In Which A Divine Smell Wafts My Way
Hello and welcome to my fans and admirers. My name is Peter Pettigrew and just an hour ago I was severely wounded by someone I considered a friend.
It began in Charms, when I smelled something incredible wafting my way from behind me. Naturally, I whipped around to see my acquaintance, Gilderoy Lockhart, tucking a bottle of cologne into his bag. As one does, I asked him what it was.
"Hey, Gilderoy!"
"Yes?"
"What cologne is that?"
"Sorry mate, I don't know. My mum got it for me and the label rubbed off."
Now, I know a lie when I see one, and that statement was complete bullshit. I mean, if I owned a cologne that smelled like that I'd never forget the name. I'd probably write it down in my diary, carve it into the ceiling above my bed, and maybe get it tattooed for good measure.
As we were walking out of the lesson, I tried to casually mention it again.
“Hey, Gilderoy, you’re sure you don’t remember what it’s called?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Your cologne? You’re sure you don’t know the name?”
“Oh…no, I forgot. Might be custom or something.”
You might think I should’ve left it at that, but I was determined. If Gilderoy was going to be a little bitch about sharing then I’d just have to find out on my own. I changed the subject.
“So, what are your favorite top notes? Like in cologne.”
“Peter, I don’t remember what it’s called.”
I may have come off a little too persistent. I had to save the situation.
“Oh no, I just wanted some recommendations, since you smell so good.”
“I smell good?”
“Yeah, what cologne--”
Gilderoy turned and walked away, but not not before I saw a small smile on his lips. Progress.
Since Gilderoy was obviously in such a good mood, I felt like if I got someone else to talk to him he might spill his secret. Excited with my plan, I sprinted to the dorms to wait for one of my friends to get back.
Sirius was the first to walk into our shared bedroom. Not the ideal man for the job, but he’d do.
“Sirius! Great to see you back from classes. Listen, I’m in a bit of a predicament. I need to find out the cologne Gilderoy Lockhart wears. He refuses to tell me, so maybe you could talk to him and get him to spill the secret?”
Sirius told me I was stupid. It was not kind. I then had a realization. If Gilderoy was telling the truth and his mum really did send him the cologne, I could send her an owl and request more.
Dear Mum,
I hope you’re well. Unfortunately, I am completely out of the cologne you bought me. If you don’t mind, could you send another bottle as soon as possible?
Love,
Gilderoy
Overcome with my own genius, I hurried to the Owlery. I picked out an owl that looked big enough to carry back a bottle of cologne and tied the letter to its foot.
And now, everyone, we wait. In a few days I will get my hands on that cologne. Gilderoy Lockhart cannot outsmart me.