anyone other than Remus and once Petunia in District 12, aside from a few elementary friendships. Usually this never bothered her, but right now it suddenly seemed like the biggest mistake she’d ever made.
If she was picked today, there would be nobody to mourn her but Remus and maybe Petunia. And if it wasn’t her, then it would be somebody she’d never gotten to know. Lily hated the idea of sending someone into the Games knowing their District had already signed them off as a lost cause, as they did every tribute.
Lily was startled out of her thoughts when a screech ripped through the air. She jumped slightly, before realizing it was just the microphone atop the stage. Emmeline Vance, District 12’s obnoxious escort, leaned over it, a large smile on her face.
Her outfit was atrocious, as per usual. A bright pink wig sat ridiculously tall upon her head, and her dress matched it. And to top it all off, she stood in what must have been at least 6 inch heels. Lily had never understood how someone could manage to stay standing in those, never mind walk around in them.
“Welcome everyone, to the 82nd Hunger Games!” Emmeline called cheerfully, undeterred by the dread hanging over everyone so thoroughly you could nearly taste it. “May the odds be ever in your favor. Now, as always, ladies first.”
Emmeline made her way over to the bowl on her right, hobbling over to it in her stupid high heels. She reached her hand in and fished around for a moment, doing all she could to build the suspense.
She finally pulled one out, and hobbled her way back to the mic. Lily took in a sharp breath, as did seemingly everyone around her. Emmeline opened the ballot painstakingly slowly, and Lily felt like screaming at her to get on with it.
Finally, she cleared her throat and leaned into the mic. “For our female tribute from District 12, Mary Macdonald!” she cried, and Lily released a sigh of aching relief. She glanced around to see a rather pretty girl in her own section stepping forward, fear evident on her face. The girl looked slightly familiar, but Lily couldn’t think of a time she'd ever spoken to her.
She mourned this now, wishing she'd gotten to know this girl who had gotten so close to escaping near certain death. Mary made her way slowly to the stage, looking to be in shock. Lily had to glance away, pity taking her breath away for a moment.
Once Mary had shakily made her way up the steps and onto the stage, Emmeline smiled brightly. “Any volunteers?” She called, and all Lily could think of was how horrible it must be to stand up there before people you’d known your whole life and know that not a single one was willing to risk themselves to protect you.
After letting the dead silence sit for a few moments, Emmeline clapped her hands together. “Well then, onto the boys!” Once again she made her way to the bowl and fished around within it for a few moments.
When she had finally clawed one out, she made her way back to the mic. Emmeline again took her time ripping open the ballot, and then the words Lily had been fearing since she was 13 were being amplified across the crowd.
“Joining Mary Macdonald, our male tribute from District 12 will be Remus Lupin!” Emmeline exclaimed, and Lily felt all the air rush out of her lungs. She felt like she’d been dunked underwater and was being violently spun around at the same time.
She thought of how sickly Remus was, catching every stray illness that Lily managed to avoid. She thought of his limp, and how in the arena he’d never be able to use a walking stick. How he’d be prey to everyone else.
She felt sick. Without thinking she began to push her way forward, and the girls around her parted to let her through, some giving her sympathetic looks. After all, everyone knew that Remus and Lily were a pair.
She caught sight of Remus stepping forward, a blank mask on his face. But Lily could see beneath it, could see his terror in the way the corner of his mouth twitched and how his eyes ever so slightly gleamed with unshed tears.
The sight of his carefully concealed fear was what pushed her over the edge. “I volunteer!” Lily shrieked, and gasps erupted around her, quickly followed by whispers. Was this allowed? Lily didn’t know, nor did she care. Nothing else mattered to her but keeping Remus safe.
“Well, well, well! This is certainly exciting,” Emmeline tittered into the mic. “I don’t believe this has ever happened before. What’s your name, dear?” Lily swallowed down her fear, lifting her chin up.
“Lily Evans,” she said, her voice carrying across the shocked crowd. On stage a Peacekeeper strode forward, his head ducking towards Emmeline to presumably whisper something to her. Belatedly, Lily felt a flare of triumph. She’d found a loophole the Capital had never expected.
Then the Peacekeeper stepped back, and Emmeline smiled brightly. “Well folks, today we are making history. For the first time ever, District 12 will have two female tributes! Come on up, dear. Lily shakily exhaled, then forced her legs to carry her towards the stage. She resolutely kept her gaze away from Remus, not ready to see the betrayal she knew would be there. She’d taken the coward’s way out, and Remus and her both knew it.
The thought of losing him was too much for her to bear, and so she’d twisted it around and left him with no choice but to take her place. She ascended the steps, wondering if she was lucky enough to be dreaming.
Of course she wasn’t, and when she took her place next to Mary she nearly laughed. Just a few minutes ago she’d been pitying her, and now here she stood beside her, in the same place. The laughter bubbled up in her throat, and it took all her self-control to force it back down. Nothing about this was funny, but that just made it all the funnier.
She was forced back to attention when Emmeline cleared her throat into the mic. “The tributes from District 12, ladies and gentlemen, Mary Macdonald and Lily Evans!” Lily turned to Mary to shake her hand, as tributes were obligated to.
The other girl’s eyes scanned her face, and Lily wondered what she must be thinking. Maybe wishing that she’d volunteered in her stead instead of Remus’. When she thought his name, Lily’s eyes unconsciously traveled across the crowd to him, somehow finding him instantly.
She immediately regretted it. His face was stricken, and when he caught her gaze she could see only agony reflected in his. She dropped her gaze to the floor, where it remained until she and Mary were ushered offstage and into the Town Hall by Peacekeepers.
Lily was led into an empty room, Mary into one next to her presumably, and left alone as the door clicked shut. She sat down heavily on the bench against the wall, trying to process what had just happened. In mere minutes her life had completely changed, and now she was on a path that most likely would lead to her premature death.
Her mind flashed back to this morning, when she’d wished for just a moment that she’d be picked so that Petunia would be hurt. Lily snorted to herself. Well, she’d gotten her wish. Who knew if Petunia would even come to say goodbye.
Her train of thought was interrupted when the door slid open, and Lily knew before she even looked up that Remus was furious. She hesitantly stood, keeping her eyes on the floor, and was shocked by the tight embrace she found herself in a moment later.
“Why would you do that? How could you do this to me?” Remus seethed, his chin tucked into her hair and her face pressed into his shoulder. At the sound of his voice, angry and yet still so affectionate, tears escaped her.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s not fair to you but I just- I couldn’t bear to see you up there,” she cried, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Even as she said it she knew it was a pitiful excuse. She’d just forced him into the very position she couldn’t handle.
“You think I can?! You think I’ll be able to watch you up there on the screen, fighting for your life, knowing that if it wasn’t for me you’d be safe at home?” Remus shouted, pulling away from her. Lily wiped her face desperately, taking a shaky breath.
“You and I both know I have a better chance of winning these Games than you ever would,” she said as calmly as she could. Remus glared at her for another moment, before choking on a laugh that turned into a sob halfway through.
“Now that’s just rude,” he lamented, and despite herself Lily burst out laughing. For a moment the two of them laughed to keep from crying, until Remus took a deep breath. Lily forced herself to calm down, suddenly remembering this could be the last time she ever spoke to Remus.
“Listen, Lils. I need you to promise me you’ll do anything you can do come back. I don’t care how horrible you have to be, or what you might need to do. This is the most selfish thing I’ll ever ask you to do, but I feel it evens out what you’ve just done.” Tears sparkled in his eyes again, and Lily took a shuddering breath in.
“I promise. I’ll do everything in my power to come back here,” Lily vowed, and Remus enveloped her in another hug. Neither of them acknowledged the fact that she didn’t promise to come home, because they both knew it would be an empty pledge.
After a moment of silence, Lily broke it. “Remus? Promise me something in return,” she whispered, and Remus nodded. “If I don’t come back, keep living for me.” She heard him suppress a sob, and it took him a minute to respond. “I promise.”
They stayed like that, holding each other close, until the door opened once more. For the first time, true panic filled Lily. “I love you, Remus. Take care of Petunia if you can. Take care of yourself.” How was she supposed to give him a life’s worth of words in a few moments?
Tears dripped down her face once more as Remus was pulled back towards the door. “I love you, Lils. I’ll be waiting for you,” Remus said rapidly as he was tugged away. Lily stared at him for as long as she could as he was escorted away, trying to commit every bit of him to memory.
Then the door slammed closed, and she crumpled onto the bench. This time, though, instead of allowing herself to cry she straightened her face. From this moment on she needed to avoid thinking about Remus, about how scared she was.
The Games started now, and she’d promised that she would try her best. If that meant erasing herself, then so be it. She was determined that she would be returning to District 12, no matter what it might cost her.