Memories of You

“Knock Knock!” Pansy held the mirror to her face. She loved using this muggle expression, which she had always found profoundly silly. She found that adding it to any conversation instantly made it funnier. Pansy had received an owl from professor Snape requesting that she immediately meet him in the potions classroom, but her and mirror girl had planned to talk at that time, and priorities were priorities.

“Hello! You remembered!”

“How could I not, this is the best part of my day.”

“I take it you didn’t have the best day then?”

“Don’t even start me on that!” She joked. Truth be told, she had forgotten about most of her problems the second she had heard that beautiful voice.

“Yeah me too. I am fully convinced that my two best friends are complete utter idiots. WOuld you happen to know at what age boys finally become mature?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never witnessed such a strange occurrence.” Pansy made sure to keep her tone completely serious.

“I guess I’ll have to find that out on my own… and continue on being surrounded by children until then.”

“You know, we could start a club. We could call it the Queens of Hogwarts. Girls only, no stupid boys allowed. That way we’d be sure to have a good time and talk about things that we actually like, instead of quidditch.”

“Wow, the Queens of Hogwarts? Don’t you think that’s a bit pretentious?” Hermione laughed.

“Oh, quit the fake modesty! You and I both know we aren’t like our friends. I mean of course, I’m mostly joking, but if I’m honest, I can’t talk with anyone the way I talk with you. Certainly not with my guy friends, that’s for sure. It’s not pretentious, it’s true. If you don’t like the Queens of Hogwarts, then how about The Thinkers of Hogwarts?”

“I like that better already.” Hermione smiled. Her mystery girl wasn’t wrong. She did have other passions, preoccupations and interests than most people her age. She had never been so grateful that the mirror wasn’t completely working, otherwise, her anonymous friend would’ve seen the way she had just made her blush. With her, she wasn’t pretentious, she was smart. With her, she wasn’t annoying, and uptight, she was fascinating, and interesting to listen to.

“I’m sorry,” Said Pansy, “But I have to go. I really need to get my arithmancy homework out of the way, and I know that if I stay chatting with you it will never get done.”

“Do I have that much of an effect on you?” Hermione teased. She immediately covered her mouth, embarrassed. What had taken over her? Where did this sudden confidence come from?”

“Haha. Yeah, clearly, you obsess me day and night, mirror girl.” Pany replied sarcastically. It wasn’t completely false, but the girl didn’t have to know that. “Alright, I’ll talk to you soon!”

Pansy put the mirror down, and took a second to sit on her bed and gather her thoughts. She really liked this girl. She imagined her tall, blonde, with perfect dimples. She was refined, enjoyed literature, yet seemed sharp and logical enough to master other subjects like astrophysics and arithmancy. She had a strong personality, and a thoughtful opinion on every subject they undertook, regardless of whether or not she knew a lot about it. When they talked, Pansy felt soft, spiritual, and knowledgeable. When they talked, Pansy could be herself. She could talk freely, be emotionally vulnerable, and did not feel overshadowed by the mistakes she had made at 11 years old, which had permanently shaped the way she was perceived at Hogwarts. In some ways, she thought, Pansy could be herself.

She gazed at the clock and noticed she had missed her appointment with Snape. His lecture with the third year Hufflepuffs and Slytherins had now started a while ago.

Pansy decided instead to go out to the park to clear her mind. It had been almost a week that her and the mirror girl had met up every night at the same hour to talk. She never talked about her personal life, as the girl had clearly established her disdain for any and all wizards engaging with dark magic. Pansy had fought the urge to tell her that it wasn’t so easy, and that some witches and wizards truly didn’t have a choice. She had fought the urge to tell her that, had she been born in another family, or been placed in another house (she still felt bitter towards the sorting hat, who had completely ignored her prayers to be placed into ravenclaw) she wouldn’t have already given a try to the most powerful kind of magic there was. But the girl didn’t know that about Pansy, and she’d make sure she’d never find out.

The night was starting to fall, but students were still allowed outside of Hogwarts. The trees outside of the castle were all covered in ice and snow, with the winter settling early on the plains of Scotland. Pansy took out her wand and melted the snow around her with a simple spell. She sat down on the hill and stared at the silver light reflecting on the Great Lake. Throughout her conversations with the mirror, Pansy had been able to build herself a pretty good image on what the girl’s friends were like, and she did not like them at all. They were two stupid boys that seemed to completely undermine how lucky they were to call the girl their friend. Pansy despised one of them in particular, as she had noticed that the girl seemed to have some sort of feelings towards him, something that she had found profoundly annoying.

Did she even like girls? Was Pansy reading more into their playful banterings and meaningful conversations than there really ever was? She shuddered at the thought. The idea of opening up the door she had fought so hard to keep closed for someone that would never return her feelings now matter how hard they tried was something she refused to entertain by fear of manifesting it. Luckily for her, the stupid boy seemed adamant on staying clueless and hurting the girl’s feelings day after day. He apparently even had the nerve to react negatively about a flirt she had had over two years ago, a guy who didn’t even attend Hogwarts, had added the girl.

“You know, it’s better to be alone than in bad company” Had Pansy told her one day. But she had replied that Pansy had a distorted vision of her friends, and that, while she only talked to her about them to complain, they meant the world to her. Pansy secretly maintained that the girl hadn't chosen friends that appreciated her enough.

The air was cold, and the wind whistled in her ears, but she wouldn’t have wished to be anywhere else. Seconds after the giant clocktower announced that eight had passed, the mirror talked in her pocket.

“Hey there! Done with your homework?”

Pansy smiled and reached into her robe.

“Yes! I finished it all so I wouldn’t interrupt our scheduled conversation.”

“Are you outside? I can hear the wind.”

“I am. I just couldn’t stand being inside anymore. I have spent my whole afternoon trying to fix an object whose magic has been broken.” Pansy immediately regretted her reply.

“What type of object?”

“Well… it’s a type of chest that allows you to transport… things… from one place to another.”

“So a portkey? Isn’t that forbidden for students? You’d be allowed to get in and out of the school grounds?”

“No no! It’s nothing like that!” Pansy lied. She was starting to panic. In no way had she planned to talk about her secret mission to the girl.

“Why would you not be able to?” the girl persisted, intrigued.

“Well because… it’s too small. Yes. It is such a small chest that you can only transport tiny objects. Nothing bigger than an apple.” Pansy hated how natural it had become for her to carry out a feasible lie. “But it’s not carrying anything at the moment anyway. I haven’t managed to fix it.”

“Have you tried some derivation of Accio-Reparo? You could attract the magic out of the object, repair it, and then place it back in? I once had to fix a talking clock and that’s the only thing that worked. While the spell is still inside, there’s no way of achieving anything.”

“Already tried, doesn’t work.” Pansy groaned while taking a mental note to try that exact combination as soon as she could. She just didn’t want to seem like she hadn’t tried hard enough. She really didn’t want to be talking about this anymore.

“Then it must really be an ancient chest, with really complicated magic. If you show it to me we could work on it together, but without any additional information, I’m afraid I can’t help you. Oh wait, I completely forgot that I’m not talking to a girl, I’m talking to a curse, how could we possibly meet!” Hermione giggled.

The curse had become their little private joke. Both of them knew that neither of them were a jinx attached with the mirror, and the fear they had a couple of weeks ago had become extremely comical to them.

“I really want to see you. I spend my days looking at every girl I cross paths with, wondering if you’re one of them. I don’t even know what year you’re in. When I hear you speak, it seems like you’ve done the entire school program up to the Seventh year.” Pansy blurted out. She wasn’t lying, she had no idea who the anonymous girl could be.

“I don’t know if I want that to happen,” said Hermione, “You know, right now, we are simply talking. I’m scared that if we see each other it may never be the same.”

“Please, just once, so that I can finally put a face on your beautiful voice” Pansy continued. The mirror girl had been the only reason she hadn’t completely spiralled in the last few weeks, and there was nothing more that she wanted but to lay her eyes on the girl that she daydreamt about.

Hermione was embarrassed and flattered at the same time. She didn’t know what to say. The girl almost flirted with her openly now. Hermione had never considered the idea of liking a girl, but the late night conversations she had with the mirror were slowly taking a shift that she didn’t dislike. She still liked Ron, of course, but there was no one in the world she felt more listened to and in tune with than with the girl. Hermione blushed at the thought. Was she ready to think about that possibility?

“No, there’s really no use, I know exactly how it’s gonna go anyway. There will be a long awkward silence, you’re going to realise that I am someone extremely normal looking and uninteresting, and I’ll have lost the only person that listens to me speak without interrupting me by yawning. No really, that matters to me.” While that was partially true, Hermione had just realised that she was also scared that the girl wouldn’t find her pretty enough.

“Tomorrow, 4pm, by the Great Lake, under the big oak tree. See you there!”

“Wait no!” Hermione said, but Pansy had already put the mirror back into her cloak

What are you doing Pansy, what happened to not falling in love and focusing on becoming the best witch that you can be?!

But the vow she had made to her father years ago was becoming harder to keep. Technically, she thought to reassure herself, she had broken it a long time ago when she had realised she liked witches and not wizards. She walked back to the castle, shaking, not being able to tell if it was from cold or excitement.

______________________

Hermione had finished classes early. She had been distracted all day. Harry and Ron had only talked about the upcoming Quidditch Match against Slytherin, which they could not afford to lose because of the ongoing rivalry between the two houses. Training had apparently been a catastrophe, especially for Ron, who struggled to perform well under pressure. Off the pitch, that meant he was particularly awful to everyone around him, and in a foul mood no amount of food seemed to cure.

Even Ginny had started complaining about her brother, who had almost tackled her when he had caught her making out with her boyfriend Dean Thomas in the hallways. Hermione could not agree more with Ginny, in fact, these days, he had decided to completely ignore her, and had been cold regardless of what she said or did.

She thought of the proposition made by the mirror girl the previous night. To go, or not to go? It had been extremely daring of her to ask Hermione to meet her in such a way. “You can’t tell me no because I already can’t hear you”.

She had hesitated until the very last hour. But the boys and Ginny had practicex, so she would’ve been bored anyways. She ran back to her room to drop her school books and grabbed a warmer coat. Panic and excitement filled her as she practically ran down the stairs of the castle. She tried to ignore the fact that the feeling in her chest was more similar to the one when she had planned to ask Ron out to the Slughorn party than when she hung out with Ginny, or Luna.

The trek down to the Great Lake seemed never ending. Hermione had never been more glad that her arithmancy class had been cut short. The second 4pm would strike, the hallways would be swarmed by students coming out of every classroom, and she could not dare to imagine how embarrassing it would be for her and the mirror girl to see each other as they awkwardly walked down the same path to arrive at the same place. No. She had to get there early, so that she’d have enough time to collect herself, and mentally prepare for their meeting.

The Great Lake had completely frozen, and Hermione immediately recognised what could only be the Oak tree the girl had mentioned. It stood tall, metres away from any other tree casting its numerous long branches towards the sky. She passed by several snowmen that twitched and wiggled awkwardly in a mediocre attempt to dance. It didn’t take Dumbledore to guess that this was the doing of first year students attempting Daily Prophet’s Charm selection of the week. She finally arrived and leaned against the tree, not before using a quick charm to make sure her curls would stay in an acceptable shape at least until their meeting was over. After a few minutes, Hermione heard noise coming from the castle. Classes must’ve finished, she thought. The minutes separating her from the mirror girl were becoming fewer, while her heartbeat only became louder.

She stared at the castle door intensely, careful to not miss anyone that would seem to walk in her direction. A few seconds later, a figure appeared.

Could it be her? But Hermione’s smile faded when she noticed that the girl she had thought would be her mystery friend was definitely not for the simple reason that it was Pansy Parkinson.

“What is she doing here?” Hermione cursed under her breath. The thought of finding herself alone with Pansy Parkinson and without any surrounding witnesses really didn’t enchant her. She didn’t sustain, like Harry and Ron, that she was evil and a death eater, but she certainly didn’t feel like being insulted today.

Hermione sprinted towards the forest that bordered the trail back up to the castle before letting Pansy the chance to see her. Too bad for her meeting. She thanked the snow for its soundproofing qualities and started climbing her way to the castle. After she deemed she had distanced herself enough from Pansy, Hermione came out of the trees and continued her walk uncovered. She turned around.

Pansy had stopped by the very same oak tree and was now fidgeting with her want. Even from there, Hermione could discern Pansy’s striking features that had always made her blood run cold. With eyes even greener than Harry’s, jet black hair cut right at the same level as her jaw, and wearing what could only be Madam Malkin’s most expensive winter robe, one didn’t need to look twice to guess that she was a Slytherin. Clearly, Hermione had made the right decision by leaving.

She took the mirror out of her pocket and called for the mirror girl to see if she could explain the reason for her absence, but to no avail. Hermione knew that she technically didn’t even have to go to the meeting, but now that she had made up her mind, it saddened her to not be able to honour their meeting. It was with her head lowered that she walked towards the Quidditch pitch. Chances were, Harry and Ron wouldn’t have even noticed her absence.

________________

Pansy had been waiting by the oak tree for a couple of minutes now, when she finally saw someone approach. Though it couldn’t be her mirror girl, as she knew this girl’s voice all too well. Her screams across the pitch were enough to put her in a bad mood at every match. What was Ginny Weasley even doing here? She seemed to be looking for someone. Pansy had already started coming up with some insult to make the girl go away when Ginny turned around without noticing her.

Pansy relaxed and continued her wait. After an hour had passed she had to accept the truth: The mirror girl wasn’t coming. Doing her best to ignore the knot in her throat, she walked back to her dorm, defeated.

________________

Hermione was once again the last person at the library. She had hoped the mirror girl would still come to their daily talk, even if Hermione hadn’t attended their planned meeting. The girls in her dorm were still well awake and chatting, so she had opted to change location in order for her talk to remain private. She exhaled in relief and smiled once she heard the whisper she had been waiting for all night

“Where were you? I waited for you, but aside from that really annoying girl, no one came.” The girl’s voice didn’t sound resentful.

“What? You were there when she came? I was hiding behind the trees! I hate her so much and really didn’t want to see her, so I hid and left as soon as I could, I had no idea you were there!”

“You hate her too? That’s so nice to hear. I just hate the way she’s like ‘look at me, I’m the best chaser in the school blablabla look at my guy friends blablabla I’m so popular’” Pansy mocked Ginny’s voice. “Of course, not everyone agrees but she gets on my nerves!”

“Yes!! She always has that look on her face that says ‘look at me, I’m the best’. She’s so smug! Does she not know that she’s not the only girl part of a quidditch team?” Hermione added, making fun of Pansy.

Pansy’s heart beat out of her chest. If the mirror girl disliked Ginny Weasley as much as she did, then not all hope was lost. She smiled from ear to ear, and refrained herself from adding that she too, was a chaser for her House’s Quidditch team. Day after day, Pansy fell harder for the girl whose words only were enough to make her blush.