Serenity of War

Sirius sat at the long wooden table in the dimly lit room, his knee bouncing restlessly under the table. Around him, members of the Order whispered in hushed tones, their faces shadowed with worry and confusion. James stood at the head of the table, his hands gripping the edge so tightly his knuckles had turned white.

“She’s out there,” James said, his voice trembling with a mix of fury and desperation. “She’s out there with Harry, and none of you know anything.” The silence that followed was unbearable.

Sirius glanced around the room, searching for even the faintest glimmer of recognition or guilt on anyone’s face, but all he saw was uncertainty. Even Remus, usually so composed, looked grim as he leaned back in his chair, his hands clasped tightly in front of him.

“Surely someone knows something,” James continued, his voice rising. “She didn’t just vanish! Someone must have seen her, heard from her, anything!” No one spoke. Sirius could feel the tension radiating from James like a physical force. He exchanged a quick glance with Remus, who shook his head slightly.

“James,” Dumbledore’s calm voice broke the silence, “I assure you, if I had any information about Lily’s whereabouts, I would have already shared it.”

James rounded on him, his face contorted with anger. “Don’t you dare,” he hissed, his voice shaking. “Don’t you dare sit there and act like you don’t know. You’re the one who put us in hiding. You’re the one who told us to trust you, to trust the Order. And now my wife and son are gone, and you’re sitting there as if this is all fine!”

“James,” Dumbledore said, his tone as steady as ever, “I understand your anger-”

“No, you don’t!” James shouted, slamming his fist on the table. “You don’t understand a damn thing! My son is going to die because of that prophecy, because Voldemort is hunting us, and you…” His voice cracked, and tears began streaming down his face. “You knew this would happen. You knew, and you didn’t stop it!”

Sirius felt his own chest tighten as he watched his best friend unravel. James, who was always so confident, so strong, now looked broken, his grief spilling out for everyone to see.

Dumbledore spoke calmly, “I have done everything in my power to protect your family.”

James laughed bitterly, his voice hoarse. “Protect us? Protect us? My wife is gone, Dumbledore. My son is gone. How is that protection?”

Sirius couldn’t take it anymore. The sight of James like this, shaking, crying, shouting, it was too much. He pushed back his chair and stood, crossing the room to place a hand on James’ shoulder. “Prongs,” he said softly, his voice rough with emotion, “this isn’t helping. Yelling at Dumbledore isn’t going to bring them back.”

James shrugged him off, his eyes blazing. “Then what will, Sirius? Tell me, because I’m running out of ideas!”

“We’ll go,” Sirius said firmly. “We’ll go out there, and we’ll find her. Together. You, me, Moony, Wormtail we’ll search every damn inch of this country if we have to. But this isn’t going to do anything.”

James stared at him for a long moment, his chest heaving as he struggled to get his breathing under control. Finally, he nodded, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

Sirius turned to the rest of the Order, his gray eyes sharp. “If anyone hears anything, anything, you tell us immediately. Do you understand?” The room murmured their agreement, and Sirius tightened his grip on James’ shoulder. “Come on,” he said quietly. “Let’s go.”

James allowed himself to be led out of the room, his steps heavy and slow. Remus and Peter followed silently, their faces grim. As they stepped out into the cold night air, Sirius glanced at James, who was staring blankly ahead. “We’ll find her,” Sirius said, his voice low but firm. “We’ll find her, and we’ll bring her and Harry home. I promise.”

James didn’t respond, but the look in his eyes told Sirius everything he needed to know. They wouldn’t stop. Not until they had answers. Not until they brought Lily and Harry back.

Sirius leaned against the kitchen counter, exhaustion pulling at his every muscle. The day had been a relentless blur of searching—wandering through parks, alleyways, even old spots Lily used to visit before Harry was born. But every lead had come up empty. And now, after finally convincing James to come home and rest, Sirius was desperate for something to soothe the knot in his chest.

He set the kettle on the stove, rubbing his hands over his face. His mind raced with questions: Where could she have gone? Why hadn’t she left any kind of sign? That was when he noticed it. A letter. It sat neatly on the countertop, perfectly out of place. Sirius frowned, stepping closer. The parchment was plain, unmarked, with no name written on it. It hadn’t been there yesterday, he was sure of it.

Heart pounding, he picked it up and unfolded it, his eyes scanning the familiar handwriting.

James,

I am so sorry that it had to be this way. I would have given anything to live the life together that we always talked about having. I am safe. Harry is safe. I am sorry that I could not convince you to make the right decision, but I could not risk my son’s life over your stubbornness.

Before you read the attached documents, know that none of what we had was a lie. You were the love of my life. You were the one that I wanted to grow old with and have many children with. It was all real.

-Lily

Sirius blinked, his mind stumbling over the words. Risk my son’s life? His stomach twisted as he flipped to the next page. It felt like a physical blow.

The words Divorce Decree stared back at him, stark and final. The details blurred in his vision, but the meaning was clear. Lily had left James. Not just left, divorced him.

Sirius’ hands trembled as he stared at the parchment, the weight of it sinking into his chest like lead. Lily had taken Harry. And from the sound of her letter, she had no intention of ever letting James see his son again.

He swallowed hard, the kettle whistling behind him, but the shrill sound barely registered. He felt sick. How was he supposed to tell James? How could he explain that the love of his life had walked away, taking the one thing that mattered most?  

“ Sirius?” James’ voice came from the doorway, hoarse and heavy with exhaustion. Sirius froze, his fingers tightening around the letter as he turned to see his best friend leaning against the doorframe. “Tea ready?” James asked, his tone distracted. His eyes were bloodshot, his face pale and drawn from hours of grief and worry.

Sirius hesitated, his heart breaking for him. He glanced down at the letter in his hands, then back at James. “Yeah,” he said, his voice quieter than usual. “It’s almost ready.”

James frowned, stepping closer. His gaze fell to the parchment in Sirius’ hands, and his brow furrowed. “What’s that?”

Sirius shifted, trying to hide it, but James was faster. He snatched the letter from Sirius’ grip, his eyes scanning the page. Sirius watched helplessly as his friend’s face shifted, confusion giving way to disbelief, then to raw, unfiltered agony.

“No,” James whispered, his voice cracking. He shook his head, his hands trembling as he clutched the letter. “No, she wouldn’t… she wouldn’t do this.”

“Prongs,” Sirius started, his voice low and careful.

“She wouldn’t do this!” James shouted, his voice breaking. Tears streamed down his face as he looked up at Sirius, desperation and fury etched into every line of his face. “She loves me. She loves me, Padfoot. This, this has to be a mistake. She, she wouldn’t take Harry from me.”

Sirius stepped closer, his own heart aching as he reached out to steady James. “Mate… I don’t know what she’s thinking, but this, this isn’t your fault.”

James crumpled the letter in his hands, his knees buckling as he sank to the floor. “Why?” he choked out, his voice raw with anguish. “Why would she do this? I thought, I thought we were in this together. I thought she trusted me.”

Sirius knelt beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll figure it out,” he said quietly, though he didn’t know how. “We’ll find her. We’ll talk to her. This doesn’t have to be the end.” But even as he said the words, Sirius wasn’t sure he believed them. Lily’s letter had been clear, her resolve unmistakable. She had made her choice. And now, Sirius realized with a sinking heart, James’ world was falling apart.