2. The house
"Mi casa es un recuerdo primavera
Desperdigas plegarías sin Dios"
"Mi casa es una estrella que se apaga
Que triste se despide de mi voz"
The road to Grimmauld Place had always been particularly dark, when he was small he used to hate living outside of the town, always scared to find a monster waiting for him in the shadows on his way home. Back then his brother always held his hand and told him he was completely safe, no one could get past the gates of the town, and even if they did, he would protect him.
– He grimaced at the memory– it was a different time then… it seemed almost silly to him now, that he used to be so scared of a monster getting inside the walls, when now, he was less than a month away from being delivered directly to death, he almost laughed at the fucking irony.
Before he noticed, he was knocking the door to his house, as he entered a cold wind current hit his face, it was no surprise Grimmauld place was always cold, he often wondered if his parents chose a house exclusively based on its lack of sunlight and warmth, he would actually believe that could be true based on their dark and muted decoration, everything in this house was an invitation to get out.
Kreacher opened the door and let him in, he noticed the careful look the elf gave him as he entered, as he sighed, he hated seeing how everyone looked at him with pity and he could notice that pity in the old elf that had practically raised him, as he said hello to Kreacher and made his way up the stairs, he thought about that sad look that followed him everywhere.
The same pity look shared by every being in the town, they all knew, and he couldn’t stand the looks and whispers about him anymore, the poorly disguised curiosity, the looks that lingered to long, the way everyone treated him different, he could almost hear their thoughts There is Regulus Black, the boy who is going to die, he is a living corpse, a ghost. He had always felt a little bit like a ghost to be honest, always to quiet, to willing to shut up, blend in, be obedient, it seemed to him that people were now finally seeing that he was never a part of them, just a shadow, an impression of who he couldv'e been.
He felt a familiar rage inside him, as he continued thinking, rage at being part of the House of Black, and at his parents and the stupid traditions and protocols, and mostly at his brother, the damn traitor that left him alone to wait for his death, as he closed his eyes in his bed, he only had one certainty, when he faced his last moments, he would die hating every single person that made him their sacrifice.
He continued thinking as the night progressed, he didn’t sleep much these days anyways, finally after hours of staring at the stars outside of his window, he finally fell asleep, and the only thought that he kept with him continued to echo inside his head.
One day less.
23 May
– Regulus Arcturus Black! – The piercing scream of his mother woke him up, he had only been able to sleep a few hours, even less every day that passed and he didn’t appreciate much being screamed at at 5 in the morning.
He knew better that to start an argument with his mother, so, for his own peace he decided to not argue and start heading down the stairs to the dining table.
As he was approaching he saw the long black curls of his mother, always perfectly arranged in a elegant bun, leaving no room to think Walburga Black was anything but the perfect aristocrat, his father was sitting at the head of the table, the same tired look in his eyes that he had ever since Sirius disappeared into the night three years ago, his hair now starting to fill with gray, was as short as he always remembered.
Seeing his parents, Regulus felt a sting at the image he had seen every morning since he was a child, even when Sirius used to be part of the picture. His parents, the same he had tried to love and respect with all his being when he was younger, had tried everything to be worthy of their pride and love, but now only contempt was present as he looked at them, the parents that had made his life miserable, and that were now offering him as a piece of meat, as the appropriate tragic end of a life filled with pain.
He filled with nostalgia for the boy he once was, a boy who had a brother, and loved his parents, and didn't have any idea that whe would be dying at 20 years old.
As she saw her son approaching, Walburga Black raised her eyebrows and talked with an annoyance that had become familiar to Regulus – You do remember we are having your cousins for the ceremonial dinner tonight, correct? – the tone in her voice made it clear that she was disapproving of the state of her son, who was still half asleep while sitting in front of his plate.
– Yes. – He responded while grinding his teeth. The last thing he wanted was to see his family come and celebrate the fact that he was about to die, like some kind of fucked up festivity.
He continued talking as he raised his voice– I just don’t understand why can’t you let me rest, you already gave me away to die like a pig, can´t you at least let me be happy the last few weeks before you throw me to be murdered by a monster? – Regulus knew he was almost screaming at his mother by the end of the sentence, he would have never dared to reply back to her before always too scared, too anxious, but now he truly didn’t care, he was a dead man walking, might as well enjoy the perks.
He could see his mother's eyes show her anger as he spoke, but what once terrified him, now didn’t seem like a concern anymore. – HOW DARE YOU REGULUS BLACK, you ungrateful son. – she screamed as she was getting closer to him.
His father was quiet as usual, he had long ago lost the hope that he would say or do something to save him from his mothers rage.
– You are about to become one of the holy offerings, you should be honored that you are going to finally be useful for this family, you were born for this and you know it, your sacrifice is the only thing that keeps all of us safe, and you simply don’t care – she spat the words he had heard a million times before — You simply can’t look past your own selfishness to see what good you will be doing, the honor that is being part of the house chosen for the sacrifice, you have always been a disgrace to this family – her words still stung even after years of hearing them, but Regulus was tired of being told that dying was his biggest honor, the only thing he would ever be useful for, and inside him he would dare admit that the only people he truly cared about protecting were Barty and Evan, at least they would be safe.
His mother continued spitting the words with the cold rage he had known all his life – but then again, you have always been a coward. Just like your brother — she always knew exactly what to say to hurt the most. Walburga Black could find everyones weaknesses and exploit them with just a few words, she had known Regulus weak point, since he was a little kid who wouldn't stop crying for her to please stop hurting his brother.
– Do not talk about Sirius– he screamed, getting up from his seat and hitting the table, his rage present as his mother knew exactly what to say to afect him.
There was a silence in the dining room, a second for Regulus to breath in.
And then the familiar feeling of burning in his cheek, the slap wasn’t unexpected, he had known for many years the consequences of defiance in the House of Black, nevertheless he never really got used to the sting of pain.
He was breathing staring at the floor as his mother spoke again – You will be in the rituals and traditions, want it or not, do you understand me?–
He thought about fighting back, refusing to go, screaming at her. but he just fell quiet as many times before, so tired of believing he had any other chance to act, in the end he would probably have a better last few weeks if he just did what he was told, he truly didn’t care much anymore.
A few hours later Regulus Black, heard the voices of his uncle and cousins entering his house, he made his way down to the door, as he put on the mask of the perfect young heir that he had perfected for years, once everyone arrived, they sat in the table for dinner, his father was sitting at the head of the table with his inalterable posture that as a child reminded him of one of those old statues of emperors or soldiers, so dignified in their stand that anyone would be compelled to listen only from looking at them; next to Orion Black, was Walburga, as elegant as always, she was making small talk with his cousin Bella, and her parents.
He stopped to greet Bella, when they were kids she used to take care of him and Sirius when their parents went out, he used to admire her immensely, her always wild black curls, and the way she was so stubborn and determined to get what she wanted, but she had since changed and turned into the crazy cult that promised her eternal beauty and life.
Regulus thought he truly couldn't be blamed for loving her a bit less since she wanted him to die -he rolled his eyes at the though of how radical her favorite cousin had become--
He had to admit to the nostalgia of the time he and Sirius spent wih their cousins but those times were long gone. Next to him was Cissa, she had always had a warmth in her eyes that didn’t seem like it belonged to a Black, he could feel that warmth even now when she looked at him, behind her blue eyes he would see a tint of sadness as he tried to remember when was the last time he heard his cousin laugh, she used to be so loud as a kid, but after they grew apart, he hadn’t seen the Cissa he remembered.
Regulus briefly hoped that she still laughed the way she used to sometimes, he would like to hear that one last time.
But instead of that, as he looked around, all he could see were fake smiles, and hungry eyes that looked at him like he was the increible price of the family, like his death were mearly a game. Perhaps it was.
Regulus didn't notice the moment a blue pair of eyes filled with tears looking at him, the only eyes that saw in him, Him, not the sacrifice, but the small kid that used to ask for braids, and that would listen to his cousins tell him stories about a big world ready to be explored.
Narcissa Black couldn't stop thinking that that little boy would never become old enough to find his own stories.
As everyone made their toasts, she muttered a silent prayer for Regulus Black. "Please , let my little cousin live". only she heard it, but she hoped with all her strenght that it would become true.